"Still"

[tackleberry]

STILL


The water's dried up
The sky is full
The horses tied up
They're ringing the bell

The planets aligned
The spirit a shuttle
To the left is paradise
And I'm still in hell

The mountain's peaked
The valley is drawn
The night is streaked
With the last pastel

The fireworks freak-out
On your front lawn
I'm drifting on a cloud
But still in hell

I see you waltzing above me
In a pool of light
Your colors cover me
Like a voodoo spell

I know its kind of silly
I know its a part of life
How something so heavenly
Could be so hell

 

[Blue_Angel]

I love these lines:

I see you waltzing above me
In a pool of light
Your colors cover me

and the rhythm and rhyming worked great in it, I didnt really notice the pattern at first. great!

 

[famous rungi]

Oh, I didn't even notice the structure until BG pointed it out.

The water's dried up
The sky is full
I like this, feeling of immanence. A weight about to crash.

To the left is paradise
And I'm still in hell

I see you waltzing above me
In a pool of light
This is incredibly sad.

The last stanza is almost treading into cliched territory but it still works. I like all your imagery.