spanna
The Fly
More product of a sick twisted mind etc. Complete Horseshite. In no way is meant to be mistaken for any kind of reality, I will not pretend to know as much about the IRA as I should when writing a story involving them. I hope no one will be offended by this, I'm sorry if you are. Right...voila
Chapter Five
Note: From Grace’s
5.30 pm
I force myself to get out of bed later that day. I shower and then go downstairs through the living room. Larry’s kids are here, ensconced in a game with Edge’s. I smile down at them and kiss each one before going into the kitchen where Larry’s partner Ann and Morleigh are making dinner.
‘Grace,’ says Ann coming over hugging me tightly ‘could you just hold the baby for me? Just helping Morleigh throw together some supper.’
I love Ann, totally matter of fact. No patronising sympathy, just making sure I wake up and don’t completely lose my grip on reality by being in charge of her son.
‘Noo, not my hair honey,’ I say to the child as I sit down with him at the table and attempt to untangle his chubby fingers from my partially wet hair ‘that’s it sweetie. Let’s play with the toy instead.’
‘Oh hi Grace,’ Larry walks into the kitchen followed by The Edge ‘glad yer
up.’
‘Well I’m not going to help Bono by hiding away,’ I say ‘even if I’d rather
drown in vodka and sleeping pills.
‘Yeah yer right there,’ Larry agrees kissing me and tickling his son ‘I can’t
believe this is happenin. I’ve called Adam in Nepal, he and Suzie are flying
home as soon as possible.’
I nod, still completely numb to it all, unable to truly absorb any information.
‘Has, has Detective Benton got any leads yet?’ I stammer to The Edge as
he pours us some strong tea.
‘Well he’s searched the house and,’ Edge speaks deliberately and pauses.
‘And?’ I say the note of panic clear in my voice. Gulp down the hot sweet
tea for reassurance.
‘He’s gone through everything on Bono’s computer, ransacked the study
etc and found many threats from the IRA,’ Edge continues gravely ‘typical
Bono not taking any of them seriously or showing us. Anyway he received a final warning from them a fortnight ago to say that if he didn’t give away his entire fortune. They would, they would... well “rid the earth of its greatest fool”’
I feel the blood drain from my face, stomach churns. I get up, put Ezra in Larry’s arms and run into the bathroom. I haven’t eaten anything since breakfast but it seems I’ve emptied the entire contents of my stomach. They can’t kill him, they can’t. But the whining tiny voice inside my head tells me how merciless the IRA could be. Why, what has Bono done to deserve this. Surely his activism work doesn’t affect them so much.
I come back in trembling. The Edge pulls me to him and holds me in his arms.
‘We’ll get him back, dya really think the IRA can kill our Bono?’ Edge smiles ‘Bono’s indomitable…he’ll either talk to them so much that they won’t be able to stand him and have to let him go or else he’ll charm them so well that they’ll be persuaded to release him.’
I smile faintly though of course I’m not convinced.
‘Let’s have some whiskey, Lars it’s in the bar. Can yer get it?’
Larry nods and goes to the mini bar and serves us all generous glasses.
‘First one for you Grace,’ he passes it to me and then passes the others around.
I take a long draught, I’ve never particularly liked whiskey but it warms my empty stomach and I feel strangely more coherent.
‘But, but I don’t understand,’ I say ‘why does Bono’s activism work for Africa affect the IRA?’
‘Well Grace, y’know we’ve always been a political band. It’s always pissed them off’ explains Larry ‘But it’s not that so much. I’m afraid it’s a far more personal thing between the leader Brian O Connell and Bono. Yer have heard of Helena O Connell…? Feck, this’ll be difficult to explain. ’
‘Lardence, we’re gonna have to explain now,’ says Edge ‘I’ll pour her some more whiskey.’
I sucked in my breath at the mention of the famous former Miss World who’d been killed by an IRA bomb back in 1993. What was U2’s connection? I refuse more whiskey, somehow it doesn’t really agree with me.
‘Well,’ Edge says deliberately ‘our first Zoo TV concert was going brilliantly, Bono was on fire. He picked out Helena for a dance. He just saw another beautiful girl that he couldn’t resist. When he realised it was the Miss World 1991, he made the fucking stupid mistake of inviting her backstage.
‘Couldn’t he tell by the wedding ring she was out of bounds!’ interrupts Larry sighing heavily.
Lost for words, I pass the now crying baby back to Ann.
‘She was already married to Brian,’ Edge continues ‘but because of her husband’s infamy and Bono’s fame, the affair was completely secret. We never told anyone hoping that this time, despite the complications, Bono would finally have a proper relationship. He truly loved Helena and he felt responsible for her because Brian abused her so badly. Thinking back, it’s amazing that they managed to have an affair at all.’
‘No,’ I whisper gulping down the bitter whiskey ‘Edge, no.’
He tightens his hold of me, reassuring and yet only Bono’s arms could save me from the pain I’m feeling. Bono had never told me any of this but thinking about it, I see clearly the reasons for his bitterness and deep loathing for the IRA.
‘According to the press, we were all having affairs with everyone so Helena and B were well disguised by this’ Larry chips in dryly ‘Bono was even sleeping with Queen Rania of Jordan according to the press at some point. Anyway, I dunno the exact time frame but I think the affair went on for about a year. Then one day, Bono walked into the studios one afternoon while we were making Zooropa and he looked such shit that it really scared us. He just wasn’t speaking, yer know how unusual that is.’
‘He was like some sort of zombie,’ Edge says ‘eventually he writes down to turn on the TV. So we do and the news that an IRA bomb has exploded in The Shamrock Restaurant in central Dublin. Twenty civilians killed including Helena.’
‘Bono just sits staring into space. Finally we get him to speak and he says that he was called by a very frightened sounding Helena to meet him at The Shamrock. Bono was fifteen minutes late and obviously wasn’t allowed into that part due to the bomb. Brian had already left the country and was in hiding, he’s a wanted man obviously but no one knows what the feck he looks like now or where he is,’ Edge finishes, his voice cracking.
‘Everyone only knows that the rise in IRA kidnappings and robberies have gone up recently due to his lack in finances,’ growls Larry angrily. We’re gonna have to offer a lot of money to get Bono back. Promise him royalties and suchlike. Feck, this man, this monster has no mercy!’
Larry spits the last words out and I allow Edge to help me sit down. His three daughters come in asking about dinner followed by the younger kids troop in too and dinner is served. Everyone’s focus is now on the children which is fine, that’s how it should be. I excuse myself and return to my bedroom. Collapsing onto the white sheets, I let my mind wander back to that day in Windmill Studios where Bono and I had met.
September 8th 2000
4.00 pm
I’d spent a very emotional afternoon with the band, each member kinder, funnier and sweeter than I could ever have imagined. Blurry memory really but vaguely remember Edge showing me technical equipment and his guitars. Larry showing off his fine arms by giving me demonstrations of his best drum tattoos. Adam introducing me to Brian Eno and Daniel Lanois, Flood, Steve Lillywhite and Paul McGuinness and many other great people known to me because of their work with U2.
‘Hey Grace girl,’ the Irish voice that I recognise so well is whispering to me ‘Anton wants to take some shots. Yer ok with that?’
Calm and cool, collected and chilled, I remind myself firmly and turn to meet the radiant smile, his eyes protected by sunglasses.
‘Does he do copies?’ I say trying not to erupt into a shaky, drooling mess which is what his very presence does to me.
‘For you darlin, anything,’ he grins.
The rest of the band follow. I feel so at home with these four men, the guys responsible for creating my life soundtrack. I shudder at the thought of going back home to a life devoid of joy and possibility without any of them.
We laugh loudly and fool about in the shoot. Me on Edge’s shoulders, passed into Adam’s arms, even put into a slow dance with Larry. Bono always trying to sweep me into his embrace but I avoid him, I can’t end up being just another groupie of his.
7.30 pm
Thrilled to see it’s time to watch them perform though I haven’t seen Bono since the shoot. Jo and Adam took me to for dinner at The Clarence. Adam says that Bono was in a temper about something, needed to clear his head but was sorry that I couldn’t see him again. I contain my disappointment but all I want to do is cry, I ache for him.
Right at the front thanks to Jo and Adam for the gig. U2 perform songs off All That You Can’t Leave Behind. It’s already become my favourite album. Beautiful Day, Elevation, Stuck in a Moment, Kite (dedicated emotionally to Bono’s sick da), In a Little While, Walk On, New York. They’re better live than I could ever have imagined and Bono has the most mesmeric presence, I can’t take my eyes off him.
He thanks everyone for coming, acknowledging every person who contributed to the album.
‘And this is a song called Grace, dedicated it to a girl of that name,’ Bono says slowly ‘she moves in mysterious ways and I found her tonight…’
Tears flow from my eyes freely now, why hadn’t I allowed him to touch me? That’s all I’ve ever really wanted. I cry unrestrainedly as I watch his hands ball into fists and then let go. He’s down on the floor walking along parallel with the audience humming along to the gentle intro.
Stopping in front of me, eyes locked with mine. Tear slips into my slightly opened mouth, salty.
‘Grace, she takes the blame. She covers the shame,’ he whispers, his hand holding both of mine ‘removes the stain…’
‘It could be her name,’ he sings as he takes me up onto the platform ‘it’s also a thought that changed the world. And when she walks on the street, you can hear the strings… Grace finds goodness in everything.’
His warm arms around me. Broad chest against mine.
His heart beating, I can hear and feel it. Almost as loud as my own.
His mouth at my neck, sliding down to between my breasts. I kiss his dark head of hair. He drops to his knees. Worshipping me like I’d worshipped him for years. My hands tightly clasped in his. Singing the subtle vocals with a new passion.
“Grace, she carries a world on her hips. No champagne flute to her lips. She carries a pearl in perfect condition.”
Sliding down to my knees opposite him, he’s embracing me now.
“What once was hurt. ‘what once was friction, what left a mark, no longer stings… Grace finds beauty in everything.’
Rolling me onto my back. His face so close to mine. Lips grazing my cheek, moving to my mouth. Deep and passionate, his tongue entwining with mine. Drowning in our kiss.
One with him for this song. I want to belong to him forever, not just for this moment.
As the memory ends, the effect of the strong whiskey sends me into an uneasy, feverish sleep.
October 3rd 1.00 am
It's dark and the middle of the night when I wake to someone stroking my hair. Heart leaps for a minute but the voice is not his. The lamp is on and it reveals Adam Clayton, smiling softly at me.
'Come Grace, darling,' it is the gentle English drawl of the bassist.
I look up into the bass man's kind clear eyes and take sanctuary in his arms.
'You just let it out,' he whispers wiping my face 'cry all you need to. There, there honey.'
I allow myself to sob against him, needing the release of tears. He holds me close saying reassuring things in his soft voice.
Chapter Five
Note: From Grace’s
5.30 pm
I force myself to get out of bed later that day. I shower and then go downstairs through the living room. Larry’s kids are here, ensconced in a game with Edge’s. I smile down at them and kiss each one before going into the kitchen where Larry’s partner Ann and Morleigh are making dinner.
‘Grace,’ says Ann coming over hugging me tightly ‘could you just hold the baby for me? Just helping Morleigh throw together some supper.’
I love Ann, totally matter of fact. No patronising sympathy, just making sure I wake up and don’t completely lose my grip on reality by being in charge of her son.
‘Noo, not my hair honey,’ I say to the child as I sit down with him at the table and attempt to untangle his chubby fingers from my partially wet hair ‘that’s it sweetie. Let’s play with the toy instead.’
‘Oh hi Grace,’ Larry walks into the kitchen followed by The Edge ‘glad yer
up.’
‘Well I’m not going to help Bono by hiding away,’ I say ‘even if I’d rather
drown in vodka and sleeping pills.
‘Yeah yer right there,’ Larry agrees kissing me and tickling his son ‘I can’t
believe this is happenin. I’ve called Adam in Nepal, he and Suzie are flying
home as soon as possible.’
I nod, still completely numb to it all, unable to truly absorb any information.
‘Has, has Detective Benton got any leads yet?’ I stammer to The Edge as
he pours us some strong tea.
‘Well he’s searched the house and,’ Edge speaks deliberately and pauses.
‘And?’ I say the note of panic clear in my voice. Gulp down the hot sweet
tea for reassurance.
‘He’s gone through everything on Bono’s computer, ransacked the study
etc and found many threats from the IRA,’ Edge continues gravely ‘typical
Bono not taking any of them seriously or showing us. Anyway he received a final warning from them a fortnight ago to say that if he didn’t give away his entire fortune. They would, they would... well “rid the earth of its greatest fool”’
I feel the blood drain from my face, stomach churns. I get up, put Ezra in Larry’s arms and run into the bathroom. I haven’t eaten anything since breakfast but it seems I’ve emptied the entire contents of my stomach. They can’t kill him, they can’t. But the whining tiny voice inside my head tells me how merciless the IRA could be. Why, what has Bono done to deserve this. Surely his activism work doesn’t affect them so much.
I come back in trembling. The Edge pulls me to him and holds me in his arms.
‘We’ll get him back, dya really think the IRA can kill our Bono?’ Edge smiles ‘Bono’s indomitable…he’ll either talk to them so much that they won’t be able to stand him and have to let him go or else he’ll charm them so well that they’ll be persuaded to release him.’
I smile faintly though of course I’m not convinced.
‘Let’s have some whiskey, Lars it’s in the bar. Can yer get it?’
Larry nods and goes to the mini bar and serves us all generous glasses.
‘First one for you Grace,’ he passes it to me and then passes the others around.
I take a long draught, I’ve never particularly liked whiskey but it warms my empty stomach and I feel strangely more coherent.
‘But, but I don’t understand,’ I say ‘why does Bono’s activism work for Africa affect the IRA?’
‘Well Grace, y’know we’ve always been a political band. It’s always pissed them off’ explains Larry ‘But it’s not that so much. I’m afraid it’s a far more personal thing between the leader Brian O Connell and Bono. Yer have heard of Helena O Connell…? Feck, this’ll be difficult to explain. ’
‘Lardence, we’re gonna have to explain now,’ says Edge ‘I’ll pour her some more whiskey.’
I sucked in my breath at the mention of the famous former Miss World who’d been killed by an IRA bomb back in 1993. What was U2’s connection? I refuse more whiskey, somehow it doesn’t really agree with me.
‘Well,’ Edge says deliberately ‘our first Zoo TV concert was going brilliantly, Bono was on fire. He picked out Helena for a dance. He just saw another beautiful girl that he couldn’t resist. When he realised it was the Miss World 1991, he made the fucking stupid mistake of inviting her backstage.
‘Couldn’t he tell by the wedding ring she was out of bounds!’ interrupts Larry sighing heavily.
Lost for words, I pass the now crying baby back to Ann.
‘She was already married to Brian,’ Edge continues ‘but because of her husband’s infamy and Bono’s fame, the affair was completely secret. We never told anyone hoping that this time, despite the complications, Bono would finally have a proper relationship. He truly loved Helena and he felt responsible for her because Brian abused her so badly. Thinking back, it’s amazing that they managed to have an affair at all.’
‘No,’ I whisper gulping down the bitter whiskey ‘Edge, no.’
He tightens his hold of me, reassuring and yet only Bono’s arms could save me from the pain I’m feeling. Bono had never told me any of this but thinking about it, I see clearly the reasons for his bitterness and deep loathing for the IRA.
‘According to the press, we were all having affairs with everyone so Helena and B were well disguised by this’ Larry chips in dryly ‘Bono was even sleeping with Queen Rania of Jordan according to the press at some point. Anyway, I dunno the exact time frame but I think the affair went on for about a year. Then one day, Bono walked into the studios one afternoon while we were making Zooropa and he looked such shit that it really scared us. He just wasn’t speaking, yer know how unusual that is.’
‘He was like some sort of zombie,’ Edge says ‘eventually he writes down to turn on the TV. So we do and the news that an IRA bomb has exploded in The Shamrock Restaurant in central Dublin. Twenty civilians killed including Helena.’
‘Bono just sits staring into space. Finally we get him to speak and he says that he was called by a very frightened sounding Helena to meet him at The Shamrock. Bono was fifteen minutes late and obviously wasn’t allowed into that part due to the bomb. Brian had already left the country and was in hiding, he’s a wanted man obviously but no one knows what the feck he looks like now or where he is,’ Edge finishes, his voice cracking.
‘Everyone only knows that the rise in IRA kidnappings and robberies have gone up recently due to his lack in finances,’ growls Larry angrily. We’re gonna have to offer a lot of money to get Bono back. Promise him royalties and suchlike. Feck, this man, this monster has no mercy!’
Larry spits the last words out and I allow Edge to help me sit down. His three daughters come in asking about dinner followed by the younger kids troop in too and dinner is served. Everyone’s focus is now on the children which is fine, that’s how it should be. I excuse myself and return to my bedroom. Collapsing onto the white sheets, I let my mind wander back to that day in Windmill Studios where Bono and I had met.
September 8th 2000
4.00 pm
I’d spent a very emotional afternoon with the band, each member kinder, funnier and sweeter than I could ever have imagined. Blurry memory really but vaguely remember Edge showing me technical equipment and his guitars. Larry showing off his fine arms by giving me demonstrations of his best drum tattoos. Adam introducing me to Brian Eno and Daniel Lanois, Flood, Steve Lillywhite and Paul McGuinness and many other great people known to me because of their work with U2.
‘Hey Grace girl,’ the Irish voice that I recognise so well is whispering to me ‘Anton wants to take some shots. Yer ok with that?’
Calm and cool, collected and chilled, I remind myself firmly and turn to meet the radiant smile, his eyes protected by sunglasses.
‘Does he do copies?’ I say trying not to erupt into a shaky, drooling mess which is what his very presence does to me.
‘For you darlin, anything,’ he grins.
The rest of the band follow. I feel so at home with these four men, the guys responsible for creating my life soundtrack. I shudder at the thought of going back home to a life devoid of joy and possibility without any of them.
We laugh loudly and fool about in the shoot. Me on Edge’s shoulders, passed into Adam’s arms, even put into a slow dance with Larry. Bono always trying to sweep me into his embrace but I avoid him, I can’t end up being just another groupie of his.
7.30 pm
Thrilled to see it’s time to watch them perform though I haven’t seen Bono since the shoot. Jo and Adam took me to for dinner at The Clarence. Adam says that Bono was in a temper about something, needed to clear his head but was sorry that I couldn’t see him again. I contain my disappointment but all I want to do is cry, I ache for him.
Right at the front thanks to Jo and Adam for the gig. U2 perform songs off All That You Can’t Leave Behind. It’s already become my favourite album. Beautiful Day, Elevation, Stuck in a Moment, Kite (dedicated emotionally to Bono’s sick da), In a Little While, Walk On, New York. They’re better live than I could ever have imagined and Bono has the most mesmeric presence, I can’t take my eyes off him.
He thanks everyone for coming, acknowledging every person who contributed to the album.
‘And this is a song called Grace, dedicated it to a girl of that name,’ Bono says slowly ‘she moves in mysterious ways and I found her tonight…’
Tears flow from my eyes freely now, why hadn’t I allowed him to touch me? That’s all I’ve ever really wanted. I cry unrestrainedly as I watch his hands ball into fists and then let go. He’s down on the floor walking along parallel with the audience humming along to the gentle intro.
Stopping in front of me, eyes locked with mine. Tear slips into my slightly opened mouth, salty.
‘Grace, she takes the blame. She covers the shame,’ he whispers, his hand holding both of mine ‘removes the stain…’
‘It could be her name,’ he sings as he takes me up onto the platform ‘it’s also a thought that changed the world. And when she walks on the street, you can hear the strings… Grace finds goodness in everything.’
His warm arms around me. Broad chest against mine.
His heart beating, I can hear and feel it. Almost as loud as my own.
His mouth at my neck, sliding down to between my breasts. I kiss his dark head of hair. He drops to his knees. Worshipping me like I’d worshipped him for years. My hands tightly clasped in his. Singing the subtle vocals with a new passion.
“Grace, she carries a world on her hips. No champagne flute to her lips. She carries a pearl in perfect condition.”
Sliding down to my knees opposite him, he’s embracing me now.
“What once was hurt. ‘what once was friction, what left a mark, no longer stings… Grace finds beauty in everything.’
Rolling me onto my back. His face so close to mine. Lips grazing my cheek, moving to my mouth. Deep and passionate, his tongue entwining with mine. Drowning in our kiss.
One with him for this song. I want to belong to him forever, not just for this moment.
As the memory ends, the effect of the strong whiskey sends me into an uneasy, feverish sleep.
October 3rd 1.00 am
It's dark and the middle of the night when I wake to someone stroking my hair. Heart leaps for a minute but the voice is not his. The lamp is on and it reveals Adam Clayton, smiling softly at me.
'Come Grace, darling,' it is the gentle English drawl of the bassist.
I look up into the bass man's kind clear eyes and take sanctuary in his arms.
'You just let it out,' he whispers wiping my face 'cry all you need to. There, there honey.'
I allow myself to sob against him, needing the release of tears. He holds me close saying reassuring things in his soft voice.
oh wow Spanna, this just keeps getting better and better! You've worked out a great plot here. I can't wait to see what happens next!
