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Conclave To Choose U2's Bono As Next Pope
The Vatican said that the conclave of cardinals will officially announce on April 18th that the new Pope will be lead U2 singer Bono.
One hundred seventeen Roman Catholic Cardinals where eligible to take part in the vote. Over ninety percent of the cardinals voted for the U2 singer.
"Believe it or not, we love his music." Stated a Cardinal at St. Petersburg Square who wished to remain anonymous, "I know John Paul also loved his music. We use to play it through the Vatican Musak system."
"I think they are giving Bono the Papacy just to make him feel better about not winning the World Bank presidency." Stated a Vatican analyst, Johnston Sirumpium, "I don't get why so many people think this guy is so great. He's just a singer, a good one, grant you, but he just sings."
Father Thomas Reed, a Jesuit priest who is also the editor of "U2 And Catholics" magazine explains the effect Bono, as the new Pope, will have on Catholicism.
"We needed a new look and feel for the Church." Stated Father Thomas Reed, "I think Bono is the person to make the Vatican hip again. I think he will be able to get everyone, regardless of who they are or what religion they are, to convert. That is what we want ultimately."
In other news, the Pope was buried today along with a box containing all the U2 albums ever produced.
http://www.thedailyfarce.com/world.cfm?story=2005\04\world_u2bonotobenextpope_04200500003