My brother eloped last weekend

[BAW]

The problem you ask?

He's not even 21 yet, he's only known her for 6 weeks and he's never even had a girlfriend before. She is his "first" for everything.

Oh, and she's 26, used to be a stripper and has 2 kids

I'm really trying to keep an open mind about this because he's an adult and I can't pick who he chooses to love but she's not even a nice person. I won't get into why, but let's just say that she's already gotten herself banned from my mother's house due to very bad behavior.

I don't want to belittle my brother's feelings for her but I'm just afraid that lust may be clouding his judgement right now. He's a good kid with a big heart and I don't want to see her break it

 

[MissVelvetDress_75]

sorry char.

 

[adamswildhoney]

 

[zonelistener]

Holy crap!!!

That's crazy.

Keep strong Char.

 

[KhanadaRhodes]

if it makes you feel any better, my husband and i eloped when i was 18 and he was 19.

if you count the days we'd known each other in real life only, we'd known each other for two days.

 

[BAW]

I hear you Khan but I'm assuming neither of you had been married before or had kids...you were close in age and I know you weren't a stripper before you met your hubby lol!

I guess there's nothing wrong with marrying after a short time or marrying the first person you date but there's just something really unsettling about her. I'm not just being an overprotective big sister but she either has a drug problem or some serious emotional problems. My mother noticed it right away and tried to talk about it with my brother but he didn't want to hear it.

She just looks likes she's lived a lot in her 26 years if you know what I mean. Maybe he'll be a calming influence in her life but I don't hold out a lot of hope.

Its really hard because he's my baby brother. I was 16 when he was born and I've always looked out for him so its hard to just sit back and watch this chick take advantage of him.

 

[martha]

Jesus, Char. Get him some condoms. Seriously. It's one thing to be in love, and quite another to have children with someone like that.

 

[oliveu2cm]

Oh wow. Stay strong BAW- be the good influence I'm sure you have been his entire life (not saying at all that you would have it- but the "i told you so" attitude makes it very hard to ask people for help, and you want to be there for him no matter what). I've seen bad situations manifest into good ones, and i hope this is one of those cases.

 

[KhanadaRhodes]

I hear you Khan but I'm assuming neither of you had been married before or had kids...you were close in age and I know you weren't a stripper before you met your hubby lol!

oh believe me i understand, i just wanted to let you know i've sorta been in that position before.

i do know not every marriage is a good one. i'll hope for the best that either he'll come to his senses very soon or that she'll do something to prove she's not some horrible bitch (and that it's the truth and not just some scam to win the family over).

baw.

 

[cell]

baw

 

[ABEL]

BAW I hope everything works out

 

[Angela Harlem]

I hope this doesn't sound judgemental of a situation I only read about it a few sentances, but it doesn't sound like the problem is really his age, or the fact she was a stripper or even has 2 children. Those are bad things on the surface, or depending on who the person is, but the fact that she has already caused problems with your mum and family in general after knowing you all for such a short time shows a lot. You said there seems to be something underlying which you cant quite put your finger on yet, like a drug problem or something. I tend to think there is something unglued in a person who shows sign of not somethng to hide, but the idea that what you see is not what you get...I'm not putting this into words very well...Is she taking this whole thing very seriously? Usually when you marry into a family you make a bit more of an effort to at least ingratiate yourself with them. To not do so smacks a bit being totally self focused. It sounds like she hasn't viewed herself totally in the bigger picture here, only in regard to her and her alone.
I hope you can always be there for him though BAW, unfortunately he will probably need you all soon enough, more than he ever has. I hope he is ok.

 

[HelloAngel]

BAW

Angie

 

[joyfulgirl]

Sounds pretty sketchy and a tough situation to deal with.

But about the stripper thing... I have to say that I have a good friend who used to be a stripper and has a kid and any man would be damn lucky to marry her. She's extraordinary.

 

[BAW]

I hope this doesn't sound judgemental of a situation I only read about it a few sentances, but it doesn't sound like the problem is really his age, or the fact she was a stripper or even has 2 children. Those are bad things on the surface, or depending on who the person is, but the fact that she has already caused problems with your mum and family in general after knowing you all for such a short time shows a lot. You said there seems to be something underlying which you cant quite put your finger on yet, like a drug problem or something. I tend to think there is something unglued in a person who shows sign of not somethng to hide, but the idea that what you see is not what you get...I'm not putting this into words very well...Is she taking this whole thing very seriously? Usually when you marry into a family you make a bit more of an effort to at least ingratiate yourself with them. To not do so smacks a bit being totally self focused. It sounds like she hasn't viewed herself totally in the bigger picture here, only in regard to her and her alone.
I hope you can always be there for him though BAW, unfortunately he will probably need you all soon enough, more than he ever has. I hope he is ok.

You are so right Angie...its really not her past or the fact that she has kids. There is just something about her that doesn't seem right. This all happened too fast and she wants NOTHING to do with our family. Self-focused is the perfect way to describe her...she refuses to make eye contact with any of us, she turned and walked away when someone tried to take her picture at a family event and she's already had several emotional outbursts where she has almost hit my brother. That is where the problems started with my Mom.

The first time my Mom met her, she was walking out of my brother's bedroom wearing nothing but a towel and when my Mom asked her who she was, she kept walking toward the bathroom and refused to speak!

I'm going to be there for my brother no matter what and I'm going to smile and make the best of it when she's around...that's all I can really do. I am also hoping beyond hope that maybe she really does love him and this isn't all going to blow up in his face.

 

[BAW]

Sounds pretty sketchy and a tough situation to deal with.

But about the stripper thing... I have to say that I have a good friend who used to be a stripper and has a kid and any man would be damn lucky to marry her. She's extraordinary.

I feel bad for making an issue out the stripper thing...I'm really more concerned with her emotional problems and how fast they decided to get married.

 

[cell]

wow, after reading the second post from you, that sounds like a tough situation...im sorry your family has to go thru this, char.

 

[joyfulgirl]

I feel bad for making an issue out the stripper thing...

It's understandable. It's the whole picture that adds up to something not quite right. It's tough watching people make what appear to be ill-thought-out and fast decisions, but everyone has their lessons to learn. He's lucky to have a big sister like you.

 

[elizabeth]

char...this is so tough. lots of people here are thinking of you and hoping it will all work out somehow...

 

[najeena]

A month ago my eighteen year old nephew married his girlfriend of four months... she's in her early thirties as best I can tell. He's never had a girlfriend before, a total computer nerd with few actual living skills, and I don't believe she's any better equipped for life. Naturally, he met her online. I hear they're having a quite a time getting used to the real world.

But what can we do?