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lauramullen

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I need Advice

I have this friend that I work with and he is also my friend with benefits. Me nad a bunch of girls that I work with went out for a girl's 21st birthday. We went to 2 different clubs. Everything was going fine and then after a few drinks I started dancing with this guy I didn't even know. Then we started making out. That's all it led to and I didn't even get the guy's number.(Loser, I know).

When I came into work the next day, my friend with benefits was being nice and friendly with me and then he seemed like he was mad at me after he found out hat happened the night before. I try to call him, but I get his voice mail. The first time I was nice and the next time I was mean, because he is mad at me for no reason. Why is he acting like this? Any help with this situation would help. Please!
 
I know that he doesn't want to be with me. We have had so many talks about it. That's why I can't understand why he is acting like this. It only happened Friday night and he found out yesterday, but I have tried calling him and he doesn't answer or call back, so I know he is mad.
 
sounds to me like he's told you he doesn't want a relationship or whatever in the past simply to keep you guessing and not be too forward. Most guys I know just don't like being open simply because they don't like it or want to keep up some sort of 'image'...

you really should ask him where the pair of you stand in terms of this whole 'Friend with benefits' thing. Ask him if he's holding back where a relationship's concerned because he wants to weigh out any other options. I've honestly felt like that in the past and it makes me feel very ashamed that I saw one of my closest friends as a 'back-up' as sorts and I STILL haven't got round to saying anything about how I feel though I think any other 'options' have been rid of by my own choice. ANYWAY SORRY I'M GOING OFF TOPIC!!!! Just ask him because if he says he doesn't want a relationship yet is clearly jealous of you making out with some nameless guy then there's something seriously wrong with him!
 
When I read it, I was just thinking the same thing that maybe your FWB's jealous that you could've gotten it on with another guy (even though you didn't). I'd say a little talk is needed, to see where you two are really at relationship wise. Maybe he wants to be more than FWBs.
 
I agree with some of the posts above, it's a jealousy thing...and time for the big talk to clarify this FWB issue. Truth and honesty is always the best way to deal with these issues, so for your sake and for your friendship's sake I hope that this guy will finally come on out and you two can talk and work things out to whatever satisfactory resolution you both want from each other. Jealousy can be very vengeful, it's like a disease.:|
 
To me, it seems like friends with benefits almost always ends with someone getting hurt. If your friend seems angry, it might be that he's more invested in what's going on between you two than you are, even if he's not coming right out and saying it. Boys are dumb (sometimes), and don't know how to say what they mean.

It sounds like you need to have a talk with him. If he wants more than you do, or if you're still not sure what he wants, it might be a good idea to just go back to being friends.
 
He sounds gutless to me, its the i have you but no-one else can thing, he should grow up tell you that hes jealous of you being with other guys and sort out his feelings. Does he get intimate with other women? If he does hes a hypocrite as well.
 
It also depends on where you stand. The way you wrote this confession shows that you do care, be it as a friend or as a lover.

This whole friend with benefit thing.. with me it actually only works with one woman, and that´s because we´ve been friends for 7 years before of making love. When one of us is in love with someone else, we are not interested in each other, and sometimes we even aren´t interested when we´re both free.. it is just a very easy, relaxed friendship and we kinda fell for each other once for a certain period of time. So I think it can work out, but only if you know the person very well and your freindship is strong... I wouldn´t even think of being jealous of this woman.

Maybe he would like to keep it the easy way, but with you staying focused on him - hehe. Or maybe it just opened his eyes... there can be many reasons. Like the others said, to talk about it wouldn´t hurt. Don´t think we´re all cold bastards who only want to fuck around. Some men may be like that, some women too; when I make love, I fall in love.
 
Is it jealousy? Maybe. Is it possessiveness? Maybe. The question 'does he get intimate with other women' is the most important question to ask, because if the answer is yes, then the chances of his reaction being jealousy or possessiveness goes up substantially. If, however, the answer is no, and he doesn't have multiple partners because he feels the FWB arrangement was a monogamous one (however informal the arrangement may be), then I'd say that he's probably feeling like his trust has been betrayed or that he's been taken advantage of. Whether or not you agree that he has is up to you, but I think people who believe that sex and emotions can be entirely separated are naive, so, you might as well stop reading right here because you won't agree with any of my conclusions.

First, how many people have multiple FWB at the same time? How many of those people tell their partners about their other FWBs? My guess, since I don't have much experience in the field, is that very few people have multiple FWB and fewer still tell all their FWBs about all their other FWBs. I don't know many people who are okay with that kind of knowledge and sexuality (necessary though that information is to know), even if they say they are because that gets them the sex that they want. Informal as the connection may have been, my guess is that he probably had his illusions about exclusivity shattered... Maybe noone ever talked about exclusivity, and noone ever agreed to be exclusive. But really, if that's what he believed, and it wasn't established that both partners could have as many other partners as they wanted, how should he be reacting? Should anyone really be suprised if he's upset? Is that appropriate grounds to be mean to him, because his feelings are 'arbitrary' and is it substantial reason to declare that he's the one being the jerk about it? Really, what did he do wrong other than trust someone? Wouldn't you be mad if (assuming what I've said is true) you were in his shoes?


:shrug: I agree with hiphop. Not all men are just about raw physical gratification. Some of us have feelings and get attached to people, sometimes even if it isn't appropriate for us to do so.
 
4EVRU2 said:
Time for an honest discussion 'cos it sounds like this guy might be thinking of you as MORE than a FWB! Otherwise, he would not be reacting the way he did--sounds a bit like jealousy...
Click to expand...

Exactly. From what I've experianced with FWBs or seen from other people, one of two things usually happen.

They mutually fall in love.

One falls in love and ends up broken hearted.
 
UPDATE:
I called him the other day like four times and when he called me back he ws pissed because I called him that many times in one day. So, I let a few days pass and I called him last night, and his phone rang twice and then his voice mail came on. Now I know that he is mad at me. I'm the type that gets upset easily and he will ignore me all night and be nice to everyone else and I'll get upset and start crying.I try to ignore him, but it never works. Came anyone give me advice on how to deal with this.
 
UPDATE: I need advice

So, I went to work and he was there and he told me that his friend's wife was setting him up with a girl. I am a little curious if this has to do with me hooking up with that guy or was this going to happen anyway. I'm a little jealous, but I think it will be better off. He is not the type of guy that can keep a girl long. He's not a player or anything, he just has no luck with women. And if that happens, I'm not going to hangout with him.
 
If you have feelings towards him that go beyond friendship, maybe you should talk to him. It really isn't fair to your self or to him by acting like this.
 
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