FH's thread - I'll write more over time

[For Honor]

Philosophical lately..........


one more thing


is in action action?


even if you stand still, you will rot
So you must move to stay alive - the earth rotates, and so to must you. Change is the constant, the permenant

adaptation


but what is this illusion between change and no change
between lasting and fading

is it a mental perception that flaws us?
a language fault?



what is the hey?
I know it is there, somewqhere, but I can't identify it yet. I can feel it, I can smell it ,taste it

but I can't locate it.


what is the key between the perception of change and reality of change, as well as the sense of continuity?

is it just perception?
or is it "no mind", like I've heard before

where there is no real "perception" to begin with -

maybe that way there would be no change? since it is always new, or more so, always in flux, always now

the change is so rpid that you don't notice consitency





like a lightbulb blinkiong so fast it gives the allusion of constant light


like a movie picture that has so many snapshots per minute/second that it seems like live action



is it the same sort of illusion?

What is this illusion..





Can I see through it?...........




--------/////////////////////////


Hold on, hold on tightly.......
hold on........ and don't let go.............

 

[ZeroDude]

Glad to have you back here For Honor, I missed your musings greatly

 

[For Honor]

oh? Thankyou very much!

I have to check out the forum, because I havebn't been looking at others works lately.

and then I was away for a week.. (psuedo vacation)


But I will alwaus have some random stuff towrite, asn I will probably later on.,...........................

 

[For Honor]

Inspired by Diane (thankyou, also, for the emperor. I owe you one. Even though we worked on it together, I still respect this)




9:46-11 o'clock with Diane:


I've heard it said "Love is Pain", but I don't think so, not like that.

I say,



Pain is life
Life is love






But as always, I will confide in Bono's words;

One step closer to knowing.....

a heart that hurts
is a heart that beats...


I feel......... it you are most alive when you love
Becaue that is, in it's truest form,

the ability- nay, perhaps desire- to undertake pain....



heh, and of course,"my song".................



One more, in the name of Love.







.....Dieing for something you love is awesome....

But it is also awesome to endure and suffer, and still hold on to life for love.


To die for someone/thing is great
yet so to
is to live for





"For......"

 

[For Honor]

Love, another four letter word.........

 

[For Honor]

"DIARY ENTRY"
(hah)



1:38 am, no delete key, no tab key, no cookies,

empty bowl, 1/3 cup o water
I'mthinking about math class?

I thinking about the quiz today, that I did pretty well on....
.....except #6.........


SHould I get some more cookies?
I will be geting more water, no matter what.
Taht much I can assure you....


Roy, my cat......
He's been so clingly lately.....
Is he getting old?
Or is it just because I was away for so long....

He sleeps on my bed every night now....


I spoke with Diane about death
- her biggest fear
She never lost a pet, but I did
Smokey....
I remember burrying him....

But I must stop that, and say here
That I am concened, because I think Diane likes me a lot....
And I almost feel like I should do something more for her....


But really,, and this is true, I feel
either that or not
but
I'm wrong somewhere.......


I know that I must think she likes me more than she does...
Or does she like me more than I think?


Even Sarah today..... so upset
so hurt
so looking for comfort

she gets mad at me, and I laugh now
because I see through
it's cute almost.....


hahahha

she kicks my shoes out of anger



....because.....


she's angry with herself, and she takes it out on me!
Thaht's alright though, she's just frustrated, with me a little...
and her life has so many people telling her, doing so much.


I'll just smile and take it, and I won't let it bother me
Because I do care about her
and I am her friend
Even if I can't get too close

(to anyone, it seems........)


...."One step closer".....




but another day wasted, not doing the neccesary




I seek the extravagent, when I should be passionate in the simple.....


I'm lazy in I only like doing
the grand.........


I have grown a resentment for
the simple?



I have grown
incompetence..........




yup...........

I have......




Time for come cookies?
not sure yet.....
bannana?
no, and I should spell it right, but..... eh........
I already had one anyways...............



And now I'm thinking about her, in the morning, going to sleep at dusk...........


Damn bastard, I shouldn't think about that
Why stress myself out when I don't need to think about longing anymore than I already have?



Well......

"One step closer to knowing," as I am saying these days.....







You know, I wish she were here to knock me down and say- -
"Time for bed, Jesse.... Come on, let's go..."



Man.................



I'd be keeping my bedtime like a miser keeps his accounts....
(does that make proper sense?)



well, I don't know, maybe I'd want to put her to bed...


Dammit, look what I've done - I'm talking about her - yeah, her, the one who I don't want to say her name because it's too special......


"oooooooooooo~~~~~~~~"
and all that bullcrap

lol




.........


but it's all true........

That's what I want, in my simplistic
"If you could have one thing"........





......But I couldn't have it, because it's so much more than one thing.........


At least, in my fantasty mind it is,........



In reality, ,it is "no thing"


It's not even real
It's just an eternal possibility......



Should I allowmyself an illusion to pass into my slumber?
I am not sure, but I am pretty sure I will anyhow........






"Come on, time for bed......", I hear her say.....

Okay, I'm coming.........



so I say.................






Take my hand
you know I'll be there
if you can
I'll cross the sky for your love...........

For I have promised
Oh,
to be with you tonight
and for the time that will come..........

Hold on......
Hold on tightly........
Hold on
Hold on tightly,.........










Hold on........






And hold on tightly...............






Hold on,
and don't let go.......
of my love









to this love lasts forever
to this love lasts foever
(hold on)


............................






.......................... Take my hand, take my hand.........

 

[For Honor]

I"m a sucker for cookies.........

but if I had somethig else, I'd have beein in hours ago...........



So I will deal with what i have, and dream of what I want.
If I am lucky enough to combine the two, then well.......


I might not ever write here again
but that won't happen for a while, at least......
so don't worry.......


But I can at least imagine




"Don't keep me waiting, Jesse......"


(I'm so arrogant, just imagining the sound of my name.......)









goodnight everyone.......................


Good writing I have seen in the forum today/night
Keep it up
And I will read more when I get the change.....


Gotto go........


my imagination is calling me, and I'm even warping it with logic and conscious, trying to make myself agree to going to be. what a twisted mind......


But you know what Dr Phil says about kids like me...
He was so true that it actually hurt,
and he wasn't even tring to be such.


BUt it's so true
all true.......

It's why I am the way I am..........


It's why I thinkn about her like this........



Damn...................

 

[For Honor]

.............

still trying to fin dthe cure for the pain I don't acknowledge

because nothing is wrong
but the hurt is there
even though

I've adapted.....


Even though I've transcended....
I......

..........I'm still.......

Still a child.....................


"Like a cute little boy"
(that echo, I hear her say it, ,and it twangs a little in my head)


From the movie "Like a little lost boy still trying to find his home"

"But how fortunate am I that the brightest star has fallen by my side...."


Dammit..............................




"ex animo"



dammit,,,,,,,,,,,,,,





why do I have to remember it so
so much of it, too


Am I hurt that badly?


Do I think that she represents..........
what I need?

I don't...... I don't think so............






Why do I think about herlike this?

....... because I have a heart that beasts; a heart that hurts.



.....................Why is she the only one, though...........
Like no one else, and anyone could have slipped through the cracks, despite my isolation


but she's the only one who got all the way through.......


she taught me how to sing- no, that's not true..........




She's...........

dammit






she'sj ust








she's























she's the reason I sing...........










And I just want to hear her and see her say
"Come on, time for bed, Jesse."

Because she'd want me to be there.....

when she goes to sleep
and when she wakes up.....

and you don't even have to wonder about me

 

[For Honor]

Bullet the blue...............

 

[For Honor]

in progress bigtime
---------------


When all you know is pain


“…. Into the arms…..
of America….”


Oh, but you don’t know, you don’t know!
It’s worse – it’s inside…
It’s eating it’s own flesh –


“This guy comes up to me
His face red like a rose on a thorn bush
Like all the colors of a royal flush
And he's peeling off those dollar bills
Slapping them down
One hundred, two hundred
And I can see those fighter planes
And I can see those fighter planes
Across the mud huts where the children sleep
Through the alleys of a quiet city street
You take the staircase to the first floor
Turn the key and slowly unlock the door
As a man breathes into a saxophone
And through the walls you hear the city groan
Outside is America
Outside is America

Across the field you see the sky ripped open
See the rain through a gaping wound
Pounding on the women and children
Who run
Into the arms
Of America”


But America…

We’re selling ourselves out.
The children have no where to go
And all they know is pain
A child can only learn what it is taught
But when there is only one thing left to teach
It doesn’t matter how it is worded

It doesn’t matter how hard their mothers work
They need not explain why their options are so few
We look for someone to blame,
It’s the child
It’s the mother
It’s the uncle
It’s the community
It’s GM
It’s ……….


It’s just so bad that no one wants to touch it
Just to give some
“Counterfeit nurturance”

Just to…
Get some money in their pockets, or
Make a bold and moving statement
In this “modern” world.

When no one comes to care

When they need a savior…
Because it is not their fault or their choice
But justification is due

When all they know is pain
Who will show them love
Sacrificial and unconditional
Who will make not water into wine
But water from the stone
Bread from the wasteland

They have no power,
Only the will to survive
70 hours a week
and that doesn’t make a difference

Too poor to move
They are trapped

In the city…
“the shinning city on the hill”

In the schools, the children are taught
First graders learn how to move on
And get by…
But how can you work hard
When you’ve nothing to gain

When no one can show you the way
Even when your parents do their best
They don’t know either
And so it all crumbles

The “civilization” fades
And they become reduced to
Abandoned children

Whose parents are out indulging themselves
With their money
And their cars
And their nightclubs and high-rises

Watching their cable TV
In there BMW

The parents of the nation
Are not looking after their children

Instead…
The sit, and watch, and get high
They look away
And refuse their love
Because it would cost too much

And no one wants to be wrong
No one wants to feel the pain

SO that’s why
It’s so easy to let others have it


But how can you let your children starve?
How can you refuse them what they need the most?
How can you keep all your love to yourself?

This is no “white man’s burden”
This is no specific thing…
The world has been set in a certain way
And as always, the adults need to do things for the children
Not just because they should
Not just because it’s their job in the global community
Not just because this is a global family

But because love is only real if you give it away


But America… our parents are not doing what they need to do…

It’s not your problem, but don’t be so selfish
Make it your problem…

 

[Mullen4Prez]

Some pretty good stuff in here and some average stuff but all and all tis all that and a bag of chips

 

[For Honor]

Most of my crap lately has been about women, which is a good and bad thing.


I think I should try to be more balanced, though, at least for a while......


I printed out my stuff, and people are asking to read it, but some of it is way to personal, and some of it involves that person, so I can't hand it to them...

 

[For Honor]

(my second to last post was something I just wanted to getg down - it is such a mess right now.... but I wanted to capture that feeling I had, at least to make a memory for it)

 

[For Honor]

Things to do, nothing to write about, but a small desire to write.... ahh.................

maybe later I will come back

 

[For Honor]

my birthday


WOW i actually got a legitimate wish

I never had one before, really
ALways wishes for like the family or whatever. But I actually have something I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY
x infinity


want..............




For the first time in my life, heh.

I will have to write about this..........




Maybe I will do it later, but something tells me I wono't hold out........

 

[For Honor]

I'm so sorry....

I know that you appreciate them as well
I know I do too

But... I couldn't do it
For all my reasons
And my reasons I don't know how to explain

Just know I care about you a lot
And want you to have it in the right way
Like you deserve

But I am most unfortunate
In that I couldn't give that to you.
I would like to

But I cannot

Wish I could, Diane.

 

[For Honor]

My birhday wish?

-------------------



May 6
I'll be 18 years old....
And I wonder....

About a lot of things, yes.

"One step closer to knowing"
"One step closer to knowing"
"To knowing... knowing"


Even tonight, I am offered a date under the stars
Romantic as all
And with a quality girl
That I could see myself marrying some day

But my heart....
It isn't there
It's with
Another......


And when I make my wish
On Friday, May 6th
It's that I could have someone
As my possesion
Mine
All to me
Just her
No one else
To have and To hold....

I was going to go logical
But wishes aren't supposed to be
Well
At least all my other ones were
So this one
This one won't be


I wish I could have her
And I guess I should just leave it at that

I wish....

I wish I could live with her
In love with her
Together with her
Forever with her


I said to Diane tonight
something like
"My "gift" in life is the distance that separates me from things"
"even friends"
But...
Everything is so far away

Even in my mind sometimes, I make her seem so far out of reach
And it hurts to think...
"I'll never get to be with her"
"I'll never get to hold her"
"I'll always be just a dream to her"

She'll always be a dream to me



So my wish
My wish would be
That I could have my dream come true
And I could have her always close to me


and this will be the first time
That I think I might be wishing for something that may never happen
But I guess that's just
All the more reason for me to make it a wish


Because if it would come true
It would just be so amazing, and so fitting



It is so good, the possibility.....
That it is worse the possibility of it not coming true
It is that good.....


It makes me want to wait
It makes me want to hurt
It is so strong sometimes
I can't let go


Even if tomorrow I find out it is all a lie
Then I will be okay
Because it would have been something so great
That even a glimpse of what could be

Is worth a thousand broken hears
And a million tear drops


I wish she could wait for me
Because I know I could wait for her
I wish she could be with me
Because I know I could be with her

No matter what...



I think that you can love anyone you want
It's your choice
The hard part is
Finding someone who loves you


So I wish she could love me
Now and forever






I wish she could give me
What I so deeply desire
What I, perhaps, so deeply need

The tenderness that would heal
A thousand broken hearts
And the care that would compel
A million tears of joy


The love that would justify
A lifetime of solitude
The love that would allow me
A lifetime of......


....of a wish that came true.



(on my birthday
I will print this out
maybe I will hand write it
And burn it
Because it so true
and I mean this so much...

There is nothing that I, for myself, want more.
Than what I have written here.)


I feel greedy for asking for it
But so be it
I might as well...
A heart that hurts is a heart that beats


"You make me want to be a better man"
"Can you hear me when I sing? You're the reason I sing...."
"All I want is you"


It's something too good not to wish for
I guess that's the truth



And the song that hurts so much I can't listen to it anymore

The Unchained Melody...







She says she wants me to be happy
But I can only be happy if my wish comes true
She says be wants me to be happy
But I can only be happy

If I can have you

 

[For Honor]

Why do I want it if I know it's out of reach?
Why do I want it if I know it will destroy?
Why do I seek a tenderness I don't know?
Why do I dream when I have none at night, yet all my waking thoughts deceive me?
Why do I wish for something so impossible?
Why must I make everything I want so far away from me?

Why do I look for something real within the tinted lines of fantasy and fact?

Why do I seek tenderness....?

 

[For Honor]

My weakness



Here it is, what destroys me
Solitude
So much of it, and it's just making it
Unbearable

I can only take it for so much more
That's why I'm...
Why I'm so succeptible to the fantasy
That's why I want it so much

Why I want her so much
Why religion seems so good
When you've no life to life now
Why the afterlife is so important
When your "life" is not

Why drugs seem so good
When all you want is escape
Why silence is so nice
When you ears start to ache

Why sleep is so good
When the days never end
Why pain is so unbearable
When it's so easy to pretend


I'm.......

I'm the child......

I'm.........

I'm the child......


I'm the lost one
I'm the lonely
I'm the one who's looking....

Looking for all the things I refused -
acceptance,
tenderness,
love,
friends,
direction
care,
love,
love,
love,
stability,
kindness,
purpose,
movement,
stability,
love,
love,
love...


I spent my whole
Working to be alone
And so now it comes to me
I want to hear her voice on the phone

Calling me
and telling me
what I need to hear
that I don't need to worry

that I don't need to worry

She'll be there
She'll be there

She's waiting for me

She's waiting for me.....


That's what I want to hear....

 

[For Honor]

The Child - (Nature Boy?)



I know the greatest lesson
I know the greatest pain
I have seem them come and go
And yet I feel the same

I wish I didn't know
I wish I didn't care
I wish I never understood
I wish I'd never dispair

But I know too much for to stop
And I don't know where to begin
I want what I want oh so much
I want for me a new life to live

I spend my days trying to see
To learn the lessons to the goal
I spend my hours searching pages
Trying to find out how to please my soul


1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9

5 and 9 are the ones for you
7 is your opposite

I'm supposed to be the lucky one
I'm supposed to live always with joy
But the truth is not as that would be
The truth is my inhibitions are the ploy

My life is only a group of words
It is "what could have been"
I honestly do not seek them
But everything shouts them back to me


So when there is finally something I wish to have
When there is finally something I really want
I would agree with anyone who comes to me
"I ain't got nothing, but it's more than you've got"

I have such high tastes
And my abitions are so tall
But I just want one thing
And that would be all










and then I stop and think sometimes:

you know...... does it even matter?

 

[For Honor]

!!!!!!


The logical----



3 fortune cookies
"Good health is a man's best wealth"
"Including others in your life will bring you great happiness"
"Happiness is a state of mind"


and also:

It doesn't matter how I feel, yes
Just as long as you want it to, yes


So what do I really want?
Something......
"More than emotion" - like I;ve said before?


Do I just want a possesion?
Something I can take for granted?


well, I do know I seek the stablity I always felt I never had....


But then there is
"tenderness"...



"She has so deep a capacity for unselfish love and total surrender that despite his ingrained reservedness he will be made to feel confident and comfortable"

"His critical instincts will not exercise themselves unduly as he will find her air of innocence and angelic smile absolutely disarming"



*sigh*

 

[For Honor]

"Happiness is just a state of mind
So you do what you need to do
And I'll do the same"

 

[For Honor]

No Illusions

I have everything I need right now, and I always have, and always will


I wonder about love........

(for later)

 

[For Honor]

I love her, I want her so much

But at the same time, I have no wants
no needs
I would love to enjoy her company
But still....
I am level headed enough to see that I have what I need
I am the fire god, and I do not need to seek fire

I can undestand my mentality for desire
psychological sensations for want.
I can bypass it all, even though I can feel the emotional dent in me
I can live with myself


But besides that I have no wants or needs
She is everything I would ever ask for.



I am the god of pain
the king of pain
and I long for her tenderness
her unslefish love
tha can thaw even the coldest

For it has thawed me
and seldom are there more distanced....


And that is why I seek her love so much
because she has been the only one to ever do it for me
Because she is the only one to ever have loved me

And like the wounded child, I seek the shelter
I seek the shelter
In the one place I know it exists.


In her heart...

 

[For Honor]

My god

I so want her love. To love me.....
I would give every ounce of love I could to her.

But when I think about it, it just occured to me...
Having her love me would be the greatest thing in the world.

Iwant it to come in the right way, but...
I really would like that. Appreciate it, enjoy it, cherish it, respect it.



It's weird, because I think about all the things I would do for her.
Yet it would be so amazing for her to love me. ....







===================================================

=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=
=














or is this all bullshit?







I can't tell right now..... I can't tell....

 

[For Honor]

I'm the bad guy

I'm the bad guy

All these years... and now I see.
I don't care about people
I think I'm better than everyone else
I like to be left alone
I don't care about people
I go out of my way to be mean
I don't like to talk- because I'm the bad guy

... it is so odd when people misunderstand ... Especially when they don't get that you do care

But I can't care, because I'm the bad guy. People are expecting me to act a certain way. I suppose I should stop dissapointing them, and study under Squall.

5/4-"You've got a shoulder for a reason, you know -- so that a heartbroken friend can cry on it! Don't forget you've also got an ear to lend. And a heart to give!"

It can't be- I'm the bad guy

........


(okay, look, the first part is just going to be a sort of prelude, and actual account of what took place... I want to remeber it)



I'm sitting in my 9th period class, and it's an odd one because it is one where most of the people have preconceived notions of me. I would say they are all in a large circle of friends that I am not involved in.

Just noticing it today, it is something I've felt before by other people who do not open up to me, or in some classes where the people are in a majority of one circle, and I am not. WHere I am the minority, I am on the edge, the outcast.

And the type of psychological mindset that I take in those situations, or moreso, just what I feel - that very familiar "uneasyness"




----------------------



And today, 9th period involved a very interesting event. Completely personal, as I was one of the few people who were not talking, so to say.


And it relates to a girl. (Oh boy, here he goes again - I know). But the thing is, this girl didn't understand just how much I cared about her. But when I stood up to her and dealt with reality, I instantly became the bad man

I became at fault.


And it makes me laugh, because she doesn't talk to me, and throws my papers on the ground. She is such a child

Days before, she's complaining to me abouthow horny she is, and why 2-3 guys aren't banging her right then and there.


She craves attention, and is like an attention whore... when you give it to her, it has no meaning, and no meaning is returned by her.


That's what struck me, it has no meaning
Yet she gets upset with me when I don't do what she wants

If I don't concede to her, and let her be right, she gets upset



She even cried the other day because I wouldn't let her sit there and tease me, make fun of me. SHe is so emotionally wounded that she can't even deal with things in a practical realistic manner, and that's why we have such conflict. Hell, I'm emotionally hungry, too. But I don't take it out on other people.



--------------------------------



And essentially, 9th period today, in regards to "the main group", and the girl, which is a part of tha t group,


I realized I come off as a bad guy who doesn't care
Which is completely absurd...
I started laughing when I figured it out, because I realized that all my thoughts and concerns may have been in vain.

They think my actions are done becaues I don't like them, or I think I am better then they are.


When the simple fact is, I don't act the way they do.



And this just creates more distance for me, in my perceptioin..



But just those words

"I'm the bad guy"




.........
no one said them to me, I said it to myself.
No one said - you're evil, your tha bad guy

well, someone did say your are a jerk, but that's just the girl that is wounded in more ways than one. And it's a pity, because I genuinely care about her, but she doesn't get it. I don't think she can comprehend how I care... we really are different people...




But it just makes sense.
I think a lot of people see me as being "the bad guy", the outsider.
When all a long my attitude has honestly been "well, I'll try to be friends with them"...

It's like, it was shoved back in my face, all my concern.


And now, I just feel like it's time to embrace that part... the bad guy. People are expecting me to act a certain way, so I might as well.


Like Squall, from FF8... honestly, I don't understand why I'm so much like this guy... it's eerie, but more about that at some other time.








It's time I come full circle


My silent ways are to come back to me again...
I have the social confidence and mastery I need so tacitness isn't my only option
But now..... it will make a huge difference, because it is the option I choose.



Besides, the kids in highschool are looking for someone to be the bad guy, someone to dislike. So I might as well play it up for the few days of school I have left.


The kids in gym
The kids in physics, art
For Julie
For Sarah


For all the kids who saw me when I walked out of the doors today, going to the bus. They saw me with this wicked look of awe, suprise, anger, and joy- Which all came from understanding my position as "the bad guy"

I stared them all in the eyes....


They all looked away, because the could feel what was inside me.








I've spent my whole life trying to be the good martyr, in my mind. The one who sees what others do not, and self sacrifice and all that.

That part of me won't change, no, it never will.


But..... my mental set will be "I'm the bad guy"...




That good ol' sense of coldness, and not caring what other people think....

I'll go back to psychologically dissarming people, which I have always done, but it will be more callous

I will stop trying to say the right things, because I know I can anyways.


Like I said before..... it is so different when you make the choice to act a certain way, rather than acting so out of fear or insecurity or lack of options.




I will just go back into Squallmode, the natural me that existed for the longest time, and which is invariable a core part of me.

It's the part that *she* fell in love with, anyways.... and the part that she ;oves, my seirousness. But this doesn't have to do with her




And in fact, it doesn't have to do with anyone else.

..............I'm doing it for myself..........
It's all about me
and my choice......

to how I want to address the world.



I will always serve the world, I cannot deny this

BUt I will no longer have the mental set of needing to help anyone. Or be friends with anyone.


It's non of my business anyways, as Squall would say.






Besides, It's always better for someone to show you kindness before you show them your own.







The power of not engaging your concern
Of being aware, and nt being onbligated to action








Besides, they so badly want me to be the bad boy


Especially girls like Julie...
I can see it in her eyes, and even in her stars.


She can't help looking, but she can't bear the idea of leaving her girlfriend for someone like me...

But that's what makes it so very intriguing to her.....



How can the girlfriend of "The best looking guy in school"
(senior superlatives)


Have a crush on me, the "authentic stranger", the outsider, the bad guy.....

?



Because no matter how I may act, my power comes through...

Because no matter how much money I have, where I live, or who I am friends with, I'm still as attractive as hell.

I'm the devil, don't you know?


Because I come with good intentions, andI try to save
I'm so attractive and alluring....
I'm so mysterious

And I'm the incarnation of evil

"For Honor"




















Isn't that scary?

 

[For Honor]

This so reminds me of Julie....


I love how she turns her head to look at me



evil:


Julie, you are definitely one of the best looking girls in the school, and all things considered, you've got a good personality.


I wish you were my math teacher any day

 

[For Honor]

"Though I am soon an adult, I feel more like a child than ever before, in my whole entire life."
"Why? Because I have a dream... and a wish...
And like a child I want them so much, regardless of how unlikely they are. And like a child I need to focus on what needs to be done right here and now. And like a child I seek shelter for my blazing heart. And like a child I believe... believe in the fantasy. And like a child I feel like it's the only thing that really matters..."



memory....

 

[For Honor]

Reluctant leader....

And a failed captain
Who reached

And couldn't fucking jump high enough



Dammit.........


I create too many situations for dissapointment.


And this time it is at least valid - I was the captain. I chose my team, I didn't jump high enough, I don't have enough stamina, I ahve too little sleep. I am too out of shape.

I lost by one play, by a few inches, in the last second.


I hate that

 

[PopMartian33107]

Very, very good writings, buddy. I haven't read them all (yet), but my favorites so far would have to be "The Crossing" and "Did You Have A Dream?". "The Crossing" touched me in a way that I didn't think it ever would! Keep up the great work!

Now, on to ZeroDude's thread...