I almost want to ask you, ZD, "what's it about"
But I think that would defeat the inherent purpose, or reason for it's creation. (I just ask that question about everything, though "what's it about" )
Content: in one sense, I have no idea what it's really about. In another sense, it smacks of religion, and yes, holiday, adam and eve, right right right. But really, I..... I'm left with a wondering. But perahps this is because the subject matter is something I don't know much about, and therefore, it has no effect. Suggested background material, perhaps? But no..... I think...... no, that's not quite it either. It's not really like that. I'm just missing it. Or I'm still too impatient to string everything together, I don't know
Diction: I think you've improved that quite a bit. Seems like yuou've been taking a look over some of Laz's works, but I blame you not - those are verywell worded. Still, honestly, sometimes it's too flowery for me - words just for the sake of words. But that's me, and I've described why I am such. However... I do know that the words you choose here are very heavy, dense, or condesed; there is a lot going on, which is great. It just doesn't.... flow for me. But then again, I suppose that is part of poetry. I just don't. personally, like spending time going over things and breaking them down, or my mind just doesn't work that way. I'm too.... ....... .... ..... uh...... what's the word.... mentally rigid, or something. You know.
Phrasing: very good.
Imagery: from what I did get, I thought it was very good
youtooellen said:
gets me into the holiday spirit
I think that was a joke by ellen.... but... taken literally, no, I can't say it puts me in the holiday spirit.
I must also state, Will, I have a tendancy to be very superficial, especially in initial judgements. Especially in overal qualities. And soemtimes, when something is more negative, it is something I don't warm up to easily, and am more put off by it.
But that's just me.
So I guess I wrote a lot but I don't know if it's of any use, seeing how I'm not really a great poet. I hope I wasn't too critical or anything, but I just figred I'd do something like that, for once.
If you can offer some suggestions as to howbetter critique your writing, I'd like to hear them. (yes, I know that is an absurd sentence to write). And probably it would just be "well, read it again, and know the words and know what it's all about!", perhaps. Maybe I will, though...
maybe...