kiwilad
Refugee
Happy birthday last month...I'm about to pour out some psychological musings, so brace yourself. I feel kind of weird posting this on the internet, but while I'm here, why not ask Dr. Interference?
For most of my life, I had anxiety problems. I felt all of my emotions very intensely: intense fear, happiness, calmness, whatever I was feeling, it was very strong. Now, I don't have chronic anxiety problems anymore, but I feel emotionally numb. I've been wondering for quite a while now if this is a sign of depression, emotional maturity, or some kind of empty void that used to be filled by anxiety? I'm going to be 30 next month and I can tell that I don't feel the same way about some things that I used to.
Anyway, there's that.
So this happened to me too. About the same age (I'm 38 now). So I withdrew all my savings and went backpacking around Europe for 7 months. The idea was to remove myself from all that HAD been normal, all the expected versions of 'me', and spend some time without any expectations of who I am. And see what I become.
I wonder if it's a thing high anxiety people go through, where you spend all your adult life to a certain point pouring huge energy into anxiety limitation maneuvers, then when you get a little more comfortable in your skin you notic the lack of highs and lows that come with the constant battling.
Fwiw, the backpacking vagabond thing worked a treat, then I got home, returned to the same old job, and fucked up all my progress.
Anyway. Hope you're good.