GraceRyan
Rock n' Roll Doggie FOB
Holymotherofgod - it took me a long time to get this out and edited. It's not 100% perfect, but before people forget the storyline, I need to get it up.
I do not own these people and feel slightly embarrassed now.
But I present - chapter 20. There are some edited parts. Just ask and you shall receive.
Roxy Music - More Than This - YouTube
More Than This - Roxy Music
I could feel at the time
There was no way of knowing
Fallen leaves in the night
Who can say where they're blowing?
As free as the wind
Hopefully learning
Why the sea on the tide
Has no way of turning?
More than this, you know there is nothing
More than this, tell me one thing
More than this, there is nothing
It was fun for a while
There was no way of knowing
Like a dream in the night
Who can say where we're going?
No care in the world
Maybe I'm learning
Why the sea on the tide
Has no way of turning?
More than this, you know there is nothing
More than this, tell me one thing
More than this, now there is nothing
More than this, nothing
More than this
More than this, nothing
Faith ducked her head out of the bathroom. She thought she heard a knock. Glancing at her watch, she wondered who would be banging on her door at this hour. There was silence. Larry was on his bike with his bodyguard checking out the landscape of Greece. She had been invited as a passenger - a big step for him. She said that she might take a road trip in America. Zipping through the dark on the back of a bike was not very appealing. She needed a shower after not being able to get one at the venue due to a leak in the hot water pipe. Then she heard it again. It wasn't urgent but faint. Alex or Lucy maybe. If it was Alex, something had gone down with her and Edge. She saw their heads pressed together in conversation earlier. Despite all of Faith’s warnings, Alex couldn't stay away from him. If it was Lucy, she'd be asking about Bono. Did she talk to him yet? What did he say? Faith shook her head as she pulled on a robe. It was all very childish. She didn't even know where he disappeared tonight. He was at the party for maybe 15 minutes. She didn't see him talking with anyone to leading her to believe that he'd gone off with a girl. But one never knew.
She peered through the peephole. It was Bono with serious creases in his brow. She opened the door. Her first thought was that there had been an accident with Larry.
"Hey," she pulled her robe around her. "What’s up?"
He bit his lip. "Sorry to bug you. Can I come in?"
"Is everything okay?" She asked. The hall was empty.
"I don't know," he ran a shaky hand over his head.
"Okay. Come in," she let him pass. "What’s wrong?"
"Ali was here tonight. She was at the show and went to the after party," he sat on the couch. He heard the shower. "I'm sorry. You were getting ready for bed." He stood.
He was visibly shaken. "No. Stay. Let me just rinse off and we'll talk. The kids are okay, right?"
He nodded. "Yeah. They're grand."
"Ill be right out," she rushed in. What could make him this upset? Maybe Ali was pregnant. Maybe she already got married. But why would she come to Greece for that? Maybe she wanted him back. Faith felt conflicting emotions about that possibility. It would make things easier if he and Ali reconciled. It was what he wanted at one point.
Faith dropped her robe outside the tub. She needed to be quick as it appeared that Bono had a lot on his mind. She ran her head under the hot water. If Ali wanted him back, he would’ve been happy about it. He was very upset when he learned she was engaged. With soap in her hair and eyes, she heard his voice in the bathroom.
“She thinks she made a mistake,” he said morosely.
Her eyes popped open. The soap stung as it dripped into them. Quickly, she flushed her eyes. She peered around the curtain to see his reflection in the mirror. He leaned in the doorway of the bathroom staring at the floor.
“A mistake? With the other guy?” Faith asked as she tried rinse her hair quickly.
“Yeah. She was having second thoughts about Trevor,” he sighed.
“And she came to Greece to tell you this? It couldn’t wait?” she asked.
“I guess not. No date had been set for the wedding, but I guess she was feeling this for the last few weeks,” he said. “I guess seeing me and telling me about it gave her cause to think.”
Faith was right. Ali did want him back. What did she expect? They were soul-mates. Bono and Ali belonged together somehow. Faith felt a pang she couldn’t describe as she thought of them together.
“She thinks she wants me back,” Bono announced.
“Oh...that’s good right? That was what you wanted, right?” her heart thundered. For a moment, she forgot that she was in the shower.
“It was. I did want that,” he pulled back the shower curtain and Faith was face to face with his naked body. His clothes were scattered on the bathroom floor. “But I don’t want her anymore. I want you. I just want you. I don’t care about anyone else.”
~~~insert edit music
Faith had no idea how they went from the shower to the bed. The last hour had been a blur. Her skin was still damp. From the shower or lovemaking? She wasn't sure. With his fingertips, he lightly traced ‘Bono’ on her skin as he dropped kisses on her back. She was on her stomach trying to sort out what next.
She turned her head towards him."What are you doing?" Noticing a pattern to his touches.
He smiled. "I'm leaving my mark. I'm claiming this back for me. It's now mine."
Her stomach ached. Technically, it was not. True, Larry had not been here yet. Faith bit her lip. Why did she do this? Because Bono stood naked in her shower. Her body had its own brain and didn't listen to reason or her heart. Maybe it did listen to her heart and not her head. He saw the struggle on her face. When he touched her, he felt her heart. He knew he lived in there somewhere. It was when be stopped that confusion rushed in. Why were her head and heart so far apart? This made perfect sense. They fit together. Even when they weren't making love, their souls were touching.
"Listen, I know things are really messed up right now. I've gone about this all wrong. You're involved with my mate and I just couldn't keep my hands to myself," he touched her cheek tenderly.
She opened her mouth to claim her own responsibility in this. He pressed a finger to her lips. "I'm not finished. I love you, Faith. I haven't been this sure of anything in a very long time. I was probably in love 6 months ago but too stupid to see it. But I know I am. Head over heels in love with you." She blinked unable to form words. Love, fear, anger, confusion and sheer terror filled her. She wanted to tell him about her nightmares, about Bradley. She wanted him to know that in times like these, she felt terrified and out of control.
He placed a soft lingering kiss on her lips. "I know you have a lot to think about. I know you think Larry’s the one you think you should be with. You needed to know how I feel. I know my life is a mess. I've an ex wife and 2 girls. If it were me, I’d be nervous about coming into this. But I love you. And I will try to make you happy," he said. "Forever if you let me."
Was that a proposal? She could only stare at him. He was propped up on his elbow revealing his full body to her. She felt that burning desire as her eyes wandered from the hair on his chest leading down past his stomach and navel. Her body craved him in a frightening way.
He looked at his watch. "I better leave," he sighed. "One night, we're going to spend the entire night together. No sneaking away." He leaned forward to kiss her again before he rolled off the bed. Faith's heart threatened to burst out of her chest to follow him. She watched him pull on the clothes he left discarded on the bathroom floor. His eyes never left her face. He couldn't make out what was behind her stormy face.
"What did you tell Ali?" She asked in a tiny voice.
He sat beside her. "I just told her that while a part of me will love her and our past, I wasn't in love with her."
"What did she say to that?" Faith asked.
"I think she knew. Too much has happened in the last 3 to 4 years. And she never came out and said, I want us back together. It was more of 'what do you think of this'. When I saw her, I knew it was about that. My first thought was, but I love Faith," his blue eyes penetrated her soul. A part of her wanted to say it back to him. It felt like the ghost of her relationship with Bradley had its hand on her throat. And there was Larry - strong reliable, handsome Larry. Why couldn't his lips set flame to her? He offered a small smile. "It's okay if you're not ready. I sort of dropped this on you. I know you are involved and need to sort that out." He hopped off the bed. All she could do was stare at him - motionless and speechless. He took one last longing look at her. "You're so beautiful. I hate leaving you. I'll see you later, love." His lips brushed hers, and he was gone.
Faith blinked into the darkness. Her body erupted into sobs of confusion and guilt. She didn't want to love him, but could she live without his touch? The thought of giving herself to him completely turned her stomach. But what more was there after she'd offered him her body not just once, but several times. The moment the door was shut, the wall went up. Somehow she managed to separate what when on in the bedroom and outside of the room. She knew his feelings were deep - maybe even love. Yet, as long as he didn't say it, it was okay. This time, she fucked up big. Not only was she Larry's girl, but Bono confessed his love.
She looked over at the indent on the bed where he had laid beside her, caressing her. She had cheated on Larry. She couldn't say anything to Alex now. But she was desperate she to talk to her. She needed help. He loves me, Faith thought. Those words should make her happy. Would it be so bad with Bono? Then Bradley drifted into her mind. If she hadn't been so wrapped in him, she could have left before it got bad. Before his drug fueled rage held a knife to her throat. Before he stole jewelry to sell for drugs. Before he became a monster. She knew Bono wasn't like Bradley. But the intensity of her feelings were even stronger. I will not love like that again. Not Bradley. Not Bono. In order to sure of that, she could not be with Bono. She needed to be with Larry. She would not tell Bono she loved him even it was true.
"You feel okay?" Lucy asked as Faith walked into the backstage. She nodded. "Just tired. I'm really looking forward to a long flight home to sleep." Lucy didn't want to say goodbye. Since Sarajevo, there had been no progress with Bono. It was like before. She was invisible. Now she was the head of Strict Machines wardrobe. It meant she was backstage more. That also meant more time with Bono, even if it was part of the scenery. "I'll miss this," Lucy sighed.
Faith grumbled. She would not. There was no sleep last night. She watched the sky go from black to blue. She ordered room service postponing the moment she would see Bono as long as she could. Now she jumped at every sound and new voice. She plunked at the piano and jotted some words down on the pad she kept nearby.
"Hey," Alex said. She saw Faith leap out of her own skin. "Missed you at breakfast. " She looked at her friends dark eyes. "Are you okay?"
Faith nodded. "Yeah. Tired. I'm glad this is the last show for awhile."
Faith wanted to tell Alex everything. She was bursting at the emotional seams. Despite all the attention Larry and Bono were willing to give, she felt very alone.
"Do you need to go to the hospital? " Alex asked fearing the worst.
"No," Faith snapped. Alex knew better than to discuss it in public. Alex watched Faith through sound check. She was short and disinterested. Her mind was clearly elsewhere.
"Sounds great," Larry said. Faith just about started crying when she saw heard him. She ran into his arms almost knocking him over. "Hey, I missed you too." Her heart hurt so much. It hadn't ached like that in years. She closed her eyes as she laid her head against his chest. This was very strange behavior for Faith. Alex scratched her chin as she watched the reunion. Either she had an epiphany last night or something else happened.
"I see you made it safely, Lardence," Bono said watching him cradle Faith in his arms. Alex distinctly saw Faith stiffen. What was going on? Edge was directly behind Bono. He caught Alex’s frown and followed her gaze. "How was your journey? "
"Great. I'll admit we didn't see much being at night. We slept for a few hours and got up at dawn to meet the boat. I look forward to being able to do more of this in America." He looked down at Faith. "Maybe you'll join me."
Faith took a cleansing breath. You are stronger than this moment, she told herself. "We'll see. Not sure how good I'll be on stage with a sore saddle."
Bono had to bite his lip. He knew a little something about her sore saddle. He stood in a place he'd never been. The woman he desperately loved and made love to last night was nestled in the arms of her boyfriend and his friend. He knew she was afraid to meet his gaze. With her arms around Larry, had she made her choice? Maybe a few hours was enough time. He had hoped that she'd wake up with designs on ending it with Larry. Maybe after tonight.
"Did we want to give the new duet a try?" Bono asked. Faith's heart stopped. Fuck. The duet. She still had to look in his eyes and sing a love song tonight.
Swallowing hard, she prepared herself for his gaze. "I guess so. Did you pick a song?"
He couldn't read her face. There was a slight crease in her brow, but she was cool. "I liked You're All I Need To Get By. Ryan suggested Love Lift Us Up. And Edge said Leather and Lace."
She didn't like any of those choices. "Which one do you like?"
He scratched his head. "I'm partial to mo-town. You can't go wrong with Marvin Gaye."
She nodded. "Okay, you guys work on the music and let me know when you need me." She gave Larry a quick smile and escaped off the stage. One more day, she told herself.
Bono thought of following her. He had to remind himself that he dropped a major bomb on her last night. She might have guessed it, but to hear from from his lips. He realized that his tomfoolery earlier in the tour might have not helped. She had seen him snogging many different women. How was he to know that the answer to everything was her?
Bono stood behind her for a moment, just taking her in. He could tell she was tired by the slump in her shoulders. She didn’t say much as she sat with her group. They chatted around her. Oh Faith, he thought. I love you, why won’t you let me in? He knew he’d gotten closer than anyone but now she was pulling away.
“Faith,” he said. “We’re ready for you.”
She flashed a forced smile. “Okay. Let’s get to it.” Holding her breath, she fell in step beside him. She felt his eyes dart over to her. He opened his mouth, but clamped it shut as the reached the bottom step. “Do you have lyrics printed?”
He nodded. “I do. On the stage.” A heat crept up on him as he watched her climb the stairs. Last night, he was devouring her skin. He was so close to her in every way and now - there was a vast space between them. He wanted to look in her eyes and tell her he loved her.
Clearing his throat and head, he handed her printed lyrics. “You know this song right?”
She nodded reading the lyrics. “Yeah, I love this song.”
His lips curled into a smile. “Good. Then I’m glad I chose it.”
Tenderness seeped into his voice. She laughed off his meaning. “You didn’t like the theme to Officer and Gentleman?”
“I don’t think the crowd would care for it,” he turned to Edge. “Are you ready?”
“I am,” he nodded.
The first few times they ran through it, both Faith and Bono stared at the paper, eyes buried in the lyrics. Edge watched them as he sang back-up. How could Larry not see this, he wondered. As Bono became more comfortable with the words, his eyes turned up to her face.
“Are you going to choreograph?” Ryan asked off stage.
Faith shot him a glare. “We don’t have Morleigh here to do that.”
Ryan shrugged. “It’s far less complicated than the other songs you sang.”
“I figured we’d just sort of sing at each other, you know, the way Tami and Marvin would have,” she shrugged.
“I think your right. I say we just go with the song. Nothing stage,” Bono agreed.
“Lyric sheets away,” Edge said. “Let’s do it one more time. Are we doing it tonight?”
Bono shook his head. “Now, we’ll do Something Stupid one last time tonight.” He turned to gaze at Faith.
Great, she thought. She put her sheet on the speaker before looking over at Larry. His smile would give her enough strength to get through the next 4 minutes. “Okay, I’m ready.” She took a deep breath and faced Bono.
He turned his glance to Edge. “Reg, ready?”
With a nod, Edge turned to Larry to count him in. “You’re all I need to get by....”
Bono took one step closer to Faith.
“Like the sweet morning dew, I took one look at you,
And it was plain to see,
you were my destiny.”
She took a deep breath trying to ignore the meaning of the words.
“With my arms open wide,
I threw away my pride
I'll sacrifice for you
Dedicate my life to you
I will go where you lead
Always there in time of need”
Bono inched closer eyes never leaving her face.
“And when I lose my will
You'll be there to push me up the hill”
She joined his voice.
“There's no, no looking back for us
We got love sure 'nough, that's enough
You're all, You're All I need to get by.”
Edge sang again in his falsetto. “You’re all I need to get by.”
Bono closed his eyes pleading she would hear his song.
“Ohhh, Faith...listen...
Like an eagle protects his nest, for you I'll do my best,
Stand by you like a tree, dare anybody to try and move me”
She swallowed hard. Looking back at Larry, he was oblivious to Bono’s musical confession. She turned back to those pleading eyes.
“Darling in you I found
Strength where I was torn down
Don't know what's in store but together we can open any door
Just to do what's good for you and inspire you a little higher.”
He closed the space between them wrapping one arm around her.
“I know you can make a man out of a soul that didn't have a goal”
She followed in kind feeling her face grow hot.
“Cause we, we got the right foundation and with love and determination
You're all, you're all I want to strive for and do a little more
You're all, all the joys under the sun wrapped up into one
You're allI need, You're all I need You’re all I need....to get by.”
He moved against her. They had done this before. In fact, almost every night since Morleigh had suggested a duet. His face was so close her mouth went dry. She felt his breath on her cheeks and lips. His stare threatened to unhinge the last nerve holding her together. The band meandered off awkwardly breaking Bono’s gaze.
Edge made a face.”Okay, we need to tie up the ending better. We can work on it when we get back together.”
Faith stepped away dazed. “Are we good here?’
Bono ran a hand over his face feeling the sweat bead on his forehead. He wanted her right then. He was sure she felt the same and that made it even harder. He nodded with his gaze far off. “Yeah, I think we’re good.”
With a nod, she took off the for stairs that would take her away from him. She needed this break to start now. How was she going to do a duet? Could she fake an illness? She might not need to pretend. The mere thought of having to sing ‘I love you’ to his face was enough to bring up her lunch. God, and to sing it in front of Larry. She darted to the bathroom. The tiles spun as she gripped the sink. Taking gulps of air, she twisted the cold water faucet. Get a grip, she glared at her shaken reflection. You are far stronger than this. This is nothing compared to Bradley. Bono’s sensual growl floated into the bathroom as he sang ‘If You Wear That Velvet Dress’. Lately, this song was affecting her. Like he sang to her every night - even if he danced with a different girl. She splashed her face with water. Slowly, she felt better, stronger. She stared herself in the eye. You are bigger than this moment. In 24 hours, she would be on a plane to home - her home, her friends, her family. Bono would be a thousand miles away and no longer tempting and taunting her. She just needed survive these last hours.
Faith was so glad that she was on a plane alone. Both Bono and Larry flew home to Ireland. Larry promised he'd be in New York within the week. He mumbled about unfinished business. That was fine. The Faith a few months ago might have felt a pang of jealousy knowing he might be seeing Ann. Today's Faith was so exhausted and wracked with guilt, she would be okay if they had one more go to get it out of their system. It was nice to be free of Bono’s heavy gaze. He said he didn't want to pressure, but he didn't want her with Larry either. They never had another moment alone after that morning. There was no further discussion of Bono’s words. He hoped to get her alone at the post party, but Larry planted himself firmly beside her. All Bono could do was glower from the other side of room. If he pushed too hard, she'd bolt for good. Through the duet, she stared at his forehead. It was obvious that she didn’t didn’t want to look him in the eye. Now, she was by Larry’s side. Bono had poured his heart out to her over and over, but he was alone at the bar with his drink. He scribbled on a napkin at the bar.
“Two lovers lie with no sheets on their bed and the day is breaking
You're in my mind all of the time, I know that's not enough - if the sky can crack there must someway back for love and only love”
"New lyrics?" Edge asked peering over his shoulder.
Bono folded and stuffed it in his pocket. "Maybe."
He looked over the handsome Mullen dozing to his left. He looked content. Bono felt the sickness of deceit and envy churn. He went Faith's room to take her from Larry. Not that Larry didn't deserve her. If he hadn't been so deeply in love, he would thrilled that his friend found a wonderful woman. And in a way, he walked away from the night with another piece of her. But he also kinked their friendship and tarnished Faith and Larry’s relationship. Would they be sitting years from now with children playing in a backyard with knowing glances? That Bono had loved her first. His knowledge of her body was intimate and he would always remember freckles and scars. The ones Larry cherished as his little secret world. He looked at the low clouds below the airplane wing. Please, don’t let that be my future. Perhaps he made a huge mistake in telling her. Their friendship had been altered forever. It could overcome sex but not love. He was certain she felt similarly. If he could just get through the wall. He knew Larry hadn't. At one point, Faith had been very smitten. Larry waited too long. Sure, she was with him, but she wasn't really with him. Bono knew Larry was heading to New York in a week. Was she waiting to make her choice? Bono never gave an ultimatum. He told the truth and let her decide what next.
Larry stirred and blinked. He looked over at Bono then dozed back off to sleep. Bono turned his attention back to the clouds.
Faith set her bags down in the living room of her apartment. It should feel familiar. Even though the photographs were of her and her friends, that girl looked so different from the road weary woman in the doorway. Her tenant had cleaned the apartment far beyond what she would ever do. It seemed ridiculously small. She thought back to Bs hotel suites and they were much larger than this place. She wondered what Larry’s place was like. She knew she'd find out eventually. Even that thought left her uncertain. The only comforting thought was going into the studio tomorrow. Strict Machine decided to not take a day but keep working. Faith closed the door behind her. She started to cross the room when she remembered to lock the door behind her. Hotel rooms automatically lock. The calendar was on October. How many months since she'd been here? It was spring. She needed to go the storage unit for fall clothes. It had been blistering hot in July. Then she stayed with Ryan. She sat on the couch. That was before Europe. Before Bono lost his dad. Before they had slept together. Before Larry. Things were so easy. She thought her one kiss with Larry in Boston had been scandalous. Little did she know the road she was about to turn down.
The answering machine flashed 3 messages. Only 3? Beside the phone was a note pad filled with writing. The note on top said, these are all the messages I took for the last few months. Faith thumbed through them. Most were friends asking if she was back yet. A few from the cafe asking if she was ever coming back. She looked at the date. It was before the second leg. They must have thought she'd be back. She decided to look at the notepad later. Maybe after some lunch, she'd work on calling people back. Or maybe see about some warmer clothes. The 3 blinked violently at her. Those were within the last 48 hours. Would one be Bono? Everything was left unsettled between them. She avoided his inquiring eyes for the remaining 36 hours she needed to spend with him. If Larry had talked with him, Bono would know of his plan to spend time with her over the next few weeks. That might put him off making a call. Which was bigger - his heart or ego?
Resigning herself, she pushed the start button.
"Jesus girl, are you back yet? I'm dying to hear all about it. You've turned up some magazines. But I want the dirt from you about you and Bono. Call me!" Maria chimed. Faith winced. Those old rumors. When they started they were laughable. That would never happen. She wasn't sure if she would tell Maria. She was dying for someone else to help her sort out her head and heart.
The second message beeped. "Hey, we moved tomorrow to 2. Steve wants us to get a good nights sleep," Alex said. "Hope you're okay. I know it's weird being home. My parents want to come in the city to take me dinner. I had to beg them no. Anyway, take care and see you tomorrow. " Faith picked up the concern in Alex’s voice. What was that about? She didn't know anything did she? Did Bono tell Edge who told her? What a fucking quadrangle. She would spend the rest of her touring days paranoid that the lid on the affair would be blown off.
The third beep. "Allo Faith? I hope I have the right number," said a deep lilting voice. "It's Larry. Just seeing if you made home okay. I'm standing in Adam’s guest house and hate it already. Can't wait to be over there. Call back if you have a moment. I'll be up for awhile."
Faith felt safe and disturbed all at once. Larry called her because missed her. His voice was so sweet sounding. Yet, it wasn't Bono. If he really loved her wouldn't he call too? Was his declaration a reaction to Ali? Why couldn't she believe that he was over Ali? Didn't matter. That wasn't the only thing keeping them apart. She deleted the messages. First, she needed something warmer than skirts and t-shirts and something more substantial to eat than condiments.
Strict Machine hot the studio running. The extra preparation helped them as they worked hard to get an EP completed in 3 weeks time. Steve marveled how well they worked together. And how quickly they accomplished things. U2 would never work this fast. But Strict Machine didn't have Bono.
Song titles cluttered a dry erase board. They set out to get 4-5 songs recorded. They now had close to 8. They agreed to out 6 on the EP. Now they just had to figure with ones and what the single should be. Alex wished she had Edge’s counsel. As much as she missed him physically, she felt lost musically. It was up to her and Faith to put together an amazing record.
They worked long days but had nights off. It was strange going home to the same place. Ryan was certain he'd forgotten how to cook pasta. For months, he had eaten at buffets and restaurants. Sam thought the need to carry money around strange. Everything had been provided for them on tour. He missed the communal breakfasts where the previous nights war stories were swapped. Now it was just Sam and Alex. The circus of the tour couldn't keep them from looking at one another. If it was going to move forward, it would have to be now.
They lounged on the couches after what they hoped would be a final take of Love is A Blind Ambition when the topic of dinner was broached.
"Where do you want to order from?" Sam pulled out the stack of menus.
"I think I need to get out of the studio for a bit. Anyone else up for some air?" Faith asked.
"There's that bar on the corner," Ryan suggested.
Faith smiled. "He mentioned that one because his boyfriend works there."
Ryan shook his head. "He is not my boyfriend. But if I have anything to do with it, he will be for the next 3 weeks."
Sam stuffed the menus in the table drawer. "Who am I to get in the way of young love."
It was like old times. They were all laughing as they made their way down the street. Faith hopped on Ryan's back giggling. She was enjoying this carefree time. Sure, they were hard at work on new music, but there was no drama. Even Alex and Sam seemed to have come through the fire of infidelity. Every so often, Faith noted a distant stare in her eyes. She knew Alex's mind had wandered to Edge. Those stares happened less. Their lives had been changed forever. Even on the short trip to Flashes, someone recognized Faith from a magazine. She chatted for a few minutes and signed a grocery receipt. Ryan's bartender greeted the gang with a huge smile, mostly for Ryan. As they sat at a table near the bar, Faith nudged him with a wink. Old times indeed. They talked about the album. Sam was sad that they would be away for Thanksgiving. Faith didn't even realize that. She would need to tell John. They discussed the need for a break after the ended the tour with U2. Maybe some coming home shows around Christmas or New Years. In January, they'd figure what the next step would be.
"You know they are going to Australia and South America," Ryan said.
"We weren't asked along though," Faith said.
"Not yet," Ryan said.
"I didn't get a sense they were planning that," Sam took a sip of his beer.
Faith hoped they wouldn't. Another 5 months with them? These few days alone had been nice. She and Larry talked every other day. That was nice. Their conversations weren't long. She was aware that the days passed without any word from Bono. It seemed unlike him. Through everything, he'd been a good friend. Yet there were no messages. She considered that a few of the hang ups might be him. Or fans found her name in the directory.
"Can I join you?" An Irish voice asked behind her.
She whirled around. "Larry, I thought you were coming in tomorrow."
He gave her a crooked grin. "It is tomorrow over there."
Ryan hopped up. "Take my seat. "He flashed a smile. "I'll get us drinks,” as he sauntered to the bar.
Larry hugged Faith tightly. After a week of bickering with Ann, Faith was sight for sore eyes. He was happy to leave Dublin which was strange since he'd been away for so long. Dublin felt like a trap. It reminded him of his life with Ann and the pain he inflicted. She was still pretty bitter. As he claimed the rest of his things, he had to listen her torrents about Faith. It didn't matter how much he protested. He looked forward having some time alone with Faith. He and Faith hadn't had the time to be a real couple. Starting a new relationship on the tour was strange. There people lurking around at all times. Someone was always there looking for her attention - Alex, Sheila or Bono. It was nice to be away from his envious eyes. Larry wondered how far Bono’s infatuation went. It had been a joke earlier in the tour. But now that Ali was engaged to another man that left Bono twisting in the wind.
After 2 hours of drinking and eating, it was decided to call it quits for the day. Ryan called Steve and the engineers to join them at Flashes. Their table of 5 grew to a few more tables as more people joined them including Ryan's bartender. Larry enjoyed seeing Faith in a more relaxed atmosphere as their table filled with friends. She had been tense in the last few days of the tour. He knew that Sarajevo had left a lasting impression on her. Now thousands of miles from there, she was able to relax.
Alex watched the interaction between Larry and Faith. He casually rested his arm on the back of her chair. Larry, Alex discovered, was very funny - in a dry way. As more people joined their group, he grew quiet while Faith sparked to life. Alex flashbacked to the photoshoot with Annie. She remembered the playful interaction between Bono and Faith. The way they teased and complimented one another. Faith didn't have the electricity tonight. She smiled at Larry from time to time. While it was no beam of light, there was a tenderness. Alex couldn't make heads or tails of the situation. It was curious that when asked why Larry was in New York and not Ireland, his response was lessons. There was no mention of Faith.
Faith stood. "We have an early morning." She announced like a mother to the table. She knew Ryan would be having a late night. He and his bartender stared at each other hungrily. She remembered what that feeling was like.
"I'll head out with you," Larry stood. He gave a general wave to the table. "It was great meeting you. Hopefully I'll see you again. "
A tipsy Ryan laughed. "You'll see him again. He's Faith new boyfriend. "
Both turned scarlet. It was finally out there as a fact. Larry took Faith's hand as they left the bar.
"Can I see you home?" He asked.
"Of course. You should see my apartment that is the size of your bedroom," she teased as they walked along the dark city streets.
"I offered you a place to stay," he said.
"It's nice to be among my things. It's been so long since I've had a home." She said. There was a haunting familiarity of holding hands as she walked these streets. The late summer warmth clung to the air.
He nodded. "I know. Right now, New York is my home."
That was her fault, she thought. "Are you going to look for a place in Dublin?"
"Once the tour is done for good next spring. Granted, prices are better in the winter. I just won't have the proper time to really look. I don't want to rush into anything stupid," he said. He bit his lip. Hopefully she didn't take it the wrong way. "I just want the right home."
"I guess I might be able to consider a bigger place too. Maybe a 2 bedroom," she mused.
"Has anyone talked about the Rest of the World tour with you?" Larry asked.
"What's that?" She frowned.
"What we're calling the 4th leg. We go to South America, Asia, South Africa," he said.
She shook her head. "Sheila didn't mention it."
"I know Bono was keen on it a few weeks ago. But he hasn't mentioned it lately," Larry said.
Faith's heart thudded. Things would never be the same between them. In his eyes, she had spurned him. Hell hath no fury like a rockstar spurned. She'd be surprised if he didn't find a way to kick her off the current tour. Was he that hurt, or was this ego? Did he expect that she'd rush to be with him. He was the one with all the baggage.
"I think we were going to go back to recording. Maybe somewhere else. See if a new city couldn't inspire us," she wondered aloud.
Larry laughed. "You sound like Bono. Just don't drag your band to what is essentially a third world country in the middle of political turmoil." Larry envisioned Strict Machine in the condemned building of Hansa studios.
The comparison to Bono stung and solidified her decision to be here. "What? No recording in Bosnia?"
His guffaw filled the street. "Perhaps Rwanda?"
"Too safe," she teased. "I bet we have no friends in Iran or Iraq. Definitely there."
They giggled as the walked along side street where Faith lived. Her stomach tied in knots. It was just them. No tour personnel to knock on a hotel door. No Bono with some incredible new idea.
She looked up at the worn building. "This is me. I'm sure it's not as nice as yours."
"If you live there, I'm sure it's lovely." He stared at her with a seriousness that made her heart skip.
She dug for her keys. She knew she wasn't ready for that yet. She had moved too fast with Bono. Not that that was a real relationship. It was just two people burying their pain in lust. She shook her head angrily. She cursed the way he seemed to slip into her thoughts. There was a vast ocean that separated them yet somehow he felt close. The mustiness of the building hit Larry's nose as the climbed the freaky stairs. After the fourth flight, Larry’s legs started to burn.
"I see why you have such great legs," he huffed.
She sent him a smile over her shoulder. "Why Mr. Mullen...are you being fresh?"
A heat grew from within him. Was it too early for that? She used her shoulder to push the door open. The warped wood squeaked against her push. She led him into a large living room area.
"This is it," she tossed her keys on nearby table. "I know. It's pretty small."
Compared to his three bedroom apartment on the skirts of Central Park, yes it was small. An air conditioner hissed in the window. Her place was lightly scented in lilacs and vanilla. He paused to look at the framed pictures on bookshelves and tables. There were a few of a younger Faith with long hair. She was still beautiful. He had a hard time imagining her with long hair.
"It's funny seeing you with long hair," he chuckled.
"That was ages ago," she chopped her hair when she was finally free of Bradley. She needed to feel new. She ran a hand through her mop. She was in need of a cut and color.
"Is that your dad?" He pointed to a photo of an older man with a strong chin and a smile like Faith's.
She nodded. "A few years before he got sick." Nervously, she glanced around the apartment for evidence of her prior life. In a box somewhere were the pictures of her teen years. She wore bandanas and hats. She was pale and bloated. She kept those memories since they made her who she was today. But why didn't she want him to know? Why was she not ready?
"Do you want something to drink?" She fidgeted with her hands.
"Sure," he followed her into a small kitchen. Against the wall, a small breakfast bar with 2 seats. On the drying rack was a dish and a glass. He peered in her opened refrigerator. There was a small carton of milk, water and a few beers.
"I'm sorry I don't have much selection. I'm not home much," she apologized.
"Whatever you have is fine," he leaned against the counter. She appeared nervous. It was the first time they were truly alone. There were times that he wasn't sure about his decision to leave Ann. This was unfamiliar and awkward. Maybe if they had both been single, it could have flowed. He knew he shouldn't have kissed her that night. He should've left Ann sooner. All that time between changed them. She was cautious and guarded now. Sometimes she seemed far away and he wondered if he'd ever feel close to her.
She popped the caps and handed one to Larry. "So this is it."
"It's nice. Bigger is not always better," he smiled.
Faith's eyes wandered to his open shirt. Why couldn't anyone in the band button their shirts? A silver chain rested on his smooth defined chest. For a moment, Bono’s chest flashed in her mind. The dark hair that stretched across his stomach and downward. She blinked that image away. Those comparisons would exist for awhile, she knew. They kissed differently. Larry closed his eyes and played it safe. Bono like to watch her. He couldn't be happy just her mouth - he was everywhere. But the circumstances in which she had kissed them were different. With Larry, they were goodnight kisses. Bono was the start of a passionate night.
Larry inched closer. She knew he was going to kiss her. He gave her a sweet smile as he leaned into her, eyes closed and lips pursed. She wound her arms around his neck as their mouths met. His mouth was a little dry at first. He was tense under her hands. As the kiss deepened slowly, she felt those taut muscles relax. As usual, he kissed with perfect rhythm. The edge of counter bit into her lower back as he leaned into her with all his weight. He touched her cheek, hair. She opened her eyes. Of course his were clamped shut. Why? Was he pretending she was someone else? She shrugged off that notion. He chose to be here with her. She felt fingers brush the skin on her lower back. A warmth grew in her stomach. His breath was become uneven. Hearing his excitement caused her heart to race she reached back in her memory when the touch of his hand would drive her wild. When all she wanted was this moment. She wasn't sure she was ready to take it all the way. No need to rush.
He was the first to step away. His head spun. "Wow. That was amazing. "
Faith wasn't sure it could be described as amazing, but it was very nice. She was glad she felt something stir inside. His silvery eyes beamed down at her. He was adorable. There was no trace of years on his smooth skin. Her body collided into him for a more passionate kiss. See? Her body wasn't just craving him. She wanted Larry too. He took her face in his hands. He knew if he didn't stop now, he'd never leave. Slowly, he pulled away.
"I should go. I dropped off my stuff and headed to the studio to see you," he said. "My place has nothing. "
"That's how it was when I came home. And as you can see, I still don't. " she smiled.
"Can I come by the studio tomorrow? " he brushed the hair from her eyes.
"Of course," she said. She leaned closer for a small kiss on his cheek.
He grabbed her hand as he walked to the door. Casting a glance down the hallway leading to her bedroom, he sighed. Soon. Another lingering kiss at the door, and he was gone. She collapsed on the couch. Her engines had been started. Leaning her head back, she stared at the crack in her ceiling. Once she made love with Larry, she'd forget Bono. The phone rang. It was probably Maria who no doubt heard that the handsome Mullen had dined with them.
"Hello?" She asked. Silence. She could faintly hear breathing on the other end. "Hello?" The line went dead. Another hang up. Was it Bono? Another fan calling? She needed to change her number and make it unpublished. Shrugging it off, she opted for a hot shower before bed.
Bono listened for footsteps. All was quiet upstairs. The girls had gone to bed a half hour ago. There had been some pitter-patter, but all seemed quiet. Ali had graciously let the girls stay with him for the few weeks he was home. He enjoyed getting to know these girls again. Jordan was trying very hard that she wasn't a little girl anyone. Eve wanted to be older like her sister, but still enjoyed being daddy’s little girl sometimes. Ali was still seeing Trevor but the diamond ring came off - for now. There had been a particularly awkward homecoming with Ali. They avoided the subject of Greece and what happened there. Ali knew he was in love with someone else. And she was pretty sure she knew who it was. She'd seen the photos. She knew what that look in his eye meant. Yet, she was sure that Ann told her Faith and Larry were together. She had wanted to ask Bono about that, but his face was impassable.
Bono sat at the kitchen table scribbling words, phrases among the abstract traces of Faith's face. Even the girls asked if they would 'see the cool lady' again. He looked around his kitchen practically seeing her in here. They could be making dinner or love. He thought how wonderful it would be to be able to spend time with her and do whatever he wanted. No slinking away. No concern for time. He looked at his watch. It was still early there. Were Faith and Larry having dinner right now? Was she in his bed or she in his? He wasn't sure he wanted to know if they had sex. It couldn't be better than what he shared with her. He buried his head in his hands. He'd given her space. Maybe too much. Perhaps he should have fought harder. He had been so afraid of scaring her off that he did nothing. Now Larry was in NY with her. They would be flying in a few days before Adam's wedding. That would be the next time he'd see her. Unless he hopped a plane to NY, got down on one knee and begged for her love. For a half second, he considered it. He crumpled up one of his drawings. Sighing, he stared at the words scrawled on the paper before him. 'Stuck in a moment that you can't get out of'. It was how he felt. Trapped by fear. Perhaps she had rejected him by saying nothing at all. Maybe he was just a good fuck. His hands formed fists as he reached back in his mind to the nights they spent together. Maybe the first night was just sex. It was a flurry of tears and body parts. But the second and third night were different. Everything was deeper. She looked at him with different eyes. Maybe it'd be easier if he knew she didn't care at all. He wrote some more words and phrases down. Even though it was early for him, his eyes burned. The girls would be up early. Slowly, he dragged himself to his bedroom that cried out for a woman's touch. If not for maid, there would clothes on the floor and the bed would be a rumpled mess. When he closed his eyes, he saw her here. He knew she'd be happy here. Maybe with the two of them, they could rescue Emira and start their own family. Smiling, he thought of her little belly round with his child. He pressed the balls of his hand into his eyes. Right now, she was in Larry’s arms and it killed him.
Edge picked up the phone. "Hello?"
Alex's throat tightened. "Hi Edge? It's Alex."
Hearing her voice was better than he ever expected. It felt like a hug from across the ocean. "Alex! How are you?"
She felt his smile. "Busy. That's why I'm calling. I'm hoping you would be able to listen to some stuff and let me know what you think. We're putting the finishing touches on these songs, but I wanted your input."
"Of course," he was flattered. He didn't consider himself an expert. "Can you have Steve airmail the tapes?"
"You should get them tomorrow. " she laughed.
He joined her laughter. "I guess you knew I wouldn't refuse."
"And miss the opportunity to help shape a new record?" She paced her apartment looking for any topic that would keep him on the phone. "How are things there?"
He looked on his patio as Morleigh read her book. She was in Dublin for a few days. One tense lunch with the girls was done. Hollie didn't seem eager to do dinner. Neither did Morleigh.
"It's okay. I'm starting to get bored believe it or not," he chuckled. He missed Alex. Hearing her voice made him realize how much. "I've seen Bono a few times."
"Oh?" This was the topic. "How's he been?"
"Hard to tell. I know he's been spending time with the girls. He's been quiet. We've gone out for dinner and drinks. I don't think he's sleeping much. Especially now that Larry is over there," Edge said. "Do you know if they've talked?"
"Faith and Bono? No. If they have, she hasn't mentioned it. Not that she would."
"How has it been with Larry there?" He asked.
"I guess okay. She seems content," Alex sighed.
"Is there a difference between happy and content? " he asked.
"If you're content, you're comfortable. It's not great or bad. It just is. But being happy shows on your face. You can't contain it," Alex explained. Was she talking about Faith or herself?
Edge knew exactly what she was talking about. He understood it in reference to his life and Faith and Bono’s. There was a vacancy in his eyes. It reminded Ed of the way things were before the tour. For a man who craved contact and engagement, Bono was subdued and disinterested. He had retreated there again. Without Faith's sun, he was perpetually cloudy. The mood deepened when Larry left for New York.
"I wanted to talk to him about...but I never seem to have the right words."
"I know! I mean, I see them hold hands and act like a couple. If you didn't know her, you really wouldn't know the difference. But I've seen her in love. Maybe she's holding back." Alex said. "Do you know about Bradley?"
"No. Who is he?" Edge asked.
"Years ago, he was Faith's boyfriend. They were amazing together. She lit up around him. He was very much like her...and very much like Bono." Alex said. "We were convinced they would marry and be happy together forever. Then Bradley broke his leg."
Edge chuckled. "And she had to put him down."
"Well, sort of. He needed to take drugs for the pain and they gave him oxycontin. It seemed like he was addicted over night. I mean, he changed. Faith, of course, was the last to see it. She was blind in love. He dragged her some awful Shit. She almost quit the band at one point," Alex said.
Ed felt terrible for his joke. "Jesus, I had no idea."
"How could you?" She said.
"How long ago was this?" Edge asked.
"Almost a year and a half? She hasn't been with anyone since. At least nothing more than a few dates. He started stealing from her. He tried to alienate her from her friends because we were saying 'he's an addict'. As his addiction grew, he became paranoid and violent almost. He became a different person. I know I've seen people go on Oprah and talk about it. It's something else to see it before your eyes. Faith became different. She was quiet and depressed. Once she admitted it, she vowed that she was meant to be with him and she would help him. They'd get through this together. Finally, it got so bad that she had to leave. She stayed with me for a week. Edge, she was not the woman you know now. She was broken." She paused. "He came looking for her. He broke my door trying to get to her. He was telling her he'd get help, and then screaming obscenities the next. We decided it would be better for her to stay with Ryan. She was safer there."
"Dear God. That is awful. First, cancer then this," Edge sighed. He had a whole new level of respect for her.
"And losing her father. She had just started seeing Bradley when it he died. He really helped her through that so I think that made the bond deeper," Alex said.
"You said that Bono reminded you of Bradley. How?" He scratched his chin.
"They both have that charisma. And together, they were amazing. They finished each others sentences. It wasn't until the magazine shoot that I saw it with Faith and Bono. There was just something there. I actually got a chill. It was like history repeating, " Alex said.
"Do you know if Bono knows?" Ed asked.
"That's another topic she doesn't like to talk about." Alex said. "I'm not sure if it is a secret, but she doesn't bring it up. If I had to bet, I would say no. He knows about the cancer not because she told him."
Edge wondered if Faith's past had influenced her decisions of late.
"It will be interesting to see what happens at the wedding. I know Larry is bringing Faith," Ege said. "Are you and Sam coming?"
"Yes. We're just trying to find a date for Ryan." She joked.
Edge laughed. "I don't think Bono is bringing anyone."
"I know Ryan would enjoy that," she chuckled.
Morleigh walked through the patio door. She gave him a questioning look. His heart dropped like he'd been caught. It was perfectly innocent. he held up his finger and mouthed ‘New York’. She nodded and headed back to the patio. He knew he should follow her.
“I should go. The girls are supposed to come over for dinner later and I haven’t started making dinner yet,” he said. “I’ll see you in a few weeks, right?”
She was sad to end the conversation. Hearing his voice filled her with so much loneliness. “Yeah, I should go too. I need to eat something. Long days in the studio,” she said.
“I wish I was there. I love long studio days,” he said softly.
“Yeah, me too,” she said quietly and he knew she wasn’t talking about the studio.
Larry looked up at the darkening skies. "I think it's going to pour."
The air had changed suddenly. It was humid and hot for a late September day. The weatherman had forecasted strong storms for the afternoon. The wind whipped around Faith and Larry as they walked down the street hand in hand. She felt the first fat pelt of rain. A loud crack over their heads caused them both to jump. Another few raindrops plopped down.
"I think we need to run for it," she said as the dark clouds lit up with lightning.
Together, they bolted the block to Faith’s apartment. It reminded him of their first kiss in Boston. He felt lucky to be here with her again. The last week together confirmed his feelings. He thought he might be falling in love with her. She seemed more relax around him. He hoped that would still be the case when the tour resumed.
The skies opened as they reached the first stair. Laughing, they scrambled up the brick stairs. Faith struggled to pull her keys out of her pocket. Larry's shirt was becoming translucent in the rain. Finally, they were undercover and safe in the hallway.
"I think we're getting take out," she said.
He nodded. The original plan was to go out to dinner to celebrate the last mix of the EP. That would have to wait. Faith noticed the rain streaming in through her opened windows soaking her side table and the message notebook she still had not looked at yet. She ran over to close her window and saw the phone blinking.
"I bet this is Steve canceling," she pressed the button.
The first call was another hang up. Every time she received one, she wondered if it was Bono. There was another beep. "Hey guys, let's do dinner tomorrow," Sheila said. "It's going to be a nasty night. Let's meet at the studio at 1pm. Sheila."
Larry grinned. "Take away, it is."
The third beep. "Hey, Faith. I think I have the number right." Faith's blood turned to ice at the sound of his voice. "I know it's been awhile. I'm back in town. I tried and left a few messages with some other girl. Maybe you got them, maybe not. Looks like things are great with you. I'm so proud of you baby."
Larry watched the color drain from her face. She stared at the phone like a ghost slipped out of it.
"I'll try back. I would love to catch up. Later, Bradley. "
Faith struggled to get in her lungs. Violently, she flipped the pages of the message notebook. She had missed his name scrawled in the bubble writing. 'Brad called.' Her eyes searched the pages for more. How many times? Since when? Her knees buckled. 5 times since July around the time she and Bono.....
"Faith," Larry inched closer. Her wild eyes switched to him. "Are you okay? Please talk to me."
She sunk on the couch. The wind howled through the open windows. She felt numb. Why was hearing his voice shaking her so much? She knew she didn't want to be with him - changed or not. No amount of begging could erase the scar he left of her. The moment she heard, she was overwhelmed with memories of him and Bono. She remembered how her heart raced when Bono's lips touched her body. The dreams flooded her mind.
"Faith," Larry said softly. "You're scaring me. Please say something."
The strong and dependable Larry was kneeling in front of her. His warm hands wrapped around her icicles.
She blinked as if coming out of the fog. "I'm sorry Larry. As you can guess, that was old boyfriend. "
Larry nodded. "Something like that."
"He is a drug addict," she started.
Larry sat motionless on the couch beside her as she told him the sordid tale of Bradley and Faith. How they met and fell deeply in love. How an accident changed their life together. She decided that if she couldn't let Larry into some of her past, she would give him all access to this part of it. This was a piece that Bono didn't have. She told him everything from the knife incident to living with Ryan for protection. His arms wrapped around her protectively.
"I won't let him near you. Does he know you live here?" He said. She sensed the anger just below his smooth skin.
"I don't think so," she said.
"Well if he got your number, he might know where you live. And he hasn't gotten a live person in a few weeks. He may figure out that you're in town," he brushed a hair off her forehead. "I think you should stay with me."
She wrinkled her nose. "I don't think that's necessary. "
"Then I should stay here. Faith, you looked like you saw a ghost when you heard his voice. He somehow affects you," his voice was soft.
Faith did hate the fact that Bradley walked the same city as she did. He could be lurking outside her window.
"I'll stay on the couch. I just don't want you alone tonight," he said.
She looked up his icy blue eyes. They were so younger than Bradley and Bono’s. If Bono was here, would she feel safe with him? Knowing him, he'd search the streets for Bradley and make him pay for everything he'd done. The peacemaker disappeared when someone he loved was threatened. She closed her eyes. She couldn't think about him loving her right now. Bradley was out there thinking too much of her right now. He didn't leave a number. Was he still on the streets?
"I don't want you to go tonight," her lips said. She wasn't sure what she meant by that. She wanted to feel safe and loved by someone who deserved it. She'd given her heart to someone unworthy before. She wouldn't do it again.
Her hands found his face as the shadows grew longer in her apartment. The rain slammed into the windows. The urgency in her kiss disarmed him. With her, he'd been careful to move deliberately. As her body pressed into his, his self control slipped away. There was no stopping now. He thought of this moment the first night he saw her take the stage. She was so much more than the temptress with the golden voice now.
For the first time, she had caught him off guard and his raw passion took control. Her fingers unbuttoned the remaining buttons on his white shirt. He felt so different. His chest so smooth and hard. She felt his muscles move under her hands as they reacted to her touch. The only hair lead from his navel downward. She flushed just thinking about it. His wet skin was chilly. His fingers entwined in her wet hair. He should reign himself back in,he thought. She needed and wanted him. It felt like the missing piece fell into place. Though they had been together, they each held back. Not tonight.
She pushed his shirt off his shoulders as his fingers rested on the buttons of her blouse. He looked up at her questioning. With a smile, she nodded her permission. His breath caught in his chest. He'd been with only one other person. His head spun taking in this new experience. He was about to make love to another woman. He needed to enjoy this.
He kissed her finger. "Let's go to the bedroom." A room that he shunned previously. He was ready to see it and her.
~~~editing music
He propped himself on his elbow. "I'm sorry. That went too quick. It's just been a long time and I've never been with another woman."
She smiled at his sweetness. He wasn't totally clueless. "I understand. We have plenty of time to get to know each other in every way."
He looked relieved. "I think I'm falling in love with you."
She kissed him passionately. She wasn't ready to say it. She felt deeply, but love was scary. Her heart wasn’t completely vacant for him to move in. Loving him would be easy. He was tender and sweet.
Instead of making love again, he curled in beside her and fell asleep. She guessed there would be no marathon of lovemaking. Listening to the rain, both Bradley and Bono drifted into her thoughts. Suppressing them didn't work. Were they thinking about her? What were they doing? Perhaps Bono went back to Ali like Faith figured he would. They belonged together like she belonged with Larry. Was he wrapped around Ali blinking into the dark thinking about her?
Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell - You're All I Need To Get By - YouTube
I do not own these people and feel slightly embarrassed now.
But I present - chapter 20. There are some edited parts. Just ask and you shall receive.
Roxy Music - More Than This - YouTube
More Than This - Roxy Music
I could feel at the time
There was no way of knowing
Fallen leaves in the night
Who can say where they're blowing?
As free as the wind
Hopefully learning
Why the sea on the tide
Has no way of turning?
More than this, you know there is nothing
More than this, tell me one thing
More than this, there is nothing
It was fun for a while
There was no way of knowing
Like a dream in the night
Who can say where we're going?
No care in the world
Maybe I'm learning
Why the sea on the tide
Has no way of turning?
More than this, you know there is nothing
More than this, tell me one thing
More than this, now there is nothing
More than this, nothing
More than this
More than this, nothing
Faith ducked her head out of the bathroom. She thought she heard a knock. Glancing at her watch, she wondered who would be banging on her door at this hour. There was silence. Larry was on his bike with his bodyguard checking out the landscape of Greece. She had been invited as a passenger - a big step for him. She said that she might take a road trip in America. Zipping through the dark on the back of a bike was not very appealing. She needed a shower after not being able to get one at the venue due to a leak in the hot water pipe. Then she heard it again. It wasn't urgent but faint. Alex or Lucy maybe. If it was Alex, something had gone down with her and Edge. She saw their heads pressed together in conversation earlier. Despite all of Faith’s warnings, Alex couldn't stay away from him. If it was Lucy, she'd be asking about Bono. Did she talk to him yet? What did he say? Faith shook her head as she pulled on a robe. It was all very childish. She didn't even know where he disappeared tonight. He was at the party for maybe 15 minutes. She didn't see him talking with anyone to leading her to believe that he'd gone off with a girl. But one never knew.
She peered through the peephole. It was Bono with serious creases in his brow. She opened the door. Her first thought was that there had been an accident with Larry.
"Hey," she pulled her robe around her. "What’s up?"
He bit his lip. "Sorry to bug you. Can I come in?"
"Is everything okay?" She asked. The hall was empty.
"I don't know," he ran a shaky hand over his head.
"Okay. Come in," she let him pass. "What’s wrong?"
"Ali was here tonight. She was at the show and went to the after party," he sat on the couch. He heard the shower. "I'm sorry. You were getting ready for bed." He stood.
He was visibly shaken. "No. Stay. Let me just rinse off and we'll talk. The kids are okay, right?"
He nodded. "Yeah. They're grand."
"Ill be right out," she rushed in. What could make him this upset? Maybe Ali was pregnant. Maybe she already got married. But why would she come to Greece for that? Maybe she wanted him back. Faith felt conflicting emotions about that possibility. It would make things easier if he and Ali reconciled. It was what he wanted at one point.
Faith dropped her robe outside the tub. She needed to be quick as it appeared that Bono had a lot on his mind. She ran her head under the hot water. If Ali wanted him back, he would’ve been happy about it. He was very upset when he learned she was engaged. With soap in her hair and eyes, she heard his voice in the bathroom.
“She thinks she made a mistake,” he said morosely.
Her eyes popped open. The soap stung as it dripped into them. Quickly, she flushed her eyes. She peered around the curtain to see his reflection in the mirror. He leaned in the doorway of the bathroom staring at the floor.
“A mistake? With the other guy?” Faith asked as she tried rinse her hair quickly.
“Yeah. She was having second thoughts about Trevor,” he sighed.
“And she came to Greece to tell you this? It couldn’t wait?” she asked.
“I guess not. No date had been set for the wedding, but I guess she was feeling this for the last few weeks,” he said. “I guess seeing me and telling me about it gave her cause to think.”
Faith was right. Ali did want him back. What did she expect? They were soul-mates. Bono and Ali belonged together somehow. Faith felt a pang she couldn’t describe as she thought of them together.
“She thinks she wants me back,” Bono announced.
“Oh...that’s good right? That was what you wanted, right?” her heart thundered. For a moment, she forgot that she was in the shower.
“It was. I did want that,” he pulled back the shower curtain and Faith was face to face with his naked body. His clothes were scattered on the bathroom floor. “But I don’t want her anymore. I want you. I just want you. I don’t care about anyone else.”
~~~insert edit music
Faith had no idea how they went from the shower to the bed. The last hour had been a blur. Her skin was still damp. From the shower or lovemaking? She wasn't sure. With his fingertips, he lightly traced ‘Bono’ on her skin as he dropped kisses on her back. She was on her stomach trying to sort out what next.
She turned her head towards him."What are you doing?" Noticing a pattern to his touches.
He smiled. "I'm leaving my mark. I'm claiming this back for me. It's now mine."
Her stomach ached. Technically, it was not. True, Larry had not been here yet. Faith bit her lip. Why did she do this? Because Bono stood naked in her shower. Her body had its own brain and didn't listen to reason or her heart. Maybe it did listen to her heart and not her head. He saw the struggle on her face. When he touched her, he felt her heart. He knew he lived in there somewhere. It was when be stopped that confusion rushed in. Why were her head and heart so far apart? This made perfect sense. They fit together. Even when they weren't making love, their souls were touching.
"Listen, I know things are really messed up right now. I've gone about this all wrong. You're involved with my mate and I just couldn't keep my hands to myself," he touched her cheek tenderly.
She opened her mouth to claim her own responsibility in this. He pressed a finger to her lips. "I'm not finished. I love you, Faith. I haven't been this sure of anything in a very long time. I was probably in love 6 months ago but too stupid to see it. But I know I am. Head over heels in love with you." She blinked unable to form words. Love, fear, anger, confusion and sheer terror filled her. She wanted to tell him about her nightmares, about Bradley. She wanted him to know that in times like these, she felt terrified and out of control.
He placed a soft lingering kiss on her lips. "I know you have a lot to think about. I know you think Larry’s the one you think you should be with. You needed to know how I feel. I know my life is a mess. I've an ex wife and 2 girls. If it were me, I’d be nervous about coming into this. But I love you. And I will try to make you happy," he said. "Forever if you let me."
Was that a proposal? She could only stare at him. He was propped up on his elbow revealing his full body to her. She felt that burning desire as her eyes wandered from the hair on his chest leading down past his stomach and navel. Her body craved him in a frightening way.
He looked at his watch. "I better leave," he sighed. "One night, we're going to spend the entire night together. No sneaking away." He leaned forward to kiss her again before he rolled off the bed. Faith's heart threatened to burst out of her chest to follow him. She watched him pull on the clothes he left discarded on the bathroom floor. His eyes never left her face. He couldn't make out what was behind her stormy face.
"What did you tell Ali?" She asked in a tiny voice.
He sat beside her. "I just told her that while a part of me will love her and our past, I wasn't in love with her."
"What did she say to that?" Faith asked.
"I think she knew. Too much has happened in the last 3 to 4 years. And she never came out and said, I want us back together. It was more of 'what do you think of this'. When I saw her, I knew it was about that. My first thought was, but I love Faith," his blue eyes penetrated her soul. A part of her wanted to say it back to him. It felt like the ghost of her relationship with Bradley had its hand on her throat. And there was Larry - strong reliable, handsome Larry. Why couldn't his lips set flame to her? He offered a small smile. "It's okay if you're not ready. I sort of dropped this on you. I know you are involved and need to sort that out." He hopped off the bed. All she could do was stare at him - motionless and speechless. He took one last longing look at her. "You're so beautiful. I hate leaving you. I'll see you later, love." His lips brushed hers, and he was gone.
Faith blinked into the darkness. Her body erupted into sobs of confusion and guilt. She didn't want to love him, but could she live without his touch? The thought of giving herself to him completely turned her stomach. But what more was there after she'd offered him her body not just once, but several times. The moment the door was shut, the wall went up. Somehow she managed to separate what when on in the bedroom and outside of the room. She knew his feelings were deep - maybe even love. Yet, as long as he didn't say it, it was okay. This time, she fucked up big. Not only was she Larry's girl, but Bono confessed his love.
She looked over at the indent on the bed where he had laid beside her, caressing her. She had cheated on Larry. She couldn't say anything to Alex now. But she was desperate she to talk to her. She needed help. He loves me, Faith thought. Those words should make her happy. Would it be so bad with Bono? Then Bradley drifted into her mind. If she hadn't been so wrapped in him, she could have left before it got bad. Before his drug fueled rage held a knife to her throat. Before he stole jewelry to sell for drugs. Before he became a monster. She knew Bono wasn't like Bradley. But the intensity of her feelings were even stronger. I will not love like that again. Not Bradley. Not Bono. In order to sure of that, she could not be with Bono. She needed to be with Larry. She would not tell Bono she loved him even it was true.
"You feel okay?" Lucy asked as Faith walked into the backstage. She nodded. "Just tired. I'm really looking forward to a long flight home to sleep." Lucy didn't want to say goodbye. Since Sarajevo, there had been no progress with Bono. It was like before. She was invisible. Now she was the head of Strict Machines wardrobe. It meant she was backstage more. That also meant more time with Bono, even if it was part of the scenery. "I'll miss this," Lucy sighed.
Faith grumbled. She would not. There was no sleep last night. She watched the sky go from black to blue. She ordered room service postponing the moment she would see Bono as long as she could. Now she jumped at every sound and new voice. She plunked at the piano and jotted some words down on the pad she kept nearby.
"Hey," Alex said. She saw Faith leap out of her own skin. "Missed you at breakfast. " She looked at her friends dark eyes. "Are you okay?"
Faith nodded. "Yeah. Tired. I'm glad this is the last show for awhile."
Faith wanted to tell Alex everything. She was bursting at the emotional seams. Despite all the attention Larry and Bono were willing to give, she felt very alone.
"Do you need to go to the hospital? " Alex asked fearing the worst.
"No," Faith snapped. Alex knew better than to discuss it in public. Alex watched Faith through sound check. She was short and disinterested. Her mind was clearly elsewhere.
"Sounds great," Larry said. Faith just about started crying when she saw heard him. She ran into his arms almost knocking him over. "Hey, I missed you too." Her heart hurt so much. It hadn't ached like that in years. She closed her eyes as she laid her head against his chest. This was very strange behavior for Faith. Alex scratched her chin as she watched the reunion. Either she had an epiphany last night or something else happened.
"I see you made it safely, Lardence," Bono said watching him cradle Faith in his arms. Alex distinctly saw Faith stiffen. What was going on? Edge was directly behind Bono. He caught Alex’s frown and followed her gaze. "How was your journey? "
"Great. I'll admit we didn't see much being at night. We slept for a few hours and got up at dawn to meet the boat. I look forward to being able to do more of this in America." He looked down at Faith. "Maybe you'll join me."
Faith took a cleansing breath. You are stronger than this moment, she told herself. "We'll see. Not sure how good I'll be on stage with a sore saddle."
Bono had to bite his lip. He knew a little something about her sore saddle. He stood in a place he'd never been. The woman he desperately loved and made love to last night was nestled in the arms of her boyfriend and his friend. He knew she was afraid to meet his gaze. With her arms around Larry, had she made her choice? Maybe a few hours was enough time. He had hoped that she'd wake up with designs on ending it with Larry. Maybe after tonight.
"Did we want to give the new duet a try?" Bono asked. Faith's heart stopped. Fuck. The duet. She still had to look in his eyes and sing a love song tonight.
Swallowing hard, she prepared herself for his gaze. "I guess so. Did you pick a song?"
He couldn't read her face. There was a slight crease in her brow, but she was cool. "I liked You're All I Need To Get By. Ryan suggested Love Lift Us Up. And Edge said Leather and Lace."
She didn't like any of those choices. "Which one do you like?"
He scratched his head. "I'm partial to mo-town. You can't go wrong with Marvin Gaye."
She nodded. "Okay, you guys work on the music and let me know when you need me." She gave Larry a quick smile and escaped off the stage. One more day, she told herself.
Bono thought of following her. He had to remind himself that he dropped a major bomb on her last night. She might have guessed it, but to hear from from his lips. He realized that his tomfoolery earlier in the tour might have not helped. She had seen him snogging many different women. How was he to know that the answer to everything was her?
Bono stood behind her for a moment, just taking her in. He could tell she was tired by the slump in her shoulders. She didn’t say much as she sat with her group. They chatted around her. Oh Faith, he thought. I love you, why won’t you let me in? He knew he’d gotten closer than anyone but now she was pulling away.
“Faith,” he said. “We’re ready for you.”
She flashed a forced smile. “Okay. Let’s get to it.” Holding her breath, she fell in step beside him. She felt his eyes dart over to her. He opened his mouth, but clamped it shut as the reached the bottom step. “Do you have lyrics printed?”
He nodded. “I do. On the stage.” A heat crept up on him as he watched her climb the stairs. Last night, he was devouring her skin. He was so close to her in every way and now - there was a vast space between them. He wanted to look in her eyes and tell her he loved her.
Clearing his throat and head, he handed her printed lyrics. “You know this song right?”
She nodded reading the lyrics. “Yeah, I love this song.”
His lips curled into a smile. “Good. Then I’m glad I chose it.”
Tenderness seeped into his voice. She laughed off his meaning. “You didn’t like the theme to Officer and Gentleman?”
“I don’t think the crowd would care for it,” he turned to Edge. “Are you ready?”
“I am,” he nodded.
The first few times they ran through it, both Faith and Bono stared at the paper, eyes buried in the lyrics. Edge watched them as he sang back-up. How could Larry not see this, he wondered. As Bono became more comfortable with the words, his eyes turned up to her face.
“Are you going to choreograph?” Ryan asked off stage.
Faith shot him a glare. “We don’t have Morleigh here to do that.”
Ryan shrugged. “It’s far less complicated than the other songs you sang.”
“I figured we’d just sort of sing at each other, you know, the way Tami and Marvin would have,” she shrugged.
“I think your right. I say we just go with the song. Nothing stage,” Bono agreed.
“Lyric sheets away,” Edge said. “Let’s do it one more time. Are we doing it tonight?”
Bono shook his head. “Now, we’ll do Something Stupid one last time tonight.” He turned to gaze at Faith.
Great, she thought. She put her sheet on the speaker before looking over at Larry. His smile would give her enough strength to get through the next 4 minutes. “Okay, I’m ready.” She took a deep breath and faced Bono.
He turned his glance to Edge. “Reg, ready?”
With a nod, Edge turned to Larry to count him in. “You’re all I need to get by....”
Bono took one step closer to Faith.
“Like the sweet morning dew, I took one look at you,
And it was plain to see,
you were my destiny.”
She took a deep breath trying to ignore the meaning of the words.
“With my arms open wide,
I threw away my pride
I'll sacrifice for you
Dedicate my life to you
I will go where you lead
Always there in time of need”
Bono inched closer eyes never leaving her face.
“And when I lose my will
You'll be there to push me up the hill”
She joined his voice.
“There's no, no looking back for us
We got love sure 'nough, that's enough
You're all, You're All I need to get by.”
Edge sang again in his falsetto. “You’re all I need to get by.”
Bono closed his eyes pleading she would hear his song.
“Ohhh, Faith...listen...
Like an eagle protects his nest, for you I'll do my best,
Stand by you like a tree, dare anybody to try and move me”
She swallowed hard. Looking back at Larry, he was oblivious to Bono’s musical confession. She turned back to those pleading eyes.
“Darling in you I found
Strength where I was torn down
Don't know what's in store but together we can open any door
Just to do what's good for you and inspire you a little higher.”
He closed the space between them wrapping one arm around her.
“I know you can make a man out of a soul that didn't have a goal”
She followed in kind feeling her face grow hot.
“Cause we, we got the right foundation and with love and determination
You're all, you're all I want to strive for and do a little more
You're all, all the joys under the sun wrapped up into one
You're allI need, You're all I need You’re all I need....to get by.”
He moved against her. They had done this before. In fact, almost every night since Morleigh had suggested a duet. His face was so close her mouth went dry. She felt his breath on her cheeks and lips. His stare threatened to unhinge the last nerve holding her together. The band meandered off awkwardly breaking Bono’s gaze.
Edge made a face.”Okay, we need to tie up the ending better. We can work on it when we get back together.”
Faith stepped away dazed. “Are we good here?’
Bono ran a hand over his face feeling the sweat bead on his forehead. He wanted her right then. He was sure she felt the same and that made it even harder. He nodded with his gaze far off. “Yeah, I think we’re good.”
With a nod, she took off the for stairs that would take her away from him. She needed this break to start now. How was she going to do a duet? Could she fake an illness? She might not need to pretend. The mere thought of having to sing ‘I love you’ to his face was enough to bring up her lunch. God, and to sing it in front of Larry. She darted to the bathroom. The tiles spun as she gripped the sink. Taking gulps of air, she twisted the cold water faucet. Get a grip, she glared at her shaken reflection. You are far stronger than this. This is nothing compared to Bradley. Bono’s sensual growl floated into the bathroom as he sang ‘If You Wear That Velvet Dress’. Lately, this song was affecting her. Like he sang to her every night - even if he danced with a different girl. She splashed her face with water. Slowly, she felt better, stronger. She stared herself in the eye. You are bigger than this moment. In 24 hours, she would be on a plane to home - her home, her friends, her family. Bono would be a thousand miles away and no longer tempting and taunting her. She just needed survive these last hours.
Faith was so glad that she was on a plane alone. Both Bono and Larry flew home to Ireland. Larry promised he'd be in New York within the week. He mumbled about unfinished business. That was fine. The Faith a few months ago might have felt a pang of jealousy knowing he might be seeing Ann. Today's Faith was so exhausted and wracked with guilt, she would be okay if they had one more go to get it out of their system. It was nice to be free of Bono’s heavy gaze. He said he didn't want to pressure, but he didn't want her with Larry either. They never had another moment alone after that morning. There was no further discussion of Bono’s words. He hoped to get her alone at the post party, but Larry planted himself firmly beside her. All Bono could do was glower from the other side of room. If he pushed too hard, she'd bolt for good. Through the duet, she stared at his forehead. It was obvious that she didn’t didn’t want to look him in the eye. Now, she was by Larry’s side. Bono had poured his heart out to her over and over, but he was alone at the bar with his drink. He scribbled on a napkin at the bar.
“Two lovers lie with no sheets on their bed and the day is breaking
You're in my mind all of the time, I know that's not enough - if the sky can crack there must someway back for love and only love”
"New lyrics?" Edge asked peering over his shoulder.
Bono folded and stuffed it in his pocket. "Maybe."
He looked over the handsome Mullen dozing to his left. He looked content. Bono felt the sickness of deceit and envy churn. He went Faith's room to take her from Larry. Not that Larry didn't deserve her. If he hadn't been so deeply in love, he would thrilled that his friend found a wonderful woman. And in a way, he walked away from the night with another piece of her. But he also kinked their friendship and tarnished Faith and Larry’s relationship. Would they be sitting years from now with children playing in a backyard with knowing glances? That Bono had loved her first. His knowledge of her body was intimate and he would always remember freckles and scars. The ones Larry cherished as his little secret world. He looked at the low clouds below the airplane wing. Please, don’t let that be my future. Perhaps he made a huge mistake in telling her. Their friendship had been altered forever. It could overcome sex but not love. He was certain she felt similarly. If he could just get through the wall. He knew Larry hadn't. At one point, Faith had been very smitten. Larry waited too long. Sure, she was with him, but she wasn't really with him. Bono knew Larry was heading to New York in a week. Was she waiting to make her choice? Bono never gave an ultimatum. He told the truth and let her decide what next.
Larry stirred and blinked. He looked over at Bono then dozed back off to sleep. Bono turned his attention back to the clouds.
Faith set her bags down in the living room of her apartment. It should feel familiar. Even though the photographs were of her and her friends, that girl looked so different from the road weary woman in the doorway. Her tenant had cleaned the apartment far beyond what she would ever do. It seemed ridiculously small. She thought back to Bs hotel suites and they were much larger than this place. She wondered what Larry’s place was like. She knew she'd find out eventually. Even that thought left her uncertain. The only comforting thought was going into the studio tomorrow. Strict Machine decided to not take a day but keep working. Faith closed the door behind her. She started to cross the room when she remembered to lock the door behind her. Hotel rooms automatically lock. The calendar was on October. How many months since she'd been here? It was spring. She needed to go the storage unit for fall clothes. It had been blistering hot in July. Then she stayed with Ryan. She sat on the couch. That was before Europe. Before Bono lost his dad. Before they had slept together. Before Larry. Things were so easy. She thought her one kiss with Larry in Boston had been scandalous. Little did she know the road she was about to turn down.
The answering machine flashed 3 messages. Only 3? Beside the phone was a note pad filled with writing. The note on top said, these are all the messages I took for the last few months. Faith thumbed through them. Most were friends asking if she was back yet. A few from the cafe asking if she was ever coming back. She looked at the date. It was before the second leg. They must have thought she'd be back. She decided to look at the notepad later. Maybe after some lunch, she'd work on calling people back. Or maybe see about some warmer clothes. The 3 blinked violently at her. Those were within the last 48 hours. Would one be Bono? Everything was left unsettled between them. She avoided his inquiring eyes for the remaining 36 hours she needed to spend with him. If Larry had talked with him, Bono would know of his plan to spend time with her over the next few weeks. That might put him off making a call. Which was bigger - his heart or ego?
Resigning herself, she pushed the start button.
"Jesus girl, are you back yet? I'm dying to hear all about it. You've turned up some magazines. But I want the dirt from you about you and Bono. Call me!" Maria chimed. Faith winced. Those old rumors. When they started they were laughable. That would never happen. She wasn't sure if she would tell Maria. She was dying for someone else to help her sort out her head and heart.
The second message beeped. "Hey, we moved tomorrow to 2. Steve wants us to get a good nights sleep," Alex said. "Hope you're okay. I know it's weird being home. My parents want to come in the city to take me dinner. I had to beg them no. Anyway, take care and see you tomorrow. " Faith picked up the concern in Alex’s voice. What was that about? She didn't know anything did she? Did Bono tell Edge who told her? What a fucking quadrangle. She would spend the rest of her touring days paranoid that the lid on the affair would be blown off.
The third beep. "Allo Faith? I hope I have the right number," said a deep lilting voice. "It's Larry. Just seeing if you made home okay. I'm standing in Adam’s guest house and hate it already. Can't wait to be over there. Call back if you have a moment. I'll be up for awhile."
Faith felt safe and disturbed all at once. Larry called her because missed her. His voice was so sweet sounding. Yet, it wasn't Bono. If he really loved her wouldn't he call too? Was his declaration a reaction to Ali? Why couldn't she believe that he was over Ali? Didn't matter. That wasn't the only thing keeping them apart. She deleted the messages. First, she needed something warmer than skirts and t-shirts and something more substantial to eat than condiments.
Strict Machine hot the studio running. The extra preparation helped them as they worked hard to get an EP completed in 3 weeks time. Steve marveled how well they worked together. And how quickly they accomplished things. U2 would never work this fast. But Strict Machine didn't have Bono.
Song titles cluttered a dry erase board. They set out to get 4-5 songs recorded. They now had close to 8. They agreed to out 6 on the EP. Now they just had to figure with ones and what the single should be. Alex wished she had Edge’s counsel. As much as she missed him physically, she felt lost musically. It was up to her and Faith to put together an amazing record.
They worked long days but had nights off. It was strange going home to the same place. Ryan was certain he'd forgotten how to cook pasta. For months, he had eaten at buffets and restaurants. Sam thought the need to carry money around strange. Everything had been provided for them on tour. He missed the communal breakfasts where the previous nights war stories were swapped. Now it was just Sam and Alex. The circus of the tour couldn't keep them from looking at one another. If it was going to move forward, it would have to be now.
They lounged on the couches after what they hoped would be a final take of Love is A Blind Ambition when the topic of dinner was broached.
"Where do you want to order from?" Sam pulled out the stack of menus.
"I think I need to get out of the studio for a bit. Anyone else up for some air?" Faith asked.
"There's that bar on the corner," Ryan suggested.
Faith smiled. "He mentioned that one because his boyfriend works there."
Ryan shook his head. "He is not my boyfriend. But if I have anything to do with it, he will be for the next 3 weeks."
Sam stuffed the menus in the table drawer. "Who am I to get in the way of young love."
It was like old times. They were all laughing as they made their way down the street. Faith hopped on Ryan's back giggling. She was enjoying this carefree time. Sure, they were hard at work on new music, but there was no drama. Even Alex and Sam seemed to have come through the fire of infidelity. Every so often, Faith noted a distant stare in her eyes. She knew Alex's mind had wandered to Edge. Those stares happened less. Their lives had been changed forever. Even on the short trip to Flashes, someone recognized Faith from a magazine. She chatted for a few minutes and signed a grocery receipt. Ryan's bartender greeted the gang with a huge smile, mostly for Ryan. As they sat at a table near the bar, Faith nudged him with a wink. Old times indeed. They talked about the album. Sam was sad that they would be away for Thanksgiving. Faith didn't even realize that. She would need to tell John. They discussed the need for a break after the ended the tour with U2. Maybe some coming home shows around Christmas or New Years. In January, they'd figure what the next step would be.
"You know they are going to Australia and South America," Ryan said.
"We weren't asked along though," Faith said.
"Not yet," Ryan said.
"I didn't get a sense they were planning that," Sam took a sip of his beer.
Faith hoped they wouldn't. Another 5 months with them? These few days alone had been nice. She and Larry talked every other day. That was nice. Their conversations weren't long. She was aware that the days passed without any word from Bono. It seemed unlike him. Through everything, he'd been a good friend. Yet there were no messages. She considered that a few of the hang ups might be him. Or fans found her name in the directory.
"Can I join you?" An Irish voice asked behind her.
She whirled around. "Larry, I thought you were coming in tomorrow."
He gave her a crooked grin. "It is tomorrow over there."
Ryan hopped up. "Take my seat. "He flashed a smile. "I'll get us drinks,” as he sauntered to the bar.
Larry hugged Faith tightly. After a week of bickering with Ann, Faith was sight for sore eyes. He was happy to leave Dublin which was strange since he'd been away for so long. Dublin felt like a trap. It reminded him of his life with Ann and the pain he inflicted. She was still pretty bitter. As he claimed the rest of his things, he had to listen her torrents about Faith. It didn't matter how much he protested. He looked forward having some time alone with Faith. He and Faith hadn't had the time to be a real couple. Starting a new relationship on the tour was strange. There people lurking around at all times. Someone was always there looking for her attention - Alex, Sheila or Bono. It was nice to be away from his envious eyes. Larry wondered how far Bono’s infatuation went. It had been a joke earlier in the tour. But now that Ali was engaged to another man that left Bono twisting in the wind.
After 2 hours of drinking and eating, it was decided to call it quits for the day. Ryan called Steve and the engineers to join them at Flashes. Their table of 5 grew to a few more tables as more people joined them including Ryan's bartender. Larry enjoyed seeing Faith in a more relaxed atmosphere as their table filled with friends. She had been tense in the last few days of the tour. He knew that Sarajevo had left a lasting impression on her. Now thousands of miles from there, she was able to relax.
Alex watched the interaction between Larry and Faith. He casually rested his arm on the back of her chair. Larry, Alex discovered, was very funny - in a dry way. As more people joined their group, he grew quiet while Faith sparked to life. Alex flashbacked to the photoshoot with Annie. She remembered the playful interaction between Bono and Faith. The way they teased and complimented one another. Faith didn't have the electricity tonight. She smiled at Larry from time to time. While it was no beam of light, there was a tenderness. Alex couldn't make heads or tails of the situation. It was curious that when asked why Larry was in New York and not Ireland, his response was lessons. There was no mention of Faith.
Faith stood. "We have an early morning." She announced like a mother to the table. She knew Ryan would be having a late night. He and his bartender stared at each other hungrily. She remembered what that feeling was like.
"I'll head out with you," Larry stood. He gave a general wave to the table. "It was great meeting you. Hopefully I'll see you again. "
A tipsy Ryan laughed. "You'll see him again. He's Faith new boyfriend. "
Both turned scarlet. It was finally out there as a fact. Larry took Faith's hand as they left the bar.
"Can I see you home?" He asked.
"Of course. You should see my apartment that is the size of your bedroom," she teased as they walked along the dark city streets.
"I offered you a place to stay," he said.
"It's nice to be among my things. It's been so long since I've had a home." She said. There was a haunting familiarity of holding hands as she walked these streets. The late summer warmth clung to the air.
He nodded. "I know. Right now, New York is my home."
That was her fault, she thought. "Are you going to look for a place in Dublin?"
"Once the tour is done for good next spring. Granted, prices are better in the winter. I just won't have the proper time to really look. I don't want to rush into anything stupid," he said. He bit his lip. Hopefully she didn't take it the wrong way. "I just want the right home."
"I guess I might be able to consider a bigger place too. Maybe a 2 bedroom," she mused.
"Has anyone talked about the Rest of the World tour with you?" Larry asked.
"What's that?" She frowned.
"What we're calling the 4th leg. We go to South America, Asia, South Africa," he said.
She shook her head. "Sheila didn't mention it."
"I know Bono was keen on it a few weeks ago. But he hasn't mentioned it lately," Larry said.
Faith's heart thudded. Things would never be the same between them. In his eyes, she had spurned him. Hell hath no fury like a rockstar spurned. She'd be surprised if he didn't find a way to kick her off the current tour. Was he that hurt, or was this ego? Did he expect that she'd rush to be with him. He was the one with all the baggage.
"I think we were going to go back to recording. Maybe somewhere else. See if a new city couldn't inspire us," she wondered aloud.
Larry laughed. "You sound like Bono. Just don't drag your band to what is essentially a third world country in the middle of political turmoil." Larry envisioned Strict Machine in the condemned building of Hansa studios.
The comparison to Bono stung and solidified her decision to be here. "What? No recording in Bosnia?"
His guffaw filled the street. "Perhaps Rwanda?"
"Too safe," she teased. "I bet we have no friends in Iran or Iraq. Definitely there."
They giggled as the walked along side street where Faith lived. Her stomach tied in knots. It was just them. No tour personnel to knock on a hotel door. No Bono with some incredible new idea.
She looked up at the worn building. "This is me. I'm sure it's not as nice as yours."
"If you live there, I'm sure it's lovely." He stared at her with a seriousness that made her heart skip.
She dug for her keys. She knew she wasn't ready for that yet. She had moved too fast with Bono. Not that that was a real relationship. It was just two people burying their pain in lust. She shook her head angrily. She cursed the way he seemed to slip into her thoughts. There was a vast ocean that separated them yet somehow he felt close. The mustiness of the building hit Larry's nose as the climbed the freaky stairs. After the fourth flight, Larry’s legs started to burn.
"I see why you have such great legs," he huffed.
She sent him a smile over her shoulder. "Why Mr. Mullen...are you being fresh?"
A heat grew from within him. Was it too early for that? She used her shoulder to push the door open. The warped wood squeaked against her push. She led him into a large living room area.
"This is it," she tossed her keys on nearby table. "I know. It's pretty small."
Compared to his three bedroom apartment on the skirts of Central Park, yes it was small. An air conditioner hissed in the window. Her place was lightly scented in lilacs and vanilla. He paused to look at the framed pictures on bookshelves and tables. There were a few of a younger Faith with long hair. She was still beautiful. He had a hard time imagining her with long hair.
"It's funny seeing you with long hair," he chuckled.
"That was ages ago," she chopped her hair when she was finally free of Bradley. She needed to feel new. She ran a hand through her mop. She was in need of a cut and color.
"Is that your dad?" He pointed to a photo of an older man with a strong chin and a smile like Faith's.
She nodded. "A few years before he got sick." Nervously, she glanced around the apartment for evidence of her prior life. In a box somewhere were the pictures of her teen years. She wore bandanas and hats. She was pale and bloated. She kept those memories since they made her who she was today. But why didn't she want him to know? Why was she not ready?
"Do you want something to drink?" She fidgeted with her hands.
"Sure," he followed her into a small kitchen. Against the wall, a small breakfast bar with 2 seats. On the drying rack was a dish and a glass. He peered in her opened refrigerator. There was a small carton of milk, water and a few beers.
"I'm sorry I don't have much selection. I'm not home much," she apologized.
"Whatever you have is fine," he leaned against the counter. She appeared nervous. It was the first time they were truly alone. There were times that he wasn't sure about his decision to leave Ann. This was unfamiliar and awkward. Maybe if they had both been single, it could have flowed. He knew he shouldn't have kissed her that night. He should've left Ann sooner. All that time between changed them. She was cautious and guarded now. Sometimes she seemed far away and he wondered if he'd ever feel close to her.
She popped the caps and handed one to Larry. "So this is it."
"It's nice. Bigger is not always better," he smiled.
Faith's eyes wandered to his open shirt. Why couldn't anyone in the band button their shirts? A silver chain rested on his smooth defined chest. For a moment, Bono’s chest flashed in her mind. The dark hair that stretched across his stomach and downward. She blinked that image away. Those comparisons would exist for awhile, she knew. They kissed differently. Larry closed his eyes and played it safe. Bono like to watch her. He couldn't be happy just her mouth - he was everywhere. But the circumstances in which she had kissed them were different. With Larry, they were goodnight kisses. Bono was the start of a passionate night.
Larry inched closer. She knew he was going to kiss her. He gave her a sweet smile as he leaned into her, eyes closed and lips pursed. She wound her arms around his neck as their mouths met. His mouth was a little dry at first. He was tense under her hands. As the kiss deepened slowly, she felt those taut muscles relax. As usual, he kissed with perfect rhythm. The edge of counter bit into her lower back as he leaned into her with all his weight. He touched her cheek, hair. She opened her eyes. Of course his were clamped shut. Why? Was he pretending she was someone else? She shrugged off that notion. He chose to be here with her. She felt fingers brush the skin on her lower back. A warmth grew in her stomach. His breath was become uneven. Hearing his excitement caused her heart to race she reached back in her memory when the touch of his hand would drive her wild. When all she wanted was this moment. She wasn't sure she was ready to take it all the way. No need to rush.
He was the first to step away. His head spun. "Wow. That was amazing. "
Faith wasn't sure it could be described as amazing, but it was very nice. She was glad she felt something stir inside. His silvery eyes beamed down at her. He was adorable. There was no trace of years on his smooth skin. Her body collided into him for a more passionate kiss. See? Her body wasn't just craving him. She wanted Larry too. He took her face in his hands. He knew if he didn't stop now, he'd never leave. Slowly, he pulled away.
"I should go. I dropped off my stuff and headed to the studio to see you," he said. "My place has nothing. "
"That's how it was when I came home. And as you can see, I still don't. " she smiled.
"Can I come by the studio tomorrow? " he brushed the hair from her eyes.
"Of course," she said. She leaned closer for a small kiss on his cheek.
He grabbed her hand as he walked to the door. Casting a glance down the hallway leading to her bedroom, he sighed. Soon. Another lingering kiss at the door, and he was gone. She collapsed on the couch. Her engines had been started. Leaning her head back, she stared at the crack in her ceiling. Once she made love with Larry, she'd forget Bono. The phone rang. It was probably Maria who no doubt heard that the handsome Mullen had dined with them.
"Hello?" She asked. Silence. She could faintly hear breathing on the other end. "Hello?" The line went dead. Another hang up. Was it Bono? Another fan calling? She needed to change her number and make it unpublished. Shrugging it off, she opted for a hot shower before bed.
Bono listened for footsteps. All was quiet upstairs. The girls had gone to bed a half hour ago. There had been some pitter-patter, but all seemed quiet. Ali had graciously let the girls stay with him for the few weeks he was home. He enjoyed getting to know these girls again. Jordan was trying very hard that she wasn't a little girl anyone. Eve wanted to be older like her sister, but still enjoyed being daddy’s little girl sometimes. Ali was still seeing Trevor but the diamond ring came off - for now. There had been a particularly awkward homecoming with Ali. They avoided the subject of Greece and what happened there. Ali knew he was in love with someone else. And she was pretty sure she knew who it was. She'd seen the photos. She knew what that look in his eye meant. Yet, she was sure that Ann told her Faith and Larry were together. She had wanted to ask Bono about that, but his face was impassable.
Bono sat at the kitchen table scribbling words, phrases among the abstract traces of Faith's face. Even the girls asked if they would 'see the cool lady' again. He looked around his kitchen practically seeing her in here. They could be making dinner or love. He thought how wonderful it would be to be able to spend time with her and do whatever he wanted. No slinking away. No concern for time. He looked at his watch. It was still early there. Were Faith and Larry having dinner right now? Was she in his bed or she in his? He wasn't sure he wanted to know if they had sex. It couldn't be better than what he shared with her. He buried his head in his hands. He'd given her space. Maybe too much. Perhaps he should have fought harder. He had been so afraid of scaring her off that he did nothing. Now Larry was in NY with her. They would be flying in a few days before Adam's wedding. That would be the next time he'd see her. Unless he hopped a plane to NY, got down on one knee and begged for her love. For a half second, he considered it. He crumpled up one of his drawings. Sighing, he stared at the words scrawled on the paper before him. 'Stuck in a moment that you can't get out of'. It was how he felt. Trapped by fear. Perhaps she had rejected him by saying nothing at all. Maybe he was just a good fuck. His hands formed fists as he reached back in his mind to the nights they spent together. Maybe the first night was just sex. It was a flurry of tears and body parts. But the second and third night were different. Everything was deeper. She looked at him with different eyes. Maybe it'd be easier if he knew she didn't care at all. He wrote some more words and phrases down. Even though it was early for him, his eyes burned. The girls would be up early. Slowly, he dragged himself to his bedroom that cried out for a woman's touch. If not for maid, there would clothes on the floor and the bed would be a rumpled mess. When he closed his eyes, he saw her here. He knew she'd be happy here. Maybe with the two of them, they could rescue Emira and start their own family. Smiling, he thought of her little belly round with his child. He pressed the balls of his hand into his eyes. Right now, she was in Larry’s arms and it killed him.
Edge picked up the phone. "Hello?"
Alex's throat tightened. "Hi Edge? It's Alex."
Hearing her voice was better than he ever expected. It felt like a hug from across the ocean. "Alex! How are you?"
She felt his smile. "Busy. That's why I'm calling. I'm hoping you would be able to listen to some stuff and let me know what you think. We're putting the finishing touches on these songs, but I wanted your input."
"Of course," he was flattered. He didn't consider himself an expert. "Can you have Steve airmail the tapes?"
"You should get them tomorrow. " she laughed.
He joined her laughter. "I guess you knew I wouldn't refuse."
"And miss the opportunity to help shape a new record?" She paced her apartment looking for any topic that would keep him on the phone. "How are things there?"
He looked on his patio as Morleigh read her book. She was in Dublin for a few days. One tense lunch with the girls was done. Hollie didn't seem eager to do dinner. Neither did Morleigh.
"It's okay. I'm starting to get bored believe it or not," he chuckled. He missed Alex. Hearing her voice made him realize how much. "I've seen Bono a few times."
"Oh?" This was the topic. "How's he been?"
"Hard to tell. I know he's been spending time with the girls. He's been quiet. We've gone out for dinner and drinks. I don't think he's sleeping much. Especially now that Larry is over there," Edge said. "Do you know if they've talked?"
"Faith and Bono? No. If they have, she hasn't mentioned it. Not that she would."
"How has it been with Larry there?" He asked.
"I guess okay. She seems content," Alex sighed.
"Is there a difference between happy and content? " he asked.
"If you're content, you're comfortable. It's not great or bad. It just is. But being happy shows on your face. You can't contain it," Alex explained. Was she talking about Faith or herself?
Edge knew exactly what she was talking about. He understood it in reference to his life and Faith and Bono’s. There was a vacancy in his eyes. It reminded Ed of the way things were before the tour. For a man who craved contact and engagement, Bono was subdued and disinterested. He had retreated there again. Without Faith's sun, he was perpetually cloudy. The mood deepened when Larry left for New York.
"I wanted to talk to him about...but I never seem to have the right words."
"I know! I mean, I see them hold hands and act like a couple. If you didn't know her, you really wouldn't know the difference. But I've seen her in love. Maybe she's holding back." Alex said. "Do you know about Bradley?"
"No. Who is he?" Edge asked.
"Years ago, he was Faith's boyfriend. They were amazing together. She lit up around him. He was very much like her...and very much like Bono." Alex said. "We were convinced they would marry and be happy together forever. Then Bradley broke his leg."
Edge chuckled. "And she had to put him down."
"Well, sort of. He needed to take drugs for the pain and they gave him oxycontin. It seemed like he was addicted over night. I mean, he changed. Faith, of course, was the last to see it. She was blind in love. He dragged her some awful Shit. She almost quit the band at one point," Alex said.
Ed felt terrible for his joke. "Jesus, I had no idea."
"How could you?" She said.
"How long ago was this?" Edge asked.
"Almost a year and a half? She hasn't been with anyone since. At least nothing more than a few dates. He started stealing from her. He tried to alienate her from her friends because we were saying 'he's an addict'. As his addiction grew, he became paranoid and violent almost. He became a different person. I know I've seen people go on Oprah and talk about it. It's something else to see it before your eyes. Faith became different. She was quiet and depressed. Once she admitted it, she vowed that she was meant to be with him and she would help him. They'd get through this together. Finally, it got so bad that she had to leave. She stayed with me for a week. Edge, she was not the woman you know now. She was broken." She paused. "He came looking for her. He broke my door trying to get to her. He was telling her he'd get help, and then screaming obscenities the next. We decided it would be better for her to stay with Ryan. She was safer there."
"Dear God. That is awful. First, cancer then this," Edge sighed. He had a whole new level of respect for her.
"And losing her father. She had just started seeing Bradley when it he died. He really helped her through that so I think that made the bond deeper," Alex said.
"You said that Bono reminded you of Bradley. How?" He scratched his chin.
"They both have that charisma. And together, they were amazing. They finished each others sentences. It wasn't until the magazine shoot that I saw it with Faith and Bono. There was just something there. I actually got a chill. It was like history repeating, " Alex said.
"Do you know if Bono knows?" Ed asked.
"That's another topic she doesn't like to talk about." Alex said. "I'm not sure if it is a secret, but she doesn't bring it up. If I had to bet, I would say no. He knows about the cancer not because she told him."
Edge wondered if Faith's past had influenced her decisions of late.
"It will be interesting to see what happens at the wedding. I know Larry is bringing Faith," Ege said. "Are you and Sam coming?"
"Yes. We're just trying to find a date for Ryan." She joked.
Edge laughed. "I don't think Bono is bringing anyone."
"I know Ryan would enjoy that," she chuckled.
Morleigh walked through the patio door. She gave him a questioning look. His heart dropped like he'd been caught. It was perfectly innocent. he held up his finger and mouthed ‘New York’. She nodded and headed back to the patio. He knew he should follow her.
“I should go. The girls are supposed to come over for dinner later and I haven’t started making dinner yet,” he said. “I’ll see you in a few weeks, right?”
She was sad to end the conversation. Hearing his voice filled her with so much loneliness. “Yeah, I should go too. I need to eat something. Long days in the studio,” she said.
“I wish I was there. I love long studio days,” he said softly.
“Yeah, me too,” she said quietly and he knew she wasn’t talking about the studio.
Larry looked up at the darkening skies. "I think it's going to pour."
The air had changed suddenly. It was humid and hot for a late September day. The weatherman had forecasted strong storms for the afternoon. The wind whipped around Faith and Larry as they walked down the street hand in hand. She felt the first fat pelt of rain. A loud crack over their heads caused them both to jump. Another few raindrops plopped down.
"I think we need to run for it," she said as the dark clouds lit up with lightning.
Together, they bolted the block to Faith’s apartment. It reminded him of their first kiss in Boston. He felt lucky to be here with her again. The last week together confirmed his feelings. He thought he might be falling in love with her. She seemed more relax around him. He hoped that would still be the case when the tour resumed.
The skies opened as they reached the first stair. Laughing, they scrambled up the brick stairs. Faith struggled to pull her keys out of her pocket. Larry's shirt was becoming translucent in the rain. Finally, they were undercover and safe in the hallway.
"I think we're getting take out," she said.
He nodded. The original plan was to go out to dinner to celebrate the last mix of the EP. That would have to wait. Faith noticed the rain streaming in through her opened windows soaking her side table and the message notebook she still had not looked at yet. She ran over to close her window and saw the phone blinking.
"I bet this is Steve canceling," she pressed the button.
The first call was another hang up. Every time she received one, she wondered if it was Bono. There was another beep. "Hey guys, let's do dinner tomorrow," Sheila said. "It's going to be a nasty night. Let's meet at the studio at 1pm. Sheila."
Larry grinned. "Take away, it is."
The third beep. "Hey, Faith. I think I have the number right." Faith's blood turned to ice at the sound of his voice. "I know it's been awhile. I'm back in town. I tried and left a few messages with some other girl. Maybe you got them, maybe not. Looks like things are great with you. I'm so proud of you baby."
Larry watched the color drain from her face. She stared at the phone like a ghost slipped out of it.
"I'll try back. I would love to catch up. Later, Bradley. "
Faith struggled to get in her lungs. Violently, she flipped the pages of the message notebook. She had missed his name scrawled in the bubble writing. 'Brad called.' Her eyes searched the pages for more. How many times? Since when? Her knees buckled. 5 times since July around the time she and Bono.....
"Faith," Larry inched closer. Her wild eyes switched to him. "Are you okay? Please talk to me."
She sunk on the couch. The wind howled through the open windows. She felt numb. Why was hearing his voice shaking her so much? She knew she didn't want to be with him - changed or not. No amount of begging could erase the scar he left of her. The moment she heard, she was overwhelmed with memories of him and Bono. She remembered how her heart raced when Bono's lips touched her body. The dreams flooded her mind.
"Faith," Larry said softly. "You're scaring me. Please say something."
The strong and dependable Larry was kneeling in front of her. His warm hands wrapped around her icicles.
She blinked as if coming out of the fog. "I'm sorry Larry. As you can guess, that was old boyfriend. "
Larry nodded. "Something like that."
"He is a drug addict," she started.
Larry sat motionless on the couch beside her as she told him the sordid tale of Bradley and Faith. How they met and fell deeply in love. How an accident changed their life together. She decided that if she couldn't let Larry into some of her past, she would give him all access to this part of it. This was a piece that Bono didn't have. She told him everything from the knife incident to living with Ryan for protection. His arms wrapped around her protectively.
"I won't let him near you. Does he know you live here?" He said. She sensed the anger just below his smooth skin.
"I don't think so," she said.
"Well if he got your number, he might know where you live. And he hasn't gotten a live person in a few weeks. He may figure out that you're in town," he brushed a hair off her forehead. "I think you should stay with me."
She wrinkled her nose. "I don't think that's necessary. "
"Then I should stay here. Faith, you looked like you saw a ghost when you heard his voice. He somehow affects you," his voice was soft.
Faith did hate the fact that Bradley walked the same city as she did. He could be lurking outside her window.
"I'll stay on the couch. I just don't want you alone tonight," he said.
She looked up his icy blue eyes. They were so younger than Bradley and Bono’s. If Bono was here, would she feel safe with him? Knowing him, he'd search the streets for Bradley and make him pay for everything he'd done. The peacemaker disappeared when someone he loved was threatened. She closed her eyes. She couldn't think about him loving her right now. Bradley was out there thinking too much of her right now. He didn't leave a number. Was he still on the streets?
"I don't want you to go tonight," her lips said. She wasn't sure what she meant by that. She wanted to feel safe and loved by someone who deserved it. She'd given her heart to someone unworthy before. She wouldn't do it again.
Her hands found his face as the shadows grew longer in her apartment. The rain slammed into the windows. The urgency in her kiss disarmed him. With her, he'd been careful to move deliberately. As her body pressed into his, his self control slipped away. There was no stopping now. He thought of this moment the first night he saw her take the stage. She was so much more than the temptress with the golden voice now.
For the first time, she had caught him off guard and his raw passion took control. Her fingers unbuttoned the remaining buttons on his white shirt. He felt so different. His chest so smooth and hard. She felt his muscles move under her hands as they reacted to her touch. The only hair lead from his navel downward. She flushed just thinking about it. His wet skin was chilly. His fingers entwined in her wet hair. He should reign himself back in,he thought. She needed and wanted him. It felt like the missing piece fell into place. Though they had been together, they each held back. Not tonight.
She pushed his shirt off his shoulders as his fingers rested on the buttons of her blouse. He looked up at her questioning. With a smile, she nodded her permission. His breath caught in his chest. He'd been with only one other person. His head spun taking in this new experience. He was about to make love to another woman. He needed to enjoy this.
He kissed her finger. "Let's go to the bedroom." A room that he shunned previously. He was ready to see it and her.
~~~editing music
He propped himself on his elbow. "I'm sorry. That went too quick. It's just been a long time and I've never been with another woman."
She smiled at his sweetness. He wasn't totally clueless. "I understand. We have plenty of time to get to know each other in every way."
He looked relieved. "I think I'm falling in love with you."
She kissed him passionately. She wasn't ready to say it. She felt deeply, but love was scary. Her heart wasn’t completely vacant for him to move in. Loving him would be easy. He was tender and sweet.
Instead of making love again, he curled in beside her and fell asleep. She guessed there would be no marathon of lovemaking. Listening to the rain, both Bradley and Bono drifted into her thoughts. Suppressing them didn't work. Were they thinking about her? What were they doing? Perhaps Bono went back to Ali like Faith figured he would. They belonged together like she belonged with Larry. Was he wrapped around Ali blinking into the dark thinking about her?
Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell - You're All I Need To Get By - YouTube
Boy, I've missed this story...
It's just...so obvious now, and she's in a bit of a pickle, isn't she. That whole conversation between them when she was in the shower made me want to cry...I mean, they're adorable together, but there's still so much angst...
Yay!
Anyways, hope I'm not too late - 
