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Old 01-05-2005, 03:28 AM   #1
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Guy question.....

Hello there. I haven't been posting here much, but I have sort of a guy problem. I thought who better to ask then the PLEBAns.

Anyway, I have this guy who I am friends with. We just recently started talking again. We hung out last week and I wasn't sure what to think. I mean he was opening doors for me and he paid for dinner. So I wasn't sure if it was in fact a date or not. ALthough, there was no goodnight kiss just a hug.
He left it very open ended when he left. Saying to call him if I wanted to hang out or if I was bored. I'm a little relectant b/c I have the feeling that I was probably the only one that felt a spark when we hung out. Should I bother calling him?

Thanks!
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Old 01-05-2005, 04:25 AM   #2
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I'm really not the one to give out man advice, but no offense, it seems sort of rude the way he said "call me if you're bored" - but that's just me, I'm overly sensitive

If it was me I'd probably send him a carefully worded e-mail and see what his reply would be

To me it's less hurtful for someone to be honest w/ me at first than to drag things out
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Old 01-05-2005, 05:17 AM   #3
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I dunno the kind of guy you went out with -- but he doesn't sound sarcastic!
I've been told, in the past, call me if you haven't got anything to do or things like that and I was ok with that.

The suggestion of sending him an e-mail sounds good.
If you don't have his address... well, have you any way to get in touch with me apparently by chance?
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Old 01-05-2005, 05:24 AM   #4
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i experienced something like that aprox. 11,5 months ago as well. he opened the doors for me, paid the entrance & stuff. was a great evening. at the end he said that i should call or email him when i find a bandmember, because we wanted to found a band. and well, and since 10,5 months he's my boyfriend
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Old 01-05-2005, 05:26 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally posted by MrsSpringsteen
I'm really not the one to give out man advice, but no offense, it seems sort of rude the way he said "call me if you're bored" - but that's just me, I'm overly sensitive

If it was me I'd probably send him a carefully worded e-mail and see what his reply would be

To me it's less hurtful for someone to be honest w/ me at first than to drag things out

Yeah, I did send him an e-mail about two days ago. No reply. So, I'm kind of thinking he's just not into me.

Thanks for all your advice guys.
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Old 01-05-2005, 05:41 AM   #6
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maybe he didn't check his e-mail every day...
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Old 01-05-2005, 06:30 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally posted by lady luck
maybe he didn't check his e-mail every day...
that's another possibility
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Old 01-05-2005, 09:36 AM   #8
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I find that guys never say what they really feel or mean unless there's 100% chance that they won't end up looking like an idiot. Opening doors and paying for dinner is a sure sign. If he didn't want to lead you on he wouldn't have given obvious signal.

An email is a great way to approach things because they seem to have more confidence responding in an email than face to face or even over the phone (what happened to the good ole days??)

Are you into him? You said that you felt sparks. If so..then you have a lot to gain by pursuing this and getting to the heart of the matter.
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Old 01-05-2005, 09:40 AM   #9
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@ sweetie: you're absolutely right
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Old 01-05-2005, 09:48 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by sweetie
I find that guys never say what they really feel or mean unless there's 100% chance that they won't end up looking like an idiot. Opening doors and paying for dinner is a sure sign. If he didn't want to lead you on he wouldn't have given obvious signal.

An email is a great way to approach things because they seem to have more confidence responding in an email than face to face or even over the phone (what happened to the good ole days??)

Are you into him? You said that you felt sparks. If so..then you have a lot to gain by pursuing this and getting to the heart of the matter.

Yeah, I am into him. I'm just not sure if I have the confidence to purse him. In the past me pursing a guy never worked out. Maybe the problem is with me and not him. I just don't have the confidence in myself. Thanks for your insight.
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Old 01-05-2005, 09:53 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by Shygirl



Yeah, I am into him. I'm just not sure if I have the confidence to purse him. In the past me pursing a guy never worked out. Maybe the problem is with me and not him. I just don't have the confidence in myself. Thanks for your insight.

1st..NEVER ever say that its you. Thats my public service announcement for the day Are you two good friends that you will lose the friendship? Thats a really difficult thing to worry about. But exhilerating if it works out. I married my best friend. I can't imagine what life would've been like without him.

Did you ask him in the email what his motives were?
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Old 01-05-2005, 09:55 AM   #12
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It's easier to ask things through e-mail

Not that it matters or helps, but I know how you feel shygirl

Maybe he lacks confidence, etc
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Old 01-05-2005, 09:58 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally posted by MrsSpringsteen
It's easier to ask things through e-mail
oh yes! that's a good start!
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Old 01-05-2005, 10:25 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally posted by MrsSpringsteen
It's easier to ask things through e-mail
True. But I can't help feeling non-electronic communication is going to completely breakdown some day.

I had a 'relationship' with a guy a couple of years ago, and though we went to school together, the whole thing was 90% net-based. We never called each other, we talked on MSN every night (except on the nights we went to the cinema or something). We got together that way, and we split up (just two months later) that way too.

ANYWAY, on to the actual problem...
As has been said already, if he hasn't replied to your email, he probably just hasn't read it yet. From what you described about him opening doors etc, he sounds like a real gentleman, so I don't think he'd ignore the email on purpose.

I think all you can do here is be patient, see what happens, but don't push anything. Especially if you two are good friends.

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Old 01-05-2005, 10:29 AM   #15
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double post
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Old 01-05-2005, 10:35 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally posted by sweetie



1st..NEVER ever say that its you. Thats my public service announcement for the day Are you two good friends that you will lose the friendship? Thats a really difficult thing to worry about. But exhilerating if it works out. I married my best friend. I can't imagine what life would've been like without him.

Did you ask him in the email what his motives were?
I'm actually not worried about losing the friendship. We really weren't all that close as friends. He alsways had a g/f so we never could be more than that. I didn't ask him his motives in the e-mail. I wasn't sure how to come out and ask him whats going on. Plus, I didn't want to come off pushy.
I think I'm just going to have to sit and think about everything and figure out what my next move is.
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Old 01-05-2005, 03:42 PM   #17
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I hope that guy comes to his senses and realizes what a great girl you are.
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Old 01-06-2005, 09:05 AM   #18
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I hope it all works out in the most painless way possible shygirl. Such a hard thing...initiating the talks. What ever happened to guys making the first move? Now all they make are incomplete moves and we have to do all the work to move it along.
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Old 01-06-2005, 11:01 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally posted by Shygirl


I'm actually not worried about losing the friendship. We really weren't all that close as friends. He alsways had a g/f so we never could be more than that. I didn't ask him his motives in the e-mail. I wasn't sure how to come out and ask him whats going on. Plus, I didn't want to come off pushy.
I think I'm just going to have to sit and think about everything and figure out what my next move is.

Just my opinion: don't think too much -- and don't make a move!

You've already done what you could, now let him clear his mind!
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Old 01-13-2005, 08:29 PM   #20
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Haha, I am in the same exact situation right now, with an ex that I recently ran into. I emailed him. No response. I called him. No response.
My thought is if he doesn't return anything soon...forget it. Move on. I am moving on to another guy...lol.

Their loss...definitely not yours...as Bono says, "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle."
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