an assortment of thoughts + "a new hope..."

[For Honor]

Yeah!

I'm getting more and more of that, just walking through the halls sometimes. And you can notice how people react to you, too. My confidence is slowly growing, but I'm becoming that person I want to be.

And it really is a great thing.

Everything goes better, is easier, feels smoother when you are feeling good about yourself.


Sometimes I just powerwalk the whole way, and it's like "Hey world, look at me. I'm coming through, and I know what's going on."

A good feeling, indeed.


And the big thing I've noticed is, the better you feel about yourself, the better your ability to make other people feel good, and that of course can be very attractive. Not just in regards to someone you want to hook up with, but just in general - people warm up to you more.


It is always nice to be able to share experiences with others. I am enjoying this converstation, too.

 

[lady luck]

And the big thing I've noticed is, the better you feel about yourself, the better your ability to make other people feel good, and that of course can be very attractive. Not just in regards to someone you want to hook up with, but just in general - people warm up to you more

Hope this will work tonight -- I'm going to a small party organized to raise money for my Amnesty's group. I've worked hard on it and want everything to go the right way, not only as regards money, but also in my way to get in touch with the people that will attend the event.

 

[For Honor]

Ah, I hope your party went well.

Confidence is a force that can bring people togther, indeed.



It's pretty ironic....
when you depend less on other people to feel good, that's when

other people begin to depend more on you to feel good...


.....hmm......

 

[lady luck]

So right!

The party was VERY nice -- especially because I was there with all my closest friends and we had a lot of donations from the people attending the party. WOW!!! I'm so happy!

 

[For Honor]

Well that's great.


Related to confidence is attitude, and it's so strange. I know I'm actually a pretty emotional person, but it's surprising how much control you actually do have. You can look at things in a completely different light if you want, and that can make all the difference.


I'm far too serious a person, especially for being so young, and I think it's not healthy for me. i've got to lighten up and just try to enjoy things more - not to make it sound like something is wrong with me, but, I should strive to not let things bother me the way they do. It's actually an immaturity thing on my part.... (ugh!)

Spring is hear, and I feel more alive than ever before, regardless of anything else.

I need to remember that.

 

[lady luck]

That sounds good.
as regards being too serious.. well, I don't know you, but the only thing I can say is that maybe it's a good way to be.
I tend to dislike people who pretend they are ilarious or so nice and brilliant... it's like if they were playing a part in the majority of cases, don't you think so?

 

[lady luck]

at the moment I'm writing, 285 people had a look to this conversation.
sounds so strange, because just you and me are really "talking"!

 

[For Honor]

That's odd, I thought I posted my reply a long time ago.....

I wonder what happened to it? I'll have to type up a new one tomorrow!!!

 

[For Honor]

being serious..... it does have it's good sides...


I agree with you though, about those people who over act and try to appear larger then life, or who try to raise themselves above other people.


It's over 300 by now..... I wonder if that means people find us interesting?


Or maybe it's a form of voyerism some how.....

 

[lady luck]

I think this is a quite strange thread because it's a two people conversation. It's not so common.

You were born on May 6?

 

[For Honor]

Yes I was, and I'm very proud of it!


lol


I don't follow the zodiac so much, but It's an interesting thing because it has a way of explaining people. And I like understanding people as best as possible.

I realize that I fit into my catagory, Taurus, pretty well.
I'm more "strong but silent", yet I'm fairly emotional and love physical sensations. I like consistency and all that, too. But I'm getting better with change and what not.


The interesting thing about actually learning al ittie about zodiac stuff is that it has opened my mind to how different people interpret things and see things.
How different people can have different means of going aobut their business, and why and how certain people interact.

It's not "because they were born that way", but I do think some character can be seen.


A person is basically a product of their environment, but even then, no one is the same. Everone is different, and needs different things. The zodiac is an interesting way to understand that

And since I'm into psychology and sociaology, it all fits together.




But I'm a pretty rare case, because most of the time, my zodiac stuff, eastern or wester, fits pretty well to me. Even the double sign ones, where you use the Western (birthdate, month) and Eastern (year -- like year of the rabbit, Dragon, Goat, etc).

And it's a fairly interesting conversational peice, too

 

[lady luck]

WOW!
Now I'm telling a stupid thing... But it seems that the people I go well with are Taurus. I am a Skorpio -- born in November.
Maybe that's why I like chatting with you!

I am not a Zodiac-addicted, but I like reading it on the morning when I go to work. It's like getting a little advice or some little anticipation on what's next!

 

[For Honor]

Yeah, it's a fun little thing to have in your day


A Scorpio, eh?

I don't know too much about that sign, but at least our conversation here seems to be going well.


You know what's sort of interesting?

I've noticed that I, myself, have been more drawn to certain "signs". For me, the "Libra" (October) sign appears a lot to me. I know these two Libras, and they are differnt as far as what they value, but their personalities are similar. Even people I don't know very well, I can see tendancies and what not.


It's sort of a fun way to get to know someone, because they can either agree with the zodiac, or be completly against it. Everyone is different.

I've tried some in-depth things, and they are more accurate - there are some free things where all you need is your birthday and time, and you can get a whole lot of specific information.

Maybe I'll try to find a link to one of those sites.




And then there is the "Eastern Zodiac". I forgot if I already mentioned that or not. But that is the one that originates from Asia and the Orient, and you have "The Year of the Rooster", or Tiger, or Dragon, etc.



That's sort of interesting, too, because I've seen real life situations where the zodiacs are dead on. My father is a "Rat", and my stepmother is a "Horse", and those two are like opposites. They say those two signs should not marry!


I really wonder how their marriage lasted as long as it did, but in the end, it ended. They really are very different people.


(I could go into those two and their zodiac signs and personalities a lot more, but I figure I won't overdo it!)



One of the things that interested me in the zodiac was just that I am interested in people. How they act and why. Be it psychologically or sociologically or anything. How they were raised.


I don't know.
For me, I just see things as being connected, and understanding people helps me to understand the world around me.

And personally, the more I understand about myself, the more I can understand about other things, too.

 

[lady luck]

Are you thinking about what do you want to become in your life?
I mean, with the interest you show for people you should get a job of that kind in the future!
Are you interested in psychology, too?

ps: just as an addition: I was born in the year of the pig!

 

[For Honor]

Yeah, I know....

Psychology is something I'm really interested in, and I sort of took an introductory course in HS for it, and it was..... okay

Sociology is also very intersting, because it is more on a larger scale.



I read this article at the beginning of the course, and it sort of described things in a way I could realate


It's not just about the big picture ("the forest")
It's not just about the individual ("The tree")

It's about both, and how they interact ("the one thing")

THe title of the article was "The forest, the trees, and the one thing"


and it has to do with the saying "mistaking the forest for the tree" or whatever (I forgot it, honestly !)




BUt... I don't know....

I feel like I have to do something that matters.
In a pathetic an vain way, I feel like I, for some reason, have to do something that affects things on a large scale. I don't know if it is ambition or vanity or pride or arrogance, or if I legitimately feel like I am drawn to doing something "grand".

I try to read into my life, and figure out where I am supposed to go, and what I am supposed to do, but I get nothing.

....



Psychology would be okay, but it would have to be practical - as in, I would need to work with people. I can't sit in a lab all day and test rats or something.




The biggest thing is..... I can't legitimately follow a certain path. Be it in regards to religion or a profession, or politics, I can't just say I'm a republican or democrat, I follow Zen, or I am a Christian. For some reason, I cannot come to commit myself to a group so broad

And that is because I don't agree with any one of those yet.

I would feel like I am lieing if I said
"My name is Jesse, and I am a Christian, because I was baptized, ...etc..."

That is my name, and I was baptized as a Christian.
But I do not fell I go to church or pray or am religious enough to be part of that group


It's a weird sort of "integrity" thing.
I'm too serious sometimes
(that doesn't mean I have a great work ethic, though...)

But... for me, I can't live a lie. I am not always 100% honest, yes. But I try to be with myself, at least. And I try to always allow myself the best oppertunity for complete sincerity


It just makes things easier, I find.



I am such an emotional person, too........

But that's another story....






Oh yeah, Pigs and Rabbits are said to be able to get along well.
I don't know for sure, you are the only person who I know is a pig





AS far as my life, though, I think aobut the future alot...
and that's mostly because I don't do much of anything right now.
Maybe I don't have the proper perspective, but... al ot of "right now" doesn't seem very important......

 

[lady luck]

The article you read sounds interesting.
It's incredible: you have suck issues at High School???
here in my Country -- Italy -- you hear about this sorta matter just at university. I know that the systems are very different, but it's a thing that always surprise me.

I see a very strong relationship in what you say about your willing to be grant and your lack of sense of belong to large group. I mean, I have the impression you don't want to be just one in the crowd. I don't think this is vanity: it's just a desire, and I think that all young people must come through this. the problem is that is very hard to find the way to be grand and so, I presume, a lot of people decide to give up and forget what they want.

 

[lady luck]

It's great that you change your signature so often!

what is the one you have now?

 

[For Honor]

The article you read sounds interesting.
It's incredible: you have suck issues at High School???
here in my Country -- Italy -- you hear about this sorta matter just at university. I know that the systems are very different, but it's a thing that always surprise me.

I am very, very fortunate to go to the school I go to.
It is one of the best school systems in New York- and this is due to it's "wealthy" location and wide range of kids to choose from. But it is odd, because there is a large distinction between those who have a lot of money, and those who do not (like me). But that is ok.

I am really fortunate myself, because I can take some introduction college course (pyschology and sociology). And I think the instructors are amazing - they love their jobs so much!

It is good to bring this up, because I sort of take it for granted. But it is something I should be thankful for, because many schools do not have these oppertunities. (This is very fitting, since we are beginning to talk about a similar topic in Sociology!)


Oh, and about the article I mentioned, "The Forest, The Trees, and The One Thing". I happened to come across it today, and I know it was written by Allan Johnson, (I think). I might be able to find a link to it somewhere online if you would like to read it, but I don't want to make any promises since I don't know how hard to find the article will be...

I see a very strong relationship in what you say about your willing to be grant and your lack of sense of belong to large group. I mean, I have the impression you don't want to be just one in the crowd. I don't think this is vanity: it's just a desire, and I think that all young people must come through this. the problem is that is very hard to find the way to be grand and so, I presume, a lot of people decide to give up and forget what they want.

I agree with what you say.


Personally speaking...
I think I just have to do things my own way. My whole life I have sort of been... "separated" from the main group of people. And I know all kids say they feel isolation, and I agree I am no different.
But... I don't know...
I have a hard time finding people who see things the way I do.
I do not mean to distinguish myself from my peers, but something seems to create a distance between us. But I take responsability for that, because I could be more social, I suppose. Still...

I think everyone needs to follow their own path, and we are all in this together.


----

I always seem to stand out in the crowd... sometimes I don't like this, and long to fit in. More recently, though, I'm embracing being myself. And you know, I find when you do that, people warm up to you a lot faster - must be something to do with confidence, like we spoke about before...

---


Even thoug I have ideas, I still am not sure just what I should do with myself. I have desire, but at the same time, I am not sure what that desire is for!

 

[For Honor]

Oh yes, and I would love to hear anything about Italy


I know some of its history, (I took Latin during high school), but I have no idea what it is like there in the modern day. It seems like such an interesting place.

And forgive me if I talk about myself a lot. That's a bad habit, and I do not like dominating the conversation too much, even though I tend to do that from time to time.



What was it like there with the whole transition of the Popes?
What were your thoughts about that subject?
I can only imagine what that would be like.

 

[For Honor]

It's great that you change your signature so often!

what is the one you have now?

I really appreciate you asking


But, oddly enough, I wonder if I should change it again...

Regardless, the one I have right now sort of has to do with a certain moment in my life. But be warned, it's sort of um..... sappy.


The first part has to do with my upcoming birthday. I'll be "an adult" soon... But there is sort of a contradiction. Because while there is that sense of responsability, etc., there is something else that makes me feel like a total child....


I'm sort of in an impossible relationship, to say the least. I won't get into it too much, but the person involved has a huge hold on me. I feel like a fool because I feel so strongly about it, about her, yet at the same time, it is almost a fact that nothing will ever come out of it. At least not any time soon. And I wonder about it a lot...

I wonder if it is better to just let go, and go our separate ways. If we meet up later in life, then maybe it was "meant to be". We can't do very much right now, especially since we are so far apart. But at the same time- and this has to do with being a child- I so totally and completely do not want to let go in any way.



"I want them so much, regardless of how unlikely they are"
Part of me thinks it's noble or valiant to try and keep it going, because what I think I have is really special. Honestly, I have never thought about someone the way I think about her, and if I could choose to be with her, I would. But I can't make that choice, at least not now, and maybe not for a long time.


"And like a child I need to focus on what needs to be done right here and now"
This means that I still have to worry about what I can directly control. I'm sort of questioning my maturity, because to be mature is to take care of what needs to be taken care of first. But I procrastinate a lot recently, and sometimes I find myself longing for the future, be it colllege or just thinking about being with her.


"And like a child I seek shelter for my blazing heart"
Here I question if it's just infatuation, or if I'm just wounded or something. I really don't understand this connection I have with this other person... or why I think about her the way I do. I don't understand a lot of things about it. But just from an emotional standpoint, it's so very strong, and sometimes I have to really try to not think about her. I find mysef longing for her tenderness, and just to be close to her... But still, keep in mind, it all seems so impossible... so it's very confusing, and perhaps I make too much out of it all. In fact, I am certain that I do. But I cannot deny what I feel, either.


"I believe in the fantasy"
We have a sort of shared dream, her and I. I think deep down we both want the same things, when it comes to talking about the core things in life. And that's why I think about her the way I do. I really think we could make it, if we could get the chance... And it's just about believing in all the great things that love could be. I know it would take work and compromise, it wouldn't be rainbows and smiles all the time. But I think she is someone I could live with for a long, long time, and be happy with that. In all reality, it is such a fantasy that it is almost unreal. But there is still one thing that makes me wonder ----

"I feel like it's the only thing that matters"
Sometimes I get totally overwhelmed by it. I realize that I am the kind of person who would really like to be in a commited relationship. I sort of didn't like this part about me for a while, but then I realized that I am just that way. I don't like playing games, I don;t like things that don't have meaning.

what I wonder about sometimes, and what makes it so hard to just say "alright, lets end this now and just stop",

it's that the possibility of it working out, however small
is so much worth risking the dissapointment of it not working out.


It's a risk, but it's one that I feel, for me, is worth taking.
And if I just let go and said good by, I would always regret doing so.


=================


The truth is, I want her to be happy. So if our relationship, or whatever it may be, is causing her too much stress or trouble, I would gladly end it. I can't be selfish like that. I care about her in such a way that I just want the best for her. (For me, that's sort of how I know she means a lot for me). I would want her to be happy even if I was only a distant friend.

So if we need to go our separate ways, I will be okay with that. But who knows.... the world could change tomorrow.

If I had my choice, I'd be with her right now. But it's not my choice, so I will have to play the cards I've been dealt.




The whole situation is like, "here is a chance at everything you ever hoped to find in another person. But it is not a garuntee, nor possible in the immediate future."

So, I certainly want to keep in touch at the very least, because, say, 20 years down the road, she is someone I would still want to know in life, no matter what. That being said, I cannot focus on too much, because at the moment it is not a major part of my immediate world.


It's like looking at a star in the nights sky. If you look at it too much, you won't get anywhere because you are not focused on the ground in front of you. So you need to watch where you are going. BUt if you are really lucky, and things work out, you might have the oppertunity to find something. If you are really lucky, the right person will be looking at that same star and going on that same path that you are.

But you still need to watch where you are going.
I don't want to loose sight of the star, and I must look where I am headed as well. We are both the same way.

--------------------


Lastly, the "wish" is about my birthday wish
I never before wished for something that was really out there. I always wished for like good health or whatever,, or like for my family, or when I was little, for a certain toy or whatever.

But now, I feel childish, but in a good way, because my wish is for something really worthy of a wish. It's more like asking a dream to come true. I've never really asked for a dream to come true, and that is perhaps because I never had any real dreams.


But Friday, when I make my birthday wish, I think it will be the first time in my life that I really wanted something enough that I would actually wish for it.






and all the while, I know I just have to keep doing what I need to do. I can't worry about whether or not my wish will come true. It's not up to me, basically.



But I've never had something so worhty of a wish, either

 

[For Honor]

!!!!! wow, I wrote a lot!!!

I didn't realize I wrote that much. Again, that's a habit - for me to get carried away with things, especially if they are subjects I feel strongly about......

oh well. But don't feel obligated to read all of that - it's more than I intended to write.

 

[lady luck]

Hi there, sorry I come to you so late. For a series of circumstances I couldn’t surf this site for a while.
I missed to tell you “happy birthday” on time. So, even if I am late: HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

I read your last post, and I found it so tender and romantic. The way you speak of this girl is like something clean and sweet. I am happy of knowing that there’s such a nice feeling inside you, even if you I couldn’t understand the reasons why you’re telling you two can’t be together now.
I don’t want to force you to write about it -- just in case you want, I am here and I will read you!

I am confessing I am a little jealous of this feeling you have with this special person, because at the moment I am in a state of complete confusion on love-affairs.
I’m going to explain it better. I think I have a good feeling with a boy, and I am quite sure that for a while we share this empathy one for the other.
But I am quite sure he has a good feeling for another girl now. He never told clearly that, but at times it’s not necessary. The way he looks at her makes me nervous. Every time I have to meet him for some reason (he is in my Amnesty’s group, and the other girl, too) I am both happy and nervous and confused. At times, during the meetings, I cross my eyes with his (his wonderful blue eyes…) and I feel so good inside! But then the sensation of something going on with him and the other girl (aka “jealousy”, I suppose…) comes back and for some mysterious reason I tend to become a little aggressive. For instance, during one of the last meeting we had, we were talking about the “conflict of interest”. He said something and I thought he was wrong, but instead of replying in a calm way, I started to talk fast and my voice tended to get louder and louder…I don’t think I create a tension between us, but I didn’t like the way the things were going, so I just stopped me shut my mouth.

It’s quite frustrating…

 

[For Honor]

as far as my birthday goes...... I've tried to down play it as much as possible..... but it's sort of been ugly.

hahaha.....

oh well...

--------------

Anyway... as far as the relationship I described above, I don't know about it. Reading it, thinking about it now, it all seems so different. This past week or so, especially last week when I was away from the interned/computers completely, I think I am discovering many things about myself.

There is a lot of distance in my life. And it's not really my fault, or anyone elses. It is my choice to see it, to perceive the distance, but I think that is close to the truth. And I like to live in accordance with truth, with reality...


But enough about me.


I hope your situation works out.
"love triangles" or any situation where emotions and people are involved are difficult. I think the most important thing is to make sure that there is reciprocation, and you do not get yourself in a one-sided relationship. Because if one person feels one way, and a nother person does not, it really isn't right for either person, I think.


Did you ever tell him how you felt about him? Or at least hint at it a little? One thing I know about guys like myself- we aren't always the best at understanding emotions and things like that.

At the same time, if he knows how you feel, and he is not paying you proper attention, then I think a change is needed.

But I am not someone who shoulc give advice about relationships - I'm too young to know much. I have an idea for myself, but that;s just me.



Good luck with it.

 

[lady luck]

I am one of those person that does not believe is necessary to tell things. And I am pretty sure he doesn't need me to tell him anything: he's got a good number of people turning around him (I mean, he's quite handsome, nice, and he has got lot of "savoir faire").
I don't know how this situation is going to go on, and I am not sure I want it to go on.
As I said before, I am sure there was a good feeling shared, but then maybe the things changed. I don't believe it is because of something I did, and it's not because of something I didn't do.
It just happened.
I don't think, though, this is a "triangle" -- it's really not the case. I am ready to put myself aside when I know there's nothing I could do. And I don't want to do anything that could spoil the happiness of these two people. I told you I am close to the both of them, so I don't want to cause tensions.

 

[For Honor]

Ah...

I have been in a few situations where I relationships were made uneasy by attraction between friends, and all I really know is that they are tricky.

But it sounds like you are in a decent position, though it does sound complicated, and I can imagine it to be frustrating, like you said before.



I'm at the point in my life where I am looking to move on and have an actual relationship. School so far has been a very odd environment for me, and one I don't feel comfortable in as far as a relationship goes. I'm one of those people who, if I am going to do something like an exclusive relationship, I want to do it right, and I haven't been able to do that so far.

And I've worked on it a lot, and I've gotten better, but I am a person easily made jealous. I take things too seriously and personally sometimes! But that is okay, it's just part of who I am I guess.


------

I'm entering a stage in my life where I've been waiting for something for a long time, but I still have to wait. There is sort of a laxness and dullness of the moment, which is nice, because it's calming in a way. Maybe because.... maybe it's because I actually have a secure idea about what the future has in store for me, in regards to college. But there are still some deep questions that I am working on the answers to...

All in all, it's sort of like the eye of the storm. It is calm now, but I know things will get more intense soon enough... so it's a strange, cautious state of relaxation and.... well.... I guess goodness. It is odd for me, because I am so used to having to "deal with something", some problem, and now that there isn't one, I'm wary to let my gaurd down!

well, I guess it could be worse

 

[For Honor]

It was my grandparents 50th anniversary sunday.



That was really nice to go to.
I have..... issues with family events. Sometimes an uneasy environment is created because I am somewhat distanced from parts of my family....


But it doesn't really matter, it was my grandparents' day. They had a good time, and danced really well! IT was a nice happy occasion, and I really hope I can have a 50th wedding anniversary like that someday.



I recorded some of it on film, because they needed someone to do it. But I am worried, because compared to the last major event I filmed, I think I didn't do as good of a job. But I think I got the major things down.


I was sliding along a wall, and I sort of ran into a themostat or someething sticking out of it, so there is a pretty random "collision" right in the middle of when my grandparents first enter the room!

oh well

 

[lady luck]

little crash? he he he... hope everything is ok !

what was the other event you filmed?

tell me more about your grandparents! wow 50 years together.. a lifetime... do they live near you? do you go and spend time with them often?

I never met my mother's parents. I just met my father's, but my grandfather died when I was a kid (6 or 7). My grandma died a yeard ago.

They lived very far from us (almost 900 km) and I never get in touch with my grandma that much. I'm sure the physical distance was NOT the only reason. I don't blame her more than I blame myself... but I feel like it's not a great loss not having known her too much... I know this sound horrible, but I just can't say anything positive on her.. I just know she's always been self-centred and for some mysterious reason she never could get in touch with my father that much...

 

[For Honor]

As far as the anniversary goes... I haven't seen my video of it yet, but I've been told that it came out pretty well. I am not so sure about that, though. I'll have to see it to believe it.

-------------------------

Family situations can be very weird... One thing I am fortunate with is that everyone seems to get along well enough, which is pretty amazing, since each "side" is very different. My mothers side, fathers side, and stepmothers side are all very different, but they are all full of pretty good people. Until the divorce, everything was amazingly smooth - and that is one of those things that you don't realize until it has passed you by. I was younger, too, but still... So much has changed in regards to my family structure.
(But.... there is a whole separate issue that has come to my attention... It always seems like... I have a different identity with each "side" of my faimily. But none of them know who I am. Well, more about that at some other time)


Interestingly enough, my fathers side of the family still gets along very well with my stepmother. For acceptable reasons, my dad has become the outcast, blacksheep in the family.

--------------------------

Anyhow.....

My grandparents are quite the couple. They've mellowed out, now that they are in the twilight of their life. It is one of those matches that you can sort of expect to work :

My grandfather is a really smart guy, and he is more "strong but silent" type. He is quiet, and doesn't ask a lot from people, but at the same time, cares deeply and like to help them. He used to work for a very influential company, and retired after working hard and doing well for his family. He was one of many children in his youth, and had to step it up and be responsible for a lot of people because he was the oldest. He doesn't eat very many things, and has very simple tastes. Doesn't like to be flashy. Writing this, I don't have much to "say" about his personality, but it is a wholesome one.


My grandmother is a perfect match, so to say, because she balances him out. She is talkative and social, cheery - a happy demeanor to balance out my grandfathers seriousness. She likes to dance and art, and have fun. Likes her family a lot. Likes art, culture - antique dealer as a part time job for fun. She always tries to say something to you, which is a great part about her. She is seldom down (in my presence, and that of others. But I know she has deep feelings about things). She is a strong woman, too, because she stood by her children - one of them has been mentally retarded his entire life. And she was there to be a boyscout troop leader, a "den mother", when no one else would take a group of boys, just so her other two sons could be involved. I saw some pictures of my grandmother when she was younger at the anniversary, and she was definitley a pretty woman. She still is, actually, and has an amazingly plesant voice and smile. That too, sort of balances out my grandfather's.... um... rough voice. But he is not ugly by any strecth of the imaginiation. I guess that is one thing they both had in common.



Their common ground, that I can see, is their liking of history and culture and things like that - they read a lot of books. (Not a lot, but, that is one common link I can see). They both care about my father, but at the same time, and for goood reason, are upset with him for the way he has been acting for the past two years. Initially, I believed my father was doing the right thing by getting a divorce. But today, I am questioning him more and more... not about the divorce, but about what he has done since...


Back to my grandparants.....

The best thing is that they get a long well. They argue all the time, but they know how to get by - 50 years is amazing. They both care a lot about their family, and family is both important to them. And I respect that a great deal, and hope I can be the same way.

Writing this all....... I remind myself of my grandfather. Even on my mothers side, they are both... similar. But my grandfather on my father's side....... The scariest thing is that his wife, my grandmother, has the same birthday as someone else I know, and.... when I am talking to my grandmother, I can see that person in her... And "that person" happens to be the same person that I described in my other posts....


Well, I've written an obnoxious amount again. One thing just leads to another. "My family" is such a...... a topic for conversation, and probably one that should be avoided if you are not up for my desacribing it to no end!

It's just that I've been observing them for so long... And I think part of my personality is to analyse traits and charactersistics of people and things. And i've got my fair share of opinions....


Well, I'm sure that is more than enough info.
The sad part is, if I thought about it, I could write more.
But I think that is enough for now.



Oh yes - my visiting with my grandparents is sporadic. They do not live far away, but sometimes it seems like I don't see them for months. Recently, though, I've been spending more time with them, which is good. Like my father says, I won't get too many more oppertunities. But I will have plenty of good memories, that is for sure.

 

[For Honor]

little crash? he he he... hope everything is ok !

what was the other event you filmed?

Well, the other event I filmed........
One of them was my Unlce's wedding - which was very nice.

I got pretty "creative" with that one, like I got a good shot of the champangne being poured, and the bubbles and all that. But with my grandparents anniversary, I sort of made an effort to be creative like that, but...... I don't know, I got in a bit of a funk that day. Like I said before, sometimes family events just set me the wrong way. I think I have some issues to deal with, or perhaps, 'move on' from.

But my uncle's wedding was very nice. One of those sort of "big traditional weddings", nice reception and the likes. I don't remeber very much about it, since it was at least 6 years ago. But I know it was nice. And I know that my uncle and aunt have gotten a long fairly well since, and I think they will do well together. Of course, everyone felt the same way about my father and stepmother, so who knows. My aunt and uncle, though, they are good enough people, and I get along with my aunt's parents (my uncle is on my dad's side of the family, my aunt is from outside of the family), very well. So that is good.

I don't know if I've filmed anything else, really. Just a chorus concert for a friend - that turned out well, it was funny. (Funny in a good way!). I don't really call myself a film-maker or..... um.... a video-recorder-guy or whatever it is called. But when there is a need for one, I guess I do it.

 

[lady luck]

what is the reason behind your nickname?