Shut the Fuck Up, NSW, Says World
Reuters/AP
September 7, 2008
The world indicated today that it wants NSW to "just shut the fuck up already," in a statement released by world PR director The Beav.
"I think I speak on behalf of all of humanity when I say, 'Enough is enough,'" Beav said, ironically using an old catchphrase of NSW's against him. "The world is just tired. NSW says this and that and this and that when we want none of it. He should go fuck himself. BAM!"
NSW became famous for blunt statements such as "You're an idiot." The world appreciated these, but as soon as he delved deeper, into sentences longer than three or four words, sentiment quickly turned against him.
"Look, I'm all for, you know, freedom of speech and everything," said Canadian Zamboni driver Elfa. "But, for fuck's sake, shut up already. Everyone hates everything NSW has to say and everything he stands for."
"I think he crosses people's names off doors," said Carek, a professor at Harvard University.
"He slapped my azz, and that shit was tight," said MAYA, of Sprunk. "But when he opened his mouth to speak, I wanted to punch him in the face." MAYA is trained in sprunk-ology, and says that NSW is "a disgrace to Sprunk."
Public opinion turned on NSW after he acted like a douche bag on a regular basis. "Fuck you," said GAF, a janitor.
"In the end, just get the fuck out of our lives," Beav said at the end of his statement. "For the good of all of us. GFY."
Yes, people are going to be who they are.
