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Old 09-29-2005, 10:48 PM   #1
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Big Grin Caught By The Heel chapter 9

Here it is, FINALLY. Kind of long, but eh. It's fiction, all you lawyer peeps. Who wants extended versions, by the way? Don't send me your email addresses, I'll give you a link to a livejournal page. I just want to know if anyone's interested.


Chapter 9: All The Things That Keep Us Here


Bono sank down to sit on the porch steps, thinking hard. Larry, looking murderous, was pacing. Raised voices were heard from inside, the man and another female voice. Gwen pouted into space, hands on her hips, and suddenly rang the doorbell again. Larry stopped pacing to watch. The man opened the door and opened his mouth to speak, but Gwen spoke first.

"Listen, MR TAYLOR, if you think we're going to bug off and knock on the neighbour's door then I have something to tell you. Miranda is an adult, not your slave, not even your child if you ask her. If you'd treated her like your child she might send Christmas cards and support you in your old age but as it is the day is going to come when she will drop off the face of the earth and you'll have to make your wife clean her own house. In fact, I could call the police right now and find your fingerprints all over my apartment and they'll tar and feather you for all kinds of things and you'd probably be in jail for years. So you'd better let us in to see her."

He sneered at her. "If you did that... I might just have to keep your address."

Gwen's eyes widened at the implication and Larry was about to step in and beat the man to a pulp when she got in Mr Taylor's face and veritably growled at him. "You, Mr Taylor, are a bastard. I am going to leave right now and call the police and tell them everything you did. You'll go to jail forever, and then you'll have a restraining order with Miranda, and you'll never see her again, and you'll do your own chores, and you will BUY ME A NEW LAMP!"

She turned on her heel and began walking away. Mr Taylor didn't know what to do other than gape and shut the door on a stunned Larry and Bono. A moment after he did the voices started up again, and Gwen plunked down on the porch next to Bono.

"That was my favourite lamp," she grumbled.

Bono, for once in his life, was speechless. When he heard footsteps that weren't Larry's he looking up and was speechless for the second time in his life. Miranda was hurrying up to them from the back of the house, hair awry and eyes alight. Gwen squeaked and jumped up to hug her.

Miranda's eyes closed as she clung to her friend. "Get me away from that monster."

"We will," came Bono's voice.

Miranda opened her eyes to find Bono looking back at her. She peeled herself from Gwen's arms and embraced Bono just as tightly. It was as if they'd never fought. Miranda hugged Larry too, because he was there and because he was looking awkward, and then Gwen spoke up.

"We have to get out of here."

Miranda took Bono's hand and nodded.


The sun was setting on the Casa de Fruta restaurant out in the middle of nowhere, and a party of four sat at a round booth in the corner. Gwen was more chipper than usual, and was glowing so much after having stood up to Miranda's father that Larry forgot to scowl at the general Denny's-ness of the unimpressive restaurant. Bono was more animated and Miranda was laughing more than usual. She'd smoothed her hair since escaping her house but hadn't put it into her usual ponytail. There was a light in her eyes as she watched Bono do his Steven Tyler impression that Bono hadn't noticed was missing before.

"Hey, this is like a double date," Gwen giggled. "Me and Larry, and Miranda and Bono. Whodathunkit?"

Miranda smiled and raised her glass jokingly, but Larry raised his glass as well. Bono joined in. "To us!"

They toasted, drank deeply, and sank back into their seats.

"My tradition has been, on double dates," Bono began suddenly and perhaps truthfully, "that everyone has to kiss the other's date."

Larry slapped a palm over his face. "Well your tradition is shite."

"Come on, Larry! Ms Taylor here is beginning to think you find her ugly."

"No, Bono, and that's fin-" Larry never got to finish his sentence, as Miranda had leaned over and pressed her mouth firmly to his. He made a surprised noise but didn't have time to kiss back before Miranda was back in her place, laughing and tucking her wayward hair behind her ear.

Larry opened his mouth to say something, closed it, and opened it again- at that moment Bono couldn't hold back the peals of laughter. Larry crossed his arms and scowled.

"Now for your kiss, Gwenda," Bono growled as he leaned over the table and planted a good, long kiss square on her mouth.

It made her giggle uncontrollably, saying something about "scratchy", and then kiss Larry's cheek hoping he would lighten up. "Come 'ere, Miranda," she said as if she had some great secret.

Reflexively Miranda moved in. Gwen wasted no time in grabbing her and giving her a brief, slightly wet kiss. "Gah!" Miranda reiterated, breaking away, unsure whether she should laugh or be upset but deciding to laugh anyway. "You do that way too often for my comfort."

"I AM from San Francisco," Gwen cackled.

At the same time a light clicked on in Larry's brain and he whispered, "Oh, fuck."

Gwen heard him and threw him a slightly malicious grin. "Yep."

"No. You could not pay me to snog that buffalo sitting across from me. Never."

Apparently thinking "buffalo" was a compliment, Bono laughed merrily. "Oh, please, Larry Mullen. No one is going to find out. I don't know if the people here even know what cameras are."

"That may be true, Bono Fecking Vox, but it won't convince me to do it."


Larry just glared.

"You were always so set in your ways, too afraid to try something new. This man here, Cwen, was with the same old bird from the time he was twelve to the time he was thirty-three. He'd never kiss a man even if it were his own idea."

"Excuse me, Gwen," Larry said, looking wrathful as he nudged past her. He glared down at Bono for a moment before straddling his lap, pulling off the singer's glasses, threading his fingers through Bono's hair and kissing him soundly. Pressing his body against him, he thoroughly invaded Bono's mouth.

When they finally broke apart Bono opened his eyes and panted, "Oh. My God."

Larry tried not to grin. "Bono? Fuck you." With that, he got off Bono's lap with as much dignity as possible, and sat back down looking immensely pleased with himself for having the last word.

The other three were still too shocked to do anything, so Larry simply picked up his orange juice (he hadn't even risked buying "beer" in such a place as this) and sipped it smugly.

Miranda recovered first. "Well. That was a once in a lifetime experience."

"Yeah," Bono agreed enthusiastically. "I'll be telling this story for years to c- ouch!" Bono kicked Larry back and continued. "I'll be telling this story to my two other trusted band mates, thank you, for years to come."

Lines creased on Larry's forehead. "I wouldn't do that, if I were you."

"Ah, if you were me. The fans should write a story about that! 'Help, help, I'm trapped in the drummer's body!'"

Gwen snickered behind her hand. It went unnoticed to all but Miranda, who rolled her eyes and elbowed her. Bono kissed Miranda conclusively and leaned back, stretching his arms behind his head. Larry snorted at them all and drank some more orange juice.


It was fully dark by the time they arrived at Gwen's ravaged apartment. The police had come and gone and the most they could do was pick up the pieces. Bono and Larry closed up the window that had been broken while the women swept up the remains of the lamented lamp. The nearest trash can was the small one in Gwen's bedroom, and as she went to empty the dust pan she let out a delighted noise and came out holding a sleepy-looking white ball of fluff.

"Harriet was asleep on my bed the whole time," she said as the cat oozed through her arms and onto the floor.

Miranda grinned and stroked it as it tiptoed past. "Hey, Harriet."

The hammering had stopped in the other room and Gwen wandered in to thank the men. "Want to see my baby?"

Larry's eyes bugged out. "Uh. Your baby?"

"Yeah, she was on my bed the whole time." Gwen grinned and made some odd cat noises towards the doorway. "Harriet! Come here, kitty!" She knelt and held out her arms.

The cat trotted into the room, followed closely by Miranda who tackled it at the last minute and held it in her arms. "Gotcha!"

The three of them looked down at her- Gwen confused, Bono amused, Larry uncomfortable. Larry was terrified of cats. Miranda was getting long white hairs all over her black tank top, but she leaned back and smiled at Gwen upside-down. "Larry's allergic to cats," she explained.

"Oh." Gwen stood up again and shrugged.

"She's... very pretty," Larry said, still eyeing the pair on the floor. "Hey, do you want to stay with us? I mean, until things blow over..?"

Bono grinned, warming to the idea. "Harriet can come too."

Gwen missed Larry's lethal glance at Bono as she threw her arms around Larry. "Thank you so much. Miranda's dad freaked me out and I didn't know what I was going to do."

Miranda frowned at the cat standing on her stomach. "I cannot believe that total asshole was looking through my room to find out where I went."

Gwen nodded. "Did you have anything else you would hate for him to find?"

"Not much," Miranda sighed. "It's all his now anyway."

"It is?" Bono asked, curious.

Miranda shrugged. "I'm not going back there. All my money and my pictures and everything I keep in my car... I can start over."

"Your pictures of Bono?" Gwen slapped her hand to her mouth.

Miranda's mouth dropped open. "Gwen!"

Gwen began apologising but Larry was laughing too hard for her to be heard. Miranda shook her head and laughed it off, standing up and letting the cat leave the room.

Bono, looking smug, jumped when his phone rang. "Hello? Sod off, no we didn't; I wasn't even driving. We're at Lynne's place. We're still fine. We'll be there in a few minutes. Bye bye."


Ten o'clock found everyone in Bono's front room in the luxurious Mark Hopkins hotel. Miranda yawned for the second time in the past few minutes and snuggled deeper into Bono's shoulder. On another sofa, Gwen's head was resting in Larry's lap and on yet another chair Gwen's cat was zonked out again in Edge's lap. A deep bond had formed between the two and there was no doubt whose foot of the bed Harriet would be spending the night on.

Bono squeezed Miranda and caught her infectious yawn. "Time to get the heroine to bed, I think."

"THAT part wasn't in the fairy tales I read," Miranda chuckled sleepily.

Bono laughed. "You have a dirty mind, love."

"Hello, pot calling the kettle black! And I'm not the heroine," Miranda mumbled into his shirt. "I'm a bloody idiot."

"You are not," several people retorted in unison.

"Well, I won't go back again, so I don't need to think about it. They certainly won't miss me."

"Goodnight... no emotional goodbyes... I'll be up with the sun," Bono began singing, almost to himself.

Miranda smiled. "Exactly."


One by one, people began shuffling off to bed. Miranda had turned down Bono's reluctant offer of a rollaway bed and now as she crawled into bed next to Bono, wearing his pink shirt again, she scooted across until his shoulder was again her pillow.

"That was a good thing you did," Bono murmured, playing with her hair and looking up at the gold-painted ceiling. "Tackling the cat before she tackled Larry."

Miranda giggled darkly. "I wanted so badly to let her, just to see the look on Larry's face."

"Ah, you're a better person than I am," Bono laughed.

"I'm so sorry for freaking out this morning. I just got overwhelmed."

Bono kissed her hair. "It's in the past now."

"I wanted to screw you silly, actually, and it was so new to me."

Bono paused for a long moment and then burst out laughing. "That was unexpected."

Miranda smiled against Bono's chest, and decided a change of subject was needed. "Dude. It was so scary. I thought he was going to bash my head in with his huge flashlight."

Bono turned serious. "I would have strangled him with my bare hands. I wanted to as it was."

"And it wouldn't just be him you were getting back at, would it?" Miranda's voice was quiet.

"...My father is a good man."

"Did you always think that?"

It was a long time before Bono answered. "There was a time when I hated everyone."

"What brought you out of it?"

"My then girlfriend, my friends, music, God. Not in that order."

"Hey, Bono?"


Miranda cuddled closer. "Can... can you tell me about God?"

"No, I don't think so. Unless you want to be here all night," Bono grinned, joy radiating from him.

Miranda giggled. "I'll force myself somehow."

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Old 09-30-2005, 01:43 AM   #2
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Excellent chapter! BTW, I want extended versions

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Old 09-30-2005, 08:38 AM   #3
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Great chapter!! Can you give me the link too to the extended versions?
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Old 09-30-2005, 08:55 AM   #4
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Thanks, guys! When extended versions occur, I'll stick the link in the post.
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Old 09-30-2005, 02:42 PM   #5
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great chapter
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Old 09-30-2005, 03:57 PM   #6
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THAT WAS AN AMAZING!!!! So good!!! Bono talking about God...wouldn't mind being all night long awake to listen to him...

Can't wait for the link!!!!

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