Sad_Girl
Blue Crack Supplier
U2, unfortunately, are not mine. They are real people who I have written about here in a fictional situation that never happened. I don’t have their permission to use their likenesses, but I make no money from the story and it really is just all meant in good fun. Remember, please, that this is just a twisting, turning story out of my imagination which should not reflect upon the band or the individuals within it. It’s only make-believe. There will be some adult themes within this story, and almost undoubtedly a lot of offensive language. Read at your own discretion.
Catalina Chronicles Book 4:
Someone else’s dream
Chapter Thirteen
Darling, I've got to tell you what I’ve done
I know I'm gonna fill your heart with pain
But please believe me
I'm never gonna do it again
I said please
Forgive this weak woman
I said please
Forgive this weak woman
I had to tell you
The heart was strong
But the flesh was willing…
from ‘Weak Woman’ by Joan Armatrading
“I thought you might be asleep,” Cat explained why she had entered the house quietly and slipped into the bedroom with hardly any sound to announce her approach. Adam smiled at her as he rose quickly to his feet and hurried to take her bags. He caught her mouth in a quick but sensual kiss hello as he took them from her and carried them to the closet.
“How could I sleep when I knew you were coming home?” He asked, turning to flash a smile over his shoulder at her. “Unless you planned on waking me?” He asked, a mischievous twinkle in his eye as he winked at her playfully. Cat’s heart ached for him, wishing she could somehow protect him from her own betrayal. Nothing would ever be the same, not after she confessed. She longed for one more night in his arms, with him loving her as he did now.
“How did things go? Is everything settled?” He asked, settling back on the bed and gesturing for her to join him. She sat at the foot of the bed and forced a weak smile at him.
“Some things are settled, but there are some that I need to work out still,” She told him, pausing and looking down at her hands as they clasped each other nervously. She couldn’t look him in the eye.
“A couple of nights ago, Larry showed up.”
“In Memphis?” Adam asked, clearly baffled at this turn of the conversation.
“Yeah,” she nodded and continued, “I’ve told you about my history, Adam. How I’ve always had trouble being able to relate to men I care deeply for without sexualizing it.” They had discussed her issues in detail after they had learned that she was pregnant with Lawry, partly due to the close relationship Cat maintained with Bono. Adam was not the jealous sort, but Cat had felt the need to explain some of the flirtation he had witnessed between his mate and his wife. “I mean, I took that vow of celibacy because I had a history of poor judgment when it came to men,” she said, studying her hands nervously because she could not look him in the eye.
“Oh, no,” Adam said, running one of his large manicured hands over his face, rubbing his jaw thoughtfully and chuckling softly. “Cat, tell me you didn’t make a pass at Larry!” He said, and Cat scowled at his laughter. She felt as if she had stepped into the twilight zone.
“What?” She asked, her voice catching in her throat.
“I know you and Larry are close, Cat, but of all the people in the world for you to hit on…” he chuckled again and shook his head. “He must’ve gone off on you, threatening to tell me and cursing you out.”
Cat’s heart felt as heavy as if it were made of cast iron, her blood as thick as lead. The thought had not even occurred to him that Larry might’ve been tempted in the situation he was painting, with Cat coming on to him. She shook her head and bit her lower lip nervously.
“No,” she told him, her voice barely a whisper.
“What?” He asked, his face still displaying a good humored amusement at the thought of his wife flirting with his best friend.
“We didn’t mean for it to happen… I mean, we swore it wouldn’t, couldn’t happen… but it did, and I’m so sorry! Oh, Adam, Oh God you have no idea how sorry I am!” She told him, her words tumbling out in a rush now, her tears spilling over and dripping down her cheeks, off the tip of her nose. Her shoulders shook as a sob escaped and she buried her face in her hands.
“Cat?” Adam asked, his voice wavering as he began to see that this was not as light of a situation as he had been treating it. “What are you … um, what are you saying?” he asked, fear gripping his heart and turning it cold. His blood froze, his stomach following suit, until he was so cold inside it hurt.
“It was … I don’t know how to tell you how sorry I am. It’s not ever, ever going to happen again; with Larry or anyone! I was so confused, Adam! I was having trouble understanding what I really wanted, I was feeling sorry for myself, for all the things I had given up, but I realize now that I wasn’t giving anything up! I have everything I need with you; I don’t want anything else. I just… I realized it too late.”
“Cat! What are you saying?” Adam demanded, raising his voice to her for the first time ever, as far as she could recall. She was so startled that she looked up and met his eyes with her own.
“Larry and I were… together… but it was … it isn’t what I want. Please, believe me,” she begged, watching as his beautiful blue eyes darkened to nearly black. He shook his head in disbelief and stood to pace the length of the room.
“Jesus!” He cursed, rubbing his eyes as if he hadn’t slept in weeks. “Jesus!” he swore again, his head tilting all the way back on his shoulders as he stared at the ceiling blankly.
“Adam…” Cat reached out to him, grasping his hand lightly. He shook her off and stepped away from her, out of her reach.
“I can’t even believe…” he started, running a ringed hand through his soft silver hair in frustration. “I have to go.”
“Go where?” Cat asked, adrenaline surging through her, making her panic, as if she might never see him again if he left.
“I don’t know, just… I don’t believe this!” he told her, slipping into his shoes and coat. His keys jingled in his coat pocket as he fished them out hastily. “Lawry’s sleeping, just… Trine isn’t here, so if you hear him wake up, take care of him.”
“Adam, don’t leave, please,” she asked him, but her voice was weak and his head was full of echoes of what she had just told him. He was on his way, and short of physically restraining him, Cat could not have convinced him to stay. She heard the door slam behind him as he went out and collapsed on the bed in tears.
She had everything she needed, and she had risked it all for one night. One night with a man who admittedly did not want her the way Adam did, not as a part of his everyday life. Not as a wife. The heat of the passion she had felt for Larry was long gone, and now all she was left with was the chill where Adam should have been; had been; would have been, had she only been true to the vows they had taken.
For the first time since right after Lawry’s birth, Cat fell to her knees and folded her hands. She had a hard time speaking to God, after he had allowed so many of her friends to suffer as he had. Charlene and Gunnar’s deaths had been the most poignant examples of that suffering, and had marked the darkest time of her life. Until now.
Still, she did not pray for herself. She did not pray for forgiveness for her own bad decisions, neither from God nor Adam. She prayed that God keep Adam safe, and that he guide him to understand; that he make the best decision for himself and his own inner peace, no matter what that meant for her.
****************************************************************************************
*buzz*
Bono shifted in his sleep, barely disturbed by the sound of someone at the gate, ringing the bell to be let in.
*buzz*
“Bono?” Laney mumbled, still more than half asleep.
“Hmm?” He replied, wrapping an arm around her waist and snuggling in behind her, his face buried in her soft red hair.
*buzz* *buzz* *buuuuuuuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!*
“What the bloody…?” Bono muttered, lifting his head, finally recognizing the strange sound disturbing their rest.
“Would you get that, please?” Laney grumbled, burrowing further beneath the blankets and pulling her pillow over her head to muffle the offensive sound. “And shoot whatever fecking idiot is ringing the bell at 3 o’clock in the bloody morning!” She added as Bono slipped out of bed and padded out into the hallway.
“You have to take yer finger off the fucking button before I can let you in, you know,” Bono informed the person at the other end of the intercom when they finally stopped pushing the button.
“Sorry, I didn’t think you heard me,” Adam’s voice came back to him. Bono frowned in surprise and rubbed his tired eyes. He had to take a moment to orient himself to time and place, feeling suddenly as if he was back in the nineties. It had been a long time since he’d heard Adam slurring his words like this. Maybe he was just exhausted, Bono reasoned, pushing the button which released the lock on the gate and allowed Adam in.
He went back to his room to slip on a pair of shorts and a robe, then moved to open the front door for his mate. He stood outside on the front step and watched for the flash of headlights, but they never came. Instead, he saw Adam slowly emerging from the fog on unsteady feet.
“Adam, are you all right? Where’s your car?” Bono asked, hurrying down the stairs and along the driveway on bare feet to come face to face with the man.
“Car’s at the pub. Din’t fink I should drive’t,” Adam replied, the smell of whiskey thick on him. Bono blinked in surprise at his friend’s disheveled state, catching a glimpse of the man Adam had been afraid of becoming. It was one of the main reasons he’d given up the drinking when he did.
“What’s happened?” Bono wondered aloud, wrapping an arm around Adam’s shoulders and walking him carefully up the stairs and into the house. Bono moved straight to the kitchen and started a pot of the coffee, using an extra scoop or two to make sure it was dark and heavy with caffeine.
“Cat…” Adam started, but then turned away, shaking his head. It was too awful to talk about. How had this happened? How many times had they been together, Adam, Cat and Larry, and he had never even imagined this was a possibility. He had found a quiet seat at a small pub which he knew Bono favored and thought about it. He’d thought about every time he’d seen any interaction between them and could not find any certain point at which things had changed. They had always been able to set each other off; a few times he’d half expected to see Cat take a swing at Larry.
But not this. Not Larry. He would have been less surprised to find out she’s fooled around with Bono – that he had even expected at one time. Bono was very affectionate, very tactile and open in his expression of emotion. Cat had trouble drawing lines, when she loved someone. She’d talked about it a lot, even considered returning to therapy at one point. She had stopped when she was younger because she could not afford to see a psychologist any longer, but that was certainly not the case now.
She had gone originally as part of a court order, involving her father. She’d faithfully attended Al-a-teen meetings and for awhile after that, al-anon when she was older and coping with her father’s death. He had ruined his liver, the amount of alcohol he consumed on a daily average had poisoned his system for years, and when he died he looked every bit like an old man. He was only thirty-seven.
The fact that Adam never drank had been very comforting to Cat. That was part of the reason he had ordered that first whiskey, tonight. Anger. Bitterness. Why should he not do something, just because it was important to her? She certainly hadn’t considered that herself, had she? One drink had invited another, then another, until the world seemed to dip and spin and sway wildly around him when he stood. He had no more answers than when he entered the pub, but his senses were numbed somewhat and he couldn’t focus on anything clearly or for very long. There was some small relief in distraction.
“Is Cat all right?” Bono asked, tapping the coffee maker impatiently.
“She’s fine. She’s fucking wonderful!” Adam replied bitterly, standing and moving to snoop around in the pantry. “She cheated on me.”
“She what?” Bono demanded, forgetting the coffee for a moment and moving to Adam’s side at the pantry door.
“She went to Memphis and ended up in bed with Larry,” Adam told his mate, looking him straight in the baby blues as seriously as he could. Bono’s mouth dropped open in shock, and he shook his head to argue. There had to be a mistake.
“Wait… Larry? Our Larry? Mullen?” He asked, and Adam pursed his lips and nodded. “How the fuck did he wind up in Memphis?”
Adam frowned and tried to remember. There was something Simone had said about him leaving, but as he was at the moment, Adam could not recall. It was like a mosquito, buzzing around his ear but flitting away before his hand could catch it.
He shook his head and realized that he’d been staring blankly at the shelves, not seeing anything which actually sat on them. His head was spinning again, and his feet were unsteady. When he looked over at Bono, his mate seemed to be leaning in toward him. He didn’t realize until it was too late that he had been the one tilting, falling forward. The darkness of unconsciousness closed in around him as Bono wrapped an arm around him and helped him up the stairs and into the guest room.
Adam flopped down onto the bed with a groan, his eyes closed. Bono stood and looked down at him for a moment, wondering if he was going to get up and take off his shoes, or if he would sleep on top of the covers. When nearly a full minute had passed with no sound or movement from Adam, Bono decided to help him off with his shoes and tuck him in. Before he left, he pulled the garbage can over beside the bed, just in case Adam’s stomach rebelled from the sudden return of alcohol after so many years.
Bono left him there and hurried back to bed, where he pulled Laney close and kissed her hair. It was a tough break, having to go through tests and procedures in order to try and have a baby. He had suddenly realized that things could be much worse. He had a lot to be grateful for.
Catalina Chronicles Book 4:
Someone else’s dream
Chapter Thirteen
Darling, I've got to tell you what I’ve done
I know I'm gonna fill your heart with pain
But please believe me
I'm never gonna do it again
I said please
Forgive this weak woman
I said please
Forgive this weak woman
I had to tell you
The heart was strong
But the flesh was willing…
from ‘Weak Woman’ by Joan Armatrading
“I thought you might be asleep,” Cat explained why she had entered the house quietly and slipped into the bedroom with hardly any sound to announce her approach. Adam smiled at her as he rose quickly to his feet and hurried to take her bags. He caught her mouth in a quick but sensual kiss hello as he took them from her and carried them to the closet.
“How could I sleep when I knew you were coming home?” He asked, turning to flash a smile over his shoulder at her. “Unless you planned on waking me?” He asked, a mischievous twinkle in his eye as he winked at her playfully. Cat’s heart ached for him, wishing she could somehow protect him from her own betrayal. Nothing would ever be the same, not after she confessed. She longed for one more night in his arms, with him loving her as he did now.
“How did things go? Is everything settled?” He asked, settling back on the bed and gesturing for her to join him. She sat at the foot of the bed and forced a weak smile at him.
“Some things are settled, but there are some that I need to work out still,” She told him, pausing and looking down at her hands as they clasped each other nervously. She couldn’t look him in the eye.
“A couple of nights ago, Larry showed up.”
“In Memphis?” Adam asked, clearly baffled at this turn of the conversation.
“Yeah,” she nodded and continued, “I’ve told you about my history, Adam. How I’ve always had trouble being able to relate to men I care deeply for without sexualizing it.” They had discussed her issues in detail after they had learned that she was pregnant with Lawry, partly due to the close relationship Cat maintained with Bono. Adam was not the jealous sort, but Cat had felt the need to explain some of the flirtation he had witnessed between his mate and his wife. “I mean, I took that vow of celibacy because I had a history of poor judgment when it came to men,” she said, studying her hands nervously because she could not look him in the eye.
“Oh, no,” Adam said, running one of his large manicured hands over his face, rubbing his jaw thoughtfully and chuckling softly. “Cat, tell me you didn’t make a pass at Larry!” He said, and Cat scowled at his laughter. She felt as if she had stepped into the twilight zone.
“What?” She asked, her voice catching in her throat.
“I know you and Larry are close, Cat, but of all the people in the world for you to hit on…” he chuckled again and shook his head. “He must’ve gone off on you, threatening to tell me and cursing you out.”
Cat’s heart felt as heavy as if it were made of cast iron, her blood as thick as lead. The thought had not even occurred to him that Larry might’ve been tempted in the situation he was painting, with Cat coming on to him. She shook her head and bit her lower lip nervously.
“No,” she told him, her voice barely a whisper.
“What?” He asked, his face still displaying a good humored amusement at the thought of his wife flirting with his best friend.
“We didn’t mean for it to happen… I mean, we swore it wouldn’t, couldn’t happen… but it did, and I’m so sorry! Oh, Adam, Oh God you have no idea how sorry I am!” She told him, her words tumbling out in a rush now, her tears spilling over and dripping down her cheeks, off the tip of her nose. Her shoulders shook as a sob escaped and she buried her face in her hands.
“Cat?” Adam asked, his voice wavering as he began to see that this was not as light of a situation as he had been treating it. “What are you … um, what are you saying?” he asked, fear gripping his heart and turning it cold. His blood froze, his stomach following suit, until he was so cold inside it hurt.
“It was … I don’t know how to tell you how sorry I am. It’s not ever, ever going to happen again; with Larry or anyone! I was so confused, Adam! I was having trouble understanding what I really wanted, I was feeling sorry for myself, for all the things I had given up, but I realize now that I wasn’t giving anything up! I have everything I need with you; I don’t want anything else. I just… I realized it too late.”
“Cat! What are you saying?” Adam demanded, raising his voice to her for the first time ever, as far as she could recall. She was so startled that she looked up and met his eyes with her own.
“Larry and I were… together… but it was … it isn’t what I want. Please, believe me,” she begged, watching as his beautiful blue eyes darkened to nearly black. He shook his head in disbelief and stood to pace the length of the room.
“Jesus!” He cursed, rubbing his eyes as if he hadn’t slept in weeks. “Jesus!” he swore again, his head tilting all the way back on his shoulders as he stared at the ceiling blankly.
“Adam…” Cat reached out to him, grasping his hand lightly. He shook her off and stepped away from her, out of her reach.
“I can’t even believe…” he started, running a ringed hand through his soft silver hair in frustration. “I have to go.”
“Go where?” Cat asked, adrenaline surging through her, making her panic, as if she might never see him again if he left.
“I don’t know, just… I don’t believe this!” he told her, slipping into his shoes and coat. His keys jingled in his coat pocket as he fished them out hastily. “Lawry’s sleeping, just… Trine isn’t here, so if you hear him wake up, take care of him.”
“Adam, don’t leave, please,” she asked him, but her voice was weak and his head was full of echoes of what she had just told him. He was on his way, and short of physically restraining him, Cat could not have convinced him to stay. She heard the door slam behind him as he went out and collapsed on the bed in tears.
She had everything she needed, and she had risked it all for one night. One night with a man who admittedly did not want her the way Adam did, not as a part of his everyday life. Not as a wife. The heat of the passion she had felt for Larry was long gone, and now all she was left with was the chill where Adam should have been; had been; would have been, had she only been true to the vows they had taken.
For the first time since right after Lawry’s birth, Cat fell to her knees and folded her hands. She had a hard time speaking to God, after he had allowed so many of her friends to suffer as he had. Charlene and Gunnar’s deaths had been the most poignant examples of that suffering, and had marked the darkest time of her life. Until now.
Still, she did not pray for herself. She did not pray for forgiveness for her own bad decisions, neither from God nor Adam. She prayed that God keep Adam safe, and that he guide him to understand; that he make the best decision for himself and his own inner peace, no matter what that meant for her.
****************************************************************************************
*buzz*
Bono shifted in his sleep, barely disturbed by the sound of someone at the gate, ringing the bell to be let in.
*buzz*
“Bono?” Laney mumbled, still more than half asleep.
“Hmm?” He replied, wrapping an arm around her waist and snuggling in behind her, his face buried in her soft red hair.
*buzz* *buzz* *buuuuuuuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!*
“What the bloody…?” Bono muttered, lifting his head, finally recognizing the strange sound disturbing their rest.
“Would you get that, please?” Laney grumbled, burrowing further beneath the blankets and pulling her pillow over her head to muffle the offensive sound. “And shoot whatever fecking idiot is ringing the bell at 3 o’clock in the bloody morning!” She added as Bono slipped out of bed and padded out into the hallway.
“You have to take yer finger off the fucking button before I can let you in, you know,” Bono informed the person at the other end of the intercom when they finally stopped pushing the button.
“Sorry, I didn’t think you heard me,” Adam’s voice came back to him. Bono frowned in surprise and rubbed his tired eyes. He had to take a moment to orient himself to time and place, feeling suddenly as if he was back in the nineties. It had been a long time since he’d heard Adam slurring his words like this. Maybe he was just exhausted, Bono reasoned, pushing the button which released the lock on the gate and allowed Adam in.
He went back to his room to slip on a pair of shorts and a robe, then moved to open the front door for his mate. He stood outside on the front step and watched for the flash of headlights, but they never came. Instead, he saw Adam slowly emerging from the fog on unsteady feet.
“Adam, are you all right? Where’s your car?” Bono asked, hurrying down the stairs and along the driveway on bare feet to come face to face with the man.
“Car’s at the pub. Din’t fink I should drive’t,” Adam replied, the smell of whiskey thick on him. Bono blinked in surprise at his friend’s disheveled state, catching a glimpse of the man Adam had been afraid of becoming. It was one of the main reasons he’d given up the drinking when he did.
“What’s happened?” Bono wondered aloud, wrapping an arm around Adam’s shoulders and walking him carefully up the stairs and into the house. Bono moved straight to the kitchen and started a pot of the coffee, using an extra scoop or two to make sure it was dark and heavy with caffeine.
“Cat…” Adam started, but then turned away, shaking his head. It was too awful to talk about. How had this happened? How many times had they been together, Adam, Cat and Larry, and he had never even imagined this was a possibility. He had found a quiet seat at a small pub which he knew Bono favored and thought about it. He’d thought about every time he’d seen any interaction between them and could not find any certain point at which things had changed. They had always been able to set each other off; a few times he’d half expected to see Cat take a swing at Larry.
But not this. Not Larry. He would have been less surprised to find out she’s fooled around with Bono – that he had even expected at one time. Bono was very affectionate, very tactile and open in his expression of emotion. Cat had trouble drawing lines, when she loved someone. She’d talked about it a lot, even considered returning to therapy at one point. She had stopped when she was younger because she could not afford to see a psychologist any longer, but that was certainly not the case now.
She had gone originally as part of a court order, involving her father. She’d faithfully attended Al-a-teen meetings and for awhile after that, al-anon when she was older and coping with her father’s death. He had ruined his liver, the amount of alcohol he consumed on a daily average had poisoned his system for years, and when he died he looked every bit like an old man. He was only thirty-seven.
The fact that Adam never drank had been very comforting to Cat. That was part of the reason he had ordered that first whiskey, tonight. Anger. Bitterness. Why should he not do something, just because it was important to her? She certainly hadn’t considered that herself, had she? One drink had invited another, then another, until the world seemed to dip and spin and sway wildly around him when he stood. He had no more answers than when he entered the pub, but his senses were numbed somewhat and he couldn’t focus on anything clearly or for very long. There was some small relief in distraction.
“Is Cat all right?” Bono asked, tapping the coffee maker impatiently.
“She’s fine. She’s fucking wonderful!” Adam replied bitterly, standing and moving to snoop around in the pantry. “She cheated on me.”
“She what?” Bono demanded, forgetting the coffee for a moment and moving to Adam’s side at the pantry door.
“She went to Memphis and ended up in bed with Larry,” Adam told his mate, looking him straight in the baby blues as seriously as he could. Bono’s mouth dropped open in shock, and he shook his head to argue. There had to be a mistake.
“Wait… Larry? Our Larry? Mullen?” He asked, and Adam pursed his lips and nodded. “How the fuck did he wind up in Memphis?”
Adam frowned and tried to remember. There was something Simone had said about him leaving, but as he was at the moment, Adam could not recall. It was like a mosquito, buzzing around his ear but flitting away before his hand could catch it.
He shook his head and realized that he’d been staring blankly at the shelves, not seeing anything which actually sat on them. His head was spinning again, and his feet were unsteady. When he looked over at Bono, his mate seemed to be leaning in toward him. He didn’t realize until it was too late that he had been the one tilting, falling forward. The darkness of unconsciousness closed in around him as Bono wrapped an arm around him and helped him up the stairs and into the guest room.
Adam flopped down onto the bed with a groan, his eyes closed. Bono stood and looked down at him for a moment, wondering if he was going to get up and take off his shoes, or if he would sleep on top of the covers. When nearly a full minute had passed with no sound or movement from Adam, Bono decided to help him off with his shoes and tuck him in. Before he left, he pulled the garbage can over beside the bed, just in case Adam’s stomach rebelled from the sudden return of alcohol after so many years.
Bono left him there and hurried back to bed, where he pulled Laney close and kissed her hair. It was a tough break, having to go through tests and procedures in order to try and have a baby. He had suddenly realized that things could be much worse. He had a lot to be grateful for.
