help? / advice needed.

[Joha_U2]

I'm having a little bit of trouble. I'm just really confused over my relationship with my boyfriend since I've moved to another country. I should expand before I ask my question.
I've been dating "my first love" since June/July 2005. We met in Texas, but I've had to move to another country in December... I knew this even before we started dating, but we still decided to go on and date. We promised each other to keep the relationship going, even as a long distance relationship... we did all kinds of cute and amazing things before I left (including a time capsule, going to my first ever U2 concert, etc). He always promised me that he'd be waiting for me once I return to Texas, because his love for me was "so strong and real"... we also promised each other to write/call as often as possible.

However, things took a turn. He'd been writing emails to me every day until about January. Then he stopped, only writing twice or three times a week, saying he was staying at a friend's house (his friend's married) because going home made him really depressed, so he couldn't write often because he felt like he shouldn't ask his friend for his computer. He stopped calling too, saying it was too expensive... I still kept writing him emails every day and calling as often as my parents would allow.
The thing is, I got tired of this... the last email I got from him was on Saturday, and I haven't replied since then. I just feel like I'm the one giving without receiving anything... I swear I'd just be happy with him writing to me every night. I'm not asking for much, am I? Especially since he swore his love for me all the time...

I don't know how to explain, but our relationship was the best thing in the world. We never really fought and... yeah, it seemed like it was perfect. He even tolerated my obsession with U2! (heh) I know I love him. Now the question is, should I write to him or wait until he sends me another email? or what should I do to make him understand that I need to hear from him often (otherwise I get so depressed..)?

I guess I should mention he was having lots of trouble at home and work. He was really depressed and had some other problems since I left...

 

[hiphop]

If you are not tired of the whole situation (check your emotions first) and still want to be with him no matter what:

Write him, tell him that a long distance relation is difficult to keep up.. tell him you understand he does not have much time, since he´s stuck in other problems, but you would appreciate one email per day very much. It is really important for you because you have fear of losing him when you don´t hear from him for a long time. Tell him you love him a lot and ask yourself (and him) if and when you can meet for a weekend. When you got a meeting to focus on, things will get easier, more passionate again etc.

Just tell him you need to hear from him more often.

 

[For Honor]

I don't know how to explain, but our relationship was the best thing in the world. We never really fought and... yeah, it seemed like it was perfect. He even tolerated my obsession with U2! (heh) I know I love him. Now the question is, should I write to him or wait until he sends me another email? or what should I do to make him understand that I need to hear from him often (otherwise I get so depressed..)?

....... if it's important to you, tell him. If you are really making your happiness dependant upon another person like this, then you better hold them accountible, or at least let them know. Otherwise you're just ......... ......... well, you know, obviously.

Communication is integral to any relationship. Especially when distance is involved.

Lastly, consider your options.

 

[Mofo]

I can definetely relate to your situation, and as you can see a long distance relationship is very difficult, at the beginning I would write everyday and so did she, but eventually I ended up just doing it a couple of times a week, and a couple of calls also.

As I see it, the problem starts when you get used to the situation and you don't miss him/her as much, because thats when you stop taking care of the relationship. So just tell him your concerns but don't put to much pressure on him about writing everyday, it happened to me and we got into a lot of fights because of that and there's nothing worse than fighting through the phone or the freakin internet

good luck!

 

[Joha_U2]

As I see it, the problem starts when you get used to the situation and you don't miss him/her as much, because thats when you stop taking care of the relationship.

That's exactly what I think. It pisses me off, because how can someone who said loved you so much change so quickly simply because of distance?

Alright. I called him today and we talked. I feel like we got nothing out of the talk, though, but we'll see whether or not he changes his attitude.
He was reconsidering our relationship because he thinks I'll end up hating him once I'm older and "realize I haven't enjoyed my youth". It's unfair. He thinks he knows everything simply because he's a few years older.

 

[Mofo]

That's exactly what I think. It pisses me off, because how can someone who said loved you so much change so quickly simply because of distance?

the thing is people adapt you can be miserable just for a certain amount of time before you get used to the situation and in certain ways move on, but that doesn't mean he stops loving you

Alright. I called him today and we talked. I feel like we got nothing out of the talk, though, but we'll see whether or not he changes his attitude.
He was reconsidering our relationship because he thinks I'll end up hating him once I'm older and "realize I haven't enjoyed my youth". It's unfair. He thinks he knows everything simply because he's a few years older.

good thing you talked to him, by the way if things work out when we'll you see each other again?

 

[Joha_U2]

good thing you talked to him, by the way if things work out when we'll you see each other again?

I've no idea. I'm in Argentina, and he's in Texas... it pretty much depends on him being able to get his passport. I'd say probably during the summer.

 

[starsgoblue]

Ok...here's just my two cents so take it for what it's worth....

What is the nessicity of writing every single day? I understand it's important to communicate and all but I would have a hard time trying to find something to say every single day in writing. Sometimes my day is just not that exciting! And in addition to that, I don't know if constant email would be best, again I understand the importance of communication but then again usually when I'm involved with someone I only'll spend about three or four days a week with them--it's important to me to not forget about my own things I need to take care of and other relationships I need to maintain but it also leaves an air of mystery and the desire for more rather than getting bored.

It's good that you called and talked but I worry how much you actually listened to what he had to say, you said you were pissed off and 'waiting to see if his attitude changes'...a relationship is a two way street and I can definetly remember times back in the day when I didn't really give a guy a chance because I was so annoyed and practically waiting for him to do something to prove me right that he was being a jerk. On top of that, it sounds like he has alot on his plate. Typically guys handle problems differently than women do...we love to talk about it to anyone and everyone and it seems most guys try and hash it out on their own.

I wish you luck, I am sure under the best of circumstances this kind of relationship is hard. Maybe you're both just frustrated cause you both miss each other alot and it's only been a little while since you've separated.

 

[Mofo]

Ok...here's just my two cents so take it for what it's worth....

What is the nessicity of writing every single day? I understand it's important to communicate and all but I would have a hard time trying to find something to say every single day in writing. Sometimes my day is just not that exciting! And in addition to that, I don't know if constant email would be best, again I understand the importance of communication but then again usually when I'm involved with someone I only'll spend about three or four days a week with them--it's important to me to not forget about my own things I need to take care of and other relationships I need to maintain but it also leaves an air of mystery and the desire for more rather than getting bored.

I definetely agree with you on not having to write every single day, god knows how many arguments I had because of that, I guess it's more important to some people than to others, but it all comes down to meeting each other half way so things can work out, I think...