nurse chrissi
Rock n' Roll Doggie FOB
I keep on hearing the same things in each and every review of HTDAAB - the formula below seems to be the same on that every critic uses - enjoy!
So you would like to write an article on How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb?
Ten simple steps to writing the perfect article on U2
1. You must use this picture - it is mandatory - no substitutions . As far as you know it is the only published picture of U2. Ever.
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2. You must call U2 “Veterans” at least once - It might also help if you list the individual band members ages. Point out the fact that they have been together for over 25 years and met in high school. No one knows these facts.
3. Talk about how the title of the album is preposterous and that you can’t find any reference to a bomb in the album. Have moment of clarity and say that Bono is the bomb.
4. You must alternatively praise u2 for leaving the 90’s experimentation and bemoan the fact that u2 have left the 90’s experimentation. Bonus - trash Pop
5. Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own - proudly relate that you know that it is about Bono’s Dad - now would be a good time to talk about how much this album sounds like The Joshua Tree/early U2 - which of course you hated
6. City of Blinding Lights is the song you want to hear on tour - you try not to like it now but you know that your lighter will be out come March
7. Remember the term anthemic sound - use frequently when describing Miracle Drug, City of Blinding Lights, and any other song that you are trying hard not to like but can’t wait to see on tour (refer to step 7)
*Extra* - You like Vertigo. You like Vertigo so much that you try not to like it. Use the term “Garage Sound” on Vertigo and All Because of You
8. Now might be a good time to trash REM in your article
9. Proudly report that Miracle Drug is about Bono’s work in Africa - ignore Crumbs from your Table - you are really not sure what that song is about - it slightly scares you.
10. If you had the opportunity to meet U2 - note the following
A. Maserati gets its own paragraph devoted to it
B. Make Bono sound egotistical at every opportunity - you can skim over the debt relief thing he seems to enjoy to tinker with in his spare time
C. Edge wears a beanie- bonus for calling it a “skullcap” - NOBODY knows that Edge wears a beanie -how original are you!
D. U2’s studio is one step up from the slums/derelict and it is always cold, wet and rainy there. Also a good time to point out the fact that u2 are…..Irish - who knew?
E. The South of France needs at least 2 paragraphs devoted to it - the sun! the fun! You had a really, really good time. Also report the strange fact that Bono, Edge and the bassist and the drummer vacation together.
F. The “Bassist” is a recovering alcoholic and the “Drummer” is attractive - really all you need to say here. Bonus - Replace terms “The Drummer” and “The Bassist” with “Larry Mullen Jr.” and “Adam Clayton”
Finally - no matter how much you trashed the album , the band, music in general - fail to give the album less that a “B” or 4 stars.
So you would like to write an article on How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb?
Ten simple steps to writing the perfect article on U2
1. You must use this picture - it is mandatory - no substitutions . As far as you know it is the only published picture of U2. Ever.
2. You must call U2 “Veterans” at least once - It might also help if you list the individual band members ages. Point out the fact that they have been together for over 25 years and met in high school. No one knows these facts.
3. Talk about how the title of the album is preposterous and that you can’t find any reference to a bomb in the album. Have moment of clarity and say that Bono is the bomb.
4. You must alternatively praise u2 for leaving the 90’s experimentation and bemoan the fact that u2 have left the 90’s experimentation. Bonus - trash Pop
5. Sometimes You Can’t Make It On Your Own - proudly relate that you know that it is about Bono’s Dad - now would be a good time to talk about how much this album sounds like The Joshua Tree/early U2 - which of course you hated
6. City of Blinding Lights is the song you want to hear on tour - you try not to like it now but you know that your lighter will be out come March
7. Remember the term anthemic sound - use frequently when describing Miracle Drug, City of Blinding Lights, and any other song that you are trying hard not to like but can’t wait to see on tour (refer to step 7)
*Extra* - You like Vertigo. You like Vertigo so much that you try not to like it. Use the term “Garage Sound” on Vertigo and All Because of You
8. Now might be a good time to trash REM in your article
9. Proudly report that Miracle Drug is about Bono’s work in Africa - ignore Crumbs from your Table - you are really not sure what that song is about - it slightly scares you.
10. If you had the opportunity to meet U2 - note the following
A. Maserati gets its own paragraph devoted to it
B. Make Bono sound egotistical at every opportunity - you can skim over the debt relief thing he seems to enjoy to tinker with in his spare time
C. Edge wears a beanie- bonus for calling it a “skullcap” - NOBODY knows that Edge wears a beanie -how original are you!
D. U2’s studio is one step up from the slums/derelict and it is always cold, wet and rainy there. Also a good time to point out the fact that u2 are…..Irish - who knew?
E. The South of France needs at least 2 paragraphs devoted to it - the sun! the fun! You had a really, really good time. Also report the strange fact that Bono, Edge and the bassist and the drummer vacation together.
F. The “Bassist” is a recovering alcoholic and the “Drummer” is attractive - really all you need to say here. Bonus - Replace terms “The Drummer” and “The Bassist” with “Larry Mullen Jr.” and “Adam Clayton”
Finally - no matter how much you trashed the album , the band, music in general - fail to give the album less that a “B” or 4 stars.
