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Old 09-29-2001, 12:33 AM   #1
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Bubba's Rants and Raves #1 - Britney and Jewel

As you all must know by now, I am a fount overflowing with wisdom. At least, I have a strong, well-formed opinion on just about everything I experience -- and I am often compelled to express that opinion.

Hence, this article. I hope it is the first of many articles that will give me a chance to voice my opinions on a wide variety of topics and will give you, the reader, a chance to respond.

This series of articles will not appear on a regular basis -- like a U2 fan magazine that I could mention. Rather, new issues will be published only when I have something interesting to say.

And these articles will each contain one rant and one rave -- one criticism and one praise -- in an effort to achieve some sort of balance.

Now, with no further ado...


Britney Spears: first against the wall when the revolution comes.

I can't quite remember from what obscure bit of pop culture I picked up the phrase "first against the wall when the revolution comes", but I've since had quite an affinity for it. And recently, so many "artists" from that abominable genre of "teen pop" have done their best to claim this infamous distinction.

From Jessica Simpson sampling "Jack and Diane" to N*Stink's putrid song "Pop", it has been clear that these girls and boy "bands" have been engaged in an arms race of offensiveness, a game of one-upmanship where the prize is being the poster child of all that is wretched in the current music scene.

This week, Britney Spears has unleashed her latest abomination. And while I dare not suggest that things can get no worse, I do know it will take a special brand of evil genius to outdo this manure.

In short, "I'm a Slave 4 U" is perhaps the worst piece of shit I've heard in a long, long time.

The complaints? In no particular order...

* The title would be inane even without the "4" and "U".

* The song is supposed to be Britney's song about moving into womanhood, a subject already addressed in "Oops! I Did It Again" and a song to be addressed in the forthcoming "I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman". She's being a bit repetitive, not to mention that most true adults do not incessantly assert their adulthood. Beyond that, she is ignoring the responsibilities of adulthood by ignoring the effects of her overtly sexual songs and videos on her pre-teen audience.

* Musically, the song is simply awful. If you can withstand the aural assault, listen to the song, and compare it to Mandy Moore's "Crush" -- a song that's innocent, straightforward, and genuinely pretty -- or even N*Stink's "Pop". The song has no rhythm or melody to speak of, and it doesn't seem to be in any particular key.

My only hopes are that this horrible song drives the genre of teen pop closer to its inevitable collapse, and that Britney Spears will truly be first against the wall when the revolution comes.

During this same week, while Britney released her poison, Jewel released the antidote.

The lovely Jewel released to radio "Standing Still". It's the first single from her new album, This Way, due November 13th stateside and in Australia. The video will debut on MTV this Monday, and after that, hopefully the rest of the world will have plenty of opportunity to hear this gem from Jewel.

The song actually reminds me of "Beautiful Day", in a way. It's not an exhilirating rush that "Beautiful Day" has been, but still... it's sounds like Jewel, but it's not a retread of past songs. There are enough sonic layers to be interesting, rhythms and effects that -- if they were more prominent -- would fit nicely on a David Gray or even a Depeche Mode song. And there's a confidence that should rightly come with a third album.

There is, in a word, growth. In their own ways, "Beautiful Day" and "Standing Still" demonstrate that the artist can retain his or her character -- the soul of the music -- and still mature.

The only complaint is that, while Jewel is scheduled for a lot of promotional appearances on TV and radio, this song is so far almost impossible to find online. It's neither obviously located on her website or her label's website.

Fortunatel, I have found a link to a decent streaming Real Audio version of the song here:


Like the latest works of U2 and R.E.M., and the breakthrough albums of David Gray, Coldplay, and Dido, Jewel's "Standing Still" shows that modern music isn't wholly devoid of substance and beauty. Here's hoping the rest of the album is just as good -- and that the world gives it a chance.

Achtung Bubba

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Old 09-29-2001, 12:48 AM   #2
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i agree w/u bubs .Go easy on Brittany,shouldnt you be aiming for Christina?


"..it's about breaking barriers, transcending boundries and conquering great divides"-Bono 1987

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Old 09-29-2001, 02:53 AM   #3
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Originally posted by diamondbruno9:
i agree w/u bubs .Go easy on Brittany,shouldnt you be aiming for Christina?


I agree Bubba!! And I also agree with iamondbruno9, I mean Christina ...*UGH*!

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Old 09-29-2001, 09:55 AM   #4
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since I haven't heard either of the songs I really have nothing to say on this subject, except that you are probably right Bubba

Shake it, shake it, shake it
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Old 09-29-2001, 11:42 AM   #5
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Yeah, I'm sure I'll be crying for the swift and immediate removal of Christina Aguilera from the space-time contiuum soon enough. At this point, her most gruesome offense -- imitating Dee Snyder in the "Lady Marmalade" video -- seems nearly enjoyable compared to "I'm a Slave 4 U", but I'm sure she will soon catch up by releasing something even more heinous.

Then, I will release my fury. Her day will come. Oh yes, her day will come.

And, Salome, consider yourself lucky that you haven't had to hear this song. But if you or anyone else is curious, I have risked my own sanity and my browser software and have actually found a website with the song in streaming Real Audio and Windows Media format:


It's halfway down the page, and I suggest you don't listen more than once or twice -- and that you play the song at low volume to avoid damaging your speakers, ears, or soul.

And, again, Jewel's "Standing Still" is found in streaming Real Audio format here:


Listening to Jewel immediately after Britney will help cleanse the soul and help one appreciate just how lovely "Standing Still" is.

And even if you don't want to hear "I'm a Slave 4 U" -- which I completely understand -- do give "Standing Still" a chance.

Achtung Bubba

[This message has been edited by Achtung Bubba (edited 09-29-2001).]
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Old 09-29-2001, 12:09 PM   #6
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My reaction to "I'm a Slave 4 U" is utter bewilderment. I understand the appeal of crap pop--really I do. The Spice Girls were a terrible group but I understand where their appeal lay. Easy, cheesy pop melodies and cheeky girls that were easy on the eyes.
Brittney is easy on the eyes but "I'm a Slave 4 U" is just terrible.
Great melody? Nope. NO melody at all.
Cool rhythm track? Nope. It's stiff and you CAN'T dance to it.
Cool lyrics? Cough, cough. Sputter. Blech.
Plus, she's a liar. The song has all these lines about not being a little girl anymore and she's moaning and rubbing herself in the video but she claims the song isn't about sex it's about dancing. Oh, come on.
She's manipulating her Lolita-esque image to sell cd's. That's fine, but to lie about it and pretend to be an innocent virgin is the worst sort of hypocrisy. How stupid can her fans be?

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Old 09-29-2001, 12:12 PM   #7
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Jewel=CLASSY lady w/ such talent and soul.

Britney= Not so classy(I have to try to be nice here) and lip syncs even in her concerts. She's not fit to shine Jewel's shoes!!

Great taste Bubba-I think you have to meet Jewel-but,alas,I think she has a boyfriend.
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Old 09-30-2001, 12:28 AM   #8
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Ok, "...Baby One More Time" was a fantastic pop song, "Ooops... I Did It Again" was basically a "Baby Part 2" but still pretty great, "Sometimes" was good, but the rest of Britney's music was pure garbage and this new song is utterly atrocious. Singing in a little-girlie voice about how it sucks to be taken for a little girl... well boo-hoo sweetie.
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Old 10-04-2001, 02:52 AM   #9
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Just a quick update:

The site I previously mentioned now has a good quality MP3 of Jewel's "Standing Still" (albeit the last few seconds of the fade out are oddly cut off), so for all of you who can't abide RealAudio files, go ahead and give the song a try:


- Achtung Bubba

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