Two Short Ones

[MonaVox]

[color=royal blue]Tell Adam

Tell Adam:
I got out of bed and the whole house tilted;
I don?t care for the year though he filled it;
I wait till after pictures fade to believe in shapes;
I leave home just to rain on the days.

Tell Adam I died for love.

Tell Adam:
Not to believe me, I was still in the fever;
I just wanted to destroy the teacher;
I was wrong, I just kick around the days;
I was wrong in the best way.

Tell Adam I really died for love.

Tell Adam:
I learned the words just to feel involved;
I want back the Big Twitch impulse
To arrest beauty in my eyes, to see it then and now;
I was the one word he lost or could not say out loud.

Tell Adam I really died for love.

I destroyed the teacher in the best way.

Tell Adam I died for love.
Tell Adam I grew up.

******************************
What Happened
The weight was what happened when
All the incarnations of the Mess
Were changing the worlds but ignoring the rest,
Were the Twitches in the headlights of connectedness.

I was wrong,
And you were the famine.
And that was
What happened.

What are you on, and when do you get off?
I ask how you are, and you just get lost.
You were completely done with love.
I was completely undone by love.

I was the hunger,
And you were the famine.
And that was
What happened.[/color]

 

[adamswildhoney]

I like thoses, Mona!

 

[zooropamanda]

To arrest beauty in my eyes, to see it then and now;
I was the one word he lost or could not say out loud.



yes yes

these are good

 

[BabyGrace]

I LOVE the second one!

you have an awesome style Mona

 

[MonaVox]

I forogot I posted these.

Thanky muchly fer reading.

 

[foray]

I didn't expect to read two gems back-to-back. Simply delightful, MonaVox.

I'm going to be really frank and say that I'd prefer the 1st poem without the in-between one-liners ("Tell Adam I died for love" etc). They are unnecessary and only reiterate what the rest of the poem effectively conveys by showing (as opposed to telling). I really liked these lines:

I got out of bed and the whole house tilted;
I was wrong, I just kick around the days;
I was wrong in the best way.
I was the one word he lost or could not say out loud.

The second poem is brilliant, too. Complete.

foray

 

[MonaVox]

Wow thanks, Foray

 

[oliveu2cm]

[color=royal blue]Tell Adam

I was wrong in the best way.

....

I was wrong,
And you were the famine.
And that was
What happened.
[/color]

wonderful, Mona- I like these lines a lot.

I agree w/ Foray about the extra lines in the first one.

that first line "I was wrong in the best kinda way" i love, very sheryl-crow-esq.

 

[MonaVox]

Re: Re: Two Short Ones

that first line "I was wrong in the best kinda way" i love, very sheryl-crow-esq.

OMD That makes my day.....I want to be her....

 

[famous rungi]

I read this again while listening to The Doves. I wish I had written some of those great lines.

 

[MonaVox]

wowzers

I read this again while listening to The Doves. I wish I had written some of those great lines.

 

[The Wanderer]

well I usually lean toward more secular poetry, but I have to hand it to you Monavox, this is extremely well-written

And that was
What happened.