OMG you guys...this is SO freakin' funny, I had to share!!! *snort*
It's a sexual compatibility reading offer I got in my junkmail...enjoy, I know I did!
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Free Sample Sexual Soul Mates Reading for
Dawn & Bono
Your Desire: The Basis of Your Mutual Attraction
Sun Mutually Aspects Neptune:
You two spend so much time fantasizing and role-playing in the bedroom, you may have forgotten all about who you both really are, both as sexual beings and as human beings. You project a lot of fantasies onto one another; this can be fun in the moment, but it can lead to bitter disappointments and a loss of confidence in one another later. One or both of you may begin to feel like you aren't being truly seen and appreciated for who you are -- that your real self isn't sexy or erotic enough, so fantasy must be introduced to hold the other's attention. It is possible to enjoy the aura of imagination that you share while still seeing and appreciating what one another has to offer on a more honest, basic level -- but this is a very difficult balance to achieve, not to mention maintain! On the plus side, you have a strong compassion and sympathy for one another. You want to work it out and make one another happy. To do so, you must guard against the tendency to exaggerate, hide things from one another and become so focused on your shared fantasy world that you're unable to "do it" the old-fashioned way.
You share a strong feeling of sympathy and shared idealism in your daily relationship, and this is an important link between the two of you. Your sex life is intuitive, even spiritually fulfilling. If either of you is religious, your sensual intimacy will enhance your spiritual life. You are able to help one another grow sexually. You help one another look beyond any immediate personal problems and concerns; through sex and sensuality, you're able to focus more on your higher aspirations and loftier ideals.
The sex you two share is probably of the extremely romantic variety; you like to light candles and incense and coo and sigh your way to fulfillment. You see one another in idealized or romanticized terms and often fail to see one another realistically. There is a strong tendency to be unrealistic in your expectations of one another and yourself -- and this can lead to no good. Bitter disappointments and a loss of trust and confidence in one another can arise. One or both of you may even begin feeling the need to "fake it" just to maintain the illusion that all is rapturous and well. To prevent this from happening, you both must strive to be scrupulously honest with one another and refrain from "playing games," exaggerating or hiding things from one another. If handled positively, this astrological influence can inspire higher ideals and altruism in both of you.
Dawn's Mercury Conjunct Bono's Uranus:
Together you're creative and impulsive, and your sex life is likely to be lively and quite mutually satisfying. You may even experiment with exciting, exhibitionistic practices such as having sex in a public place where the danger of being discovered is constantly imminent. This is fun and exciting, but take care not to be so rash you end up getting hurt or in trouble.
Bono's Venus Opposition Dawn's Mars:
Your sexual attraction is intense, even irresistible. Your passion and desire for each other will always remain alive, but will likely have elements of possessiveness or jealousy. It is likely that both of you will abhor any indication that there is competition for your sweetheart's heart.
Dawn's Mars Conjunct Bono's Neptune:
You have a dreamy sexual and romantic interest in one another. Your connection is quite an erotic one; you are likely to find one another to be mysteriously desirable, highly provocative and seductive. Be certain that you are always perfectly honest with one another about what you really want and are willing to give. Bono, in particular, has a tendency to lead lovers on and should make the conscious effort not to do that with Dawn.
So somehow I have to come up with 15 - 20 freakin' pages of background info, method, stats, analysis, and discussion by tuesday. It's worth 40 percent of my mark. 
...and I have a headache....and its cold out...
