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Sometimes it's all in a name
POP CANDY, by Whitney Matheson
OK, so maybe I rented Personal Velocity purely because of its star quality. But I ask you, who can turn down any movie that features Fairuza Balk and Parker Posey ? two of the greatest names in Hollywood?
Talent may matter when you're a star, but a hefty amount of fame rides on the name alone. While an actor named Bob Snider may have a tough time earning top billing at the theater, a guy called Vin Diesel is an action star before he even makes a movie.
In an inspired moment, I compiled my all-time favorite celebrity names. (I've also decided that if I ever become famous, I will go by the name "Vivian Danger.")
20. Dido. Sure, it could easily be a dog's name. ("Roll over, Dido!" "Sit, Dido, sit!") But at least it's memorable ? even more so, possibly, than the British pixie's pop-music career.
19. Butch Vig and Rip Torn. Two-syllable names generally annoy me, but I love the grit and rawness of these. How fitting that Butch, born Bryan Vigorson, would become famous for producing raw-sounding records (by Nirvana and Sonic Youth, to name a pair) and performing with a band called Garbage? Rip, born Elmore Torn, produces raw comedy and is, er, Sissy Spacek's cousin.
18. Chastity Bono and Bono. I also decided to combine these, even though they're pronounced differently. Is there a more perfect rock-star moniker than Bono? And Cher really outdid herself with her kids' names; along with daughter Chastity, she dubbed her son Elijah Blue.
17. Swoosie Kurtz. Named after the plane her father flew in WWII, the actress is just as bubbly and funny as the name suggests. (I mean, did you see her popping pills with Faye Dunaway in The Rules of Attraction? Cherry Coke spewed from my nose during that scene.)
16. Alfonso Ribeiro. I've loved saying this actor's name aloud since Silver Spoons was on the air. When you're born with a name like Alfonso Ribeiro, I say you're destined for something big.
15. Parker Posey. It's a name so perfect, you'd think she made it up ? but unlike No. 14, it's 100% real. If I didn't know Parker was an actress, I'd think she were some sort of animated, crime-fighting super-heroine.
14. Winona Ryder. The former Winona Horowitz picked such a cool last name to jump-start her acting career that one might be tempted to steal it. Ha.
13. Flea. It takes a mighty man to carry an itty-bitty name like Flea, and I can't think of anyone else who could have pulled it off. Besides, it's a heck of an improvement from his given name, Michael Balzary.
12. Soupy Sales. Hey, any name that reminds me of food and commerce is a winner in my book.
11. John Doe. Its simplicity makes it effective: Formerly of the punk band X, this musician/actor used to be married to another beautifully named band mate, Exene Cervenka.
10. Any of Demi Moore and Bruce Willis' children. Go ahead, pick your favorite: Scout LaRue, Rumer Glenn, Tallulah Belle or Plural Noun. (OK, so I made that last one up.)
9. Zooey Deschanel. Here's another actress that was destined for fame from birth. (Her movies include Almost Famous, The Good Girl and All the Real Girls.) "Zooey Deschanel" sounds so gooey and exotic, like some sort of island fruit. I wouldn't have placed her as highly if she spelled her name "Zoe."
8. Joaquin Phoenix. Kelly Ripa likes it, so why shouldn't you? Although the entire Phoenix clan could be included here, I picked the one with the least hippie-sounding name. (Joaquin did go by "Leaf Phoenix" at one time, though.)
7. Fairuza Balk. Yeah, you probably expected this one. Like the actress, the name is dark, unique and jam-packed with hard consonants. "Fairuza" actually comes from the Persian word for "turquoise," firuze.(By the way, did you know she owns this occult store in California?)
6. Yahoo Serious. Believe me, I've forgotten everything about him but the name. And the hair. The funny thing is, I bet Yahoo was teased a lot more when he went by his birth name, Greg Pead.
5. Ol' Dirty Bastard. Come on, like you really thought I'd leave out this guy ?
4. Chow Yun-Fat. As soon as I first heard the name, I was a fan. Although I have to say the name makes one think of a larger-sized man, which C.Y.F. certainly isn't.
3. Lolita Davidovich. I dare you to say it three times fast! At one time, this actress was hotter than Tobasco, but her career seems to have simmered. Ah, no matter. I still love the rhythm of her name. It's poetry all by itself.
2. Dweezil Zappa. Any name that can squeeze in two z's is going to turn heads.
And now for my all-time favorite celebrity name ?
1. Stockard Channing. This name alone could bust through brick walls ? as an extra bonus, it belongs to an equally strong and feisty personality. I still haven't ruled out the possibility of a future "Stockard Matheson," either.
Sometimes it's all in a name
POP CANDY, by Whitney Matheson
OK, so maybe I rented Personal Velocity purely because of its star quality. But I ask you, who can turn down any movie that features Fairuza Balk and Parker Posey ? two of the greatest names in Hollywood?
Talent may matter when you're a star, but a hefty amount of fame rides on the name alone. While an actor named Bob Snider may have a tough time earning top billing at the theater, a guy called Vin Diesel is an action star before he even makes a movie.
In an inspired moment, I compiled my all-time favorite celebrity names. (I've also decided that if I ever become famous, I will go by the name "Vivian Danger.")
20. Dido. Sure, it could easily be a dog's name. ("Roll over, Dido!" "Sit, Dido, sit!") But at least it's memorable ? even more so, possibly, than the British pixie's pop-music career.
19. Butch Vig and Rip Torn. Two-syllable names generally annoy me, but I love the grit and rawness of these. How fitting that Butch, born Bryan Vigorson, would become famous for producing raw-sounding records (by Nirvana and Sonic Youth, to name a pair) and performing with a band called Garbage? Rip, born Elmore Torn, produces raw comedy and is, er, Sissy Spacek's cousin.
18. Chastity Bono and Bono. I also decided to combine these, even though they're pronounced differently. Is there a more perfect rock-star moniker than Bono? And Cher really outdid herself with her kids' names; along with daughter Chastity, she dubbed her son Elijah Blue.
17. Swoosie Kurtz. Named after the plane her father flew in WWII, the actress is just as bubbly and funny as the name suggests. (I mean, did you see her popping pills with Faye Dunaway in The Rules of Attraction? Cherry Coke spewed from my nose during that scene.)
16. Alfonso Ribeiro. I've loved saying this actor's name aloud since Silver Spoons was on the air. When you're born with a name like Alfonso Ribeiro, I say you're destined for something big.
15. Parker Posey. It's a name so perfect, you'd think she made it up ? but unlike No. 14, it's 100% real. If I didn't know Parker was an actress, I'd think she were some sort of animated, crime-fighting super-heroine.
14. Winona Ryder. The former Winona Horowitz picked such a cool last name to jump-start her acting career that one might be tempted to steal it. Ha.
13. Flea. It takes a mighty man to carry an itty-bitty name like Flea, and I can't think of anyone else who could have pulled it off. Besides, it's a heck of an improvement from his given name, Michael Balzary.
12. Soupy Sales. Hey, any name that reminds me of food and commerce is a winner in my book.
11. John Doe. Its simplicity makes it effective: Formerly of the punk band X, this musician/actor used to be married to another beautifully named band mate, Exene Cervenka.
10. Any of Demi Moore and Bruce Willis' children. Go ahead, pick your favorite: Scout LaRue, Rumer Glenn, Tallulah Belle or Plural Noun. (OK, so I made that last one up.)
9. Zooey Deschanel. Here's another actress that was destined for fame from birth. (Her movies include Almost Famous, The Good Girl and All the Real Girls.) "Zooey Deschanel" sounds so gooey and exotic, like some sort of island fruit. I wouldn't have placed her as highly if she spelled her name "Zoe."
8. Joaquin Phoenix. Kelly Ripa likes it, so why shouldn't you? Although the entire Phoenix clan could be included here, I picked the one with the least hippie-sounding name. (Joaquin did go by "Leaf Phoenix" at one time, though.)
7. Fairuza Balk. Yeah, you probably expected this one. Like the actress, the name is dark, unique and jam-packed with hard consonants. "Fairuza" actually comes from the Persian word for "turquoise," firuze.(By the way, did you know she owns this occult store in California?)
6. Yahoo Serious. Believe me, I've forgotten everything about him but the name. And the hair. The funny thing is, I bet Yahoo was teased a lot more when he went by his birth name, Greg Pead.
5. Ol' Dirty Bastard. Come on, like you really thought I'd leave out this guy ?
4. Chow Yun-Fat. As soon as I first heard the name, I was a fan. Although I have to say the name makes one think of a larger-sized man, which C.Y.F. certainly isn't.
3. Lolita Davidovich. I dare you to say it three times fast! At one time, this actress was hotter than Tobasco, but her career seems to have simmered. Ah, no matter. I still love the rhythm of her name. It's poetry all by itself.
2. Dweezil Zappa. Any name that can squeeze in two z's is going to turn heads.
And now for my all-time favorite celebrity name ?
1. Stockard Channing. This name alone could bust through brick walls ? as an extra bonus, it belongs to an equally strong and feisty personality. I still haven't ruled out the possibility of a future "Stockard Matheson," either.