Chuck Norris can literally melt a woman's heart with one steely eyed wink
Every woman who has ever kissed Chuck Norris has lost all her teeth from the sheer impact of his beard.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
Chuck Norris could have any woman he wants, but he has never had sex. He only masturbates because the only person good enough to have sex with Chuck is Chuck.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Before he forgot a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
After eating a very spicy Mexican dish, Chuck Norris experienced some heartburn. A friend offered him a Tums, but Chuck declined, instead choosing to use his own remedy: a bone saw and a bag of ice.
They say Jesus was conceived immaculately because there are no words beautiful enough to describe Chuck Norris having sex.
The Total Gym is built entirely of Chuck Norris' pubic hair. If woven correctly, it rivals the strength of titanium.