hermes
Acrobat
Not auto-biographical, but based on some people I knew...
Mid-Point of College Exile
....
In a car and pulling
into the parking lot
College on a too hot Florida day
Mugging my lungs
Whistling under oak
A freshman I recognize
She doesn?t return it
I?m bleeding all over first class period
Young man I was
Remembering a grave error
I had neglected to correct
Rushing across the grass plain
Every hundred feet or so
For two seconds
Cheap rubber soles tap
On concrete
And he?s already waiting
In a van
Reading nothing
Staring ahead
Seeing me
Sideways
I may have been flush with shame
Perhaps
Slightly exhausted
Because I did not need him here
Securing the ride as I did
Before my car was released from the shop
And forgetting to alert him
He showed up dutifully
With four classes left in my day
Just the way I loved to end it
His head turned
Narrow
Almost like a fox
Ceaser as he would look
In a future setting
I got in
My nature was to make foolish mistakes
And never own up to them
Letting the mechanisms
Work themselves out
?Car still in the shop??
He asked as if he knew
A slight perfectionist
He always seemed as if he knew
In a manner which
Set someone like me
On a slight edge
Causing me to shore up
And silence
Or start babbling about anything
Two responses that were
The norm for me at the time
As uncomfortable as I was
Doing anything normal
Flipping farther
Dialogue was lost
We weren?t heading toward my home
I said nothing
For fear I had forgotten the
Vital information of our destination
I did not wish to feel a fool
As I was
I?d rather feel lost
He said nothing of it
We talked of books
For which I had more lust for than
Even women
Whom I hadn?t had the company of in awhile
Secluding myself in that insular school year
Wanting no distractions from the emptiness
I stumbled over him many times
Telling myself to listen
Intently I tried
Putting all my will power
Into not adding my two cents
Which were worth far less
For I knew nothing really
But it was hard
Classes had taught me the art of not listening
He was just as urgent
Not to hear me speak
A serene face
Soft spoken words
He never revealed himself
In all the time I knew him
I knew hardly anything
But his thoughts were deep
Where as I
Given the chance
Would have gushed anything to him
And often then
Even though my words were hallow
And shallow
For in truth I adored him
A few years older than I
He looked a few years younger
And though he was a perfectionist
He demanded that of himself as well
And moreover
His lack of verbiage about most things personal
Lead one to believe
Mystery lingered everywhere
It rung in everyone who knew him
Even when he would grate our nerves
And strip our patience
We knew our betters
The van makes it?s way
To the ocean
A little beach
With grassy garbage surrounding it
And a dock of some sort
A wooden platform really
I ask no questions
Though I am dying to
The place reminds me of where
I took Sandy
In a gross dune
Just out of sight of the road
But the place is like most
On this side of the state
Ugly and
Stretching to a boring horizon
In the corners of your eyes
We walked out on to the ?dock?
Which seemed to be only
An inch from the surface of the water
I was suddenly afraid of slipping
Because I did not want to look like an idiot
We talked of physics
I was more into generalities of dimensional theory
He knew the nuts and bolts
Soon
My obtuseness
and his acuteness
Led us in that circle
And we somehoe found ourselves
On the question of God
And though I was about to express my belief
In someone holding the spinning cogs
His logic overtook me
And though I still didn't think as he did
I was quick to agree with him
I stared and looked at the still ocean
The gulf gasping
A watery chasm of calm
I wanted to drown
In it so many times
I turned just to
See and hear him splashing into the water
I quickly grabbed his arm
Above the elbow
Until I realized he was standing
Had not fallen at all
And his shoes were left on the dock
I had missed it
Listening
He looked up
Calm but with the glimmer
Of the perturbed
I of course blushed
A goof
And did not release as quickly as I should have
?sorry?
It was feeble apology
Weak out of my mouth
I didn?t go into the water
Though he waded far out
For a while
A long while
I was an idiot
The gulf
At least here
Stretched hundreds of yards
Before it was even over your knees
I hadn?t been paying attention at all
I watched the soft figure go out
And come back in
And suddenly we
Were in the van again
Heading home
I apologized for not wiping my boots
And received a brief condescension
From the eyes
Brief
But I knew it
I felt dead and hollow
Talking again about things
Whatever they were
Driving by the school
He sees my car
And I confess
I feel awful
I feel exposed
He?s says next to nothing about it
Something about company
No condescension
No psuedo-budhist ?better than you are? silence
Nothing really
But a faint smile
I had never wanted so much
To hold and caress a man
To have him near
To kiss
But I knew I could go no farther
So it was useless heading down that road
And I knew it wasn?t really him
OR anything
Just the cavern void
Underneath my ribs
That seethed and
Threatened to consume me
With it?s emptiness
I wanted something to fill it
And nothing more
I said thank you
And stepped out of the car
Shutting the door weakly
He pulled it tight
From the inside
When I got home
I drank a bit
And called Sandy
Lusting
Willed her over
To fill her up
Knowing full well
The hangover from orgasm
Would leave me
Dry
Crumbling
Emotionally further down
But the temporary was aching me
She came
Went
Left
Came
Slept
Came
Went
-----------------
Steve
SAME OLD STORY- Hardcore American Comedy
Accidently sent the wrong draft the first post
[This message has been edited by hermes (edited 08-20-2001).]
Mid-Point of College Exile
....
In a car and pulling
into the parking lot
College on a too hot Florida day
Mugging my lungs
Whistling under oak
A freshman I recognize
She doesn?t return it
I?m bleeding all over first class period
Young man I was
Remembering a grave error
I had neglected to correct
Rushing across the grass plain
Every hundred feet or so
For two seconds
Cheap rubber soles tap
On concrete
And he?s already waiting
In a van
Reading nothing
Staring ahead
Seeing me
Sideways
I may have been flush with shame
Perhaps
Slightly exhausted
Because I did not need him here
Securing the ride as I did
Before my car was released from the shop
And forgetting to alert him
He showed up dutifully
With four classes left in my day
Just the way I loved to end it
His head turned
Narrow
Almost like a fox
Ceaser as he would look
In a future setting
I got in
My nature was to make foolish mistakes
And never own up to them
Letting the mechanisms
Work themselves out
?Car still in the shop??
He asked as if he knew
A slight perfectionist
He always seemed as if he knew
In a manner which
Set someone like me
On a slight edge
Causing me to shore up
And silence
Or start babbling about anything
Two responses that were
The norm for me at the time
As uncomfortable as I was
Doing anything normal
Flipping farther
Dialogue was lost
We weren?t heading toward my home
I said nothing
For fear I had forgotten the
Vital information of our destination
I did not wish to feel a fool
As I was
I?d rather feel lost
He said nothing of it
We talked of books
For which I had more lust for than
Even women
Whom I hadn?t had the company of in awhile
Secluding myself in that insular school year
Wanting no distractions from the emptiness
I stumbled over him many times
Telling myself to listen
Intently I tried
Putting all my will power
Into not adding my two cents
Which were worth far less
For I knew nothing really
But it was hard
Classes had taught me the art of not listening
He was just as urgent
Not to hear me speak
A serene face
Soft spoken words
He never revealed himself
In all the time I knew him
I knew hardly anything
But his thoughts were deep
Where as I
Given the chance
Would have gushed anything to him
And often then
Even though my words were hallow
And shallow
For in truth I adored him
A few years older than I
He looked a few years younger
And though he was a perfectionist
He demanded that of himself as well
And moreover
His lack of verbiage about most things personal
Lead one to believe
Mystery lingered everywhere
It rung in everyone who knew him
Even when he would grate our nerves
And strip our patience
We knew our betters
The van makes it?s way
To the ocean
A little beach
With grassy garbage surrounding it
And a dock of some sort
A wooden platform really
I ask no questions
Though I am dying to
The place reminds me of where
I took Sandy
In a gross dune
Just out of sight of the road
But the place is like most
On this side of the state
Ugly and
Stretching to a boring horizon
In the corners of your eyes
We walked out on to the ?dock?
Which seemed to be only
An inch from the surface of the water
I was suddenly afraid of slipping
Because I did not want to look like an idiot
We talked of physics
I was more into generalities of dimensional theory
He knew the nuts and bolts
Soon
My obtuseness
and his acuteness
Led us in that circle
And we somehoe found ourselves
On the question of God
And though I was about to express my belief
In someone holding the spinning cogs
His logic overtook me
And though I still didn't think as he did
I was quick to agree with him
I stared and looked at the still ocean
The gulf gasping
A watery chasm of calm
I wanted to drown
In it so many times
I turned just to
See and hear him splashing into the water
I quickly grabbed his arm
Above the elbow
Until I realized he was standing
Had not fallen at all
And his shoes were left on the dock
I had missed it
Listening
He looked up
Calm but with the glimmer
Of the perturbed
I of course blushed
A goof
And did not release as quickly as I should have
?sorry?
It was feeble apology
Weak out of my mouth
I didn?t go into the water
Though he waded far out
For a while
A long while
I was an idiot
The gulf
At least here
Stretched hundreds of yards
Before it was even over your knees
I hadn?t been paying attention at all
I watched the soft figure go out
And come back in
And suddenly we
Were in the van again
Heading home
I apologized for not wiping my boots
And received a brief condescension
From the eyes
Brief
But I knew it
I felt dead and hollow
Talking again about things
Whatever they were
Driving by the school
He sees my car
And I confess
I feel awful
I feel exposed
He?s says next to nothing about it
Something about company
No condescension
No psuedo-budhist ?better than you are? silence
Nothing really
But a faint smile
I had never wanted so much
To hold and caress a man
To have him near
To kiss
But I knew I could go no farther
So it was useless heading down that road
And I knew it wasn?t really him
OR anything
Just the cavern void
Underneath my ribs
That seethed and
Threatened to consume me
With it?s emptiness
I wanted something to fill it
And nothing more
I said thank you
And stepped out of the car
Shutting the door weakly
He pulled it tight
From the inside
When I got home
I drank a bit
And called Sandy
Lusting
Willed her over
To fill her up
Knowing full well
The hangover from orgasm
Would leave me
Dry
Crumbling
Emotionally further down
But the temporary was aching me
She came
Went
Left
Came
Slept
Came
Went
-----------------
Steve
SAME OLD STORY- Hardcore American Comedy
Accidently sent the wrong draft the first post
[This message has been edited by hermes (edited 08-20-2001).]
