Love is tough

[Lancemc]

Well, you're all probably right. I guess I'm just trying to protect myself by keeping things a quasi-"worst case scenario" perspective.

This whole thing's been affecting me in more ways than I thought it ever could. For one, I'm way more emotional than usual. Example: Early today I watched the last 20 minutes of Million Dollar Baby. The first couple times I saw it, it moved me, but never made me cry. Today I see the last 20 minutes alone and become a weeping mess.

I'm also suspicious that it's affecting me physically, though I kinda doubt it. The past few days I haven't been able to eat much, if anything at all. I mean, I'll feel hungry, but when I try to eat something I just can't get it down. I figure it's either a psycological thing due to stress, or a stomach bug or something (more likely ). But still, you never know. A bit of a funny story. Last night, Kyle, Kate and I were eating dinner together, and I mentioned by odd lack of apetite, and Kyle immediately suggested it was due to stress, but said "You don't much of a work load though, so you have nothing to be stressed about." If he only knew.

It is getting hard though. Some days are wonderful, and others are completely dreadful. On the good days I'm full of hope, and I'm just so sure she has at least some feelings for me, and one day we'll be together and live happily ever after, etc. etc. But the bad days are often more powerful than the good ones. Just last night for instance, I nearly cried myself to sleep (well, a big part of it also had to do with other school issues, but my thoughts soon returned to Kate) because I was dead sure it was a hopeless cause and I'd be better off just trying to forget about the entire thing.

But I'm still doing alright overall. No worries. Plus, I'm going home tomorrow for Thanksgiving. And it doesn't get much better than that.

 

[Dulce de Leche]

I will chime in with my .02.

It won't be easy, but I think you should tell her, and asap. That way you can lift the burden you're carrying straight away and not continue to wonder and agonize.

It might not end up how you're hoping, but at least you'll know. I agree with what others have said: if you let much more time go by you may be put in the "friend" category forever.

And you should tell her if only for your mental well being!

Best of luck to you; you seem like a very nice guy so I'm sure if it doesn't work out with her it will with someone else equally wonderful.

 

[Lila64]

 

[U2Girl1978]

Lance, I've been reading this thread and I haven't had a chance to respond. I hope things turn out the way you want it.

 

[Lancemc]

Thanks for the support guys. We'll see what happens when we get back from Thanksgiving break.

 

[Varitek]

Amen to what was said earlier about girls being much more aware than guys about the signals we're sending, especially to guy friends. If it's a guy friend who's into girls I am fairly restrained, you never want to give him the impression you're into him. So putting her head on your shoulder, unless she is drunk, is probably very intentional and thought out. Your little side-hugs sound like a good move too, but as I told you in my email I really think you should wait it out. So she doesn't want to marry this guy, but she's still spent 3 years with him, and you don't want to go into something with her still having that baggage. Just keep being affectionate and there for her.

Sorry this sucks so much

 

[Lancemc]

Sorry this sucks so much

Well, it does and it doesn't. It sucks because of the obvious reasons. But it also kinda sucks because I've gotten just about every reccomendation/suggestion as to what I should do. I do very much respect your opinion though, and will give great consideration to what you said.

But the whole thing's also very wonderful. Nothing can compare to the way she makes me feel. And even if things take a turn for the worst, I'll always have the memory of this feeling, and hopefully still have her as an amazing friend.

 

[elevation2u]

let us know if anything comes about
we're all wishing you the best

 

[Varitek]

I've gotten just about every reccomendation/suggestion as to what I should do.

Haha, yeah. That is bound to happen on a diverse forum, especially where none of us actually knows her. Hell it would happen in real life if you asked 3 friends (and probably has). There probably isn't a right answer, or if there is you won't know it until a decade from now, but that's life.

In the mean time, the feeling is definately amazing and unforgetttable, and yes, you'll always have that

 

[Lancemc]

Update Time:

Last night the four of us (Kyle, Michelle, Kate and I) went out to dinner at Filomena Ristaurante in Foggy Bottom. As a side note, let me just say it's one of the single finest Restaurants I've ever eaten at, and easily the best Italian. But anyway, we sat and had an amazing dinner, Kate and I shared a corner of the table, with Kyle on the right of me and Michelle directly across. We each shared a fried Mozzarella, Kate and I one, Kyle and Michelle the other. And when it came time to pay the check, Kyle and I graciously decided to split the check and treat the girls to a fine (and extremely expensive for a college student) meal. When we left the Restaurant, Kate told me we really didn't have to treat them, but I said something like "Our pleasure, Merry Christmas." Walking side by side she got a little embarassed and quickly did her little head-on-shoulder thing again, but did it very awkwardly for the first time, I think because Kyle and Michelle were there.

So... whatevs.

But overall, throughout the night I did my best to flirt, affectionately touch her a few times, generally throw out signals like Canadiens suggested.

Funny Anecdote Time:

Now, last night also provided the perfect evidence supporting the stereotype that women have absolutely no sense of direction.

For those of you familiar with the DC area this might be pretty funny. The whole night, Kate was telling us about this "quicker way" back home. I was instantly skeptical, because I definitely found the easiest way to get there from school the first time (Metro from tenley to Foggy Bottom/ follow K or M street to Wisconsin, then boom, there it is).

So when we leave, she goes, Ok follow me, I know a better way. Lo and Behold, she starts leading us NORTH up Wisconsin Ave. Ok, now, I may have had my doubts originally, but now I know she has no idea what she's doing. So I persist saying "Well, if we walk about 100 blocks this way we WILL eventually get to Tenley, so it IS a way back home, but it's definitely not a practical way." So she continues arguing with me for about 20 minutes saying things like "Oh, no, Michelle and I were here before and there's definitely a Metro close by here."

Uggh, I then try to explain that there IS indeed a Metro close by, but it's also the exact same one we came from originally...you know...the one in the complete opposite direction we're going. So this goes on for a while, until I finally convince her she has no idea where she's actually going, and I lead us all back down Wisconsin Ave. So we take M street east instead of K this time, and she goes "OOHHHH, this is the street we were walking on last time!".

So yeah, there's another case for the books. It was actually more complicated than that, but it was still funny as hell, because she's such a bad liar. It was so easy to tell the whole time she had no confidence in her directions. It was actually incredibly adorable. I should have just let her go the whole way up Wisconsin.

 

[Caroni]

Update Time:

Last night the four of us (Kyle, Michelle, Kate and I) went out to dinner at Filomena Ristaurante in Foggy Bottom. As a side note, let me just say it's one of the single finest Restaurants I've ever eaten at, and easily the best Italian. But anyway, we sat and had an amazing dinner, Kate and I shared a corner of the table, with Kyle on the right of me and Michelle directly across. We each shared a fried Mozzarella, Kate and I one, Kyle and Michelle the other. And when it came time to pay the check, Kyle and I graciously decided to split the check and treat the girls to a fine (and extremely expensive for a college student) meal. When we left the Restaurant, Kate told me we really didn't have to treat them, but I said something like "Our pleasure, Merry Christmas." Walking side by side she got a little embarassed and quickly did her little head-on-shoulder thing again, but did it very awkwardly for the first time, I think because Kyle and Michelle were there.

So... whatevs.

But overall, throughout the night I did my best to flirt, affectionately touch her a few times, generally throw out signals like Canadiens suggested.

Funny Anecdote Time:

Now, last night also provided the perfect evidence supporting the stereotype that women have absolutely no sense of direction.

For those of you familiar with the DC area this might be pretty funny. The whole night, Kate was telling us about this "quicker way" back home. I was instantly skeptical, because I definitely found the easiest way to get there from school the first time (Metro from tenley to Foggy Bottom/ follow K or M street to Wisconsin, then boom, there it is).

So when we leave, she goes, Ok follow me, I know a better way. Lo and Behold, she starts leading us NORTH up Wisconsin Ave. Ok, now, I may have had my doubts originally, but now I know she has no idea what she's doing. So I persist saying "Well, if we walk about 100 blocks this way we WILL eventually get to Tenley, so it IS a way back home, but it's definitely not a practical way." So she continues arguing with me for about 20 minutes saying things like "Oh, no, Michelle and I were here before and there's definitely a Metro close by here."

Uggh, I then try to explain that there IS indeed a Metro close by, but it's also the exact same one we came from originally...you know...the one in the complete opposite direction we're going. So this goes on for a while, until I finally convince her she has no idea where she's actually going, and I lead us all back down Wisconsin Ave. So we take M street east instead of K this time, and she goes "OOHHHH, this is the street we were walking on last time!".

So yeah, there's another case for the books. It was actually more complicated than that, but it was still funny as hell, because she's such a bad liar. It was so easy to tell the whole time she had no confidence in her directions. It was actually incredibly adorable. I should have just let her go the whole way up Wisconsin.

What about men that don´t ask for directions

 

[Lancemc]

What about men that don´t ask for directions

We don't need 'em.

 

[Caroni]

We don't need 'em.

 

[redhotswami]

that IS pretty funny. but I could've made the same mistake. I know DC better underground than above.

 

[Lancemc]

Just thinking about the month long Christmas Break ahead of me. I'm really looking forward to the time off, and the chance to hang out with friends of old and stuff, but part of me really isn't looking forward to it.

That part of me remembers how damn boring my hometown is in the winter, and knows a whole month without Kate is could possibly kill me.

At least a week after we come back in January, we get to go to the Chili Peppers concert together.

 

[Lila64]

Would this be considered a double date? Are Kyle & Michelle an "item", or are the four of you all just friends. Just curious.

Sounds like you had a lovely evening out

 

[Lancemc]

Would this be considered a double date? Are Kyle & Michelle an "item", or are the four of you all just friends. Just curious.

Sounds like you had a lovely evening out

No, I'm afraid we fall into the latter catagory. Though Michelle and Kyle should become an item. They're probably be good for each other. But Kyle could use any girl right now. We think it would do him some good. But that's a whole other discussion.

 

[Varitek]

Just thinking about the month long Christmas Break ahead of me. I'm really looking forward to the time off, and the chance to hang out with friends of old and stuff, but part of me really isn't looking forward to it.

That part of me remembers how damn boring my hometown is in the winter, and knows a whole month without Kate is could possibly kill me.

At least a week after we come back in January, we get to go to the Chili Peppers concert together.

Freshman year winter break: I read all 5 Harry Potter books straight, watched several seasons of West Wing, and saw a few friends from home. And my hometown isn't even boring, I was just basking in laziness and my mother's excellent cooking.

Anyway, even if she will be home with her boyfriend, this sounds like a great opportunity for you guys to build your emotional/mental connections. Call her, tell her you miss hanging out with her, start joking around or talking about a movie you both saw or how great the concert is going to be or what it's like to see high school friends after a semester of college or live with your family after a semester in a dorm. Make it a whole month with lots of Kate, Kate willing of course! If your friends are anything like my college friends, you'll want to get back after a week and she'll be eager to talk to you.

 

[Lancemc]

Freshman year winter break: I read all 5 Harry Potter books straight, watched several seasons of West Wing, and saw a few friends from home. And my hometown isn't even boring, I was just basking in laziness and my mother's excellent cooking.

I plan on rereading Stephen's King's "The Dark Tower" series during winter break. 7 novels and over 4000 pages of the most glorious adventure writing ever.

Anyway, even if she will be home with her boyfriend, this sounds like a great opportunity for you guys to build your emotional/mental connections. Call her, tell her you miss hanging out with her, start joking around or talking about a movie you both saw or how great the concert is going to be or what it's like to see high school friends after a semester of college or live with your family after a semester in a dorm. Make it a whole month with lots of Kate, Kate willing of course! If your friends are anything like my college friends, you'll want to get back after a week and she'll be eager to talk to you.

Good suggestion, and that's probably what I would have ended up doing anyway. I'm already looking forward to coming back after break. The beginning of the semester is a lot of fun, and it will feel great coming back to such good friends. I really hope it doesn't take too long for something significant to happen though, because eventually I will reach the point where something needs to be said. Hopefully things work themselves out before that though.

 

[Varitek]

Haha maybe winter break and spending time with her boyfriend will be her boiling over point and she'll be single when she gets back! We can always hope...

 

[Lancemc]

Haha maybe winter break and spending time with her boyfriend will be her boiling over point and she'll be single when she gets back! We can always hope...

Haha, yeah, well you how the saying goes...wish in one hand, shit in the other. See which fills up first.

 

[Lancemc]

Well, Kate and I (and Kyle was in and out) were hanging out in my room for about the past 3 hours, just fooling around on the computer, listening to music, and talking about random things. Well by the time she left about 10 minutes ago, everything just felt perfectly right. Being together, looking at her, a certain aura in the room, the timing just felt right. If Kyle wasn't there at the time I'm pretty sure I would have told her I loved her right then and there. Even with my roommate sleeping on the other side of the room, it just felt as though the star had aligned, and stiff does.

It's an indescribable feeling, an instinct if you will, telling me if I ever want to do this, the time is now. Don't ask why, because from an objective standpoint, this certainly doesn't seem like the absolute best time to break that out, but something intangible, something way above the atmosphere is pushing me right now. I don't feel nervous either. Everything feels too right for that.

So, either the cosmos is in perfect order right now, and something is telling me to do it, or it's just been a long day and it's 3 AM during the busiest 2 weeks of the year. If I still feel this way tomorrow after a hot shower, I might just tell her. We talked a little about honesty tonight, and I just can't let myself believe that Love, in the long run, can bring anything but happiness. I'll keep you informed.

 

[Angela Harlem]

You'll be putting her in a really difficult spot, regardless of how she feels. Do you really want to do that to a friend? Your friendship? If she had feelings for you, she'd have broken up with her boyfriend - regardless of her knowing how you feel for her. She would be feeling she is with someone she isn't interested in.

Are you sure you are not making a dreadful mistake? Now's the time to tread carefully. Spoken words cannot be undone.

 

[Varitek]

I agree with Angela - I'm not there to know how it feels, and I know it must be impossibly hard to hold it in, but be careful. Finals can mess with your head.

 

[redhotswami]

While I do agree with Angela & Varitek, I also want to acknowledge your instuition. I'm a stubborn heart over head type of person. If it feels right for you, if you feel like the energy around you is encouraging you, and if you've examined your heart and came to this decision, then go for it! I wish you both the best. Keep us posted!!!

 

[Lancemc]

Well, I certianly appreciate your input, but I sent her a message this morning telling her I have something to say, and I'd like to talk later. I'm going to take her for a walk over to the quiet side of campus and tell her.

I'm sick of not "going for it". It's what I've done my whole life. And for some reason, despite all rational logic and reason, the time has never felt more perfect than it does now. I've never told that to anybody before so sincerely, so it's easily going to be one of the hardest things I'll ever have done in my life, but at the same time, I'm not nervous. I mean, I'm definitely nervous in the traditional sense, but I figure I can't wait forever. What's the worst that could happen? I'll always be there for her even if she completely turns me down. Who knows what the future holds. But I'm not going to wait for "fate" to decide the course of my life. I've got to take the initiative for a change, even if it's reckless.

 

[AtomicBono]

good luck...

 

[Varitek]

Good luck. I've got my fingers crossed for you, make sure you update us soon!

 

[Varitek]

Oh and if she's anywhere near as over-analytical about this type of stuff as I am she is going to be wondering all day what this is about!

 

[redhotswami]

Well, I certianly appreciate your input, but I sent her a message this morning telling her I have something to say, and I'd like to talk later. I'm going to take her for a walk over to the quiet side of campus and tell her.

There's a quiet side of your campus???