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Old 02-27-2003, 10:24 PM   #16
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Bush Rejects Debate Offer

by Marc Moran

Loaded: 2/27/2003

(AP) - In what many Beltway insiders have referred to as a no-brainer, President George Bush has officially rejected the offer made by Iraqi President Saddam Hussein to debate the upcoming war. The offer, made by Hussein during an interview with CBS anchor Dan Rather, was rejected out of hand by the president's spokesperson Ari Fleisher who offered the following:

"There is no way in hell we are going to allow George to enter into a live debate with anyone. We're not all that keen on having him read scripted speeches with a delay; you think we'd risk an actual two-way with a real person? Please. Besides, we've already received our orders from Tel Aviv. What would the purpose be in holding a debate? Stopping this invasion? I don't think so."

Dan Rather, who seemed taken aback by Hussein's suggestion, responded to the offer to host by saying, "I already have enough troubles. I don't need this." Later that evening he was seen in a small tavern in Antwerp, weeping uncontrollably while two men beat him and repeatedly asked, "What's the frequency, Kenneth?"

One reporter from a little independent newspaper was able to get close to the President using the old Jedi mind trick, suggesting to several secret service agents "this is not the reporter you are looking for. You may pass."

Taking the cue, Payton Farquar was able to board the presidential helicopter where following exchange is said to have taken place. "Mr. President?" asked the reporter for the Kentucky War Whoop And Battle Cry Of Freedom, a small shopper's guide printed monthly in Paducah County, "Why won't you debate, Mr. President?"

The President responded groggily that debate was "just a really tough word. Besides, I haven't gone fishin' in years. Besides, not good for 'Merica. Bombs, good, 'batin', not good. Little dark ones comin' through the rye. I see 'em. Know they need lockbox. Vincente Fox. Goo' fren' Fox. Locks. Box." He grew drowsy and slipped off to sleep in his velveteen seat, an afghan tucked up under his bruised chin.

Most Americans agree with the President. According to the latest Zogby poll, nearly 12 out of every 5 people questioned responded in the exact same way. "This is not the time for debate. We must destroy the weapons of mass destruction. They hate our freedom and democracy. We must preserve our freedom and democracy, even if we have to give up our Constitutional rights to do it. Diversity is our greatest strength. We are a nation of immigrants. Israel is our only friend in the Middle East. We care about your business. Please stay on the line and someone will be with you shortly."

"How can you argue with two hundred and twenty seven percent of the American public?" asked a surprisingly candid Praetor Praetorius Tommy Franks, the newly appointed replacement for Saddam Hussein. "We have worked long and hard to dumb down our schools, breed down the best and skew the polls in our favor. Once it became apparent that the average American thought Hitler was responsible for 9/11, we knew that any rational discussion of our plans for world conquest were unnecessary. I mean look at the things I'm saying to you right now. I don't even care if you print it. Most Americans can hardly read, and the ones that can are either employed by us, or in custody of the Joint Terrorism Task Force. This is f*ing radical! Today Iraq, tomorrow the world!"

Those who have demonstrated their unhappiness with the current administration and its plans for a 'New World Order,' namely France and Germany, have been given fair warning by the State Department.

"They are irrelevant. Once we take down Iraq, Iran, Syria, Saudi Arabia, Egypt and Jordan and deliver them to their rightful owners, the Dark Prince has made it quite clear that we may turn our sights on Europa. Nothing will stand in our way!" quipped National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice between mouthfuls of raw squirrel.

Asked if she had an opinion about the debate, her eyes glowed like the coals of a brazier and she dissolved into howls, her red-tipped fingernails curving inward and drawing blood that ran in freshets down her gooseflesh-covered arms.

"The world has been promised to us and it is up to us to crush, kill, destroy! After that, maybe we can take some time to focus on those who have hidden themselves in basements and hollow trees of the Pacific Northwest in a vain attempt to avoid the tattooing of the numbers. Who knows?" she shrugged, regaining composure and flashing a toothy smile. "All I know is that one day, all will bow before Chthulu and bear the mark of the beast."

Perhaps, one day.

Gotta love VNN

And please don't be critical of Dubya, you're making Diamond cry...

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Old 02-27-2003, 11:10 PM   #17
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screw the debate....

when can we see Bush and Saddam in a fist fight to settle the score?...

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Old 03-03-2003, 12:06 AM   #18
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LOL!!!!!!!!!! Dr. Teeth. you had me going there for a second. Considering the source I can't believe I was fooled.!

I just wanted to add something about how I haven't seen many opinions of this subject. Is it a boycott against my posts, or what? I thought this would make for an interesting discussion. Instead, it seems that most people in this forum want to forget they debate was proposed......a lot like the American media....huh/.

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