Is Feminism Still Relevant?

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Just curious - why not?
I'm going to assume that this is an honest question, but I am going to note that it does seem like you have absorbed a fair bit of cultural mythology about prochoice people and what they think and why- this idea that they all secretly think abortion is great and want there to be more of them... Anyway.

No. I don't love abortion. Most prochoice people do not. Needing an abortion is the opposite of ideal, pretty much any prochoice person can agree. Being pregnant is physically, emotionally and psychically taxing for every woman. Being pregnant when you don't want to be is a horrible feeling: claustrophobic, scary, gross, like your body is totally out of your control. Being pregnant when you want to be and can't keep the pregnancy is probably far worse. Good information and access to abortions is hard to get. Hospitals and individual care providers opposed to abortion and crisis pregnancy abortion-rescue organizations masquerading as abortion providers can all make it hard to find where you can actually get an abortion, and paying for it is often a serious difficulty, as is getting time off work and traveling long distance to a clinic. It involves a significant rearrangment of your life. The procedure is heavily stigmatized and most women go through it entirely alone. Many of them never tell a single person. Getting from your car to the clinic door is often walking a gauntlet of shame, judgement and hate. Many clinics provide escorts to help protect women from the protesters who gather daily to shout at them. Even pharmaceutical abortions are inherently invasive: lots of questions, having to tell people about your sexual life, how and when you got pregnant, why you can't stay pregnant. People knowing all your shit. Having to be in public and talk about this miserable thing, and then wait for the cocktail of antianxiety drugs to wear off and go home bleeding or go home to wait to start bleeding out. Dude, I've never had an abortion and it's not that hard to see that no one actually wants to go through this or wishes it on anyone else. There are a few women who say of their abortions, no big deal. But for many it's a significantly negative experience. Everyone who works in providing abortion care knows this. They just also know--the women know, everyone knows--that sometimes it's better than the alternatives.
 
I'm going to assume that this is an honest question, but I am going to note that it does seem like you have absorbed a fair bit of cultural mythology about prochoice people and what they think and why- this idea that they all secretly think abortion is great and want there to be more of them... Anyway.

No. I don't love abortion. Most prochoice people do not. Needing an abortion is the opposite of ideal, pretty much any prochoice person can agree. Being pregnant is physically, emotionally and psychically taxing for every woman. Being pregnant when you don't want to be is a horrible feeling: claustrophobic, scary, gross, like your body is totally out of your control. Being pregnant when you want to be and can't keep the pregnancy is probably far worse. Good information and access to abortions is hard to get. Hospitals and individual care providers opposed to abortion and crisis pregnancy abortion-rescue organizations masquerading as abortion providers can all make it hard to find where you can actually get an abortion, and paying for it is often a serious difficulty, as is getting time off work and traveling long distance to a clinic. It involves a significant rearrangment of your life. The procedure is heavily stigmatized and most women go through it entirely alone. Many of them never tell a single person. Getting from your car to the clinic door is often walking a gauntlet of shame, judgement and hate. Many clinics provide escorts to help protect women from the protesters who gather daily to shout at them. Even pharmaceutical abortions are inherently invasive: lots of questions, having to tell people about your sexual life, how and when you got pregnant, why you can't stay pregnant. People knowing all your shit. Having to be in public and talk about this miserable thing, and then wait for the cocktail of antianxiety drugs to wear off and go home bleeding or go home to wait to start bleeding out. Dude, I've never had an abortion and it's not that hard to see that no one actually wants to go through this or wishes it on anyone else. There are a few women who say of their abortions, no big deal. But for many it's a significantly negative experience. Everyone who works in providing abortion care knows this. They just also know--the women know, everyone knows--that sometimes it's better than the alternatives.

Thanks, Jeevey. That's a very thorough and thought-provoking response. I may not agree with all of your conclusions - but it seems obvious that your heart is in the right place.
 
I understand the question - I think the expected response is that because abortion, in and of itself, is Not a Good Thing. You can get into the nitty gritty discussions about where life begins, but what it comes down to is that pro-choice people are just that: pro-choice.

Most pro-choicers (just because I am hesitant to say "all," because there's always the outliers there to disprove your point) are not pro-abortion. I'd say most would like there to be no need for abortions anymore, anywhere. I mean, that's why you hear "pro-choice" and not "pro abortion" coming from most circles. No one is all "Abortions are awesome. I can't wait to have my first one!"

Could I have an abortion myself? I don't know. Thankfully, I've never had to make that decision. But I'm not going to try and backpedal in a conversation to talk my way around why I don't think abortion is a good thing. The question is beside the point.

Because the point is not about "is it okay to do this" the point is "is it okay for someone else to be in charge of my body and what goes on with it, and inside it."

(I have no idea if that made sense, to be honest.)

Thanks for the clarification. :)

I agree with the pro choice stance then, lol I didn't even know about all these different groups before I got on here. Everybody here is just okay with the way things are, as it's the law and everyone should have control over their own body and things that happen to it.

Quite mindboggling how different people can think on the other side of the planet.
 
THE year is new, but we already have a candidate for the most troubling magazine essay of 2014: Amanda Hess on “Why Women Aren’t Welcome on the Internet,” in the latest issue of Pacific Standard.

Hess takes a reality many people may be only dimly aware of — that female writers come in for an extraordinary amount of abuse online — and fleshes it out with detail, data and personal experience. The anecdotes, her own and others, range from the offensive to the terrifying, but there’s also a thudding, soul-crushing sameness to them: graphic threats of sexual violence, rape and murder, intertwining and repeating.

Everyone who writes online comes in for abuse, but Hess’s essay describes a form of intimate attack that few male journalists experience. We hear about it over drinks, we catch glimpses of it on Twitter, but it’s easy for us to miss how radically different it makes our female peers’ experience.

Hess’s essay is mostly interested in solutions and responses: how women should deal with their harassers; how online forums should police abuse; how the laws surrounding stalking and discrimination might adapt to deal with online threats.

But it’s also useful to think about root causes, and where all the hate and twisted fantasies are coming from. Is this misogyny always latent in a subset of the male population, or are there magnifying forces at work?

One potential magnifier, of course, is the Internet itself, which by its nature is a kind of unreal space for many users — a place where a range of impulses can be discussed, explored and acted out in what feels like a consequence-free zone.

There is some evidence that the emergence of this fantasy space has actually made the real world slightly safer for women: studies have shown correlations between access to online pornography and lower rates of sexual assault. But the flip side is that many men who might have successfully regulated their darker impulses now have what seems like a green light to be “virtually” abusive ... because they’re just trying out a role, or because the woman on the receiving end seems no more real to them than a character in a pornographic film.

Another magnifier is ideology. Hess is a feminist who works in culture-war terrain, and there’s no question that women writing from that perspective come in for more personal, sexualized abuse than women writing about, say, monetary policy. Where the personal is political, the political becomes personal more quickly, and the grotesque abuse that liberal, feminist writers can receive for being liberal feminists is a scandal that conservatives, especially, need to acknowledge and deplore.

But many conservative and libertarian women also take a remarkable amount of sexual-political abuse. So it may be that the culture war cuts both ways, and a certain kind of left-wing narrative about gender — in which women are expected to hold liberal views just by virtue of being female — can become a license for allegedly progressive men to demean and dehumanize women who decline to play that part.

And then to further complicate matters, there is the phenomenon of intraliberal misogyny — like the flood of abuse, cited by Hess, that greeted the atheist writer Rebecca Watson when she wrote about sexism and harassment at a skeptics’ convention.

Cases like Watson’s suggest that there’s a chauvinist attitude in play here, a kind of crypto-ideology of sex and gender, that doesn’t map neatly onto what we usually think of as culture-war divides. This attitude is “liberal” in that it regards sexual license as an unalloyed good, and treats any kind of social or religious conservatism as a dead letter. But at the same time it wants to rebel and lash out against the strictures it feels that feminism and political correctness have placed on male liberty, male rights.

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Sometimes this rebellion is just coarse and libertine: think of lad magazines, or the world of pick-up artists, or Seth MacFarlane on Oscar night. But where it intersects with status anxieties, personal failure and sexual frustration, it can turn vicious — in effect, scapegoating women (those frigid castraters, those promiscuous teases) for the culture’s failure to deliver a beer-commercial vision of male happiness.

I don’t think either the left or the right quite understands this worldview: feminists tend to see it simply as a species of reaction, social conservatives as the dark fruit of sexual liberation, when it’s really a combination of the two. And because it channels some legitimate male anxieties alongside its chauvinism and resentment, it probably can’t be shamed or driven underground — or not, at least, without making its side effects for women that much more toxic.

Instead, it needs to be answered, somehow, with a more compelling vision of masculine goals, obligations and aspirations. Forging this vision is a project for both sexes. Living up to it, and cleansing the Internet of the worst misogyny, is ultimately a task for men.

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/01/12/opinion/sunday/douthat-the-war-on-women.html?ref=todayspaper

I've had moments online, either on other forums or HuffPo, where I would make a comment about patriarchy and feminism, and get viciously verbally attacked by a male poster. I once knew a woman who talked about feminism on her blog and got death threats. It's like the slightest comment sets off rage in some men. Sometimes I think their male ego isn't able to handle criticism or they have a victimizing attitude and anything that ever went wrong for them is every woman's fault. It's scary out there.

ETA: Granted, there's a lot of misandry online too, and some of the things I read leave me shaken. Some women get so caught up in sexism that they start to lose rationale and hate men altogether. Sometimes you got to stop, take a breather and realize there are plenty of men who do not hate women so much.
 
Sexism and antisemitism are the revolving bridges that connect the far right and left. Hence you have the atheists who are extremely sexist and the religious conservative types likewise. Honestly I'm pretty sure I've seen a checklist somewhere that can basically tie most of these groups back to the protocols of the elders of Zion. The internet just allows them to be dicks more often. Looking at you men's rights activists.
 
Sexist/anti-Semitic far leftists aren't very common at all. I'd suggest you can't be one if you are sexist and/or anti-Semitic.
 
No, sexism among atheist skeptics is well documented, unfortunately. Sexism in the skeptic community: I spoke out, then came the rape threats.

The original article is really brilliant and worth reading. We had an extended conversation about this hear a while ago, with some posters suggesting that internet harassment is the act of a fringe minority rather than a representation of a major issue for women in general. I think the author does a good job talking about why sexism on the internet is genuinely harmful sex based aggression, not just a nuisance.

I was 12 hours into a summer vacation in Palm Springs when my phone hummed to life, buzzing twice next to me in the dark of my hotel room. I squinted at the screen. It was 5:30 a.m., and a friend was texting me from the opposite coast. “Amanda, this twitter account. Freaking out over here,” she wrote. “There is a twitter account that seems to have been set up for the purpose of making death threats to you.”
I dragged myself out of bed and opened my laptop. A few hours earlier, someone going by the username “headlessfemalepig” had sent me seven tweets. “I see you are physically not very attractive. Figured,” the first said. Then: “You suck a lot of drunk and drug fucked guys cocks.” As a female journalist who writes about sex (among other things), none of this feedback was particularly out of the ordinary. But this guy took it to another level: “I am 36 years old, I did 12 years for ‘manslaughter’, I killed a woman, like you, who decided to make fun of guys cocks.” And then: “Happy to say we live in the same state. Im looking you up, and when I find you, im going to rape you and remove your head.” There was more, but the final tweet summed it up: “You are going to die and I am the one who is going to kill you. I promise you this.”
My fingers paused over the keyboard. I felt disoriented and terrified. Then embarrassed for being scared, and, finally, pissed. On the one hand, it seemed unlikely that I’d soon be defiled and decapitated at the hands of a serial rapist-murderer. On the other hand, headlessfemalepig was clearly a deranged individual with a bizarre fixation on me. I picked up my phone and dialed 911.
Two hours later, a Palm Springs police officer lumbered up the steps to my hotel room, paused on the outdoor threshold, and began questioning me in a steady clip. I wheeled through the relevant background information: I am a journalist; I live in Los Angeles; sometimes, people don’t like what I write about women, relationships, or sexuality; this was not the first time that someone had responded to my work by threatening to rape and kill me. The cop anchored his hands on his belt, looked me in the eye, and said, “What is Twitter?”
Staring up at him in the blazing sun, the best answer I could come up with was, “It’s like an e-mail, but it’s public.” What I didn’t articulate is that Twitter is the place where I laugh, whine, work, schmooze, procrastinate, and flirt. It sits in my back pocket wherever I go and lies next to me when I fall asleep. And since I first started writing in 2007, it’s become just one of the many online spaces where men come to tell me to get out.
The examples are too numerous to recount, but like any good journalist, I keep a running file documenting the most deranged cases. There was the local cable viewer who hunted down my email address after a television appearance to tell me I was “the ugliest woman he had ever seen.” And the group of visitors to a “men’s rights” site who pored over photographs of me and a prominent feminist activist, then discussed how they’d “spend the night with” us. (“Put em both in a gimp mask and tied to each other 69 so the bitches can’t talk or move and go round the world, any old port in a storm, any old hole,” one decided.) And the anonymous commenter who weighed in on one of my articles: “Amanda, I’ll fucking rape you. How does that feel?”
None of this makes me exceptional. It just makes me a woman with an Internet connection. Here’s just a sampling of the noxious online commentary directed at other women in recent years. To Alyssa Royse, a sex and relationships blogger, for saying that she hated The Dark Knight: “you are clearly retarded, i hope someone shoots then rapes you.” To Kathy Sierra, a technology writer, for blogging about software, coding, and design: “i hope someone slits your throat and cums down your gob.” To Lindy West, a writer at the women’s website Jezebel, for critiquing a comedian’s rape joke: “I just want to rape her with a traffic cone.” To Rebecca Watson, an atheist commentator, for blogging about sexism in the skeptic community: “If I lived in Boston I’d put a bullet in your brain.” To Catherine Mayer, a journalist at Time magazine, for no particular reason: “A BOMB HAS BEEN PLACED OUTSIDE YOUR HOME. IT WILL GO OFF AT EXACTLY 10:47 PM ON A TIMER AND TRIGGER DESTROYING EVERYTHING.”
A woman doesn’t even need to occupy a professional writing perch at a prominent platform to become a target. According to a 2005 report by the Pew Research Center, which has been tracking the online lives of Americans for more than a decade, women and men have been logging on in equal numbers since 2000, but the vilest communications are still disproportionately lobbed at women. We are more likely to report being stalked and harassed on the Internet—of the 3,787 people who reported harassing incidents from 2000 to 2012 to the volunteer organization Working to Halt Online Abuse, 72.5 percent were female. Sometimes, the abuse can get physical: A Pew survey reported that five percent of women who used the Internet said “something happened online” that led them into “physical danger.” And it starts young: Teenage girls are significantly more likely to be cyberbullied than boys. Just appearing as a woman online, it seems, can be enough to inspire abuse. In 2006, researchers from the University of Maryland set up a bunch of fake online accounts and then dispatched them into chat rooms. Accounts with feminine usernames incurred an average of 100 sexually explicit or threatening messages a day. Masculine names received 3.7.
There are three federal laws that apply to cyberstalking cases; the first was passed in 1934 to address harassment through the mail, via telegram, and over the telephone, six decades after Alexander Graham Bell’s invention. Since the initial passage of the Violence Against Women Act, in 1994, amendments to the law have gradually updated it to apply to new technologies and to stiffen penalties against those who use them to abuse. Thirty-four states have cyberstalking laws on the books; most have expanded long-standing laws against stalking and criminal threats to prosecute crimes carried out online.
But making quick and sick threats has become so easy that many say the abuse has proliferated to the point of meaninglessness, and that expressing alarm is foolish. Reporters who take death threats seriously “often give the impression that this is some kind of shocking event for which we should pity the ‘victims,’” my colleague Jim Pagels wrote in Slate this fall, “but anyone who’s spent 10 minutes online knows that these assertions are entirely toothless.” On Twitter, he added, “When there’s no precedent for physical harm, it’s only baseless fear mongering.” My friend Jen Doll wrote, at The Atlantic Wire, “It seems like that old ‘ignoring’ tactic your mom taught you could work out to everyone’s benefit…. These people are bullying, or hope to bully. Which means we shouldn’t take the bait.” In the epilogue to her book The End of Men, Hanna Rosin—an editor at Slate—argued that harassment of women online could be seen as a cause for celebration. It shows just how far we’ve come. Many women on the Internet “are in positions of influence, widely published and widely read; if they sniff out misogyny, I have no doubt they will gleefully skewer the responsible sexist in one of many available online outlets, and get results.”
So women who are harassed online are expected to either get over ourselves or feel flattered in response to the threats made against us. We have the choice to keep quiet or respond “gleefully.”
But no matter how hard we attempt to ignore it, this type of gendered harassment—and the sheer volume of it—has severe implications for women’s status on the Internet. Threats of rape, death, and stalking can overpower our emotional bandwidth, take up our time, and cost us money through legal fees, online protection services, and missed wages. I’ve spent countless hours over the past four years logging the online activity of one particularly committed cyberstalker, just in case. And as the Internet becomes increasingly central to the human experience, the ability of women to live and work freely online will be shaped, and too often limited, by the technology companies that host these threats, the constellation of local and federal law enforcement officers who investigate them, and the popular commentators who dismiss them—all arenas that remain dominated by men, many of whom have little personal understanding of what women face online every day.
“Twitter is the place where I laugh, whine, work, schmooze, procrastinate, and flirt. It sits in my back pocket wherever I go and lies next to me when I fall asleep. And since I first started writing in 2007, it’s become just one of the many online spaces where men come to tell me to get out.”

THIS SUMMER, CAROLINE CRIADO-PEREZ became the English-speaking Internet’s most famous recipient of online threats after she petitioned the British government to put more female faces on its bank notes. (When the Bank of England announced its intentions to replace social reformer Elizabeth Fry with Winston Churchill on the £5 note, Criado-Perez made the modest suggestion that the bank make an effort to feature at least one woman who is not the Queen on any of its currency.) Rape and death threats amassed on her Twitter feed too quickly to count, bearing messages like “I will rape you tomorrow at 9 p.m … Shall we meet near your house?”
Then, something interesting happened. Instead of logging off, Criado-Perez retweeted the threats, blasting them out to her Twitter followers. She called up police and hounded Twitter for a response. Journalists around the world started writing about the threats. As more and more people heard the story, Criado-Perez’s follower count skyrocketed to near 25,000. Her supporters joined in urging British police and Twitter executives to respond.
Under the glare of international criticism, the police and the company spent the next few weeks passing the buck back and forth. Andy Trotter, a communications adviser for the British police, announced that it was Twitter’s responsibility to crack down on the messages. Though Britain criminalizes a broader category of offensive speech than the U.S. does, the sheer volume of threats would be too difficult for “a hard-pressed police service” to investigate, Trotter said. Police “don’t want to be in this arena.” It diverts their attention from “dealing with something else.”
Meanwhile, Twitter issued a blanket statement saying that victims like Criado-Perez could fill out an online form for each abusive tweet; when Criado-Perez supporters hounded Mark Luckie, the company’s manager of journalism and news, for a response, he briefly shielded his account, saying that the attention had become “abusive.” Twitter’s official recommendation to victims of abuse puts the ball squarely in law enforcement’s court: “If an interaction has gone beyond the point of name calling and you feel as though you may be in danger,” it says, “contact your local authorities so they can accurately assess the validity of the threat and help you resolve the issue offline.”
In the weeks after the flare-up, Scotland Yard confirmed the arrest of three men. Twitter—in response to several online petitions calling for action—hastened the rollout of a “report abuse” button that allows users to flag offensive material. And Criado-Perez went on receiving threats. Some real person out there—or rather, hundreds of them—still liked the idea of seeing her raped and killed.
Feminine usernames incurred an average of 100 sexually explicit or threatening messages a day. Masculine names received 3.7.

THE INTERNET IS A global network, but when you pick up the phone to report an online threat, whether you are in London or Palm Springs, you end up face-to-face with a cop who patrols a comparatively puny jurisdiction. And your cop will probably be a man: According to the U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics, in 2008, only 6.5 percent of state police officers and 19 percent of FBI agents were women. The numbers get smaller in smaller agencies. And in many locales, police work is still a largely analog affair: 911 calls are immediately routed to the local police force; the closest officer is dispatched to respond; he takes notes with pen and paper.
After Criado-Perez received her hundreds of threats, she says she got conflicting instructions from police on how to report the crimes, and was forced to repeatedly “trawl” through the vile messages to preserve the evidence. “I can just about cope with threats,” she wrote on Twitter. “What I can’t cope with after that is the victim-blaming, the patronising, and the police record-keeping.” Last year, the American atheist blogger Rebecca Watson wrote about her experience calling a series of local and national law enforcement agencies after a man launched a website threatening to kill her. “Because I knew what town [he] lived in, I called his local police department. They told me there was nothing they could do and that I’d have to make a report with my local police department,” Watson wrote later. “ finally got through to someone who told me that there was nothing they could do but take a report in case one day [he] followed through on his threats, at which point they’d have a pretty good lead.”
The first time I reported an online rape threat to police, in 2009, the officer dispatched to my home asked, “Why would anyone bother to do something like that?” and declined to file a report. In Palm Springs, the officer who came to my room said, “This guy could be sitting in a basement in Nebraska for all we know.” That my stalker had said that he lived in my state, and had plans to seek me out at home, was dismissed as just another online ruse.
Of course, some people are investigated and prosecuted for cyberstalking. In 2009, a Florida college student named Patrick Macchione met a girl at school, then threatened to kill her on Twitter, terrorized her with lewd videos posted to YouTube, and made hundreds of calls to her phone. Though his victim filed a restraining order, cops only sprung into action after a county sheriff stopped him for loitering, then reportedly found a video camera in his backpack containing disturbing recordings about his victim. The sheriff’s department later worked with the state attorney’s office to convict Macchione on 19 counts, one of which was cyberstalking (he successfully appealed that count on grounds that the law hadn’t been enacted when he was arrested); Macchione was sentenced to four years in prison. Consider also a recent high-profile case of cyberstalking investigated by the FBI. In the midst of her affair with General David Petraeus, biographer Paula Broadwell allegedly created an anonymous email account for the purpose of sending harassing notes to Florida socialite Jill Kelley. Kelley reported them to the FBI, which sniffed out Broadwell’s identity via the account’s location-based metadata and obtained a warrant to monitor her email activity.
In theory, appealing to a higher jurisdiction can yield better results. “Local law enforcement will often look the other way,” says Dr. Sameer Hinduja, a criminology professor at Florida Atlantic University and co-director of the Cyberbullying Research Center. “They don’t have the resources or the personnel to investigate those crimes.” County, state, or federal agencies at least have the support to be more responsive: “Usually they have a computer crimes unit, savvy personnel who are familiar with these cases, and established relationships with social media companies so they can quickly send a subpoena to help with the investigation,” Hinduja says.
But in my experience and those of my colleagues, these larger law enforcement agencies have little capacity or drive to investigate threats as well. Despite his pattern of abusive online behavior, Macchione was ultimately arrested for an unrelated physical crime. When I called the FBI over headlessfemalepig’s threats, a representative told me an agent would get in touch if the bureau was interested in pursuing the case; nobody did. And when Rebecca Watson reported the threats targeted at her to the FBI, she initially connected with a sympathetic agent—but the agent later expressed trouble opening Watson’s file of screenshots of the threats, and soon stopped replying to her emails. The Broadwell investigation was an uncommon, and possibly unprecedented, exercise for the agency. As University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire criminal justice professor Justin Patchin told Wired at the time: “I’m not aware of any case when the FBI has gotten involved in a case of online harassment.”
After I received my most recent round of threats, I asked Jessica Valenti, a prominent feminist writer (and the founder of the blog Feministing), who’s been repeatedly targeted with online threats, for her advice, and then I asked her to share her story. “It’s not really one story. This has happened a number of times over the past seven years,” she told me. When rape and death threats first started pouring into her inbox, she vacated her apartment for a week, changed her bank accounts, and got a new cell number. When the next wave of threats came, she got in touch with law enforcement officials, who warned her that though the men emailing her were unlikely to follow through on their threats, the level of vitriol indicated that she should be vigilant for a far less identifiable threat: silent “hunters” who lurk behind the tweeting “hollerers.” The FBI advised Valenti to leave her home until the threats blew over, to never walk outside of her apartment alone, and to keep aware of any cars or men who might show up repeatedly outside her door. “It was totally impossible advice,” she says. “You have to be paranoid about everything. You can’t just not be in a public place.”
And we can’t simply be offline either. When Time journalist Catherine Mayer reported the bomb threat lodged against her, the officers she spoke to—who thought usernames were secret codes and didn’t seem to know what an IP address was—advised her to unplug. “Not one of the officers I’ve encountered uses Twitter or understands why anyone would wish to do so,” she later wrote. “The officers were unanimous in advising me to take a break from Twitter, assuming, as many people do, that Twitter is at best a time-wasting narcotic.”
All of these online offenses are enough to make a woman want to click away from Twitter, shut her laptop, and power down her phone. Sometimes, we do withdraw: Pew found that from 2000 to 2005, the percentage of Internet users who participate in online chats and discussion groups dropped from 28 percent to 17 percent, “entirely because of women’s fall off in participation.” But for many women, steering clear of the Internet isn’t an option. We use our devices to find supportive communities, make a living, and construct safety nets. For a woman like me, who lives alone, the Internet isn’t a fun diversion—it is a necessary resource for work and interfacing with friends, family, and, sometimes, law enforcement officers in an effort to feel safer from both online and offline violence.
The Polish sociologist Zygmunt Bauman draws a distinction between “tourists” and “vagabonds” in the modern economy. Privileged tourists move about the world “on purpose,” to seek “new experience” as “the joys of the familiar wear off.” Disempowered vagabonds relocate because they have to, pushed and pulled through mean streets where they could never hope to settle down. On the Internet, men are tourists and women are vagabonds. “Telling a woman to shut her laptop is like saying, ‘Eh! Just stop seeing your family,’” says Nathan Jurgenson, a social media sociologist (and a friend) at the University of Maryland.
What does a tourist look like? In 2012, Gawker unmasked “Violentacrez,” an anonymous member of the online community Reddit who was infamous for posting creepy photographs of underage women and creating or moderating subcommunities on the site with names like “chokeabitch” and “rapebait.” Violentacrez turned out to be a Texas computer programmer named Michael Brusch, who displayed an exceedingly casual attitude toward his online hobbies. “I do my job, go home, watch TV, and go on the Internet. I just like riling people up in my spare time,” he told Adrian Chen, the Gawker reporter who outed him. “People take things way too seriously around here.”
Abusers tend to operate anonymously, or under pseudonyms. But the women they target often write on professional platforms, under their given names, and in the context of their real lives. Victims don’t have the luxury of separating themselves from the crime. When it comes to online threats, “one person is feeling the reality of the Internet very viscerally: the person who is being threatened,” says Jurgenson. “It’s a lot easier for the person who made the threat—and the person who is investigating the threat—to believe that what’s happening on the Internet isn’t real.”
The Internet is a global network, but when you pick up the phone to report an online threat, you end up face-to-face with a cop who patrols a comparatively puny jurisdiction.

WHEN AUTHORITIES TREAT THE Internet as a fantasyland, it has profound effects on the investigation and prosecution of online threats. Criminal threat laws largely require that victims feel tangible, immediate, and sustained fear. In my home state of California, a threat must be “unequivocal, unconditional, immediate, and specific” and convey a “gravity of purpose and an immediate prospect of execution of the threat” to be considered a crime. If police don’t know whether the harasser lives next door or out in Nebraska, it’s easier for them to categorize the threat as non-immediate. When they treat a threat as a boyish hoax, the implication is that the threat ceases to be a criminal offense.
So the victim faces a psychological dilemma: How should she understand her own fear? Should she, as many advise, dismiss an online threat as a silly game, and not bother to inform the cops that someone may want to—ha, ha—rape and kill her? Or should she dutifully report every threat to police, who may well dismiss her concerns? When I received my most recent rape and death threats, one friend told me that I should rest assured that the anonymous tweeter was unlikely to take any physical action against me in real life; another noted that my stalker seemed like the type of person who would fashion a coat from my skin, and urged me to take any action necessary to land the stalker in jail.
Danielle Citron, a University of Maryland law professor who focuses on Internet threats, charted the popular response to Internet death and rape threats in a 2009 paper published in the Michigan Law Review. She found that Internet harassment is routinely dismissed as “harmless locker-room talk,” perpetrators as “juvenile pranksters,” and victims as “overly sensitive complainers.” Weighing in on one online harassment case, in an interview on National Public Radio, journalist David Margolick called the threats “juvenile, immature, and obnoxious, but that is all they are … frivolous frat-boy rants.”
Of course, the frat house has never been a particularly safe space for women. I’ve been threatened online, but I have also been harassed on the street, groped on the subway, followed home from the 7-Eleven, pinned down on a bed by a drunk boyfriend, and raped on a date. Even if I sign off Twitter, a threat could still be waiting on my stoop.
Today, a legion of anonymous harassers are free to play their “games” and “pranks” under pseudonymous screen names, but for the women they target, the attacks only compound the real fear, discomfort, and stress we experience in our daily lives.
When police treat a threat as a boyish hoax, the implication is that the threat ceases to be a criminal offense.

IF AMERICAN POLICE FORCES are overwhelmingly male, the technology companies that have created the architecture of the online world are, famously, even more so. In 2010, according to the information services firm CB Insights, 92 percent of the founders of fledgling Internet companies were male; 86 percent of their founding teams were exclusively male. While the number of women working across the sciences is generally increasing, the percentage of women working in computer sciences peaked in 2000 and is now on the decline. In 2012, the Bureau of Labor Statistics found, women made up just 22.5 percent of American computer programmers and 19.7 percent of software developers. In a 2012 study of 400 California companies, researchers at the University of California-Davis, found that just seven percent of the highest-paid executives at Silicon Valley companies were women.
When Twitter announced its initial public offering in October, its filings listed an all-male board. Vijaya Gadde, Twitter’s general counsel, was the only woman among its executive officers. When Vivek Wadhwa, a fellow at Stanford’s Rock Center for Corporate Governance, suggested that the gender imbalance on Twitter’s board was an issue of “elite arrogance” and “male chauvinistic thinking,” Twitter CEO Dick Costolo responded with a joking tweet, calling Wadhwa “the Carrot Top of academic sources.”
Most executives aren’t intentionally boxing women out. But the decisions these men make have serious implications for billions of people. The gender imbalance in their companies compromises their ability to understand the lives of half their users.
Twitter “has a history of saying ‘too bad, so sad’” when confronted with concerns about harassment on its platform, says Citron, the University of Maryland law professor who studies the emerging legal implications of online abuse against women. The culture of the platform has typically prioritized freewheeling discussion over zealous speech policing. Unlike Facebook, Twitter doesn’t require people to register accounts under their real names. Users are free to enjoy the frivolity—and the protection—that anonymous speech provides. If a user runs afoul of Twitter’s terms of service, he’s free to create a new account under a fresh handle. And the Communications Decency Act of 1996 protects platforms like Twitter from being held legally responsible for what individuals say on the site.
The advent of the “report abuse” button is a development Citron finds “very heartening.” Allowing people to block an abuser’s account helps women avoid having to be faced with vile and abusive tweets. But our problems can’t all be solved with the click of a button. In some cases, the report-abuse button is just a virtual Band-Aid for a potentially dangerous real-world problem. It can undermine women by erasing the trail of digital evidence. And it does nothing to prevent these same abusers from opening a new account and continuing their crimes.
When I received those seven tweets in Palm Springs, a well-meaning friend reported them as abusive through Twitter’s system, hoping that action on the platform’s end would help further my case. A few hours later, the tweets were erased from the site without comment (or communication with me). Headlessfemalepig’s Twitter feed was replaced with a page noting that the account had been suspended. Luckily, I had taken screenshots of the tweets, but to the cops working with a limited understanding of the platform, their sudden disappearance only confused the issue. The detective assigned to my case asked me to send him links pointing to where the messages lived online—but absent a subpoena of Twitter’s records, they were gone from law enforcement’s view. If someone had reported the threats before I got a chance to see them, I might not even have been able to indicate their existence at all. Without a proper investigation, I am incapable of knowing whether headlessfemalepig is a one-time offender or the serial stalker who has followed me for many years. Meanwhile, nothing’s stopping headlessfemalepig from continuing to tweet away under a new name.
It shouldn’t be Twitter’s responsibility to hunt down and sanction criminals who use its service—that’s what cops are (supposedly) for. Twitter has to balance its interests in addressing abusive behavior with its interests in protecting our private information (or that of, say, political dissidents), which means keeping a tight lid on users’ IP addresses and refusing to offer up deleted material to civilians. When I asked how Twitter balances those demands, Nu Wexler, who leads public policy communications for the company, pointed me to a chart published by the Electronic Frontier Foundation—an advocacy group dedicated to defending the free speech and privacy rights of Internet users—that illustrates the platform’s “commitment to user privacy.” The chart, titled “Who Has Your Back: Which Companies Help Protect Your Data From the Government?,” awards Twitter high marks for fighting for users’ privacy rights in court and publishing a transparency report about government data requests.
A high score awarded by the Electronic Frontier Foundation communicates to users that their Internet activity will be safe from overreaching government snoops—and post–Edward Snowden, that concern is more justified than ever. But in some cases, the impulse to protect our privacy can interfere with the law’s ability to protect us when we’re harassed. Last year, the Electronic Frontier Foundation came out against an amendment to the Violence Against Women Act. Until recently, the law criminalized abusive, threatening, and harassing speech conveyed over a telephone line, provided the abuser placed the call; the new law, passed in March, applies to any electronic harassment targeted at a specific person, whether it’s made over the telephone or by another means. Critics of the legislation pulled out the trope that the Internet is less real than other means of communication. As the Foundation put it, “a person is free to disregard something said on Twitter in a way far different than a person who is held in constant fear of the persistent ringing of a telephone intruding in their home.”
The Electronic Frontier Foundation—and the tech companies that benefit from its ratings—are undoubtedly committed to fighting government First Amendment abuses. But when they focus their efforts on stemming the spread of anti-harassment laws from outdated media, like landline telephones, to modern means like Twitter, their efforts act like a thumb on the scale, favoring some democratic values at the expense of others. “Silicon Valley has the power to shape society to conform to its values, which prioritize openness and connectivity,” Jurgenson says. “But why are engineers in California getting to decide what constitutes harassment for people all around the world?”
Tech companies are, of course, fully aware that they need a broad base of users to flourish as billion-dollar businesses. Today women have the bargaining power to draft successful petitions calling for “report abuse” buttons, but our corporate influence is limited, and alternative venues for action are few. Local police departments “have no money,” Jurgenson says, and “it feels unlikely that the government is going to do more anytime soon, so we’re forced to put more pressure on Twitter.” And while an organized user base can influence the decisions of a public, image-conscious company like Twitter, many platforms—like the dedicated “revenge porn” sites that have proliferated on the Web—don’t need to appease women to stay popular. “I call this the myth of the market,” Citron says. “There’s definitely a desire for anti-social behavior. There are eyeballs. And there are users who are providing the content. The market isn’t self-correcting, and it’s not going to make this go away.”
Critics of a new amendment to the Violence Against Women Act pulled out the trope that the Internet is less real than other means of communication.

IN A 2009 PAPER in the Boston University Law Review, Citron proposed a new way of framing the legal problem of harassment on the Internet: She argued that online abuse constitutes “discrimination in women’s employment opportunities” that ought to be better addressed by the U.S. government itself. Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, which outlawed discrimination based on race, religion, or gender, was swiftly applied to members of the Ku Klux Klan, who hid behind hoods to harass and intimidate black Louisianans from voting and pursuing work. Anonymous online harassment, Citron argued, similarly discourages women from “writing and earning a living online” on the basis of their gender. “It interferes with their professional lives. It raises their vulnerability to offline sexual violence. It brands them as incompetent workers and inferior sexual objects. The harassment causes considerable emotional distress.”
On the Internet, women are overpowered and devalued. We don’t always think about our online lives in those terms—after all, our days are filled with work to do, friends to keep up with, Netflix to watch. But when anonymous harassers come along—saying they would like to rape us, or cut off our heads, or scrutinize our bodies in public, or shame us for our sexual habits—they serve to remind us in ways both big and small that we can’t be at ease online. It is precisely the banality of Internet harassment, University of Miami law professor Mary Anne Franks has argued, that makes it “both so effective and so harmful, especially as a form of discrimination.”
The personal and professional costs of that discrimination manifest themselves in very real ways. Jessica Valenti says she has stopped promoting her speaking events publicly, enlisted security for her public appearances, signed up for a service to periodically scrub the Web of her private information, invested in a post-office box, and begun periodically culling her Facebook friend list in an attempt to filter out readers with ulterior motives. Those efforts require a clear investment of money and time, but the emotional fallout is less directly quantifiable. “When people say you should be raped and killed for years on end, it takes a toll on your soul,” she says. Whenever a male stranger approaches her at a public event, “the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.” Every time we call the police, head to court to file a civil protection order, or get sucked into a mental hole by the threats that have been made against us, zeroes drop from our annual incomes. Says Jurgenson, “It’s a monetary penalty for being a woman.”
Citron has planted the seed of an emerging debate over the possibility of applying civil rights laws to ensure equal opportunities for women on the Internet. “There’s no silver bullet for addressing this problem,” Citron says. But existing legislation has laid the groundwork for potential future reforms. Federal civil rights law can punish “force or threat of force” that interfere with a person’s employment on the basis of race, religion, or national origin. That protection, though, doesn’t currently extend to threats targeted at a person’s gender. However, other parts of the Civil Rights Act frame workplace sexual harassment as discriminatory, and requires employers to implement policies to both prevent and remedy discrimination in the office. And Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972 puts the onus on educational institutions to take action against discrimination toward women. Because Internet harassment affects the employment and educational opportunities of women, laws could conceivably be amended to allow women to bring claims against individuals.
But it’s hard to get there from here. As Citron notes, the Internet is not a school or a workplace, but a vast and diffuse universe that often lacks any clear locus of accountability. Even if online threats are considered a civil rights violation, who would we sue? Anonymous tweeters lack the institutional affiliation to make monetary claims worthwhile. And there is the mobbing problem: One person can send just one horrible tweet, but then many others may pile on. A single vicious tweet may not clear the hurdle of discriminatory harassment (or repetitive abuse). And while a mob of individuals each lobbing a few attacks clearly looks and feels like harassment, there is no organized group to take legal action against. Bringing separate claims against individual abusers would be laborious, expensive, and unlikely to reap financial benefits. At the same time, amending the Communications Decency Act to put the onus on Internet platforms to police themselves could have a serious chilling effect on all types of speech, discriminatory or otherwise.
Citron admits that passing new civil rights legislation that applies to a new venue—the Internet—is a potentially Sisyphean task. But she says that by expanding existing civil rights laws to recognize the gendered nature of Internet threats, lawmakers could put more pressure on law enforcement agencies to take those crimes seriously. “We have the tools already,” Citron says. “Do we use them? Not really.” Prosecuting online threats as bias-motivated crimes would mean that offenders would face stronger penalties, law enforcement agencies would be better incentivized to investigate these higher-level crimes—and hopefully, the Internet’s legions of anonymous abusers would begin to see the downside of mouthing off.
Our laws have always found a way to address new harms while balancing long-standing rights, even if they do it very slowly. Opponents of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 characterized its workplace protections as unconstitutional and bad for business. Before workplace sexual harassment was reframed as discriminatory under Title VII, it was written off as harmless flirting. When Title IX was first proposed to address gender discrimination in education, a Senate discussion on the issue ended in laughter when one senator cracked a co-ed football joke. Until domestic violence became a national policy priority, abuse was dismissed as a lovers’ quarrel. Today’s harmless jokes and undue burdens are tomorrow’s civil rights agenda.
Until domestic violence became a national policy priority, abuse was dismissed as a lovers’ quarrel. Today’s harmless jokes and undue burdens are tomorrow’s civil rights agenda.

MY SERIAL CYBERSTALKER BEGAN following me in 2009. I was on the staff of an alt-weekly when a mini-controversy flared up on a blog. One of the blog’s writers had developed a pattern of airing his rape fantasies on the site; I interviewed him and the site’s other contributors and published a story. Then I started receiving rape threats of my own. Their author posted a photo of me on his blog and wrote, “Oh, sure, you might say she’s pretty. Or you might say she looks sweet or innocent. But don’t let looks fool you. This woman is pure evil.” (To some harassers, you’re physically not very attractive; to others, you’re beautiful.) “I thought I’d describe her on my blog as ‘rape-worthy,’ but ultimately decided against it,” he added. “Oops! I’ve committed another thought crime!”
In the comments section below the article, threats popped up under a dozen fake names and several phony IP addresses—which usually point to a device’s precise location, but can be easily faked if you have the right software. “Amanda, I’ll fucking rape you,” one said. “How’s that feel? Like that? What’s my IP address, bitch?” On his Twitter account, my stalker wrote that he planned to buy a gun—apparently intending to defend his First Amendment rights by exercising the Second.
Then, one night when my boyfriend and I were in our apartment, my cell phone started ringing incessantly. I received a series of voicemails, escalating in tone from a stern “You cut the shit right fucking now” to a slurred “You fucking dyke … I will fuck you up.” For the first time ever, I called the police. When an officer arrived at my house, I described the pattern of abuse. He expressed befuddlement at the “virtual” crime, handed me his card, and told me to call if anyone came to my house—but he declined to take a report.
Without police support, I opted to file a civil protection order in family court. I posted a photograph of my stalker at my office’s front desk. When the local sheriff’s department failed to serve him court papers, I paid $100 for a private investigator to get the job done. It took me five visits to court, waiting for my case to be called up while sitting quietly across the aisle from him in the gallery as dozens of other local citizens told a domestic violence judge about the boyfriends and fathers and ex-wives who had threatened and abused them. These people were seeking protection from crowbar-wielding exes and gun-flashing acquaintances—more real crimes the justice system had failed to prosecute. By the time the judge finally called up my protection order for review, I had missed a half-dozen days of work pursuing the case. I was lucky to have a full-time job and an understanding boss—even if he didn’t understand the threats on the same level I did. And because my case was filed under new anti-stalking protections—protections designed for cases like mine, in which I was harassed by someone I didn’t have a personal relationship with—I was lucky to get a court-appointed lawyer, too. Most victims don’t.
My harasser finally acquiesced to the protection order when my lawyer showed him that we knew the blog comments were coming from his computer—he had made a valiant attempt to obscure his comments, but he’d slipped up in a couple of instances, and we could prove the rape threats were his. When the judge approved the order, she instructed my harasser that he was not allowed to contact me in any way—not by email, Twitter, phone, blog comment, or by hiring a hot air balloon to float over my house with a message, she said. And he had to stay at least 100 feet away from me at all times. The restraining order would last one year.
Soon after the order expired, he sent an email to my new workplace. Every once in a while, he re-establishes contact. Last summer, he waded into the comments section of an article I wrote about sex website creator Cindy Gallop, to say, “I would not sacrifice the physiological pleasure of ejaculating inside the woman for a lesser psychological pleasure. … There is a reason it feels better to do it the right way and you don’t see others in the ape world practicing this behavior.” A few months later, he reached out via LinkedIn. (“Your stalker would like to add you to his professional network.”) A few days before I received the threats in Palm Springs, he sent me a link via Twitter to a story he wrote about another woman who had been abused online. Occasionally, he sends his tweets directly my way—a little reminder that his “game” is back on.
It’s been four years, but I still carry the case files with me. I record every tweet he sends me in a Word document, forward his emails to a dedicated account, then print them out to ensure I’ll have them ready for police in analog form if he ever threatens me again (or worse). Whenever I have business travel to the city where he lives, I cart my old protection order along, even though the words are beginning to blur after a dozen photocopies. The stacks of paper are filed neatly in my apartment. My anxieties are harder to organize.



 
This may be from Cracked.com, but I think this piece really sums up a lot, especially the part about men thinking they are owed women and sex.

5 Ways Modern Men Are Trained to Hate Women | Cracked.com

ETA: Yeah, that piece may be a big generalization, but given the venomous hatred some men have for women, you have to wonder...
 
I never considered atheists to be far left by definition at all, they're scattered all over the spectrum.
 
They are but skeptic groups and the like tend to fall towards the left. Especially in the likes of the states. The right as ever is conservative leaning towards God and a certain essentialism about biology. Anecdotally I've never met an atheist who considered himself right wing.

Sexism cuts across all creeds and classes. I consider myself pretty far left and probably the worst bit of sexism and antisemitism I know of occurred when I was at uni. A bunch of female friends were going to a student union meeting called in support of Palestine. I declined having an inclination it was not going to be a very balanced debate, getting into an argument with a nearby guy over Israel. Anyway I went home to my student halls. One of the girls then returned back from the meeting in tears, as they had raised the motion to as well as condemn Israel, that this did not mean they supported Hama's. They were called bitch and all sorts being shouted down. Chants started about the destruction of Israel.

Racism and sexism are weeds that grow in everyone's gardens and I find them all the more despicable when I find them in my own.
 
I once knew a right-wing atheist. He didn't believe in God, yet believed all the Obama conspiracies and despised liberals. He also was racially insensitive, and made a few sexist and anti-Semitic remarks.
 
I'm pretty sure the only qualification for atheism is not to believe in a god of whatever stripe. It doesn't require any other characteristic. Why would anyone infer one?
 
Just another example the Socialist Worker's Party here in the UK were involved in covering up rape allegations.

Ranks of the Socialist Workers Party are split over handling of rape allegation - UK Politics - UK - The Independent

And a blog that details things a bit more:

Sexism within the SWP: Lessons Unlearned |

This is the UK's largest far left party.

Also side not the fawning of the left in general over Assange. George Galloway former Labour MP now leader of the leftist Respect party, he's another sexist git.
 
Yeah, they're really quite pathetic but from what I understand the party is collapsing as a result, and as it should.
 
Because the GOP is so heavily tied to Christianity these days?

Seems that would be a logical error although, I guess. an easy enough mistake to make.
However, the GOP's misuse of Christianity does not bestow "sainthood" (so to speak) on the atheist. Atheism does not eliminate (nor cause) character flaws. It's a descriptive that only deserves so much weight when judging the individual's character.

I never believe what someone says. I don't attach much importance to what he/she believes. I only believe what they do.
 
I'm taking a gender studies class this semester and for my first assignment was asked solicit answers to the question, "What is feminism?" These are your own personal thoughts, not subject to debate. It you'd like to add further thoughts about what you find important or unimportant, helpful or unhelpful about the term, the concept, or the movement those are welcome too.
 
Feminism is about bringing balance to the force.

On a serious note its about fixing the historical inequalities that continue to be perpetuated against women. Feminism though to me isn't feminism without discussing class and race, while also breaking down gender essentialism. Women of different classes and race have very different experiences, which certain strands of feminism are either hostile to or ignorant of. For instance a lot of black women feel very disenfranchised by mainstream feminism, hence some have settled for womanism as their prefered term. For the life of me I can never understand so called feminists who are very anti the trans community.

I suppose what i'm really saying is feminism must be intersectional or it's not feminist at all. It needs a little Marxism to but that's a personal slant:wink:

And I suppose it would be useful to know, this is the opinion of a white bloke.
 
That is useful! If people would like to include personal info that you think is relevant like race and class you could do that here or PM answers to me if you prefer. Also if you want to include formative experiences that really shaped your thoughts or feelings about the subject that's great too.
 
Oh and I guess i'm middle class, though I tend to view things from a more working class perspective. Mum came from a very poor background, and I grew up in an area where most people were on welfare.

I would say my social awareness of feminism is born out of being from Northern Ireland. Most people there are sort of very politically aware even if it is sectarian for the most part, such as my inequality is worse than yours yada yada. Anyway I think the troubles and stuff have made me a bit more sensitive to inequalities and most of the political parties on my side of the fence, Sinn Fein and the Social Democratic and Labour Party lean to the left. Sinn Fein itself is pro-choice for instance even though it's the biggest supported party of Catholics in the north, where the other side, the unionists tend to draw their support from our own mini-bible belt, very anti abbortion and very traditionalist.

So my nebulous awareness of feminism probably begins there. But I would say my views on it have become much more strident and better formed in the last year, mainly because i've just read more about it. I suppose that is my privilege, I can just read and learn by my choice, unlike of course most women who have to live feminism or find some way to fit in with the patriarchy.
 
Would like to know what people think of this article. Clementine Ford is what I like to call a militant feminist. One time, she posted a screenshot of TheAge.com.au (one of our biggest daily news sites) and complained at the lack of women featured in photos on the front page compared to men. I refreshed the website five hours later and the ratio of women to men was 1:1. Another time, she rallied against the Australian Football League and the Geelong Football Club because some idiot on Twitter with the word 'Geelong' in his profile pic said something like "I hope you get raped" or "you're too ugly to be raped" or something along those lines. She demanded that the club and the league come out and ban this man from attending football for the rest of his life, that the club revoke his membership (no way of telling if he was even a member) and issue a statement about seriously the league/club takes violence against women.

What does it mean to be a 'good man'?

I’m just going to throw this out there because, as far as provocative truth bombs go, it’s been ticking away for too long.

The universal male decency we keep hearing about is largely a myth.

Sure, most men might not be bad. But it takes more than ‘not being bad’ to be ‘actually good’.

Let me backtrack a minute.

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Whenever conversation is raised about patriarchy, violence and the lack of equality that still permeates our society, I find myself inundated with messages or comments from men offended by the discussion of male perpetrated violence. Most men, they take ostentatious pains to remind me, are ‘decent’ - so why do I insist on tarring all of them with the same brush? It’s not fair and it’s not true. If I want their ongoing support, I had jolly well better start being nicer to them.

...

No, apparently all it takes to be considered a ‘decent bloke’ is to take an each way bet at doing nothing - nothing to perpetuate oppression, and nothing to stop it. Worse, such ‘decent blokes’ want to be rewarded for this lack of action, an expectation that not-so-subtly reveals the very same entitlement that serves to perpetuate gender inequality. Translated, what they’re really saying is, “Praise me, because I have refrained from behaving in a way both you and I know I could get away with if I wanted to. Please may I have my cookie now? Actually, just give it to me.”

...

So it is argued that we cannot be racist because even though we make sweeping generalisations about the mysterious ways of non-white folk, we don’t burn crosses on their front lawn; that we cannot be homophobic, because even though we don’t think gay people ought to be allowed to marry and ‘no one wants to see that in public’, we don’t want them imprisoned; and that we cannot possibly be misogynists, because even though we think women should take more care with what they’re wearing and we laugh when someone tells a sexist joke because humour makes the world go round and think feminists have gone too far, we don’t personally beat up women or sexually assault them. (Note: I use ‘we’ to refer generically to people who lucked out in the social privileges lottery. For race and economic status, I include myself in this category.)

...

Because, Good Men, every time do nothing in response to tired sexist jokes or victim blaming or discussions of ‘provocation’ in regards to gendered assault, you’re actually supporting the system that continues to oppress women. Sure, you may not be telling the joke (although plenty of ‘decent blokes’ have an arsenal of those). You may not have actually committed the sexual assault. You may not be beating your partner. But your silence and inaction condones these things in the minds of those other ordinary people who mistake the lack of condemnation for a green light. Do you know one of the reasons it’s not okay to laugh at jokes about rape victims? It’s not just because it’s extremely insensitive not to mention despicable - it’s because treating rape and its victims like they are fodder for humour tells perpetrators that what they did wasn’t really that bad.

Unless you are vigilant every day about standing against gender discrimination and misogyny - and that means stepping up, being a proactive bystander and speaking out against ideas and behaviours that perpetuate misogyny - then I’m sorry to tell you that you are not a decent, good bloke. And when you threaten to withdraw your support because you’ve been made to feel bad, all you’re doing is reasserting your own socially gifted dominance.

And frankly, that doesn’t sound very decent to me. You might not be a bad man - but unless you’re doing something to challenge and change the world we live in for the better, you’re not a good one either. All you are is an ordinary person, doing nothing and holding your hand out for a cookie that you do not deserve.

She makes some salient points here, I especially like the comparison to homophobia - I've heard people say things like "look how homophobic Uganda is! we're not like that! what are gays complaining about!"

But there is an implication here that if I don't spend every second of the rest of my life seeking out and smashing down every single example of sexism or misogyny from now until the day I die, I'm a shit person. I don't have to be a feminist to die a good person. And I'm sorry, but it's articles like this that don't help the cause. I do call it sexism and misogyny when I see it. But I'd rather go and play lawn bowls tonight then find a march in support of closing the gender wage gap. And that doesn't make me a bad person.
 
Not a surprising opinion, given it doesn't affect you. :shrug: That you wouldn't care about the gender wage gap suggests that you don't really care about women and their struggles, no?
 
I do like you Vlad, but I don't like how you read my posts and make your own conclusions. I do care about the gender wage gap. One of my best friends writes papers about it. (Ughhh I just pulled the "some of my best friends..." line, forgive me father for I have sinned.) I think it's horrible that women don't get paid the same as men in a lot of professions, and certainly I don't believe that's due to any deficiencies in women, "women's own incompetency", as Ford puts it. I'm proud to be in a workplace where women hold a number of high positions, and I think the ratio of workers here would be split just about evenly, might even be more women than men.

But I don't have to put my life on hold, quit my job, stop everything I enjoy doing, and spend every waking hour ensuring that women become a little bit more equal with every passing second. It's ridiculous. The point I'm making is it's a very black-and-white, all-or-nothing stance. You can't view things in extremes. I'm a shit person because I'm going to play lawn bowls tonight rather then stand up for sexism? I'm only a good person if my entire life is dedicated to the cause of making sure men and women are equal? Get outta here.
 
I don't think I meant it in that way, perhaps I came off more harsh than I had realised.
 
I wasn't referring to you in my second par there, by the way, just talking in generalities.

Jeevey if you see this I would like to see your response to the article!
 
i'll just say people who are militant anything are probably not going to convert a lot of people to their way of thinking in my experience. i know at least for me, if someone gets in my face and starts banging on about something and how i have to think this and that...no. i'm a person of free will, i don't have to do anything. so please do not tell me what i do and don't have to do (this is just a general post, not directed at anyone here obviously).

i'm a feminist, and i've been discriminated against in the workplace. i've been in positions where i've been passed over for promotions or i've had proof that males that have had as much (or less) experience than me have made more money than me. i've been sexually harassed and had (male) bosses not give a fuck. i've been bullied. i've had female bosses pull the tough guy act on me and think they have to be a huge bitch because they're female and they have to prove they're on par with the male management. i'm not trying to start a pissing contest, i'm just saying i have an idea of what it's like to be discriminated against as a woman.

but screaming in some stranger's face that he needs to...what, exactly? vote for an issue that isn't even on the ballot? harass a politician? the phrase "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar" comes to mind. not to mention out of all of the things i'd like to see changed in this country, not to mention my state, that is not my #1 priority at the moment. yes i'd love equal pay and discrimination to stop, but there's heaps of other things i want to happen first. when you make a list, something has to be first.
 
Cob, I don't have time for a deep read of the article just now . I'll just note first that I distrust the use of the phrase "militant" anything other than actual militas, because it's almost always a language tool used by opponents to obscure the actual message being spoken. If you think she's over the top or too pushy that's fine, but militant is almost certainly not the right word unless she's actually prescribing organized violence.

And then I'll say that I think the very most important thing any privileged person (ie the white, the straight, or the male person in the room) can do is to call out behavior when it happens. If you don't want to be lumped in with 'that guy', then don't be the guy who chuckles uncomfortably and looks away. A great example is gvox speaking out about ozeeko's bitch-choking comments last week. He didn't need to get super long winded and political about it, he just said "Dude, that is wrong. Not cool." (And gvox, if you read this, you're my hero.) So while organizational response can be debated, I think it's 100% true that if every man who thinks "too ugly to be raped" comments are disgusting and wrong said so every time they happened, there would be a whole lot less of them in the world, guys who make them would understand that they are an aberration, not the norm, and women would live in a lot less hostile climate.

Generally speaking, people who do not feel like they may come under attack at any time without backup are a lot less defensive, anxious, angry, frustrated, alienated, protective and so on, and are a lot more fun to be around, productive and available for good conversation, curing cancer and general shenanigans. So there are some pretty compelling reasons for men to speak out, if they can get over whatever holds them back from being the one to do it.
 
I agree that fighting fire with fire does not always work. It may feel like it would, because it gets a lot off someone's chest. But it can very easily intimidate or anger someone and make them hold on to whatever it is that they're holding on to tighter. So if I were to tell a guy that saying a girl is too ugly to be raped, that he is the lowest piece of shit around, of course he won't stop and think about what he is saying. He'll just laugh and keep going.

Sometimes you have to find their sensitive spot, so to speak. Unfortunately, even saying "would you say that your mother/sister/daughter?" is lame because any guy who says something vulgar to a woman will also be an asshole to his female family members. Some guys aren't worth correcting even if we women are seething. We can just hope their bros will tell them that its not cool to mistreat and even harass women. We can also hope those guys wouldn't blow off those friends for not being real men or whatever.

But I'm also hopeful that as time goes on, misogynists will fade out as more boys are raised to treat women with respect. However, come to think of it, we women have to give boys a reason to treat us with respect. Some misogynists I've known had mothers who should've been reported to social services, or at least did a poor job parenting them.
 
I don't expect anyone to speak up against every instance of sexism, racism, homophobia, etc. You would be spending your life doing that. Not all feminists are watching for every slight. I watch the pattern.

I do find it somewhat odd that we are often encouraged to speak out on other forms of discrimination--to make that a cause whether we are personally affected or not--in fact even chastised often enough for not doing so--except when it comes to women. I think that is the "other" factor women deal with all the time. For so many numbers, we are under the radar. So we talk sometimes.

Women are often the greatest personal and public defenders of the marginalized (when we are not doing the marginalizing--I don't turn a blind eye to mean girls) and often the least supported when push comes to shove.

I don't deal with groups. I'd rather deal with an individual. I want to understand why I am so different to some people, why I'm lesser, why people assign attributes to me when they don't even know me.

I'm always pleasantly surprised when people exceed my expectations.
 
Militant is so often the word used to describe people who often have perfectly good reason to be angry at the way things are. You have the angry black man, the dragon lady etc.

We probably too often have a laissez faire approach to such issues. Saying you are a decent bloke, person, woman, black, white etc whatever in the grand scheme of things really means nothing if you don't call out injustice when you see it happening. As a white guy I only have to do nothing to receive most of the benefits of society as it currently is. The power structures that be are not going to change just by being decent it will probably take a much more proactive response from all included.
 
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