Satan
Babyface
Perhaps the greatest evil I have perpetrated during my reign has been the blurring of good and evil. Yet it has only been during the past twenty years that I have been able to manipulate my ultimate plan; it could only have taken place where we've had the greatest potential for goodness.
It was the late 1970s when I first began to initiate my plan--a time of 'free love' and 'drugs.' Of course, these were evils, yet they were too obvious. It was an easy ruse for God's Bible-toting creation, and it was extremely easy to rile them up. It was about this same time that I successfully deceived Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson into destroying the Southern Baptist religion. Once a bastion of moderate liberalism, they created a series of universities that challenged to seek the truth in Christianity--the truth behind the Bible, the truth behind the mystery of Jesus, and, which turned out to be their downfall, the truth behind myself. They knew too much, and they needed to be destroyed, but to lead this church to agnosticism and atheism would have blown my cover. What I needed to do was to be the ultimate deceiver, and so I made them 'ultra-religious,' if I might say so myself, while contorting the true meaning behind the Bible.
If there is one book that can inspire both blind faith and mass hatred, it was in that book. Ah...how I yearn for those days again. I think my crowning achievement of those days was the invention of 'The Ban,' where, during Joshua's conquest of Canaan, all people and material possessions were to be annihilated--genocide if you will. Of course, I'd be tooting my own horn if I told you that I was wholly behind the Bible. No, there is much goodness inside that book, much to my own chagrin. The trick, you see, was for me to deceive people to believe in my handiwork--genocide, exclusionism, etc.--and for them to reject the handiwork of God--love, inclusionism, etc.
I loved the 1980s--by far my favorite decade since when Napoleon overran the Papal States in the early 1800s. Anyway, it was like a 1-2-3 punch in my favor! The first was the election of Ronald Reagan in 1980. I would swear he was my only begotten son. It was during this time that I put abortion into the main political spotlight; the beauty of this being that Republicans would have little intention of ever actually fulfilling this promise, but it was enough to recruit almost all of Calvinist Protestantism, and to virtually divide the Catholic Church into two. Second was the introduction of AIDS as a 'sinner's disease,' only fodder to recuit my dear cousins into Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson's clutches. Third was to reinstitute the idea of, what I call, 'the divine right of wealth'--that those who amass large amounts of money, power, and possessions are visual signs of being blessed by the Lord, and that those who are poor are poor due to God's predestination that they be poor. I had toyed with this idea in the 1920s, but I had failed in one respect: the disparity between the wealthy and the poor would become so large as to form a 'Great Depression.' I mean, if no one is there to buy your goods, business cannot be sustained, right?
This led to the next facet of my plan: credit. Of course, credit had existed even in the earliest of time, but the flaw here was that Christians were forbidden to charge interest (i.e., usury). Of course, I got around that by having the respective kingdoms force Jews to be money lenders, as they weren't bound to the usury clause. But times change, as kingdoms fell and nations arose. The genius of the post-World War II era was that I made credit widely available, which, in appearance, looks good, right? But anyone with knowledge of economics will know that credit artificially raises the income curve. So, as your grandparents' generations were able to purchase their homes with cash and as your parents' generations were able to work one summer to pay for an entire year of private university and still be able to buy a new car, all of this would change.
It was during my would-be begotten son's presidency that college would only become affordable to the wealthy unless you amassed a fair-sized debt. New automobiles would become unattainable without loans--but I even took that a step further, instituting 'leased vehicles,' so now, my forsaken cousins, most even have to get loans to buy a used car!
Yet, the genius of my plan came with the invention of the credit card. I eventually identified this product with 'freedom' and 'power' to the common man. For the first time, man could purchase ordinary items that his income wouldn't allow. Yet, of course, as my card swept both America and the world, I was able to tie together the 'divine right of wealth' with economics. While previous capitalism stressed competition as a way to lower prices, this now allowed CEOs to compete with their corporate buddies to see how well they could raise prices and screw their employees. Yet, in the early 1980s, this was not possible yet, as current inflationary indicators were tied to consumer prices. Even this was a cinch to solve, though, my ill-fated cousins, as Reagan was instrumental in changing the indicators to reflect wages, rather than prices. Hence, on paper, the problem of inflation was solved, while putting my plan on full force.
As the 1980s drew to a close, I realized that all the pieces of the puzzle were at my disposal--a broken working class, a wealthy 'born-again' elite, and 'Christian organizations' like the Christian Coalition to feed into the Republican Party. The guise of 'anti-abortion' was bidding well for me.
Nonetheless, it was during the time of the first President Bush that he spoke of a 'New World Order' in the U.N. However, I had underestimated the religious right; they had come to understand that my original plan was to mutate the U.N. into a one-world government. Silly fools...do you believe you can outsmart Satan? However, President Bush's time was running out, as a cyclical recession did him in. Yet, Bush had started the first phase of my plan, NAFTA.
The beauty of President Clinton was that he was a businessman in disguise of a liberal. He had a charm that could even make a statue blush! Clinton, to my happiness, signed NAFTA. 'Free trade' is perhaps one of my greatest creations spawned from the 'divine right of wealth.' Silly cousins of mine, did you really think that you would be aided by free trade? This only allowed business to lower costs by having cheap labor and weak environmental laws, while expanding their profit margin. Yet, even this was the beginning. The mid-1990s saw the creation of GATT, which was disguised as a 'world free trade agreement.' GATT, really, was the spawn of my greatest creation to date, the WTO. For the first time, democracy and republican government could be openly trampled on in favor of 'free trade.' This, my dear misled cousins, is the spawn that will lead to my 'one-world government,' and I have only to thank you. With the Christian right's attention held steadfastly on the U.N., with their support wholeheartedly on the Republican Party that helped to spawn it, and on the false premise of 'ending abortion,' you have helped me win.
You may ask, 'Why now? Why have you decided to divulge your plan, Satan?' I only can tell you that it is too late to change any of my plan, so there is no harm in divulging my plan after all. (Plus, I am no fool as to divulge the juiciest parts of my plan as yet to come). Oh, I am no fool in believing that I shall win in the end, as our Creator is far more powerful than I. My only pleasure is that I have dragged so many of you along with me, that in my impending eternal imprisonment, I won't be lonely.
Just remember: God hates fags. God hates non-Christians. God hates liberals. Wealth is divine. Poverty is predestined. The Bible is all true, down to every last verse. Believe this all, and we shall keep each other company for all eternity...
------------------
"Off with the horns, and on with the show"
It was the late 1970s when I first began to initiate my plan--a time of 'free love' and 'drugs.' Of course, these were evils, yet they were too obvious. It was an easy ruse for God's Bible-toting creation, and it was extremely easy to rile them up. It was about this same time that I successfully deceived Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson into destroying the Southern Baptist religion. Once a bastion of moderate liberalism, they created a series of universities that challenged to seek the truth in Christianity--the truth behind the Bible, the truth behind the mystery of Jesus, and, which turned out to be their downfall, the truth behind myself. They knew too much, and they needed to be destroyed, but to lead this church to agnosticism and atheism would have blown my cover. What I needed to do was to be the ultimate deceiver, and so I made them 'ultra-religious,' if I might say so myself, while contorting the true meaning behind the Bible.
If there is one book that can inspire both blind faith and mass hatred, it was in that book. Ah...how I yearn for those days again. I think my crowning achievement of those days was the invention of 'The Ban,' where, during Joshua's conquest of Canaan, all people and material possessions were to be annihilated--genocide if you will. Of course, I'd be tooting my own horn if I told you that I was wholly behind the Bible. No, there is much goodness inside that book, much to my own chagrin. The trick, you see, was for me to deceive people to believe in my handiwork--genocide, exclusionism, etc.--and for them to reject the handiwork of God--love, inclusionism, etc.
I loved the 1980s--by far my favorite decade since when Napoleon overran the Papal States in the early 1800s. Anyway, it was like a 1-2-3 punch in my favor! The first was the election of Ronald Reagan in 1980. I would swear he was my only begotten son. It was during this time that I put abortion into the main political spotlight; the beauty of this being that Republicans would have little intention of ever actually fulfilling this promise, but it was enough to recruit almost all of Calvinist Protestantism, and to virtually divide the Catholic Church into two. Second was the introduction of AIDS as a 'sinner's disease,' only fodder to recuit my dear cousins into Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson's clutches. Third was to reinstitute the idea of, what I call, 'the divine right of wealth'--that those who amass large amounts of money, power, and possessions are visual signs of being blessed by the Lord, and that those who are poor are poor due to God's predestination that they be poor. I had toyed with this idea in the 1920s, but I had failed in one respect: the disparity between the wealthy and the poor would become so large as to form a 'Great Depression.' I mean, if no one is there to buy your goods, business cannot be sustained, right?
This led to the next facet of my plan: credit. Of course, credit had existed even in the earliest of time, but the flaw here was that Christians were forbidden to charge interest (i.e., usury). Of course, I got around that by having the respective kingdoms force Jews to be money lenders, as they weren't bound to the usury clause. But times change, as kingdoms fell and nations arose. The genius of the post-World War II era was that I made credit widely available, which, in appearance, looks good, right? But anyone with knowledge of economics will know that credit artificially raises the income curve. So, as your grandparents' generations were able to purchase their homes with cash and as your parents' generations were able to work one summer to pay for an entire year of private university and still be able to buy a new car, all of this would change.
It was during my would-be begotten son's presidency that college would only become affordable to the wealthy unless you amassed a fair-sized debt. New automobiles would become unattainable without loans--but I even took that a step further, instituting 'leased vehicles,' so now, my forsaken cousins, most even have to get loans to buy a used car!
Yet, the genius of my plan came with the invention of the credit card. I eventually identified this product with 'freedom' and 'power' to the common man. For the first time, man could purchase ordinary items that his income wouldn't allow. Yet, of course, as my card swept both America and the world, I was able to tie together the 'divine right of wealth' with economics. While previous capitalism stressed competition as a way to lower prices, this now allowed CEOs to compete with their corporate buddies to see how well they could raise prices and screw their employees. Yet, in the early 1980s, this was not possible yet, as current inflationary indicators were tied to consumer prices. Even this was a cinch to solve, though, my ill-fated cousins, as Reagan was instrumental in changing the indicators to reflect wages, rather than prices. Hence, on paper, the problem of inflation was solved, while putting my plan on full force.
As the 1980s drew to a close, I realized that all the pieces of the puzzle were at my disposal--a broken working class, a wealthy 'born-again' elite, and 'Christian organizations' like the Christian Coalition to feed into the Republican Party. The guise of 'anti-abortion' was bidding well for me.
Nonetheless, it was during the time of the first President Bush that he spoke of a 'New World Order' in the U.N. However, I had underestimated the religious right; they had come to understand that my original plan was to mutate the U.N. into a one-world government. Silly fools...do you believe you can outsmart Satan? However, President Bush's time was running out, as a cyclical recession did him in. Yet, Bush had started the first phase of my plan, NAFTA.
The beauty of President Clinton was that he was a businessman in disguise of a liberal. He had a charm that could even make a statue blush! Clinton, to my happiness, signed NAFTA. 'Free trade' is perhaps one of my greatest creations spawned from the 'divine right of wealth.' Silly cousins of mine, did you really think that you would be aided by free trade? This only allowed business to lower costs by having cheap labor and weak environmental laws, while expanding their profit margin. Yet, even this was the beginning. The mid-1990s saw the creation of GATT, which was disguised as a 'world free trade agreement.' GATT, really, was the spawn of my greatest creation to date, the WTO. For the first time, democracy and republican government could be openly trampled on in favor of 'free trade.' This, my dear misled cousins, is the spawn that will lead to my 'one-world government,' and I have only to thank you. With the Christian right's attention held steadfastly on the U.N., with their support wholeheartedly on the Republican Party that helped to spawn it, and on the false premise of 'ending abortion,' you have helped me win.
You may ask, 'Why now? Why have you decided to divulge your plan, Satan?' I only can tell you that it is too late to change any of my plan, so there is no harm in divulging my plan after all. (Plus, I am no fool as to divulge the juiciest parts of my plan as yet to come). Oh, I am no fool in believing that I shall win in the end, as our Creator is far more powerful than I. My only pleasure is that I have dragged so many of you along with me, that in my impending eternal imprisonment, I won't be lonely.
Just remember: God hates fags. God hates non-Christians. God hates liberals. Wealth is divine. Poverty is predestined. The Bible is all true, down to every last verse. Believe this all, and we shall keep each other company for all eternity...
------------------
"Off with the horns, and on with the show"