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Old 11-19-2001, 03:52 PM   #1
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LARRY THE RENAISSANCE MAN: A play for MullenGirl

Deep in the heart of Texas....no, not THAT deep. Back up a little more...ok....ok....THERE. Perfect. About *that* much into the heart of Texas, everyone's favorite LarryLover, MullenGirl (whom we shall call MG for time purposes) was in HOT WATER at work

MG: Hey, boss, this soup could use a little more salt...

PLEBA: *koff koff*

*cricket* *tumbleweed*

Shut up! OK it wasn't REALLY hot water. But bascially, she had heard that U2 would be in town for awhile.

She also had managed to track down their plane and steal all of Larry's clothes. Just now, she has on his tearaway pants which are very useful in sharing his man groove with the world

Now, Larry (a rather *hot* tamale) is in Austin with nothing but the buttonless shirt on his back and a random pair of jeans. YES, jeans! The kind you don’t bring home to mother!

While Larry was sleeping on the plane.....


BONO: Edge, lookit ol’ Lawrence over there....he’s napping.

EDGE: He’s wearing a nappie?

BONO: Haven’t yer ears popped yet? We’ve been goin’ for quite a while.

EDGE: You did WHAT to my rear?

BONO: *sigh* Let’s take pictures of Larry’s man cleavage and man groove and SHOW them to people!

EDGE: ....you grooved Larry’s....what?

BONO: We should put him in a sarong!

EDGE: Eh...yes.....so long, Bono....

BONO: Where’s Adam? Still chatting up the stewardess? (lol YES they have a stewardess on their very own plane!)

EDGE: Yes....fattening up the--

*strange, scandalous noises from inside bathroom*

BONO: Hm. That could take awhile. Remind me to get Mona to clean that.

EDGE: you did WHAT to Mona? Geez, she’s a minor.....

BONO: Get Adam’s luggage!

EDGE: *bluuuussshhhh* I couldn’t do THAT....

BONO: *sigh* chew gum and yer ears will pop.

EDGE: ....this is neither the time NOR the place for such--

BONO: *writes on Edge’s hand* get the sarong

EDGE: Oh. Why didn’t you say so? *rummages through Adam’s luggage* What color?

BONO: Em....pink! Flowers! Get one with flowers!! Heh. This is even better than the “One” video....

Minutes later Larry’s pants have been tossed out the window, and he is still sleeping, wearing a lovely pink flowered sarong.

ADAM: *comes out of loo* !!!!! MY SKIRT!!!!!! I mean......wrap-around...manly type of.....clothing! heheh....

STEWARDESS: *snarl* Fruit!

LARRY: *wakes up* What’s all the feckin’ yellin’ about?

BONO & EDGE: *snicker*

LARRY: What the bloody feck do you guys think yer doin’? *more censored language* Rackem frackem.....!!!!!!!! Whar’s me pants?

MG: *senses a disturbance in the force*....a GOOD disturbance! *faints*

LARRY: We’ll be landing soon. I need to look rape-able!

BONO: *sobers up* Hm. That might be a problem. You can have a pair of me trousers if ye wish.

LARRY: Yer legs must be a foot long!

EDGE: *bluuuuussshhhhh* His WHAT?

LARRY: I can’t fit into any of yer pants. I’m not wearin’ Edge’s bedazlled pants....I’m not wearing Adam’s pants...I don’t know WHERE they’ve been....and Boner’s pants are too small. And I don’t know WHAT’s been goin on inside them.

BONO: Hey.....I have good inter-pantal control. O...no...no I don’t.....

LARRY: *sigh* whatever. Just give me some pants

So Larry ended up wearing Bono’s small pants, and that’s why he has jeans. Cause Bono won’t wear his own jeans. Grumble grumble....why won’t he wear ‘em?!

To be continued...of course! MG and Larry haven't met yet. But they WILL. HOO-AH

------------------
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Old 11-19-2001, 04:17 PM   #2
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You and Echo just keep me in stiches (ouch, ouch, ouch damn blunt needle).
The introduction "about that far into the heart of texas"...ohhh so funny.
Keep it coming! And I asked Echo, so I will be a whore and ask you...can I be in it? Just even for a second! I just want to bask in your literary glory!!!
-Blueeyes (the drunk and slutty bridesmaid)
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Old 11-19-2001, 04:21 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally posted by blueeyes:

-Blueeyes (the drunk and slutty bridesmaid)
Alright, that's it! That is going in the PLEBA Glossary!



------------------
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Old 11-19-2001, 04:29 PM   #4
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*With almost Macphistish outrage*

I'm NOT drunk, I'm NOT slutty..

*A waiter passes with a tray of champange glasses. Bluey stops him*

Bluey: Hey Salior! I'll take two of those *She takes two glasses off the tray* And one of you baby! Rrrrrrrrrrow!
*She puts an arm around the waiter and looks up at Echo* What was that I was going on about before? Let me think..Hmm, couldn't have been important!
-Bluey
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Old 11-19-2001, 05:48 PM   #5
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Hee hee! Priceless Mona! Aww...I wish I could have a funny Larry story!! *wink*

------------------
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God Bless America and my city, NYC!

"After all it is the Larry Mullen band."

"Larry has a heavy foot it is an extordiry thing, you know, to have to stand in front of that drum kit. It is like getting a good kicking on a nightly basis." ~Bono
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Old 11-19-2001, 08:32 PM   #6
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I figure it'll take me about a week to finish each play....maybe less this week since tomorrow's the last day of school before Thanksgiving break-- wow 5 whole days...yay...

anyway *bump* for MullenGirl. I will finish this soon...

and yes, you'll soon see why it's called 'Larry the Renaissance Man' YES, there IS a reason...I SWEAR

------------------
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Old 11-19-2001, 08:56 PM   #7
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Awwwwwwwwwwww yay!!!! *claps* Thanks Mona can't wait to read the rest *hugs* You rock girlie

------------------
The U2 revolution has been reinstated.

THE Larry Mullen Jr. Page
http://www.geocities.com/kiti_regia/index.html

Meeting Larry:
*MG shows Larry poster*
*Larry reads poster*
*Larry smiles and says "Thank you that's very nice of you"*
*Larry signs paper, shakes MG's hand*
*MG almost dies then sees tearaway pants and gets bad ideas*
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Old 11-19-2001, 11:28 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally posted by WildHonee:
LARRY: We’ll be landing soon. I need to look rape-able!

BONO: *sobers up* Hm. That might be a problem. You can have a pair of me trousers if ye wish.

LARRY: Yer legs must be a foot long!

EDGE: *bluuuuussshhhhh* His WHAT?

LOL! Great job so far, Mona! This is hilarious.

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Old 11-20-2001, 10:33 PM   #9
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*bump*

*waits for the rest of her story*

*having a very very bad day*


------------------
The U2 revolution has been reinstated.

THE Larry Mullen Jr. Page
http://www.geocities.com/kiti_regia/index.html

Meeting Larry:
*MG shows Larry poster*
*Larry reads poster*
*Larry smiles and says "Thank you that's very nice of you"*
*Larry signs paper, shakes MG's hand*
*MG almost dies then sees tearaway pants and gets bad ideas*
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Old 11-21-2001, 09:27 PM   #10
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ANYWAY, just a little recap....
1. Larry has to wear Bono’s little jeans because his pants were thrown out the window, and all his other clothes were stolen by MG
2. MG is now working at a men’s clothing store in TX just WAITING for Larry to come and buy clothes.


MG: *checks her mailbox* Lessee....you may have won....yeah right....*grunt* the boss keeps sending me all these memos....

1. Do NOT under any circumstance, mention the phrase “man cleavage” in front of customers
2. STOP giving the built men pants that will “show off their man groove”
3. I canNOT make your paychecks out to “Mrs. Mullen”

CUSTOMER: anyone here? I’d like to buy a shirt.

MG: What kind?

CUSTOMER: Eh...one with...buttons?

MG: RECOCKULOUS!!!!!!!!!! *grabs a button-down shirt* *tears off all the buttons*

Well, that was the last stick. I mean straw. MG got fired the very same day.

MG: *sigh* Now I'll NEVER meet Larry. Heheh meet...meat....Larry....*giggles*

all of a sudden, the members of U2 come flying out of the sky!!!!!!!!!!!

MG: It's...it's raining men!

BONO: Hallelujah!!!!!!!!! I mean....AMEN!!!!!! I mean.....

LARRY: *still has small pants on* Does anyone else feel a draft? Me legs are freezin.'

MG: No, but if you want, I could feel your--

EDGE: Hey, what happened? Why were we *literally* kicked out of the plane?

ADAM: Sexual harrassment is illegal, you know.

EVERYONE: *looks at Bono*

BONO: Listen, I'm elevated ALL the time. You'd think youse guys would get used to it! It's not my fault the stewardess just HAPPENED to be standing there whilst I had a--

ADAM: Oh, I was talking about me. In the loo with the stewardess.

LARRY: Wankers. The stewardess was scandalized by my tight jeans.....

EDGE: Well, I didn't do anything to scandalize her.

MG: Speaking of scandalizing.....*eyes Larry*

LARRY: Me leg is warm again. Where ARE we?

ADAM: Lardence...you've got a girl wrapped around your leg.

MG: Freeeessshhhh.....meeeaaatttt.....

LARRY: Em.....I don't know what to say.

EDGE: Allow me. *AHEM* *bluuuuuusssssshhhhh*

LARRY: Thanks, mate.

BONO: So...where are we anyway?

MG: *forces herself off Larry* O sorry....You're in Austin

BONO: *slides on over to make his move* Is it true everything's bigger in Texas?

LARRY: *koff* Ego *koff*

EDGE: Eggo? Waffles? You guys have waffles?

MG: *looks at Adam* A sarong? MY EYES!!!!!!!!! THE HORROR!!!!!!!!! THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!!!

LARRY: Wankers. Listen....what's yer name?

MG: *faints* I mean.....Cristy

LARRY: Listen, I need a new pair of pants. I'm practically busting out of these

MG: Excuse me? *bluuuussshhhh*

LARRY:.....they're too small, is what I mean. They're not me own trousers.

MG: Oh....yes....of course......

LARRY: And these wankers are driving me nuts.....

EDGE: *ouch*

ADAM: Whassamatta?

EDGE: Larry just gestured at us and the button on his pants flew off and nearly poked me eye out!

MG: This is just TOO easy.

ADAM: Well, you know my philosophy about men and pants.......

BONO: Me trousers!!!!! Lawrence, be more careful!!!! *snif* Those trousers were so dear to me.....those trousers were just like trousers to me!

MG: It's not that hard--

BONO: I beg to differ.

LARRY: *sigh* She means it's not that hard to fix a bootin.....*epiphany* It's not that hard--

BONO: O what would you know. Pretty boy. Always tending to your man cleavage. What do you know about eleva--

LARRY: Can you really FIX bootins?

MG: Um....yeah....

LARRY: !!!!

MG: and....it's not that long--

BONO: O, yeah? Have you even SEEN the elevated thread?

EDGE: *steps on Bono's foot* Quiet.

BONO: Ouchie....my little cotton sock....

LARRY: And....and all this time I've been breakin' the bootins off and throwing away the shirts afterwards!

MG: Disposable shirts......hm......disposable......edible.....oo What? O......well.....if youse guys come back to my place, I could show you how to--

LARRY: *stares at MG* Listen, I've really got to get away from these wankers for a bit, before I do something drastic. We get along fine and all, but sometimes I need me space, y'know?

MG: Um....ok.....well.......I can send the rest of them off to a bar, I guess....

LARRY: Great. Let me get me bootin and we'll go. *gets his bootin* Hey, guys? Has anyone seen my stick--?

MG: Whaaaaaat?!

EDGE: I bet Bono has.

BONO: What's that supposed to mean?

ADAM: Bono and Lawrence sittin in a J-Tree.....

LARRY: ...stick of gum? Me breath smells......is what I mean....wankers. Cristy, let's get outta here.....

************
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

------------------
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Old 11-21-2001, 09:38 PM   #11
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BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!! OMFG!!!!! THAT WAS HILARIOUS!!!!! I can't wait for the rest

------------------
The U2 revolution has been reinstated.

THE Larry Mullen Jr. Page
http://www.geocities.com/kiti_regia/index.html

Meeting Larry:
*MG shows Larry poster*
*Larry reads poster*
*Larry smiles and says "Thank you that's very nice of you"*
*Larry signs paper, shakes MG's hand*
*MG almost dies then sees tearaway pants and gets bad ideas*
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Old 11-21-2001, 10:02 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally posted by WildHonee:


all of a sudden, the members of U2 come flying out of the sky!!!!!!!!!!!


That NEVER happens when I'm around...



------------------
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Proud Owner of Animatronic Edge!


"Romance is dead. Turns out all this time someone had just put sunglasses
on it and propped it up in a chair." -James "Kibo" Parry

"Admit it. You got a stiffy." - Edge


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Old 11-22-2001, 07:17 PM   #13
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ALERT!!!!!! ALERT!!!!!!!

The final installment of this play will be posted momentarily.

If you are pregnant or nursing, do NOT read this!!!!!!!

If you have small children, KEEP THEM AWAY!!!!

This involves Larry's antics in the bathroom. It gets RAUNCHY, girls!

PLEBA: *the girls drive up in a bus and set up their lawn chairs and meat coolers* BRING IT ON!!!!

Oh...well...heheh....

Anyway, for those of you who don't know, a Renaissance Man is someone who's good at a large number of things. *INNUENDO* OK. Just warning you. Hope you had a good Thanksgiving dinner, folks.

DESSERT'S COMIN UP.....

------------------
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Proud Owner of the one and only Bon Jovi soap caddy

Love me, give me soul.

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Old 11-22-2001, 07:34 PM   #14
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Aqui esta......

At MG's place, she and Larry have fixed his pants, and MG's telling Larry about how she just got fired

LARRY: Wanker. The boss didn't even give you a good reason why?

MG: Oh. Well.....eh......it's a long story.

LARRY: It's OK. You don't have to explain....

MG: OMG Larry just touched my wall. He touched my table, he touched my wall. I have Larry cooties in my house. OMG breathing exercises...inhale...exhale...

LARRY: Things change, is all.....

MG: He's so........BROODING......OMG Larry is brooding all over my house!!!! *swoon* Brood me, baby!

LARRY:...did you say something?

MG: !!!!! No........heheh

LARRY: I've been feeling really cooped up lately.....

MG: Oh......

LARRY: I mean, I love being in the band...it's my life, basically....but sometimes you just need to get away, y'know?

MG: *nods*

LARRY: Any place we could go?

MG: *eyes dart to bedroom* Take me down to the paradise city where the grass is green and the....er.....boys are pretty......

LARRY: Now that I've got me pants, we can.....

MG: *is still holding the pants*

LARRY: Oh....are they done?

MG: What, THESE old things?! No, you don't wanna put THESE back on!! They're FAR too small!!!! *puts them in the microwave* *presses buttons* *pants explode*

LARRY: What the feck--?!!!!! You just blew up Bono's PANTS!!!!!!!!

MONA: *runs in* *shouts* HEY THAT'S MY JOB!! *runs back out* That's my last cameo, I SWEAR.

MG: Oh, who needs pants? I don't! Look! *tries to remove pants*

LARRY: *bluuuuussssshhh* Em..... listen, is there a loo I could use?

MG: Yes. Yes there is. But sometimes....sometimes it gets dark. So....when my friends come over, and they have to use it, I go in with them.

LARRY: What?

MG: Yes. Come on, now. I'll hold your hand. Let's go. To the loo we go!

LARRY: Em.....could I just....maybe....take a shower or somethin? The jet lag....plus...having fallen out of a plane.....I feel quite dirty. Then maybe I'll just...take a nap or something. We can go out later.

MG: Right. The shower stall is the darkest corner of the bathroom. You might need me to hold your hand.

LARRY: Or something else.

MG: *falls over* WHAT?!

LARRY: .......some kind of light or something....so I can see what to turn or pull or whatever

MG: *falls again* WHAT?!

LARRY: ......to turn on......

MG: *is biting her arm off in anticipation*

LARRY:.....the water.......

MG: .....Oh......yes....the......water....of course.......Hold on. Wait right here. *runs to the bathroom* *closes the door* *takes all the towels and stuffs them into her clothing* (lol) *comes back out* Oh, look, the light is working now! heheh......

LARRY: Oh....good......my....that's a lot of meat you have there.

MG: .....waitaminute. Stop the play! Mona, I think he stole my line!!! I'm supposed to say that to him.

MONA: No, no. Keep going, youse guys. This is good. He's just joking with you because you put all the towels in your shirt. (OK THAT was my last cameo....)

MG: Oh. Right. THIS? No, dear Lawrence. This is just....an illusion. Now.....go take your shower.

LARRY: What's that in your hand?

MG:.....I could have sworn that's one of my lines, too......em o THIS? Nothing.

LARRY: Is that a drill?

MG: NO!!!!!! HAHAHAHAAA!! NO no no no no no!!!!! Now go take your shower while I go drill a hole in the bathroom wall --er......

LARRY: I'm too tired to even acknowlegde the fact that you're not making any sense....

MG: Curses upon curses. Now he thinks I'm bonkers. *burns towels* O wait I am......

LARRY: *accidentally pulls down shower curtain* *calls from the bathroom* LISTEN, CAN YOU COME HERE AND TAKE A LOOK AT THIS ROD, LOVE?

MG: *falls over* Excuse me?! *stands outside bathroom door*

LARRY: Aw, feck it all to heck. I'm all wet.

MG: Really?

LARRY: .....I can't figure out how it works is all.....

MG: REALLY.....?????!!!!!! The ROD?

LARRY: No, the faucet.

MG: Is that what the kids are callin it nowadays?

LARRY: Feck. Where's Edge when you need him?

MG: Does Edge......usually tend to your rod?

LARRY: Well....he is the handiest of the crew.....

MG: REALLY?

LARRY: Sometimes Bono does it for me.

MG: !!!!!!!!!!!!

LARRY: *picks up rubber duckie* O lookit this.....squeeze me -- I make noise!

MG: *is all hot and bothered* Well, if you insist......*turns knob* Curses. It's locked!

LARRY: You can't get in?

MG: Believe me, I WANT to.....

LARRY: Anyway....Adam never does it for me. He's not into that kind of thing.

MG:.....reeeeaaalllleeeeee..........Listen are you gonna be done in there soon? *needs a cold shower*

LARRY: Yeah, well...*drops soap* OOPS!!!!!!! It slipped!!!!!!! I hate when it does that. Where'd it go?

MG: You can't....find.....it?

LARRY: Sly little devil, aren't you?

MG: OMG he's talking to his.....

LARRY: It's really rather relaxing just talking to you like this....Oh, found it. You're not gettin away from me anymore, you hear?

MG: .....

LARRY: *mumbles* Forget the shower....I can't work the bloody thing......*louder, to be heard* Em.....listen.....would you mind if I just.....*picks up toothpaste, which squirts all over the place* O my.....lookit the mess....

MG: What? Maybe I should've left him a towel

LARRY: I squeezed it too hard is all, and I just made a mess. Man. Who's gonna clean it up.....anyway, what were we talking about?

MG: *is resisting raping the closest wall* *is dizzy with lust* what?

LARRY: O, that's right. See with the rod....

MG: *falls over*

LARRY: Little problems like that...well actually it's not always so little.....

MG: *ddrroooolll*

LARRY: I mean, compared to things the other guys are concerned about, it IS little.....

MG: ....excuse me?

LARRY: But in perspective....of all things.....for ME anyway......I'd say it's pretty big.

MG: Pretty.....

LARRY: So Edge helps me out most of the time. He's quite handy. Oh, I think we already covered this.

MG: Cover....*is in a trance*

LARRY: He's really a....hands-on kinda guy.....you know.

MG: Hands....on......

LARRY: Sometimes that gets annoying. I mean, it's wonderful and everything if you're skilled with your hands and all....

MG: Skilled......hands......

LARRY: But sometimes it gets kind of irritating. It's like......well....it's like his hands ALWAYS have to be doing something....sometimes....

MG: Hands....doing.....something.....

LARRY: *is still trying to figure out how to fix the shower rod* Oh, just the screws are loose. No big deal. Listen, do you have time to screw--?

MG: hot tamale hookie cookie.....holy zucchinis........*faints*

After Larry broke out of the bathroom, MG awoke to find him standing over her, rod in hand.

PLEBA: *faints*

O geez. Race you guys to the shower....!

LARRY: I just wanted to screw......
------------------
~*Mona*~ Echo's Pimpstress Protege
97% compatible with Bono

Proud Owner of the one and only Bon Jovi soap caddy

Love me, give me soul.

Magic magic magic Joe Houdini.....

[This message has been edited by WildHonee (edited 11-23-2001).]
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Old 11-22-2001, 08:21 PM   #15
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OMG!!! That was soooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny!!!!!!

I bet Cristy is gonna be rolling on the floor laughing when she reads this!


Great play Mona!

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Old 11-22-2001, 08:23 PM   #16
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Thanks

------------------
~*Mona*~ Echo's Pimpstress Protege
97% compatible with Bono

Proud Owner of the one and only Bon Jovi soap caddy

Love me, give me soul.

Magic magic magic Joe Houdini.....
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Old 11-22-2001, 09:57 PM   #17
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BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Mona!
That was pretty funny *applauds the talented ms. Moner*

I can't wait for my story...

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Old 11-22-2001, 10:17 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally posted by WildHonee:

LARRY: *calls from the bathroom* LISTEN, CAN YOU COME HERE AND TAKE A LOOK AT THIS ROD, LOVE?


LARRY: *picks up rubber duckie* O lookit this.....squeeze me -- I make noise!



HEY!

Quit stealing my jokes!

If you weren't my protege I'd kick your arse.



------------------
*Echo the Pimpstress*
Proud Owner of Animatronic Edge!


"Romance is dead. Turns out all this time someone had just put sunglasses
on it and propped it up in a chair." -James "Kibo" Parry

"Admit it. You got a stiffy." - Edge


Bono-Man! An Epic Superhero Adventure!

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Old 11-23-2001, 12:57 AM   #19
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BWHAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! omg GIRLIE THAT WAS SO FREAKIN FUNNY!!!!! I'M LIKE ON THE FLOOR ROLLING AROUND LAUGHING YAAAAAY i GOT TO SCREW LARRY LMFAO

------------------
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THE Larry Mullen Jr. Page
http://www.geocities.com/kiti_regia/index.html

Meeting Larry:
*MG shows Larry poster*
*Larry reads poster*
*Larry smiles and says "Thank you that's very nice of you"*
*Larry signs paper, shakes MG's hand*
*MG almost dies then sees tearaway pants and gets bad ideas*
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Old 11-23-2001, 12:59 AM   #20
Ana
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mullen-Girl:
YAAAAAY i GOT TO SCREW LARRY LMFAO

*is scandalized*


I want to screw Bono *stumps on the floor crying childishly*

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