|11-10-2005, 07:24 PM||#1|
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Milan, Italy
Local Time: 07:16 AM
Too much alike him - Chapter 5
Hello - back to Too much alike him for Chapter 5 - it was quite long ago I posted chapter 4 and was interrupted by Craving for love, which I'm continuing soon... however, hope you like it.__________________
As usual, all fiction, nothing is real apart from some facts I've been inspired by, and PG-13 for some violence and words...
Chapter 5 - Too much alike him
Bono was in his room indeed, a bottle in his hands, and he was deciding whether he would be better act like a complete prank and run away or just stay in there and stand Larry’s look the next morning.
Disappointed… he was disappointed… of course he was. Larry… God, how could I get to this… I tried in any way not to be annoying… If Edge or Adam would say that he would not have cared that much, but Larry… Larry could understand what he was going through and if he said he had been childish he must have really been.
He could not think properly, though, as he was quite numb from the medicine and the alcohol, and his headache was getting back. The only thing that prevented him from going out was the fear that he might lose his voice with the cold weather in the night, and he still did not understand why this issue was so important to him in this moment…
The feeling of having let down one of the people who adored him the most, or so he thought, was heavy enough to take for him. Larry did not talk that much but they had a good understanding of each other because they had been brought to the same place by life’s events. Bono felt for Larry when his lovely mother died, and he had made a point of helping him out, so that he would not suffer like he had. He did never really know whether he succeeded in his mission or not, but his friend seemed to come out well from all that stuff. He loved Larry deeply, even more because he had needed him more than the others had. Yes, of course, he helped Edge when Aislinn left him, and he had tried to be there for Adam when he had struggled in finding his own way, but in both cases he was not involved with his own personal experience in the facts. He could be supportive, but he was never able to say to fully understand. With Larry it was different. He told him he knew how bad it was, and the other boy was sure he could speak to someone who had been through all that pain. That special linkage was something Bono felt important, and he did not want to lose it. He would not be able to mourn the death of such a friendship just days after mourning the death of his father.
He looked around. There was nobody that kept him from doing whatever stupid thing he wanted to. Get something to drink and run out… It is the only thing that can help now. He grabbed one of the bottles on his table and went out. Ali was not there. The others were not there. He could not harm anyone. And he needed to drink and to be alone. Or so he thought.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Go right back to your room and put that fucking bottle down.”
Someone grabbed him by his shoulder just outside the hotel doors and he turned with an angry face.
“What the hell…”
“What would your daughters say seeing you like that, uh? Ever thought about this? Anyone could follow you and take pictures of you in this state… You would not give a damn.”
“Well, what do you want to do now? Will you lock me up in my room until I turn 18?” was the sarcastic answer.
“Listen, if you want to fight you know I can be very good at hitting… drums or humans, I don’t mind.”
Bono looked at the person in front of him for a moment.
He was standing, his back leaning on a wall, arms crossed on his chest. His face was serious as usual and his muscles would have warned everyone with a bit of sense not to go too deep into this subject.
But at that time, Bono was not much reasoning. “I could win you in a fight, anytime.” He stated firmly.
“Good Heavens. You must be out of your mind.” Larry was unmoved. “We fought in the past and you never won. Not once.”
He has a point…Bono thought. “Violence is not my choice” he said eventually, and turned his back to Larry in order to go away.
“Wait a moment.” Larry was almost shouting. “You’re in my band, do you remember? You can do whatever you like, as long as you don’t harm yourself or anyone else that’s connected to you. So please just go back to your room and do what the fuck you want in there. But no way you are ALLOWED to stay out in the night this drunk. If something happens to you we’re fucked. And if someone sees you like this you’re messed up with your family. Now, you can choose if you want me to take you back, or if to go by yourself, but be warned that I want to find you INSIDE that room as soon as I get there. Did you hear what I just said?” Larry closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He was not sure this was the best way to talk to him. Bono looked quite out of his mind, and he knew that he had just been harsh to him. I’m so bad at comforting people… I’m going to make him get suicidal ideas if I go on like this… Please Bono you know I suck at expressing my feelings in words… try to understand I want to help you… make it easier…he thought.
“You will not expect me to comply with what you order, I hope. I want to spend a night out and I will. If something happens, you can always get another singer. You say I am unreliable. Just take your chance…” God, I’m being such an idiot… why am I telling him all this bullshit? Please, don’t believe a word… why can’t I just ask for his help? Larry, please try to understand…Bono felt he was getting into trouble.
“Listen, come back inside. You’re in your underwear, and it’s cold. Come to my room.” Larry said, trying to maintain calm.
“Wow, that would be great. All of my friends will be jealous…in Larry Mullen Jr's room…” Bono picked on him, faking a womanly voice.
“Hey, don’t try too hard. My patience HAS a limit.”
“Well, let’s measure that.”
“Do you know what? I will not think twice about hitting you.”
“Do it then, I’m waiting… How long will you take to think just once then?” Bono turned and looked at Larry. He was still feverish and quite drunk. Words came out from his mouth without his head being connected.
Suddenly the drummer took a grip on Bono’s shoulders and pushed him against the wall with violence. He hit the hard and rough surface with the back of his head, and the bottle in his hand crashed on the pavement. Bono did not make any move to avoid this and he slid down the wall falling on his knees.
Larry had expected Bono to make resistance and put all of his strength in the process. He had not taken into account that the man in front of him was going to be completely harmless, and he felt so guilty for hitting him.
He rushed to kneel in front of Bono to avoid him falling with his face on the broken glass.
“Are you ok?” he asked.
“I was better before.” Bono answered bitterly. His head was in a mixture of pain and confusion and he felt sick. He was sure he would not be able to get up and he just felt like crying, but did not want to give up in front of the other man.
He tried to stand but could do nothing else than leaning on Larry, who helped him sit on the floor. Larry noticed blood on Bono’s legs, as he had fallen on some glass, as well as on his neck, for hitting onto the wall. He suddenly hugged him strongly.
“I’m sorry. I did not want to hurt you, really. But why do you need to mess up things more than they already are? Where would you go? Just stay with me, stay with us. We’ll try to make things better together. You’re not alone this time. Have a talk… I know how it feels… Don’t run away. Stay. Can’t you remember you promised you would always stay next to me? I cannot let you go around alone like this. You did not let me then, I won’t let you now. I need you like I did before and don’t want to lose you. Just knowing you are there is what I need. No one can substitute you.” Larry was in pain, and had tears in his eyes. Fear of losing his best friend made him eventually find the words to say, and he was not ashamed at talking to him like this, rushed by the events. His words were messy and flowed without too much consequence, but they were sincere.
When he actually realized what he said and that he was holding his friend under a pouring rain, Larry was quite embarrassed. He was quite confused about what had happened… he was never so much open towards anyone. But if there would be a chance he was with someone, it certainly had to be Bono.
Bono realized his friend’s confusion, and was quite surprised at Larry’s outburst as well. He somehow managed to get up. He realized the effort Larry had made to be so brotherly to him, and did not want to disobey him. “Ok Lar’. I don’t want to mess up and I don’t want to harm anyone. I will go back to my room.”
“I’m sorry. I did not mean… does it hurt?” Larry asked, watching Bono getting up holding a hand on the wall and the other pressed on the back of his head.
“It’s ok. It’s not your fault. I’m the prank here. Thank you for not letting me get around drunk and be squashed under a car or something.” He said, and entered the hotel hall.
He sat in his room watching out of the window.
He cried, he thought about his pain, about screaming at the sky, about kicking everything out of the window. And then he thought about loneliness, and how hard he had tried to relieve Larry from loneliness when his mother died. He was feeling the difficulty of being alone now.
He just wanted to get someone to take care of him. He did not want to burden Larry too much, though. He knew Larry was like this, he did not like to expose his emotions too much. He had already made a huge effort in talking like that to him. He was grateful to him, he knew he really felt what he said. But now, he needed help - need help… that does not exist on my dictionary. Still, I can’t make it by myself now. I don’t want to be like him in this. Please, let somebody be there for me now.
He was in need for someone to be thinking for him, making decisions, taking steps. He needed to ease the pressure laying on him.
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