Question.. comments, hopefully U2 fans will understand

[lemon_drop]

Years ago, I met a couple of pretty visible U2 fans in the Pacific NW, we hit it off, did things together. I helped them with air tickets(buddy passes) and we would watch U2 vid's together - marathons.. and get together to craft t-shirts, plan concerts, travel, and just coffee sometimes..

I got sick. I kept it from them. I felt it was my deal, and that it wasn't going to kill me, although at times the pain would feel like it should.

I forgot a couple different meet-ups. I apologized profusely, and told them a bit of my medical issues. That didn't seem to make too much of a difference, as I got an email from them saying that they no longer wanted to be friends with me, that I was unreliable.. and the email ended with "I hope your neck gets better" well.. turned out I have a rare disorder, that I ended up having a brain surgery for three years ago, and it's difficult to diagnose and really only about 10 neurosurgeons that are competent enough to do this type of surgery.
This was all four years ago, and when I think of U2, and different ways that U2 fans act towards each other, well I think that we are pretty accepting of each other.

I guess what I'm saying is that we should all be accepting, caring of each other, and even if personally I was in the wrong by not telling them the depth of my problems(I don't know if I should've or not - since we were U2 buds, and not best friends) and I really felt dumped. I thought them careless. I suppose that in some ways I was too, but I don't know other than telling them I was/am sick and whether that would of changed their minds or not? I'm not a bad person, and have been a good friend and confidante to my friends and family.

There was no discussion with them, it was a done deal. It was them against me, and I was in the wrong, and I couldn't at that point explain what was wrong and why I was the way I was.
The brain disorder that I dealt with(and still deal with, no cure, just the surgery to halt the progression)causes some fatigue, brain fog.. anyways.. I know in some ways I was wrong, but how can some people treat others this way? I was very hurt..

We had in common our love of the lads from Ireland, the music, the lyrics and the desire to see them live, and try to interpret the music.

All I know, is that the tour is starting again in the fall, and there will be chance meetings I am sure. I felt wronged and hurt. I haven't spoken ill of them, and won't. It's uncomfortable, and I certainly don't want their pity, nor anyone elses..

What are other U2 fans expectations of others in their friendships? When a U2 bud encounters a life altering medical condition? I tried to act and appear "normal" and that my stamina was the same as theirs. But it wasn't, and I wasn't honest about that part of me. I guess I was in denial about my condition.

Hopefully zoo confessionals is the right place for this. This has bothered me for a long time now. And at times, it hurts the same day I opened the email.

Thanks for listening.. and reading. That has been cathartic for me...

 

[corianderstem]

Plainly put, your friends were jerks to you. You did all that could have been expected of you - you apologized and provided the simple explanation that personal issues have made it difficult for you to do the things you had been doing with them.

I'm sorry your friends treated you so carelessly.

I've had many different friendships created over the internet (through other hobbies along with U2), some of which have become "real life" friendships, others that have faded.

For me it's sometimes a hard distinction to make - someone I talk to on the internet I might consider a friend, and then sometimes get hurt to find that the person on the other end isn't necessarily thinking the same thing. And sometimes, unfortunately you don't find that out until you've been hurt.

I guess that's a new part of society now, trying to sort out the complications of relationships online. I'm really looking forward to meeting a lot of people this fall as I travel to different concerts. Some of those people might become friends, others might not, but I value and enjoy even the smallest dose of friendship I've found in my dealings online.

Good luck to you with your ongoing illness; from the little information you've given, I think I might know a woman who has the same condition (or at least a similar one).

PS - I'm also in the Pacific Northwest.

 

[lemon_drop]

Chiari 1 Malformation? Takes a long time to get diagnosed.. anyways, I'm not looking for sympathy.

Thank you for saying what I thought and probably knew in my heart but when I try to make friendships work, put forth the effort, and then get rebuffed like that for something I cannot control, well it hurts all the more.

For them, U2 is everything. I have a lot of different facets in my life, and for them, not so much. Not that it's wrong, my life is different from theirs. I like to think that I have been accepting of them..... and our differences.

and yeah, the world is a different place... of course I aim to be careful for the meetups for new online friends, even if they are U2 peeps. I guess I just need to be a little more guarded in my life.
Nice day here, eh? And finally my DH is coming home from his fishing job in AK.. it's good to have him back. Although, he won't be coming to any U2 shows with me.

 

[corianderstem]

Chiari 1 Malformation?

Okay, nope, I was way off. The woman I know has dystonia (sp?). Eh, it was a guess.

Nice day for sure. Figures that tomorrow is supposed to be the nicest day all week. Stupid Mondays!

 

[Bonochick]

Plainly put, your friends were jerks to you. You did all that could have been expected of you - you apologized and provided the simple explanation that personal issues have made it difficult for you to do the things you had been doing with them.

I'm sorry your friends treated you so carelessly.

I agree. Your friends were very selfish, and it's quite unfortunate because it seemed like you had a lot of fun with them. You said you tried to act and appear normal. With true friends, you should never have to put on an act. It's too bad that you felt you had to for them.

You know what they say...you find out who your true friends are when time gets tough. Sometimes, that can be a painful reality. I hope that you are doing better and that you have some nicer and more caring people in your life to spend your time with!

 

[Pearl]

I forgot a couple different meet-ups. I apologized profusely, and told them a bit of my medical issues. That didn't seem to make too much of a difference, as I got an email from them saying that they no longer wanted to be friends with me, that I was unreliable.. and the email ended with "I hope your neck gets better".

That was cruel of them.

As the saying goes, "a friend is someone who knows all about you and yet still loves you."

It really sucks when you realize the people you considered to be friends turn out not to be friends. I'm sorry this happened to you, and I'm sorry for your illness. I hope you meet new, and much more nicer, U2 friends during the tour. Which one are you going to?

 

[lemon_drop]

Right now.. Vegas with a seat. PHX, GA.. although I'm bidding on a REDzone.
I'm hoping that I can go to Chicago 2 with my husband.. he says he is going to take my birthday off, but it's possible that the fishing season will require that he go back fishing right about then. Hey, he is helping support my U2 habit, and I love him!

And Bonochick and Pearl; both of you are correct. I think that while I wasn't totally honest it was necessary to be as cruel as they were...but, at least I know and I'm not wasting time with them, and them with me. Obviously, it wasn't a U2 match, eh?

I it here...

Corianderstem? I know, it always seems that the weekends are crap and then the week turns out good.

 

[Carek1230]

This is absolutely a good forum for this issue. I will start out by saying I am sorry that you had to endure all that you have...with the hurt from the friendship that obviously wasn't meant to be and from dealing with the illness, surgery, recovery etc. I believe things happen for reasons though. Hopefully only good and better things will happen for you from this point. There are a lot of good people out there, fellow U2 fans included. With so many friendships beginning as a result of the internet in our current society, there are bound to be countless who are hurt when they discover mistruths or when eventually meeting in person doesn't ignite the spontanaiety or chemistry they had in their online worlds. We have to be careful who we befriend in the internet world these days.

I've been naive in thinking most U2 fans were similar in musical taste, environmental & world issues, etc. but I too have learned the hard way. People aren't always what they seem. Pearl is right in saying "a friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you." It's that couple's loss for ending their friendship with you as you sound like an awesome person to me. I'm glad that you are back on Interference. (I may even remember you, your story sounds so familiar).

 

[Fernando-]

In your situation, I think I would've done the same thing you did. Actually a sort of similar thing happened to me.. I wasn't sick, I was more of depressed and that ended up with me trying to avoid contact with the outside world. And at first I didn't noticed that I was depressed, but anyway. I lost quite a lot contact with my friends but then some events happened to me where I needed them. And they acted like if nothing had happened and never turned their backs on me. And that made me care more about them.

So... maybe this experience that happened to you had a good side of it. I guess it was sort of a test to see if they cared of you, and now that you know how they REALLY are, you wouldn't want to waste your time with people like them.

And yes, as corianderstem said, It sucks when people at the end don't consider to be your friends, even if it's just online.

Anyways, I hope you're feeling better with all of this.

 

[lemon_drop]

I guess what I've learned is that not everyone you meet on the internet is good, and while we tried to be friends... I might of read a little more into it, and that they haven't had to deal with these types of life issues and perhaps some more experience will help them.... to be more understanding.
I thank you all for the kindness you have shown me.. that makes me feel a wee bit better about things.

 

[Bonoa]

Hi, Lemon_drop! I'm sorry you were treated like that by these people! In case of health and sickness, you always learn to know how people really are.

Sharing the same taste in music and loving the same band doesn't always mean having a common sense of morals, values and friendships. I'm also a big Queen fan, but I've been screwed over by a few other Queen fans when I was younger. I also had the idea that fellow Queen fans would stick out for each other!

Focus on the friends you have and if they're not U2 fans, hey, there are always friends who will join you to the concert to have a good time and would love to see you go wild when the band start playing!

 

[MooMoo!]

I dont understand their reaction really, I mean, were they relying on you for something at these meet ups? A meet up should be an enjoyable event, I dont understand how you can be "unreliable" in that context. Its like saying someones "unrelible" because they dont go to the pub regularly.

It was pretty bad how they did that to you, especially if you told them it was medically related. I know you didnt disclose the full extent, but even so, they didnt respect that you wernt in well enough health to join in, and thats a terrible thing to do. I hope they one day know what you've had to go though with this condition and realise their error.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I've had many different friendships created over the internet (through other hobbies along with U2), some of which have become "real life" friendships, others that have faded.

For me it's sometimes a hard distinction to make - someone I talk to on the internet I might consider a friend, and then sometimes get hurt to find that the person on the other end isn't necessarily thinking the same thing. And sometimes, unfortunately you don't find that out until you've been hurt.

That's it in a nutshell-well that's my experience at least. It has zero to do with being U2 fans-that's just mythology. People are people, and that's that. Best to protect yourself sometimes and not put yourself out there so much if the hurt gets in the way. I have one good friend that I made as a U2 fan and online, we just click for some reason and it just works. I've never met her but our communication is honest and easy and there's just zero bs. I've met some people that I've "met" online-some have been great, some not. It's best to just not expect anything either way and just go from there. And to not see it in any terms related to U2 that somehow elevate your expectations. Some of the nicest U2 fans I've met had nothing to do with online stuff.

I'm sorry lemon drop, I hope for the best for your health.

 

[lemon_drop]

I dont understand their reaction really, I mean, were they relying on you for something at these meet ups? A meet up should be an enjoyable event, I dont understand how you can be "unreliable" in that context. Its like saying someones "unrelible" because they dont go to the pub regularly.

Thanks.. and nope I wasn't "needed" for the meet-up, there was still the two of them..