Love is tough

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:sigh: Well, I just got back from her room. We had a short conversation about the whole thing after spilled the beans.

Let me just say that was by far the single hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I thought I would feel relief and a sensation of liberation after this, but now I only feel more pressure than I've ever felt before. But things are looking good. :)

We really didn't exchange many words, but they were significant. She first thanked me for telling her and being honest about it. Then she told me she's also had feelings for me for a while. She then told me how she's been wanting to break up with Jordan for over a year now, and she just couldn't get up the courage to do it.

So basically that's where we are. Neither of us could say much else other than "Well, I don't know." after that, so I suggested we just split for the night and sleep it over. Maybe tomorrow she'll have a better idea of what she wants to do, but maybe not. All I know is that the game has most definitely changed, and I'm not sure how to play. :wink: But I feel good. Damn good. I would write more, but I feel like my heart's going to explode right out of my chest. Damn, I can't take this. Hahaha! :crack: :)

Ahhhhhhh.
 
WONDERFUL!! :hyper: :hyper:

That is so great, I'm so happy for you. Be careful, as I told you earlier - even though she's been wanting to break up with him, she hasn't (not even using the convenient going-to-college excuse), and now you've probably given her the best reason she can possibly have. Just take it slow, so she can get him out of her head after they break up, and the relationship between you two has a fair chance to develop with minimal baggage. At this point you should probably go right ahead and bring this up to her: tell her that whatever speed she needs to go at is fine, because you care about her and you two and getting it right.

Did you actually tell her that you love her, or did you just say that you like her/have feelings for her? Either way, it was very brave, and I'm so glad it paid off.

I am so, so happy for you and you better keep us updated as this progresses - I want baby pictures in this thread someday! :wink:
 
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:hug: of course she has feelings for you too! that must've been so nice to her her affirmation. i'm very proud of you for trusting you intuition and for going for it. well done :up: It is good that you two parted ways for the evening, and gave each other some space. You both need a good nights rest :)

I'm very happy for you. This is excellent! :D Keep trusting your heart.

I still wanna know what the hell quiet place you were talking about. I have not known that place to be quiet :lol: but maybe that is because I was there.
 
redhotswami said:
:hug: of course she has feelings for you too! that must've been so nice to her her affirmation.
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It was the best feeling in the world, almost as good as hearing The Electric Co from the front row! :D

i'm very proud of you for trusting you intuition and for going for it. well done :up: It is good that you two parted ways for the evening, and gave each other some space. You both need a good nights rest :)

I'm very happy for you. This is excellent! :D Keep trusting your heart.

I still wanna know what the hell quiet place you were talking about. I have not known that place to be quiet :lol: but maybe that is because I was there.
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You know, I never believed in fate or destiny or anything like that, but I do believe in God, and I believe strongly that God does infact give signs in times of confusion and despair. That feeling I had last night when she was hear, I have no doubt in my heart that was God telling me it was time. I have no other way of explaining it.

Oh, and the quiet place? Yeah, it's practically on the other side of the soccer field along the tree line. :wink:
 
Lancemc said:
You know, I never believed in fate or destiny or anything like that, but I do believe in God, and I believe strongly that God does infact give signs in times of confusion and despair. That feeling I had last night when she was hear, I have no doubt in my heart that was God telling me it was time. I have no other way of explaining it.

Oh, and the quiet place? Yeah, it's practically on the other side of the soccer field along the tree line. :wink:
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I figured you did! I know exactly what you were trying to say when you just said it felt right at this time, and you were feeling the pull. I get those feelings too, that's why was so happy you went with it!

And AH, by the soccer field. I should've guessed. :lol: my experiences in Tenley have been anything but quiet! But I'm glad you found a great spot to be together. It'll come in handy for late night spring time makeout sessions :)
 
redhotswami said:


I figured you did! I know exactly what you were trying to say when you just said it felt right at this time, and you were feeling the pull. I get those feelings too, that's why was so happy you went with it!

And AH, by the soccer field. I should've guessed. :lol: my experiences in Tenley have been anything but quiet! But I'm glad you found a great spot to be together. It'll come in handy for late night spring time makeout sessions :)
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You know, when I wrote that one post, I almost did just come right out and call it a "sign from God" or something, but I wouldn't have really known if that were true or not until I got the result. And since it's overwhelmingly (literally) possitive, I know now it really was just that.

----

And my favorite spot on campus it actually the steps that connect the soccer field to the lower track. They're very private, cozy, and there's that beautiful stone wall along the right side. :yes:
 
Well way to act on your intuition! You saw God's hand in this, and went right for it. I'm happy for you and I am so excited. This was perfect timing too. The winter break will give you two some time to be physically apart, which I think can help the situation a lot. Of course, you'll still be in contact via phone/computer, but the distance right now is good for her to clear her head and for you to finally take a big sigh of relief!

By the way, I think I'm getting into town on the 15th or 16th. You still gonna be around, or are you peacin out?
 
VintagePunk said:


I do believe an "I told you so" is in order here. But I won't say it. :wink:
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Ok, ok, you're allowed to brag a little. ;)

But I'm not going to start celebrating yet. I have to be extremely careful from this point out. She did mention she might not be ready for another relationship so soon after this one. And then there's also that potentially very messy breakup she still in front of her.

She's going to call me when she gots done class today around 3:30 so we can talk about this again. I just want to ask her two things really. I want to know if she's interested in pursuing a relationship at some point, and I want to know what she plans to do about Jordan.

So, we'll see where things go from there. But I'm going to make it as clear as possible that she can and should take as much time as she needs, and that I don't want to pressure her in any uncomfortable way.
 
I've been following along but haven't posted until now, Lancemc. I kept checking back to see if you had any updates, it's like I was more anxious than you (OK, that's probably not true) to find out what Kate thought! I'm so happy that this story worked out though. It's great that she also has feelings for you. You're being smart by not moving in too fast and just waiting to see how she wants to handle all of this esp with Jordan. You made the first step, a big one at that. Just continue to be her friend and be supportive and let things unfold from there. Good luck and we all look forward to more updates on the situation! :hug:
 
Lancemc said:


Ok, ok, you're allowed to brag a little. ;)

But I'm not going to start celebrating yet. I have to be extremely careful from this point out. She did mention she might not be ready for another relationship so soon after this one. And then there's also that potentially very messy breakup she still in front of her.

She's going to call me when she gots done class today around 3:30 so we can talk about this again. I just want to ask her two things really. I want to know if she's interested in pursuing a relationship at some point, and I want to know what she plans to do about Jordan.

So, we'll see where things go from there. But I'm going to make it as clear as possible that she can and should take as much time as she needs, and that I don't want to pressure her in any uncomfortable way.
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All of the things that you posted about how you feel about her, the way she behaves around you, and the way you two interact...I just knew it.

I know the future isn't etched in stone and there are some issues to deal with, but I have a really good feeling about this. You seem very in tune with her, and she seems very genuine with you. I think that if you continue to trust and rely on your instincts, things will be fine. :)
 
Well, tonight we had another awkward discussion. Basically, she's just afraid to break up with Jordan, even though she basically told me she knows she'd never be happy with him. She's afraid of letting go of the stability of the one significant relationship she's ever had.

I must say though, I never knew she had such low self-confidence. She was telling me how amazed she is when people "like her back" because she's so weird and awkward. I told her that's why I like her so damn much. :cute: So ultimately she said she wants to pursue a relationship when she's free from this whole Jordan thing (it really is a mess from what I've heard).

Anyway, a little later we (all 4 of us) squeezed onto Michelle's bed to watch An Inconvenient Truth (for Michelle's English class). She was under a blanket, so our hands eventually hunted each other down into a firm and loving grip under the conceilment of the blanket. I don't believe a first kiss is waiting too far in the future, and I'm actively craving it now. Hopefully it will happen before winter break.

Don't worry though, I know full well how carefull I have to be. For the next few weeks at least, we're walking on thin ice. But it's quite amazing how things turned out. :)
 
I've only skimmed this thread really, but geez, you've created one shitheap of a problem. What's going on here is infidelity basically, and emotional infidelity is more insidious and destructive than any amount of shagging. I feel sorry for the boyfriend. Perhaps someone should consider how he is going to feel when he finds out what's going on behind his back. :|
 
blueeyedgirl said:
I've only skimmed this thread really, but geez, you've created one shitheap of a problem. What's going on here is infidelity basically, and emotional infidelity is more insidious and destructive than any amount of shagging. I feel sorry for the boyfriend. Perhaps someone should consider how he is going to feel when he finds out what's going on behind his back. :|
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:up:
 
blueeyedgirl said:
I've only skimmed this thread really, but geez, you've created one shitheap of a problem. What's going on here is infidelity basically, and emotional infidelity is more insidious and destructive than any amount of shagging. I feel sorry for the boyfriend. Perhaps someone should consider how he is going to feel when he finds out what's going on behind his back. :|
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I think that's a little harsh. :huh: It's very common for young people to meet others at college/university, and grow apart from their high school relationships.

Lance let her know how he feels about her. I don't see anything wrong with that, either. It's up to her how she wants to deal with it now. I would give her the winter break to take care of things back home with her current boyfriend. If she came back to school in the new year still attached, I definitely don't think a romantic relationship should be pursued...but give Lance some credit, he sounds like a thoughtful young man. I doubt that he'd plunge into a relationship with her, in that case.
 
Thanks VP.

Infidelity? Well, call it what you will, but honestly, when I strip away all person bias and even a little selfishness, all I want for her is happiness. It's what I want for all my friends and family. She's currently not happy with him, and knows that is she stays with him she'll never be completely happy. That's the most striking thing she's told me. If she told me that as just a friend, and if we didn't have these feelings for her, I'd suggest the same damn thing.

But yes, I am going to do exactly what VP suggested. I'd like to talk to her at least one more time about Jordan before winter break starts. It's up to her to follow her heart, and I have a feeling her heart tells her to end her relationship with him. I don't really think she's strong enough to do that though, as sad as it is. I'll help her through anything though, and I told her that.

And if she does come back to school still attached, then I'll seriously reconsider where I want this to go. I'm not going to let myself get hurt either. And there are also a couple things I've discovered that lead me to be a little cautious to begin with, but I'm not going to discuss those here.
 
I really don't mean to sound harsh, but I would be very hesitant to enter into a relationship with someone who doesn't have the emotional maturity to end a long-term relationship when she's been wanting to do it for over a year (and the references to her not having the 'strength' or the 'confidence' just seem like excuses). Not to mention the fact that she seems to be talking to everyone else about it but him.
 
I kind of have to agree with the emotional infidelity argument and with meegannie above.

The problem you have to realize you have here is that if she is willing to do this to a boyfriend she's had for a while, then she may be willing to do it to you in the future as well. Somebody who is emotionally inept enough not to be able to get out of one relationship and sending signals to person 2 which are neither here nor there would worry me insofar that nothing suggests to me that you'd be immune from the same type of reaction in the future.
 
If she's had this boyfriend since she was like 15 she probably is immature in a lot of ways. I don't think it's exactly uncommon for a girl like that to not know how to be in or get out of a relationship.

Lance I think she was fully aware of things between you possibly longer than you were. I'd bet she had as much to do with the orchestrating of this as you did.

Good luck to everybody involved. Relationships are tough.
 
There are two courses of action that are available now:

She tells her boyfriend everything and breaks off the relationship;

or

You back off.

There is no other honourable way. Sorry.
 
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