one love

[BabyGrace]

I wrote this for school actually; I feel sort of presumptuous(sp?) posting it now with all the material that has been brought up, but I was hoping to get some opinions about whether or not, well I guess whether or not the poem is tactless because for some reason I think it is, maybe because it's outside commentary on something that is not mine to talk about.
~~~

he stops to breathe as the morning birds
call noisily through the darkness,
loudly affirming their life to the sleeping city;
soon, another day will awaken
with more prayers and more death
as the sun slips over the stones of the East wall.
his bare feet quicken on the
closed dirt road and rebirth shines
brilliantly in his dark eyes.
narrow streets run past ancient mysteries
and undying fires, his brown skin
brushes the path of his burdened Christ,
and he knows the hatred that is born again
each day from the love that was so freely given.
his body is a temple,
his blood the sacrifice;
what God would allow such three-sided,
many-angled death to breed in
the place He has touched?
the boy falters and sinks to his knees as he passes
mosques, synagogues, and churches alike;
his lips rose red with blood as his
neighbors stand near, watching his fight against
the forced entry to this veiled cycle.
he shudders gently and then falls victim to the conquest,
his young body gathering dust on the street.
God weeps as holiness is slain in the city,
His tears startle the parched earth,
washing clean their hands as they wander off
to rape truth with possessiveness and
protect the uncertain ghosts of their belief.

 

[ACROB@T]

very sad, and haunting on so many levels..I don't personally see anything tactless surrounding it..sometimes we might not be in the position to focus on a certain subject, or perspective, but poetry can also let you relate to and understand these things in your own way..I probably made little sense

washing clean their hands as they wander off
to rape truth with possessiveness and
protect the uncertain ghosts of their belief

 

[foray]

Perhaps you are disappointed that your poem expresses your (subjective) sadness/disillusionment with the issue at hand, rather than open up more questions that would make the poem seem more 'objective'. However, I think the line "what God would allow such three-sided,
many-angled death to breed in
the place He has touched?" does just that.

I rather like the way you phrased things. "narrow streets run past ancient mysteries" is a very good metaphor! And, "brushes the path of his burdened Christ" -- To me, this could have opposite meanings.

foray

 

[BabyGrace]

no I very much understand what you mean Acro. This one sounded preachy to me, specifically because am I directly involved? no. so do I have a right to talk about it? I don't know. I'm not choosing sides because I don't think there's any one side that's totally wrong, or one that's totally right, I just wanted to comment on the problem (we were supposed to write something about cultures clashing and obviously this was on my mind), but I suppose it doesn't matter because I already turned it in

So if I come across as a self-important kid who thinks she has all the answers, oh well I guess I'm graduating and leaving in two months anyway

but anyway, I understand exactly what you mean..

------------------
You make yourself vulnerable to change in your life. But in the end, you've got to become the change you want to see in the world.
-the B-man

 

[Lemon Baby]

I love this poem, BG. I agree with what the others have said, not preachy at all, beautiful metaphors too.

 

[BabyGrace]

thank you to both of you as well

fors you're right, I didn't even think of it that way. I kinda think the last line 5 lines give my opinion on the answer to that question though..

oh yeah, and you give me way to much credit for my writing. most of it is spontaneous imagery that just comes to me

------------------
I sing beneath the shadow of your wings...