Starr
The Fly
To all:
Your words have helped me a lot. I ended up putting the mirror to myself & really going over who I am & what issues I need to deal with. self discovery sucks when it comes in form of this. It turns out I don't express myself as good as I think I do & I really get scared on my feelings. I mean that I will say oh I care about you but that's it. I have realized that it's stupid hold back things because in the long run it still hurts the same.
Now the struggle I am having with myself is telling him what I discovered. Not that I believe it might change anything cause I feel that I was so ugly, I am truly embarrassed on how I behaved, I hate myself for how I was & acted. That why would someone even want to even take another stab at this. If I was on the outside I would say "hell no."
I want to call him so bad & tell him but not sure if he would be receptive at all. Then I decided to email him but then he could be like she is just saying this, to get me back.
The speaking to him part is tormenting me so bad, on one hand I think I need to give it time because just because I beat myself up over what happened & my part of the problems. Doesn't mean the other has. He probably is on the hating aspect. But then I feel if I call him, I say my peace finally & how I feel & its over for me...
I am not sure which is true? Do any of you know?
Sorry for being such cripple when it comes to this but like I said this is a 1st. I just want the feeling to go away.
Your words have helped me a lot. I ended up putting the mirror to myself & really going over who I am & what issues I need to deal with. self discovery sucks when it comes in form of this. It turns out I don't express myself as good as I think I do & I really get scared on my feelings. I mean that I will say oh I care about you but that's it. I have realized that it's stupid hold back things because in the long run it still hurts the same.
Now the struggle I am having with myself is telling him what I discovered. Not that I believe it might change anything cause I feel that I was so ugly, I am truly embarrassed on how I behaved, I hate myself for how I was & acted. That why would someone even want to even take another stab at this. If I was on the outside I would say "hell no."
I want to call him so bad & tell him but not sure if he would be receptive at all. Then I decided to email him but then he could be like she is just saying this, to get me back.
The speaking to him part is tormenting me so bad, on one hand I think I need to give it time because just because I beat myself up over what happened & my part of the problems. Doesn't mean the other has. He probably is on the hating aspect. But then I feel if I call him, I say my peace finally & how I feel & its over for me...
I am not sure which is true? Do any of you know?
Sorry for being such cripple when it comes to this but like I said this is a 1st. I just want the feeling to go away.