Losing Loved Ones

[Oregoropa]

I didn't know where to put this thread, but I know beyond the avatars we all have had personal losses in our lives. I've made some great friends in here plus some good debate personalities in FYM.

I unexpectedly lost my step-dad Friday to internal bleeding brought on by liver deterioration. It's been a very sad weekend. I felt like I took a required break from Interference, but missed it.

Don't know if there has ever been a thread for us to share these things with each other but I figure I'd start one for all us. I now know the hurt and pain in some of Bono's lyrics but the healing within.


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[BVS]

I'm sorry Oregoropa for your lost. Losing a loved one is always hard and I'll be honest; there's probably no words I can type here that can probably help. I've dealt with a lot of loss in my life, and people will give you the same old clichés; he's in a better place, at least he's not suffering, he lived a good life. The truth is, none of it helps to heal. Hold on to the loved ones you have, share your favorite memories, and do something you know he'd like you to do.

I lost my grandpa when I was 10. I went mute for almost a month, didn't speak a word. My whole foundation of my life had been shifted. My family tried everything. Then my mom asked me to share some stories, she wanted to document them on tape, I just started telling stories of how he intimidated but made me laugh at the same time.

There's no formula for healing, everyone is different. I hope you find yours. Once again, sorry for your loss.


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[Oregoropa]

Thank you so much BVS. We were around him in the hospital room waiting for his heart to stop beating and IALW popped into my head. I never really liked the song but it has new meaning now.

My grandfathers died before I was born. When I was 4 I had an infant brother who died of SIDS in 1985. I remember watching my mom panic as he turned blue. She's a nurse and ran across the street to a neighbor until the ambulance came. Sad when one of your first memories is so traumatic.

Made it all the way until 2010 when a grandmother died and 3 months ago I lost my other grandmother. The dementia was setting in and the quality of life was going downhill, I felt a sense of relief that she wouldn't have to live like that.

I'm in a grieving mode that comes in waves. My main priority is making sure my mother is surrounded by loved ones and family.


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[Galeongirl]

Sorry for your loss. It always hurts, take your time to heal. There's no need to rush, accept your feelings and give them a little space inside you.

I know the feeling on grandparents, I didn't know my grandfather from mother's side as he died when I was very young, the other died when I was 8. Grandmothers lasted much longer but both died shortly after another in 2008 and 2009.

It's good you're helping your mum, but don't forget about yourself. People often take comfort in helping others grieve and then forget about their own grief. Don't forget about that, take your own time as well.



On your original question:
We do have a personal kinda forum part (Zoo confessionals), but hardly anyone ever posts there so I assume the mods will leave your topic here since most people in FYM know you.

 

[Mack_Again]

Sorry for your loss; probably the last time someone related to me passed away was around 2007, it was great uncle (basically my grandma's older brother). My grandmother kept complaining about how his family did the funeral and all that, but that's different question, anyway. I was kinda close to him and his family, and as they have farms (yes, they do), my family received rice and strawberries from them. That loss feels very long ago nearly 10 years ago at this pt) but it kinda makes me think about that time again. Memory from middle school days are always the best or worst. My grandfather on my mother's side passed away before I was born so I didnt get to know him. I think that's tragic, personally. I don't know what's happening in my father's side as my mom has weird feud with them.

anyway, it's kinda fortunate that I haven't lost anyone close to me now. well it's not a good news that Im weirdly depressed, I guess.

 

[Dude111]

Im sorry for everyones loss

 

[Oregoropa]

Thank you all. Great encouragement.


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[deep]

Very sorry for your loss, losing people is the hardest and most painful thing any of us will experience. Just try and remember the positive experiences you had with this person and all the contributions he made to your life. Also think about the relationships around you and try and be a better person with them to honor your lost loved one. It is not easy, but each day the pain is a little less.

 

[MsPurrl]

I am so sorry for your losses, everyone It's an awful thing to deal with. I lost my mother in July 2001, a month after open heart surgery that went awry. Every day when I'd be driving to the hospital to visit her, I would hear either "Walk On" or "Stuck In A Moment" on the car radio. She fought so hard during that month, but in the end her poor little body was worn out. Unbeknownst to one another, my sisters and my brother and I had all told her, on that last day, that it was okay if she wanted to go; and we were all with her when she left. And I truly believe that the lyrics from ATYCLB songs got me through that awful time.

Since then, her remaining two brothers and sister have also passed, so my siblings, cousins, and I are now "the older generation."

I feel that I owe all that is kind and good about me to my mother, so I try to pass on the love that I received from her and my aunt and uncles. Even after 15+ years, I still catch myself thinking things like, "I'll ask Mom; she'll know", and "I can't wait to tell Mom." So I do!

So grieve in your own way and own time. Cry all you need to; lie on the floor, kick your heels, and wail and sob. The pain doesn't go away, but I promise you that the jagged hole in your heart will get a bit smoother as time goes by.