listen here buckos, i'll have you know that i conveniently worked for many years at the prestigious Military Center for Studying Pronunciations and Accents and Shit (MCSPAS) - for proof, i can list off several famous landmarks and random businesses from whichever city it's in - and have been learning about this stuff all my life. that's why i don't need sources, i just know that you're WRONG. all of you, period and end of story. the reason you're all wrong is that you simply don't understand, and also i said "period and end of story" after telling you you're wrong, so that makes it an unchallengeable scientific fact for which i need no sources or backup, because i just know this stuff, and you simply don't understand, period and end of story.
now, since i desperately need someone, anyone, to validate my lies totally real expert authority, please all of you go ahead now and admit that you're WRONG so that i can carry on with my daily routine of being fake-outraged at whatever fox news tells me today is obama's fault. thank you.