Screaming Flower
ONE love, blood, life
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2001
- Messages
- 11,961
some people need to take a lesson from basstrap on who never to be
it's official #sometimes i want to kick some ass
- Thread starter Screaming Flower
- Start date
The friendliest place on the web for anyone that follows U2.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
Basstrap
ONE love, blood, life
- Joined
- Jul 6, 2000
- Messages
- 10,726
Harsh words coming from da likes of you! 
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
some people are wise as the world is flat
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
some people use both hands to hold chopsticks
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
some people were first in lines when brains were being served out but ended up holding the door open
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
Top 10 ~ Dumbest Criminals
10. Strike one!
England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs official realizes that the tourist does not know what a "handicap" is. The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he does--backward! A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.
9. "Hello? Guns for hire?"
Arizona: A company called "Guns for Hire" stages gunfights for Western movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year- old woman, who wanted to have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail.
8. Say cheese!
A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole--are you ready for this?--the bank's video camera. While it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.)
7. Drop everything and run!
Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
6. Just forget it
Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house, and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize that they locked the keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.
5. Ouch
A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was,(2) he could not climb back out the window through which he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly. So he located a phone and dialed "911" for help . . .
4. Let's do a little math
A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience store similar to a 7-11), put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled-- leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.
3. I know I forgot something
Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.
2. You mean me?
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
1. The Hefty-bag
A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eye holes in the mask.
10. Strike one!
England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs official realizes that the tourist does not know what a "handicap" is. The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he does--backward! A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.
9. "Hello? Guns for hire?"
Arizona: A company called "Guns for Hire" stages gunfights for Western movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year- old woman, who wanted to have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail.
8. Say cheese!
A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole--are you ready for this?--the bank's video camera. While it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.)
7. Drop everything and run!
Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
6. Just forget it
Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house, and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize that they locked the keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.
5. Ouch
A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was,(2) he could not climb back out the window through which he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly. So he located a phone and dialed "911" for help . . .
4. Let's do a little math
A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience store similar to a 7-11), put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled-- leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.
3. I know I forgot something
Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.
2. You mean me?
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
1. The Hefty-bag
A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eye holes in the mask.
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
some people's butter slipped off the noodle
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
Top 20 Things to Do ~ While Ordering a Pizza
20. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
19. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
18. Put them on hold.
17. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented...
16. Report a petty theft to the order taker.
15. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
14. Be vague in your order. When they ask what you'd like on your pizza say, "Oh, a little of this, a little of that..."
13. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
12. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
11. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
10. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.
9. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
8. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
7. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the jazz about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
5. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say, "You just don't get it, do you?"
4. When they say, "Will that be all?" snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
3. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
2. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
1. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."
20. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
19. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
18. Put them on hold.
17. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented...
16. Report a petty theft to the order taker.
15. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
14. Be vague in your order. When they ask what you'd like on your pizza say, "Oh, a little of this, a little of that..."
13. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
12. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
11. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
10. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.
9. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
8. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
7. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the jazz about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
5. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say, "You just don't get it, do you?"
4. When they say, "Will that be all?" snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
3. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
2. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
1. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."
Last edited:
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
Top 36 Funniest ~ Newspaper Headlines
36. Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
35. Queen Mary having bottom scraped
34. NJ judge to rule on nude beach
33. Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
32. Two Soviet ships collide - one dies
31. Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter
30. Dealers will hear car talk at noon
29. Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
28. Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984
27. Cold wave linked to temperatures
26. Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation
25. Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
24. Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
23. Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
22. William Kelly was fed secretary
21. Milk drinkers are turning to powder
20. Farmer bill dies in house
19. Iraqi head seeks arms
18. Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
17. Miners refuse to work after death
16. If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while
15. War dims hope for peace
14. Child's death ruins couple's holiday
13. Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
12. Man is fatally slain
11. Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
10. Eye drops off shelf
9. Squad helps dog bite victim
8. Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
7. Never withhold herpes from loved one
6. Child's stool great for use in garden
5. Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors
4. Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
3. Prostitutes appeal to Pope
2. Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over
1. Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better
36. Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
35. Queen Mary having bottom scraped
34. NJ judge to rule on nude beach
33. Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
32. Two Soviet ships collide - one dies
31. Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter
30. Dealers will hear car talk at noon
29. Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
28. Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984
27. Cold wave linked to temperatures
26. Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation
25. Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
24. Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
23. Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
22. William Kelly was fed secretary
21. Milk drinkers are turning to powder
20. Farmer bill dies in house
19. Iraqi head seeks arms
18. Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
17. Miners refuse to work after death
16. If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while
15. War dims hope for peace
14. Child's death ruins couple's holiday
13. Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
12. Man is fatally slain
11. Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
10. Eye drops off shelf
9. Squad helps dog bite victim
8. Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
7. Never withhold herpes from loved one
6. Child's stool great for use in garden
5. Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors
4. Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
3. Prostitutes appeal to Pope
2. Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over
1. Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
The truth is finally known! Barney seems innocent and sweet but in fact he is Satan. It's all very simple:
1) Start with the given: CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR
2) Change all U's to V's (which is proper Latin anyway): CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR
3) Extract all Roman Numerals: C V V L D I V
4) Convert into Arabic values: 100 5 5 50 500 1 5
5) Add all the numbers: 666
Thus, Barney is Satan
1) Start with the given: CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR
2) Change all U's to V's (which is proper Latin anyway): CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR
3) Extract all Roman Numerals: C V V L D I V
4) Convert into Arabic values: 100 5 5 50 500 1 5
5) Add all the numbers: 666
Thus, Barney is Satan
*BOOMCHAA!*
Rock n' Roll Doggie FOB
ACROB@T said a lot.
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
I'm bored Boomcha 
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat? What are they thinking -- "Gosh, if we have a party there may not be enough standing room; I'd better carpet the toilet too."
What's with this weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter.
Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think that next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly."
Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel."
Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?
If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
Why do they call it a "building"? It looks like they're finished. Why isn't it a "built"?
Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
How come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires? Isn't that the basic idea behind the wheel? Don't they rotate on their own?
All the king's HORSES and all the king's men? Are you kidding me? No wonder they couldn't put Humpty together again. Just what did those idiots expect the horses to do, anyway?
Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!"
Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff."
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!
Did you see these new minivan ads? All they talk about are cup holders, kiddie seats and doors. What kind of advertising is that? When you see an ad for a suit, do they say, "And look at the zipper! Carefully hidden, but easily accessible when you need it!" I think not!
What's with this weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter.
Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think that next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly."
Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel."
Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every time we go out to a nice restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why don't they just give us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?
If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?
Why do they call it a "building"? It looks like they're finished. Why isn't it a "built"?
Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?
Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?
How come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires? Isn't that the basic idea behind the wheel? Don't they rotate on their own?
All the king's HORSES and all the king's men? Are you kidding me? No wonder they couldn't put Humpty together again. Just what did those idiots expect the horses to do, anyway?
Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the person in front of you pulls up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think we are making progress toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I am nine inches closer, I can stop for coffee and a danish!"
Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff."
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!
Did you see these new minivan ads? All they talk about are cup holders, kiddie seats and doors. What kind of advertising is that? When you see an ad for a suit, do they say, "And look at the zipper! Carefully hidden, but easily accessible when you need it!" I think not!
*BOOMCHAA!*
Rock n' Roll Doggie FOB
your posts are funny
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
Men
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
If the world were a logical place, men would ride side-saddle.
Whenever two men meet there are really six people present. There is each man as he sees himself, each man was the other sees him, and each man as he really is.
To attract a man, wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
Women like quiet men because they think they are listening.
On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women.
The men who try to do something and fail are infinitely better than those who try to do nothing and succeed.
Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I will see a man who can't get his pants off!
Don't kick a man when he's down unless you're certain he won't get up.
Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Man who sneezes without tissues takes matters into his own hands.
Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie.
Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat.
If you never want to see a man again, say, "I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children." -- they leave skid marks. This works whether a man or woman says it.
My wife ran off with my best friend last week. Man, I miss him!
Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is.
There are easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-o to a tree for instance.
Mankind is stupid. If you forget, they will remind you.
Men are like fish. Neither would get in trouble if they kept their mouths shut.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
If the world were a logical place, men would ride side-saddle.
Whenever two men meet there are really six people present. There is each man as he sees himself, each man was the other sees him, and each man as he really is.
To attract a man, wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
Women like quiet men because they think they are listening.
On one issue at least, men and women agree; they both distrust women.
The men who try to do something and fail are infinitely better than those who try to do nothing and succeed.
Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I will see a man who can't get his pants off!
Don't kick a man when he's down unless you're certain he won't get up.
Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Man who sneezes without tissues takes matters into his own hands.
Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie.
Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look stout in a fur coat.
If you never want to see a man again, say, "I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children." -- they leave skid marks. This works whether a man or woman says it.
My wife ran off with my best friend last week. Man, I miss him!
Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is.
There are easier things in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-o to a tree for instance.
Mankind is stupid. If you forget, they will remind you.
Men are like fish. Neither would get in trouble if they kept their mouths shut.
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
some people are smarter than the average bear
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
Oh the irony!
What a nice night for an evening.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface.
On one hand, I'm indecisive; but on the other, I'm not.
If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance.
The world's full of apathy, but I don't care.
Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.
Prejudiced people are all alike.
Those who judge others will burn in Hell!
Exaggeration is not all it's cracked up to be.
I'm still not sure if I understand ambiguity.
There's no such thing as nonexistence.
Cooperation can only be reached if we work together.
As far as I'm concerned, treachery will sometimes bring loyalty into question.
It doesn't matter what temperature a room is; it's always room temperature.
Avoid cliches like the plague.
Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
I always try to do things in chronological order.
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
Death to all fanatics!
An oral contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
Don't chew [or eat] with your mouth full.
It's deja vu all over again.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!
I always wanted to be a procrastinator!
Rehab is for quitters!
Don't be redundant by repeating yourself.
Some people type so fast that forget to include
I am becoming increasingly worried that there isn't enough anxiety in my life.
I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid.
Free advice is worth what you paid for it.
Entropy just isn't what it used to be.
I keep telling myself that I am a pathological liar, but I am not sure if I believe it.
Not only am I redundant & superfluous, but I also tend to use more words than necessary.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Always be on the lookout for conspicuousness otherwise it's hard to tell if someone is inconspicuous.
He doesn't have much of a reputation, or so I've heard.
I disagree with unanimity.
I have my doubts about disbelief.
Avoid Alliteration. Always.
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
I always wanted to be a procrastinator... never got around to it.
What a nice night for an evening.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface.
On one hand, I'm indecisive; but on the other, I'm not.
If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance.
The world's full of apathy, but I don't care.
Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.
Prejudiced people are all alike.
Those who judge others will burn in Hell!
Exaggeration is not all it's cracked up to be.
I'm still not sure if I understand ambiguity.
There's no such thing as nonexistence.
Cooperation can only be reached if we work together.
As far as I'm concerned, treachery will sometimes bring loyalty into question.
It doesn't matter what temperature a room is; it's always room temperature.
Avoid cliches like the plague.
Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
I always try to do things in chronological order.
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
Death to all fanatics!
An oral contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
Don't chew [or eat] with your mouth full.
It's deja vu all over again.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!
I always wanted to be a procrastinator!
Rehab is for quitters!
Don't be redundant by repeating yourself.
Some people type so fast that forget to include
I am becoming increasingly worried that there isn't enough anxiety in my life.
I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid.
Free advice is worth what you paid for it.
Entropy just isn't what it used to be.
I keep telling myself that I am a pathological liar, but I am not sure if I believe it.
Not only am I redundant & superfluous, but I also tend to use more words than necessary.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Always be on the lookout for conspicuousness otherwise it's hard to tell if someone is inconspicuous.
He doesn't have much of a reputation, or so I've heard.
I disagree with unanimity.
I have my doubts about disbelief.
Avoid Alliteration. Always.
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
I always wanted to be a procrastinator... never got around to it.
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
some people are skating on the wrong side of the ice
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
The Meaning Of Life
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
Life is the only thing you can't get out of alive.
May your life be like toilet paper... Long and useful.
Someone said to Voltaire, "Life is hard." Voltaire replied, "Compared to what?"
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Life is full of disappointments, and I'm full of life!
Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway.
Today is the last day of some of your life.
Death is a once in a lifetime experience.
Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.
What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner.
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist said to me, 'Maybe life isn't for everyone.'
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. Anything not fitting into these categories causes cancer in rats.
Life is wasted on the living.
Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead.
There is no cure for birth or death save to enjoy the interval.
Life is a razor, you are always in hot water or a scrape.
As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something.
My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.
Life is what happens while you are making other plans.
The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it's true.
In the long run we are all dead.
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't.
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
Life is the only thing you can't get out of alive.
May your life be like toilet paper... Long and useful.
Someone said to Voltaire, "Life is hard." Voltaire replied, "Compared to what?"
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Life is full of disappointments, and I'm full of life!
Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway.
Today is the last day of some of your life.
Death is a once in a lifetime experience.
Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.
What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner.
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist said to me, 'Maybe life isn't for everyone.'
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. Anything not fitting into these categories causes cancer in rats.
Life is wasted on the living.
Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead.
There is no cure for birth or death save to enjoy the interval.
Life is a razor, you are always in hot water or a scrape.
As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something.
My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there.
Life is what happens while you are making other plans.
The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it's true.
In the long run we are all dead.
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't.
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
some people are several slates short of a roof
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
Weird
Having a smoking section in a restaurant is a little like having a peeing section in a pool.
Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance.
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.
Alone: In bad company.
If ever you should need my life, come and take it.
If I had some ham, I could have some ham and eggs, if I had some eggs.
For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Out of my mind, ...be back in five minutes.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
The trick to flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Be alert - the world needs more lerts.
You can lead a horse to water, but, a pencil must be lead.
-e-i-e-i-o is actually a gross misspelling of the word "farm."
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense
Having a smoking section in a restaurant is a little like having a peeing section in a pool.
Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance.
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.
Alone: In bad company.
If ever you should need my life, come and take it.
If I had some ham, I could have some ham and eggs, if I had some eggs.
For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Out of my mind, ...be back in five minutes.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
Take my advice, I don't use it anyway.
The trick to flying is to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Be alert - the world needs more lerts.
You can lead a horse to water, but, a pencil must be lead.
-e-i-e-i-o is actually a gross misspelling of the word "farm."
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
Success
If at first you don't succeed, then you didn't do it right!
There are two rules for success in life: Rule 1: Don't tell people everything you know.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
To successfully keep robbers out of your house put six locks on your door. When you go out, lock every other one. No matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a stinkin' fool about it.
If you are feeling unsuccessful just think about this: eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
If at first you don't succeed, then you didn't do it right!
There are two rules for success in life: Rule 1: Don't tell people everything you know.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
To successfully keep robbers out of your house put six locks on your door. When you go out, lock every other one. No matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no use being a stinkin' fool about it.
If you are feeling unsuccessful just think about this: eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
Blackadder : What are you wearing around your neck?
Percy : Ah! It's my new ruff!
Blackadder : You look like a bird who's swallowed a plate.
Percy : It's the latest fashion actually and as a matter of fact it makes me look rather sexy!
Blackadder : To another plate swallowing bird perhaps. If it was blind and hadn't had it in months
Percy : Ah! It's my new ruff!
Blackadder : You look like a bird who's swallowed a plate.
Percy : It's the latest fashion actually and as a matter of fact it makes me look rather sexy!
Blackadder : To another plate swallowing bird perhaps. If it was blind and hadn't had it in months
Screaming Flower
ONE love, blood, life
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2001
- Messages
- 11,961
io would just not be the same with out acro. 
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
Join the army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Pride of nationality depends not on ignorance of other nations, but on ignorance of one's own.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
Free advice is worth what you paid for it.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
Always remember, three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming.
No problem is so big and complicated that it can't be ran away from.
Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter.
Always be on the lookout for conspicuousness otherwise it's hard to tell if someone is inconspicuous.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hands.
If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for two weeks.
The shortest distance between two points is how far apart they are.
When all is said and done, much more is said than done.
There are only three kinds of people; people who can count and people who can't.
Reality is a big, nasty, vicious dragon, but I don't believe in dragons.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Anywhere is walking distance, if you've got the time
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.
You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.
Never judge a book by it's movie.
If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing.
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
Education is what you get from reading the fine print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.
Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
For people who like peace and quiet - a phoneless cord.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Don't be so humble, you're not that great.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away, and you have their shoes too.
The early bird gets the worm, but the early worm gets eaten.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
Join the army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Pride of nationality depends not on ignorance of other nations, but on ignorance of one's own.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
Free advice is worth what you paid for it.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
Always remember, three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming.
No problem is so big and complicated that it can't be ran away from.
Age is a question of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter.
Always be on the lookout for conspicuousness otherwise it's hard to tell if someone is inconspicuous.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hands.
If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for two weeks.
The shortest distance between two points is how far apart they are.
When all is said and done, much more is said than done.
There are only three kinds of people; people who can count and people who can't.
Reality is a big, nasty, vicious dragon, but I don't believe in dragons.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Anywhere is walking distance, if you've got the time
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.
You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do.
Never judge a book by it's movie.
If you can't annoy somebody, there's little point in writing.
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
Education is what you get from reading the fine print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.
Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
For people who like peace and quiet - a phoneless cord.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Don't be so humble, you're not that great.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away, and you have their shoes too.
The early bird gets the worm, but the early worm gets eaten.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
Screaming Flower
ONE love, blood, life
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2001
- Messages
- 11,961
omg. 
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.
I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.
Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.
My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, "If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?" I said, "No." She said, "Okay, forget it."
I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, "The whole time."
My buddy got busted for counterfeiting. He was making pennies. They caught him because he was putting the heads and tails on the wrong sides.
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
I got stopped by a cop the other day. He said, "Why'd you run that stop sign?" I said, "Because I don't believe everything I read."
The other day, I went to a tourist information booth and asked, "Tell me about some of the people who were here last year."
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
No, officer. I do not wish to give up my right to remain silent!!
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had many of them...
He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it. -- Douglas Adams
A child can go only so far in life without potty training. It is not mere coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were potty trained, not to mention nearly half of the nation's state legislators.
"Please provide the date of your death." -from an IRS letter
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
My wife said I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.
We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I filled out an application that said, "In Case of Emergency Notify". I wrote "Doctor"... What's my mother going to do?
I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.
I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.
I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again. -- Marin County newspaper's TV listing for "The Wizard of Oz"
I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.
I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.
Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.
My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, "If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?" I said, "No." She said, "Okay, forget it."
I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, "The whole time."
My buddy got busted for counterfeiting. He was making pennies. They caught him because he was putting the heads and tails on the wrong sides.
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
I got stopped by a cop the other day. He said, "Why'd you run that stop sign?" I said, "Because I don't believe everything I read."
The other day, I went to a tourist information booth and asked, "Tell me about some of the people who were here last year."
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
No, officer. I do not wish to give up my right to remain silent!!
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had many of them...
He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it. -- Douglas Adams
A child can go only so far in life without potty training. It is not mere coincidence that six of the last seven presidents were potty trained, not to mention nearly half of the nation's state legislators.
"Please provide the date of your death." -from an IRS letter
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
My wife said I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.
We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I filled out an application that said, "In Case of Emergency Notify". I wrote "Doctor"... What's my mother going to do?
I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.
I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.
I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again. -- Marin County newspaper's TV listing for "The Wizard of Oz"
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
Life is hard compared to what?
What is the probability that something will happen according to the odds?
When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
What's another word for "thesaurus"?
Ballerinas are always on their toes. Why don't they just get taller ballerinas?
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
If stupidity can get you into a mess, then why can't it get you out?
If Ignorance is Bliss, why aren't more people happy?
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
If a cluttered desk is characteristic of a cluttered mind, what does an empty desk mean?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
Why is that when you transport something by car, it's called shipment but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it do the other trees make fun of it?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If it's 0 degrees today, and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Life is hard compared to what?
What is the probability that something will happen according to the odds?
When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
What's another word for "thesaurus"?
Ballerinas are always on their toes. Why don't they just get taller ballerinas?
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
If stupidity can get you into a mess, then why can't it get you out?
If Ignorance is Bliss, why aren't more people happy?
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
If a cluttered desk is characteristic of a cluttered mind, what does an empty desk mean?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
Why is that when you transport something by car, it's called shipment but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it do the other trees make fun of it?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If it's 0 degrees today, and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
was today really necessary
ACROB@T
I serve MacPhisto
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2001
- Messages
- 2,569
Computers
640K ought to be enough for anybody. - Bill Gates '81
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. -- President and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
Never let a computer know you're in a hurry.
No electrons were harmed in the creation of this message.
THINK -- it gives you something to do while the computer is down.
To err is human. To really screw things up you need a computer.
Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons. -- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
But what ... is it good for? -- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
With computers, every morning is the dawn of a new error
640K ought to be enough for anybody. - Bill Gates '81
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. -- President and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
Never let a computer know you're in a hurry.
No electrons were harmed in the creation of this message.
THINK -- it gives you something to do while the computer is down.
To err is human. To really screw things up you need a computer.
Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons. -- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
But what ... is it good for? -- Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
With computers, every morning is the dawn of a new error
