i am in love with my friend who is a gay

[girlhappy]

have recently discovered that i have deep feelings for my friend who is a gay. I dont see him very often, but when i do, he hugs me, we hold hands, and sems to me it is a bit strange.He shows me his tender feelings, but iwhen i hug him first, he is scared
We take a long walks and then he holds me and always take pictures of me. I have a feling that we are the soulmates and that makes everything so hard.
What can i do? Does anyone has similar experience?
I have close male friend who never touches me, so i have a feeling that this situation is dangerous for me.I have tried to stay away from him and even wrote it to him, but took it back.
Still, it is hard when your soulmate is near and you know is somewhat out of touch( because he is anything but open).
If i tell him that i am in love i know he will run off,
What can i do?

 

[hiphop]

Maybe he is bisexual and hasn´t discovered yet. You could be the one to show him!

Seriously, if you are 100% sure he is men-only.. dunno.. I´d just forget it. Tough, I know, but how are you ever gonna get together with someone you can´t have sex with?

 

[girlhappy]

Yeah, but i am not quite sure that he is 100% gay. I am almost sure that he is not. That is the thing!

 

[Angela Harlem]

Only he can tell you if he is, and whatever he is, you are unable to change it. It's probably not a good idea to compare him to your other friend who is not physical and never touches you, because they're entirely seperate people and physical contact isn't related at all to sexuality. Some are touchy feely, some are not at all. Some are gay, some are not. There's no rule which fits everyone.
Your gay friend obviously feels comfortable with you though and feels he can hold your hand and hug you. Dont misinterpret that as anything more than him being an affectionate person and feeling comfortable with you.
I'd be hesitant to tell him how you feel, simply because he cannot change how he is. It will only complicate your life and could ruin your friendship. If you need to be honest though, dont treat it any different to a heterosexual situation. Interest, romantically with someone, cannot be forced. His orientation is no different to a hetero friend just not being interested. It's difficult enough having unrequited feelings for someone, but if your friendship is important, then all you can do is continue to be there for him.
Good luck.

 

[the soul waits]

I have so much empathy with you because I once was in your shoes. Long story short, my friend ended up confessing he was in love with me (while he'd been gay all of is adolescent and adult life, so needless to say he was very confused and had hesitated telling me for many months). We started a relationship, which was the same as being the close friends that we already were, only the sexual aspect came into our lives. We were incredibly happy, allthough he had to face a lot of negativity from his gay friends and ex-lovers, they accused him of "being a sell-out and a traitor-so that was hard on us at the start.
Anyway, keeping this short, the relationship didn't work and ended, the same way a "normal" relationship would.
I lost by best friend in the process. I still regret it and miss him - allthough the breakup was respectfull and civil, we simply couldnt go back to being just friends and that was extremely saddening for us both.

It's hard giving advice about this because people and situations are different, but I'd like to say this as a general comment : I know it can be confusing when he's affectionate with you and can be (mis)read as more than friendship, but keep in mind that many gays are comfortable around women the same way women are comfortable with gays. Because it's non-threatening and perceived as a genuine and not-having-a-hidden-agenda expressing affection and emotions with eachother, because both parties are clear about the fact that nothing will come of it. So it's entirely possible that he doesn't even think about you in a romantic way. But then again, my experience tells me that it's not always what it seems either.
Good luck and if you feel emailing me about this, feel free to do so. I know how hard and confusing it can be. I went through months of turmoil, being in love with him and being certain nothing could ever come of it, while in the meantime I kept meeting one straight jerk after the other..
tocagirl@gmail.com

 

[Mr. BAW]

Yeah, but i am not quite sure that he is 100% gay. I am almost sure that he is not. That is the thing!

Well, how good a friend are you? Ask him for Pete's sake and find out...not doing so only prolongs your misery....good luck.

 

[For Honor]

have recently discovered that i have deep feelings for my friend who is a gay. I dont see him very often, but when i do, he hugs me, we hold hands, and sems to me it is a bit strange.He shows me his tender feelings, but iwhen i hug him first, he is scared

Why is he scared?

(Even if I were gay, I don't think I would ever have a problem with a woman coming up to me and hugging me. Is it like his 'image' is being ruined or something? Just stabbing in the dark here)


Does he have problems being open about his feelings towards you? I guess the other questions are: How does he "say" he feels about you? ANd, have you mentioned how you feel about him?

 

[Russty Cat]

I've been in a similar situation.

I had a close friend for many years. We did alot together and he was always hugging me, kissing my cheek, holding my hand. We even slept in the same bed together alot and cuddled. He was an amazing man who helped me thru many hard times in my life. The hardest part was that he was amazingly gorgeous. He was a model and every where we went men and women would check him out. I fell in love with him hard. The thing was that I never told him that I was in love with him. We told each other that we loved each other, but in our group of friends it was common to say that we loved each other at the end of the night. We had lost a good friend in an accident and always wanted the others to know if anything happened that they were loved. So long story short one night I finally told him that I was in love with him. I couldn't take being that close with him anymore without really knowing if there was ever a chance for more.

He was the sweetest guy in the world and told me that he was honored that a person like me could love him that much. He told me that in his own way he was in love with me too. And that in a perfect world we could be together. But the fact was that he wasn't attracted to women sexually. It felt so good to get things out in the open. We remained friends and I ended up marrying someone else. He was sweet enough to come to my wedding.

We stayed friends for many years and he has even spent lots of time with my kids. I don't regret what happened. And honestly I think I would if I had never told him.

I guess it really depends on what you truly need in your life right now. Are you willing to possibly loose his friendship or is it time to just bite the bullet and put it all out in the open for you?

 

[girlhappy]

Thanks for your support

Hay!
i wanted to thank all of you for sharing your experiences and giving me support. I didnt see him for a while, so my feelings are not so deep at this point.I had enough of his playing games .
Yes, maybe you are right and he is pure gay, but i can feel it that there is chemistry between us.
The thing is that he uses me in some way just to fulfill some needs at this moment.This is not true friendship some of you had.
I know that the best for me would be just to find some "normal" guy, but you know what they says about soulmates..they never die..
Anyone?