dazzledbylight
Blue Crack Supplier
I'm not at the waterworks stage yet .....
.... my body is very tired.
I had to walk 4 times in the last 7 days
in a worried/fast state (vs a happy stroll
or jaunt) the half mile to the nursing
home from the bus stop (and then back
but that part was slower!
) plus all the
usual walking I do.
I feel very surreal- but that
makes sense too.
I did get to see him last night. I got there
after visiting hrs, but when I explained to the
guard that the hospice nurse had said he
might not last the weekend... I was planning
to go anyway that night as my sis and I took
turns each day once we got the bad news about
12 days ago... i was able to go up there.
My sis had called me to tell me she had seen
him, and that his breathing which had been peaceful
had gotten really worse (thank goodness not
so bad that I felt I had to "run outta the
room 'screaming' " so to speak :releif: )
(we really need a :relief: or :reieved: smiley!)
I was able to share a few more memories with
him and say good-bye. The last memory which I
remembered earlier in the day --
I told how I remembered one particular vacation
when we walked out from our ?motel/ cabin? up
in New England somewhere up the road at night
so we could see the panoply of stars.
We even saw some shooting stars that night.
My sis called me me this morning and told me
that he had died 2:35AM Sat.
We went up to get his things that we wanted
and donated clothes to the home.
----------------------------------------------------------------
BACKSTORY
For anyone interested and has not read my stuff from
earlier on...
He ahd become soooo angry, nasty, 'my way or the
highway' type stuff over the last 30 yrs or so
often making ours lives miserable. My mom noticed
a chance in his personality after the first time
he had shock treatment for severe depression,
(I was about 16, didn't notice it)
but it was the second time about 8 yrs later
that really did it.
***Thank Goodness*** there were still times
of caring and fun- but in much shorter supply from
then on.
After he had a major stroke his ability to hold a
conversion (and he could be a talker- that's were
that came from for me
) over a bunch of years
diminished from a window of 12 - 15 mins/8-10/
5/ 2/ 30 secs or less.
My sis and I -it was so shocking part of us wanted
the talker back even if if the nasty scowler/demander
returned with it esp as the window got shorter and shorter.
So my sis would joke with our mom (who passed 3
years ago in May '08) his gotten more hugs and
kisses from me now than in the past previous 20+ yrs.
He really became peaceful and sweet. I guess
what ever memories, though patterns that evoked
that anger etc were forgotten by him.
SO it was a different kind of blessing.
And the staff told us a few years back he had stopped
acting out and stuff so they took him off of his
pysch meds!
-----------------------------------------------------
anyway so the funeral will be Mon morning.
It'll be extra sad in the sense that he pushed a lot
of people away esp family (because of how he
ended up treating our mom (she has 3 bros & 1 sis)-
they'll be very few people there.
We have a
great photo of him from the
Hands Across America Event that our cousin took.
He ended up being near us (me, my sis and a bunch
of friends). I have to blow it up on the xerox and put
it on oaktag. He had a big personalit .
SO I'm doing ok, and my sis is in "Efficient Mode" right
now. She will be taking his passing harder (because
how we Identified - her more with him as an adult (work
life) and me with my mom because of our creativity and
that I did know her for a while when she was
completely well. A very vibrant, smart, loved to laugh,
caring (she'd do volunteer stuff when she had the energy),
fascinated with the natural world and human cultures,
and creative woman. She got severely sick with asthma
when I was about 5 1/2 yrs and about ?8 months after my
sis was born? My sis
never knew her that way.
My dad at his best was caring, did much service in the
community, smart, got me into political activities, loved to have
fun, loved music (but not R&R
) was a good lighting
sales and figure-out lighting, and also loved nature and loved
to tell us about the places he visited to meet regional sales
reps person. While he never had the designation as a
Lighting Designer, I''m pretty sure he did
he had a part of that in his make-up/efforts (graduated as an
Electrical Engineer). He bought our mom gorgeous scarves!
So..... that's about it for now.
I probably won't
be back on-line till
Mon (I spent all my extra Net Cafe $ here
in the previous 2 weeks)
*** THANK YOU ALL AGAIN*** for your prayers,
good wishes, and vibes for both my parents, sis,
and family.
dazzledbylight
.... my body is very tired.
I had to walk 4 times in the last 7 days
in a worried/fast state (vs a happy stroll
or jaunt) the half mile to the nursing
home from the bus stop (and then back
but that part was slower!
) plus all theusual walking I do.
I feel very surreal- but that
makes sense too.
I did get to see him last night. I got there
after visiting hrs, but when I explained to the
guard that the hospice nurse had said he
might not last the weekend... I was planning
to go anyway that night as my sis and I took
turns each day once we got the bad news about
12 days ago... i was able to go up there.
My sis had called me to tell me she had seen
him, and that his breathing which had been peaceful
had gotten really worse (thank goodness not
so bad that I felt I had to "run outta the
room 'screaming' " so to speak :releif: )
(we really need a :relief: or :reieved: smiley!)
I was able to share a few more memories with
him and say good-bye. The last memory which I
remembered earlier in the day --
I told how I remembered one particular vacation
when we walked out from our ?motel/ cabin? up
in New England somewhere up the road at night
so we could see the panoply of stars.
We even saw some shooting stars that night.
My sis called me me this morning and told me
that he had died 2:35AM Sat.
We went up to get his things that we wanted
and donated clothes to the home.
----------------------------------------------------------------
BACKSTORY
For anyone interested and has not read my stuff from
earlier on...
He ahd become soooo angry, nasty, 'my way or the
highway' type stuff over the last 30 yrs or so
often making ours lives miserable. My mom noticed
a chance in his personality after the first time
he had shock treatment for severe depression,
(I was about 16, didn't notice it)
but it was the second time about 8 yrs later
that really did it.
***Thank Goodness*** there were still times
of caring and fun- but in much shorter supply from
then on.
After he had a major stroke his ability to hold a
conversion (and he could be a talker- that's were
that came from for me
) over a bunch of yearsdiminished from a window of 12 - 15 mins/8-10/
5/ 2/ 30 secs or less.
My sis and I -it was so shocking part of us wanted
the talker back even if if the nasty scowler/demander
returned with it esp as the window got shorter and shorter.
So my sis would joke with our mom (who passed 3
years ago in May '08) his gotten more hugs and
kisses from me now than in the past previous 20+ yrs.
He really became peaceful and sweet. I guess
what ever memories, though patterns that evoked
that anger etc were forgotten by him.
SO it was a different kind of blessing.
And the staff told us a few years back he had stopped
acting out and stuff so they took him off of his
pysch meds!
-----------------------------------------------------
anyway so the funeral will be Mon morning.
It'll be extra sad in the sense that he pushed a lot
of people away esp family (because of how he
ended up treating our mom (she has 3 bros & 1 sis)-
they'll be very few people there.
We have a
great photo of him from the Hands Across America Event that our cousin took.
He ended up being near us (me, my sis and a bunch
of friends). I have to blow it up on the xerox and put
it on oaktag. He had a big personalit .
SO I'm doing ok, and my sis is in "Efficient Mode" right
now. She will be taking his passing harder (because
how we Identified - her more with him as an adult (work
life) and me with my mom because of our creativity and
that I did know her for a while when she was
completely well. A very vibrant, smart, loved to laugh,
caring (she'd do volunteer stuff when she had the energy),
fascinated with the natural world and human cultures,
and creative woman. She got severely sick with asthma
when I was about 5 1/2 yrs and about ?8 months after my
sis was born? My sis
never knew her that way.My dad at his best was caring, did much service in the
community, smart, got me into political activities, loved to have
fun, loved music (but not R&R
) was a good lighting sales and figure-out lighting, and also loved nature and loved
to tell us about the places he visited to meet regional sales
reps person. While he never had the designation as a
Lighting Designer, I''m pretty sure he did
he had a part of that in his make-up/efforts (graduated as an
Electrical Engineer). He bought our mom gorgeous scarves!
So..... that's about it for now.
I probably won't
be back on-line till
Mon (I spent all my extra Net Cafe $ here
in the previous 2 weeks)
*** THANK YOU ALL AGAIN*** for your prayers,
good wishes, and vibes for both my parents, sis,
and family.
dazzledbylight
step into The PGP for fear of spending even more money I don't really have for that (right now)!
