dettersree
The Fly
- Joined
- Feb 16, 2013
- Messages
- 282
So here's my story.
So since the age of 5 I've been bullied. For just about everything it didn't get better at all. People say it gets better and I still haven't seen how because it hasn't. I'm 28 almost 29 now. I never have known my biological father. My mom used to tell me that my other siblings were planned but me and that I was just a big mistake. (She had me at age 14.) I always prefer my grandma over her. My grandmas been there fir me. Anyways my mom got married to my step dad when I was four. Skipping a year I started kindergarten and I didn't want to be there at all. All the other kids would make fun of me for just about everything. I just hated it I was convinced that no one loved me. (I still am) skipping to when I was 12 and starting the 6th grade. everyone still made fun of me. I tried to take my life because it was to much. Because of how people can be cruell. my dog was my best friend. My suicide attempt failed and word got out. Some people started to be nice but not many. most people just thought that I was a suicidal emo with no friends who cut herself. A couple years later in high school I tried again but then again failed.. failed to take my life failed to end the undeniable. College was okay. For the most part. I have bachelors degree in American history. I am a tour guide. So I deal with people. Anyways another reason I'm posting this is because I've started feeling bad again. I feel like I did in school. I mean I don't cut myself or anything any more but still. My demons have gotten the best of me again. Besides the whole suicide thing these people left me with a anxiety disorder and some mental health issues. I just can't take life any more with all of the meds I'm on. I've tried stopping them. I feel like no one loves me still. People ask why I say sorry a lot. It's because of what those monsters in school did to me. They made me fell like an idiot who must apologize for everything. The worst part is is that most of them are still stuck up snobs and like to rub everything in my face. Which doesn't help the anxiety or depression. They don't even know how fucked up I am because of them and the ones that do are now my friends. They help fix the wrong that they caused. but this time I don't think they can help with the thoughts. The best they can do is make sure I don't hurt myself. Or try to commit suicide again....
Thank you for reading. Sorry if I made you feel terrible. I just find that this helps a little bit. But not by much.
So since the age of 5 I've been bullied. For just about everything it didn't get better at all. People say it gets better and I still haven't seen how because it hasn't. I'm 28 almost 29 now. I never have known my biological father. My mom used to tell me that my other siblings were planned but me and that I was just a big mistake. (She had me at age 14.) I always prefer my grandma over her. My grandmas been there fir me. Anyways my mom got married to my step dad when I was four. Skipping a year I started kindergarten and I didn't want to be there at all. All the other kids would make fun of me for just about everything. I just hated it I was convinced that no one loved me. (I still am) skipping to when I was 12 and starting the 6th grade. everyone still made fun of me. I tried to take my life because it was to much. Because of how people can be cruell. my dog was my best friend. My suicide attempt failed and word got out. Some people started to be nice but not many. most people just thought that I was a suicidal emo with no friends who cut herself. A couple years later in high school I tried again but then again failed.. failed to take my life failed to end the undeniable. College was okay. For the most part. I have bachelors degree in American history. I am a tour guide. So I deal with people. Anyways another reason I'm posting this is because I've started feeling bad again. I feel like I did in school. I mean I don't cut myself or anything any more but still. My demons have gotten the best of me again. Besides the whole suicide thing these people left me with a anxiety disorder and some mental health issues. I just can't take life any more with all of the meds I'm on. I've tried stopping them. I feel like no one loves me still. People ask why I say sorry a lot. It's because of what those monsters in school did to me. They made me fell like an idiot who must apologize for everything. The worst part is is that most of them are still stuck up snobs and like to rub everything in my face. Which doesn't help the anxiety or depression. They don't even know how fucked up I am because of them and the ones that do are now my friends. They help fix the wrong that they caused. but this time I don't think they can help with the thoughts. The best they can do is make sure I don't hurt myself. Or try to commit suicide again....
Thank you for reading. Sorry if I made you feel terrible. I just find that this helps a little bit. But not by much.