to be young again

[popkidu2]

i fell asleep in the library today. it was five thirty when i woke up. the sun was starting to set. a perfect fall evening. its only september, but i can feel fall coming. i got up, cleared the haze from my mind. went outside. it was so cool. that first feel of brisk, cool weather woke me up. campus was almost empty. i sat down on a bench and smoked. that very moment i wanted to be eighteen again. i wanted to be a freshman. no responsibilities. no expectations. no worries. i wanted to walk back to my dorm, find my friends. we'd go out and throw the ball around, do something, do anything. just enjoy the day. then we'd go and grab food. maybe a pizza or dinner at the dining hall. after stuffing ourselves silly, we'd find some beer, hang out and have a few drinks. head out to the soccer game, watch our team win, and then head out for a party. maybe our own. next thing you know, it's two am, we're all drunk, wandering back to our dorms. me and mark, we'd stumble into my room, put the screensaver on, find the tunes. probably radiohead or chemical brothers. find the music that'd sooth our souls. absolute bliss, drinking beers, listening to the tunes. no worries mate. it's all good. just feel it. just be it. or maybe i'd be with a girl. achtung baby playing. feel the soul, feel the skin. where are we? we're in heaven baby. yueah, to be eighteen again. to be without a care. in this moment, sitting on this bench, that's what i want. i don't want the responsibility. i'm too old to be in school. thesis, internship, marrige, kids, house, who's house for the holidays, it's all too much. i don't want it right now. all i want is to be eighteen again.

 

[The Wanderer]

I was just thinking of this, I've thought about it a lot the last week or two, I guess because people are going back to school, and I was over at Georgetown the other day... college, oh man, what a time, now I have a job that's not exactly what I want, with employers who are scums of the fucking earth, not that it *all went wrong* and I have no time to get where I want to be, but sometimes in the midst of my daily routine I stop and ask myself, "is this it? is this fucking it???" I guess I'm lucky in one sense, that I can sift thru my life and find things that make me smile and downplay the disappointments, it gets me into trouble sometimes, but it also keeps me sane

 

[popkidu2]

You know Wanderer, here's a fucking thought.

Considering how often I am in the DC Metro area, and that we went to the same fucking U2 concert (and I think you were in the heart as I was) we've probably passed each other at least once. And here we go, another exestential conversation over the internet. I can't stand it

You say "Is this it?", yeah, I know what you mean. On days like today I'm torn. Half of me wants to run u to my girlfriends house, propose, marry, have kids, and just be done with it. But the other half wants to hang on and just be. Strangely enought, I'm listening to Crash Test Dummies right now (don't say a fucking word ), yeah, it's God Shuffled His Feet, and I played this CD all the time first semester freshman year. It just came on from shuffle on my computer. How wierd. But it represents a time in my life. A time when I would spend nights drinking, smoking pot, and expounding on why the Samples blew my mind. Saturdays filled with football games and kegs and eggs. Weekday evenings spend in Slocum Study Hall studying with my buddy Ted. There was a certain amount of freedom that existed during those days that you can't get back once you grow up.

I ddunno. I know tomorrow I'll be in the library working on my thesis trying to formulate treatment plans for rape survivors. I mean, I'm invested in it, but some days I just don't want to think about shit like that. I want freshman english, you know classes that are a joke

 

[Blue_Angel]

don't tell me these things!

seriously, maybe change is just the hardest thing? I guess its a transition of sorts, well I mean it definitely is, and you're the one i think who told me that fear always accompanies change and can really mess with your mind. Id love to give you advice but even if there is any out there, I sure don't know what it is!!

 

[popsadie]

can definitely sympathize with this...THis is my last year of University and I have mixed feelings. Due to "studying" abroad and taking a semester out...I am a 5 and half year senior. I will be 24 in two months and quite frankly...it scares me. I'm carrying 17 hours, work 20 hours a week and observe/work at a middle school 7 hours a week. Long gone are the days of staying up until 3 am talking about the meaning of life...but I suppose that is just part of it. I have to grow up, have to be responsible...but yeah...sometimes I wish I was 18 again as well.

 

[Cowgirl]

even scarier the thought, when you think about your life now and how it is what you don't wish it to be, and you feel you missed out on a lot of those times u should have been having when you were younger for one reason or another.
thats even more frightening.
i guess im probably a very naive person but no matter how bad my life gets sometimes, i always have hope and live with the thought that things will change and i will find some peace and happiness soon because i do want it and i'm capable of getting it.

p.s. nick and craig, u should go get a beer sometime, u sillies

 

[foray]

All good words here.


foray

 

[scatteroflight]

Some people think it's pathetic to be nostalgic about high school or first year university or whatever, but I don't. I completely relate (except I never got drunk or smoked pot). I'm actually very, very nostalgic for high school, grade 12 specifically. Even though it wasn't all totally rosy at the time, I miss it now, and I miss having a structured life and just worrying about getting essays done and stuff like that. Instead of having to worry about work and finding accomodations. Ok, so I'm not that badly off, considering I'm now living in Dublin and I brought it upon myself and I love it here and I have wonderful relatives who are letting me stay with them indefinitely, but it just feels like I have a lot to worry about at the moment.