LemonMelon
More 5G Than Man
I want to take a STAB at New Cock, but I'm not sure where to go with it. Right now, I'm leaning towards it being about a woman who decides to get a sex change and solicits Lance's mom.
Shuttlecock! Part XIII - Midnight is when her work begins
- Thread starter impy13
- Start date
The friendliest place on the web for anyone that follows U2.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
joyfulgirl
Blue Crack Addict
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2001
- Messages
- 16,690
I've been packing and cleaning and just when I thought I should check in here I glanced at the muted TV and saw a headline on the local news:
COCKFIGHTING INVESTIGATION
It made me laugh. I know you don't believe me but it happened.
eta: wow, that's a lot bigger than I thought
eta: no cock pun intended
COCKFIGHTING INVESTIGATION
It made me laugh. I know you don't believe me but it happened.
eta: wow, that's a lot bigger than I thought
eta: no cock pun intended
you better stop, or i'll fuck up a poll too.
ooh, or i could just kill the thread. that took a lot less effort.
lazarus
Blue Crack Supplier
I was contemplating changing this to "Your Jew Room" as I was getting bored with the badminton stuff, but took the easy route:
YOUR BLUE RACQUET
It's time to serve again
With your blue racquet
Got some shuttlecocks to send to you
With your blue racquet
The court is clean
The net is cleared
I've had enough of losing 'round here
It's a different kind of recreation
Your blue racquet
You saw the coming cock
Just inside
You saw cock coming
Somewhere it can fly
The score is a string of zeroes... your blue racquet
See the chance to be a hero... your blue racquet
A new frame, a new restringing
Looking down on my arm swinging
Coach's instructions maneuver cock directions
Your blue racquet
You saw cock coming round
Missed by the line
You saw cock coming
But can you return?
Your blue racquet
Next year we'll be back... your blue racquet
Oh yeah, we'll be at the front of the pack... your blue racquet
You see me serve on
Won't you it it back home?
So much for range
(Adam Claycourt: )
Swinging in
Swinging out
Nothing I can win without
A ref to see it all up close
Clarifying what no one knows
Never in doubles
Never alone
No crowd applause
No tantrum thrown
YOUR BLUE RACQUET
It's time to serve again
With your blue racquet
Got some shuttlecocks to send to you
With your blue racquet
The court is clean
The net is cleared
I've had enough of losing 'round here
It's a different kind of recreation
Your blue racquet
You saw the coming cock
Just inside
You saw cock coming
Somewhere it can fly
The score is a string of zeroes... your blue racquet
See the chance to be a hero... your blue racquet
A new frame, a new restringing
Looking down on my arm swinging
Coach's instructions maneuver cock directions
Your blue racquet
You saw cock coming round
Missed by the line
You saw cock coming
But can you return?
Your blue racquet
Next year we'll be back... your blue racquet
Oh yeah, we'll be at the front of the pack... your blue racquet
You see me serve on
Won't you it it back home?
So much for range
(Adam Claycourt: )
Swinging in
Swinging out
Nothing I can win without
A ref to see it all up close
Clarifying what no one knows
Never in doubles
Never alone
No crowd applause
No tantrum thrown
Irvine511
Blue Crack Supplier
Boner's hair is looking pretty real. 
GirlsAloudFan
Blue Crack Addict
Dave Letterman said that the band was going to play another song after the show went off the air. I wonder what it was. Vertigo, probably.
corianderstem
Blue Crack Distributor
Yeah, The Other Place confirmed it was Squirtigo.
Lila64
Blue Crack Distributor
lazarus
Blue Crack Supplier
Actually, screw that above version. For NSW:
YOUR JEW ROOM
It's time to go again
To your Jew room
Got some questions to ask of G-d
In your Jew room
The hair is curled
Foreskin long cleared
I've had enough of haggling 'round here
It's a different kind of computation
Your Jew room
You saw me counting love
Bills and coins
You saw me counting
Money I will hide
How much for a string of pearls... your Jew room
See the bargain just hanging there... your Jew room
A new game, a new way to gyp ya
Looking down on all the shiksas
Your conditions whatever the reductions
Your Jew room
You saw me counting rolls
Down by the bank
You saw me counting
But can you feel?
Your Jew room
One day--oy, my back... your Jew room
Manischewitz is where it's at... your Jew room
(Adam Claycourt)
Jew 'em down
Jew 'em out
Something they can't do without
A nose to smell it all up close
Magnifying what no goy knows
Never good company
Never a loan
No kosher farms
No forehead horns
YOUR JEW ROOM
It's time to go again
To your Jew room
Got some questions to ask of G-d
In your Jew room
The hair is curled
Foreskin long cleared
I've had enough of haggling 'round here
It's a different kind of computation
Your Jew room
You saw me counting love
Bills and coins
You saw me counting
Money I will hide
How much for a string of pearls... your Jew room
See the bargain just hanging there... your Jew room
A new game, a new way to gyp ya
Looking down on all the shiksas
Your conditions whatever the reductions
Your Jew room
You saw me counting rolls
Down by the bank
You saw me counting
But can you feel?
Your Jew room
One day--oy, my back... your Jew room
Manischewitz is where it's at... your Jew room
(Adam Claycourt)
Jew 'em down
Jew 'em out
Something they can't do without
A nose to smell it all up close
Magnifying what no goy knows
Never good company
Never a loan
No kosher farms
No forehead horns
I much prefer the Jew version. I think we can officially welcome them to the Shuttlecock lexicon. Chosen People, indeed.
Pride (In the Name of Cock)
One tart come in the name of cock
One tart paid to blow
One tart come, she to moistify
One tart skilled like a pro
In the name of cock
Slut whore in the name of cock
In the name of cock
Slut whore in the name of cock
One tart tweaked through a chain link fence
One tart takes a fist
One tart plowed on a crowded beach
One tart refuses to kiss
In the name of cock
Slut whore in the name of cock
In the name of cock
Slut whore in the name of cock
Early morning, 12 till 4
Works the street till she's spent and dry
Paid at last, they took her crabs
Couldn't heal 'em if they tried
In the name of cock
Slut whore in the name of cock
In the name of cock
Slut whore in the name of cock
In the name of cock
Slut whore in the name of cock...
Pride (In the Name of Cock)
One tart come in the name of cock
One tart paid to blow
One tart come, she to moistify
One tart skilled like a pro
In the name of cock
Slut whore in the name of cock
In the name of cock
Slut whore in the name of cock
One tart tweaked through a chain link fence
One tart takes a fist
One tart plowed on a crowded beach
One tart refuses to kiss
In the name of cock
Slut whore in the name of cock
In the name of cock
Slut whore in the name of cock
Early morning, 12 till 4
Works the street till she's spent and dry
Paid at last, they took her crabs
Couldn't heal 'em if they tried
In the name of cock
Slut whore in the name of cock
In the name of cock
Slut whore in the name of cock
In the name of cock
Slut whore in the name of cock...
I had an alternate verse, but I didn't feel like looking for Lance's birthday and it probably wouldn't have sounded right anyway. So let's just say it was April 4:
Brothel awning, April 4
Child pops out from between her thighs
Free at last, he had her rash
But he had his daddy's eyes
Brothel awning, April 4
Child pops out from between her thighs
Free at last, he had her rash
But he had his daddy's eyes
lazarus
Blue Crack Supplier
I laughed out loud through most of that, esp. at the blunt vulgarity of "slut whore in the name of cock".
Also loved "moistify", "refuses to kiss" and "early morning, 12 to 4"
Fantastic.
Also loved "moistify", "refuses to kiss" and "early morning, 12 to 4"
Fantastic.
TripThruUreWires
I serve MacPhisto
Is this thread (and its predecessors for that matter) as disturbing as the last few replies would lead me to believe? 
uh, I think I'll just crawl back under my cock rock right about now. 
uh, I think I'll just crawl back under my 
U2DMfan
Rock n' Roll Doggie VIP PASS
Impy, that last one was awesome.
Slut whore in the name of cock.
Gold, Jerry.
Slut whore in the name of cock.
Gold, Jerry.
Let's divert our attention, shall we, from Lance's Mom to her esteemed employer:
Daddy's Gonna Pay For Your Crushed Cock
She is lying prone
Undercarriage shown
She's turned every trick in the world
Numbers unknown
Daddy says she's not cheap
Daddy's will make you pay
Daddy makes sure you don't get away
A-ha sha-la, a-ha sha-la
Daddy's gonna pay for your crushed cock
Not extremely tight
She can take a fist
Cucumbers and dildos if you insist
When you see daddy coming
You're losing your shit
Pockets cleaned out to the lint
A-ha sha-la, a-ha sha-la
Daddy's gonna pay for your crushed cock
Daddy's gonna pay for your crushed cock
You've got visions quite graphic
You stealing her thong
You nail Lance's Momma
Her daddy's right along
If you can't pay, he'll set flame to your car
Daddy will find you wherever you are
Daddy's her support
Daddy's not your friend
Daddy raids your wallet after coitus ends
A-ha sha-la, a-ha sha-la
Daddy's gonna pay for your crushed cock
Daddy's gonna pay for your crushed cock
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday
She works nights
Daddy's Gonna Pay For Your Crushed Cock
She is lying prone
Undercarriage shown
She's turned every trick in the world
Numbers unknown
Daddy says she's not cheap
Daddy's will make you pay
Daddy makes sure you don't get away
A-ha sha-la, a-ha sha-la
Daddy's gonna pay for your crushed cock
Not extremely tight
She can take a fist
Cucumbers and dildos if you insist
When you see daddy coming
You're losing your shit
Pockets cleaned out to the lint
A-ha sha-la, a-ha sha-la
Daddy's gonna pay for your crushed cock
Daddy's gonna pay for your crushed cock
You've got visions quite graphic
You stealing her thong
You nail Lance's Momma
Her daddy's right along
If you can't pay, he'll set flame to your car
Daddy will find you wherever you are
Daddy's her support
Daddy's not your friend
Daddy raids your wallet after coitus ends
A-ha sha-la, a-ha sha-la
Daddy's gonna pay for your crushed cock
Daddy's gonna pay for your crushed cock
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday
She works nights
Lila64
Blue Crack Distributor
A Cock and a Woman
Lance's Mother, not the best choice you could make today
You won't be the only one
Lance's Mother
On the surface it all looks okay
But there's a lesion on her tongue
Faux love always can be rent
But only faux love can leave such a putrid scent
I would never take a chance
Of letting her remove my pants
On the inglorious distance
Between a cock and a woman
No I would never take a chance
Cause I value the health of glands
It's the inglorious distance
Between a cock and a woman
You can buy a tug
But if it's more than that, she'll infest you
Pustules that won't heal
But you can go numb from tugs
Inducing pain when no lotion is involved
I'm sure it hurts when she's wrenching you
I would never take a chance
Of letting her remove my pants
On the inglorious distance
Between a cock and a woman
If me and her and no one else
I'd rather just play with myself
It's the inglorious distance
Between a cock and a woman
Haggard broad across the street
Looks far from divine
I know she's the worst thing for me
If she offered, I'd decline
You know I would decline
Lance's Mother
She's been working in the street again
Aching for cock
Lance's Mother
She should try to get some sleep again
But she's got to work that rod
The whore needs money to be her mate
When the whore's bought, a sore awaits
No, I would never take a chance
Of letting her remove my pants
On the inglorious distance
Between a cock and a woman
If lust is great then sex severe
But I would not unsheathe my spear
In the inglorious distance
Between a cock and a woman
I'm sure it hurts when she's wrenching you
Lance's Mother, not the best choice you could make today
You won't be the only one
Lance's Mother
On the surface it all looks okay
But there's a lesion on her tongue
Faux love always can be rent
But only faux love can leave such a putrid scent
I would never take a chance
Of letting her remove my pants
On the inglorious distance
Between a cock and a woman
No I would never take a chance
Cause I value the health of glands
It's the inglorious distance
Between a cock and a woman
You can buy a tug
But if it's more than that, she'll infest you
Pustules that won't heal
But you can go numb from tugs
Inducing pain when no lotion is involved
I'm sure it hurts when she's wrenching you
I would never take a chance
Of letting her remove my pants
On the inglorious distance
Between a cock and a woman
If me and her and no one else
I'd rather just play with myself
It's the inglorious distance
Between a cock and a woman
Haggard broad across the street
Looks far from divine
I know she's the worst thing for me
If she offered, I'd decline
You know I would decline
Lance's Mother
She's been working in the street again
Aching for cock
Lance's Mother
She should try to get some sleep again
But she's got to work that rod
The whore needs money to be her mate
When the whore's bought, a sore awaits
No, I would never take a chance
Of letting her remove my pants
On the inglorious distance
Between a cock and a woman
If lust is great then sex severe
But I would not unsheathe my spear
In the inglorious distance
Between a cock and a woman
I'm sure it hurts when she's wrenching you
The Sad Punk
Blue Crack Addict
lazarus
Blue Crack Supplier
Wow, Impy. You are on fire tonight.
Too many good bits to mention. I'm in stitches.
One note--I think you mean "lesion" instead of "legion" at the beginning of that last one.
Taking a break from badminton is fun, isn't it?
Too many good bits to mention. I'm in stitches.
One note--I think you mean "lesion" instead of "legion" at the beginning of that last one.
Taking a break from badminton is fun, isn't it?
The Sad Punk
Blue Crack Addict
Yeah, I have to say, you guys have struck a rare form lately.
elevated_u2_fan
Blue Crack Supplier
Beautiful Day? C'MON!
Does anyone know which show this week had the "Ask U2" segment? I probably fast-forwarded over it and did not realize it...
Does anyone know which show this week had the "Ask U2" segment? I probably fast-forwarded over it and did not realize it...
martha
Blue Crack Supplier
LarryMullen's POPAngel
Blue Crack Distributor
Letterman
martha
Blue Crack Supplier
He has no interest in what is actually said in here, but he loves all redheads all the time, so you're safe.
elevated_u2_fan
Blue Crack Supplier
lol, I suppose I deserved that... Do you remember which night it was on?
LarryMullen's POPAngel
Blue Crack Distributor
It was either Tuesday or Wednesday, because I saw the video online and I know I didn't see it when I was actually watching the show Monday or last night, haha.
