i didn't think i'd come to admit but i feel like dont have a purpose in life anymore

[jesseu2]

i thought i'd never had the need to reveal this to everyone but i feel i do.

i like this one girl, i have seen her off and on for 3 years. we used to live in the same apartment complex. then i didnt see her for awhile, just wondered where she was cuz i've always had a crush on her but am kinda shy in revealing in person cuz i hate rejection. i have never had a girlfriend ever, pics might show it here but they really dont. so i hadnt seen her in awhile, her mom comes by an tells me that she has been in a bad car wreck an hit her head so bad it broke her head open that she was holding on for her life. then i see her a couple times... go to her work n say hi an stuff..then i dont hear from her til about 2 weeks ago on match.com, i got an email from her asking if i was jese, lol, i write her back saying yes its me, an asking her how shes doing, bla bla. then she writes me back an says this...

Yeah time sure does fly. Its crazy. I just graduated!! I got my degree in Psychology from Ottawa University. I just recently had laser surgery to smooth out the scar on my face. So now that I am recovered from that I need to start looking for a job. Ewwww....lol. So what have you been up to lately? Where are you living now? And one last question. Have you had any luck on this site so far? I just signed up about two weeks ago or so. I met one guy, we went out two times but I decided I dont like him. I think he wanted to get serious way too fast. And plus he was REALLY boring. I need a guy with a great sense of humor....well hope to hear from you soon!

in my life with possible dates an women, i feel like no on wants me, a guy with a disability, a speech imperament, hearing loss, etc. i've been turned down, stood up, ignored... everything, it gets me depressed to the point that i dont want to live anymore. but u2 keeps me alive, (u2) they are what keeps me going. i just feel i need to tell her how i feel cuz i might regret it for rest of my life as i do not see a chance with anybidy else on this planet. i know i am a lil shallow an picky but i think there should be some attraction between the two of u. i want to tell her something but i dont know what to say fearing rejection. i dont know what it is about me, if they all think i'm a bore or if its my disability. i get the "you'll find somebody"... i think its bullshit. i'm 26 now an never once had a connection, well i thought i did several times but turned out to be nothing.

i thought about saying this:

wow, u graduated, congrats! i graduate next may. kinda lookin forward to it yes an no... were you in Canada at Ottawa University or here in AZ? thats good u recovered, that scared me when that happened. i've been up to a lot lately, school, internship last fall, etc. 2004 was the worst year for me, remember the room mate i had in the APT? he is very hard to live with, lazy slob an his online girlfriend from accross the country who controls him, bothers me... its insane i tell u, thats all i wanna say, then i had another roomy who was so bad he thought my place was his place to do whatever he wanted. then my bike got stolen, sister sent to boarding school cuz she was screwing up, an my parents almost divorced, it was a nightmare. thats how my 2004 year went, i'm glad its over. everything much better now.

i am living next to ______ in a place i own now with a much better room mate. its nice.

i have not had any luck on here yet, couple emails but keep getting blown off after we speak on the phone, guess i just get to feeling accustomed to it.

i have something i want to say to u but don't know how to say it........

is it to early to say the "i have something to say..."? if not, what do i say? i really feel like a wreck now.

i will say i have/had in the past a couple crushes here on the forum but i wont reveal who.

i don't know what to do. i struggle with lots of things that most of you dont or even think about. i know i do want to be with someone an have a family an all that one day, or just have fun.

 

[Mr. BAW]

First of all, you are a very special person to all of us here at Inteference. I feel sorry to those who have not met you face to face...you are a genius in your own right and you should think more highly of yourself, I sure do.

Regarding your future and meeting that someone special, its going to happen, its just a matter of when...I'm very hurt to read that "maybe you don't have a life anymore"...you could not be so wrong...you're touching all the souls here!

Now, about that letter....I like your introduction...CUT OUT ALL THE BLAH BLAH BLAH about the roommates....how about, I've really been thinking about you and the pain you must have suffered in your accident, its great to hear that you're feeling better...if and when we meet again, there is really something that I'd love to tell you but not right now...that will get her curious.

When she responds, give her a little rope but not the whole she-bang! I'm pretty confident that when she finally learns what a prize you are, and a world-traveler at that, she might see the light...she won't see it, if you don't turn it on!!

Your friend.

Mr. BAW

 

[marik]

you are in a position that everyone has been in at one time or another. trust me.
U2 has kept me alive through things as well. it's important to remember that life is worth living through ANYTHING. every day you can inhale a breath of fresh air is a BEAUTIFUL DAY. a life of listening to u2 music is worth just about anything i would say.
so about the girl...... i am a 23 year old guy- so i can relate. my first question would be, how serious are you about wanting to be with this girl? i have found in my experiences that there are some that you end up being content just admiring and you never share your feelings. then there are others that you can't stand not trying your luck, so no matter how scare you are of a rejection - you just gotta try it. the last girl i felt this way about i was SURE was outta my league, all my friends were telling it to me as well, but i had to try. and it went 100% better than i thought it would. we ended up going out for awhile before she moved away.

so decide if your want to be with this girl is worth the risk of rejection.

secondly, i wouldn't particularly say in an e-mail "i have something to tell you". it isn't very personal and doesn't seem natural. it might scare her as well. i personally would just say in the e-mail that you think she's cool and would have fun hanging out/spending time together/doing such and such an activty. you could suggest/invite her for a givin activity, or just casually mentain 'we should get together sometime'.
you will be able to judge from her reaction if she's intersted in getting to know you better. take it from there. and perhaps after an outting or two, (or even something as simple as a couple good phone conversations) you could mentain your like/feelings.

i would suggest making progress in these smaller steps rather than one big reveal of your affection for her. it might take alittle longer, but it seems more natural and is less of a risk for you.

good luck buddy!

 

[cell]

hey jesse. i dont know if this helps you at all, but i did go out with someone who has the same disability, and we saw each other for awhile. but he had problems with my daughter and some commitment issues...i had to break up with him. we are still great friends.

believe me, it can happen. please dont think anything different.

 

[ladywithspinninghead]

Oh Jesse, it breaks my heart to read this, it really does...
You of all people should not feel like this!!

I had such a great time getting to know you last month in NYC and Philly - I had known from before what a great guy you were but that was reinforced when I got to spend so much time with you!!

I hope things work out with you - and I believe they will...
I hate to quote Cher but I like this "If grass can grow through cement, love can find you at every time in your life".


(Btw, I hope you're not mad at me for having walked in on you when you were changing and then instead of giving you privacy, I went and hugged you goodbye!! )

- Julie

p.s.: You fancy a girl from Ottawa?? Well, she ought to have great taste then!!!

 

[Muggsy]

When she responds, give her a little rope but not the whole she-bang! I'm pretty confident that when she finally learns what a prize you are, and a world-traveler at that, she might see the light...she won't see it, if you don't turn it on!!



Mr. BAW

I have read some of your threads and the things that other reply to them... I wish I know you better , You seem a really cool guy.

I think to start any relationship you have to give time to time, taking little steps, so you may feel secure and you won't get hurt.

Don't think that you don't have a purpose here... just look how many people here loves you and cares about you.

lots of s to you

lore

 

[*Ally*]

jesse, i'm so sorry that you're feeling down. you're a great person, and someday soon i am sure that a wonderful woman will come into your life. i hope that you feel better soon... and good luck with this Ottawa lady!

 

[Laura M]

Jesse, it makes me really sad to hear you saying this. You're globetrotting at the minute after your favourite band, I'm jealous you're getting to see so much of the world! You have a wonderful personality and you're really, really adored here. That's obvious from all the wonderful things Interference folk say about you.

If this was me in your position I wouldn't hang about too long until you tell her. That might make it harder for you to speak up. Of course nobody likes rejection, I certainly don't like it too much, but you have to just live for the moment and go with the flow. There's a whole world out there waiting for you to explore, just enjoy it and take things as they come, don't try to get too hung up on dating Jesse. You're still young and I am fully confident that you will find the perfect girl for you.

 

[Angela Harlem]

I think you are tops, mate. Always thought that. I hope you know it. You've got doubts about yourself like everyone on this planet does, regardless of whatever problems they have. But you have something else not everyone has, and that is an easy going charm and a relaxed attitude that makes people want to know you. You have this grin which is in every single picture either you or someone who's met you puts up on this site, and it sums you up.
You ever heard of a guy called Steady Eddy? He's got CP as well. He's an Australian comedian. He's changed his routine a bit now to more general things, but when he first started out appearing on conservative Australian television, he'd joke about his disability, how people treat those with disabilities, and people laughed. Not because they wanted to be mean, but because he showed he could laugh at himself (like we all need to learn to do) and people needed to either stop pretending it wasn't even there or to see that yes it was, but he was still a guy like all the rest. We are all different, but we are all the same. All equal. You dont want the girls who will treat you differently Jesse. You want a girl who will accept your CP and other stuff, but will see you for you. Who you are is what matters. And what you are is a guy with a hell of a lot to offer the world and any girl who is lucky enough to know you.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I'm sure you definitely have a purpose in this world, probably just by being you you make the world a happier and brighter place. That's an important purpose if you ask me.

Believe me, everyone suffers from self-doubt, rejection, etc. It's the normal human condition unless someone is an egotistical jackass If I beat myself up over the rejection I've felt from men I would have given up on life a long time ago..it does get easier when you get older.

I like Mr BAW's advice

Please don't give up on yourself because of this Jesse, you have good things ahead for you I'm sure.

 

[Dalton]

Well, it looks like mostly women have responded, so let me give you a guys perspective.

I don't know you, but I have always appreciated your posts. You seem to have a really good head on your shoulders.

That being said - lets face it - you're probably not that interesting, not that cool, sort of a loser, etc.

We all are. The sooner you realize that you are in the same boat with everyone else you can move on to livin' life.

So, you've got some physical problems that make your life harder. So what? Don't let that be your excuse for not living the life you want. No excuse (no matter how good it sounds now) is good enough to not follow your dreams. Your a smart guy. I looked at your picture and you're a pretty good looking guy. Seem to have style. Yada, yada, yada.

My favorite line in you post was "cuz I hate rejection" Who likes it? But the fact of the matter is that you have to risk rejection/failure if you want to get what you want in life. Sometimes you will win, sometimes you will lose.


Use this moment as a kick in the ass and go after your dreams. Apply for the job, the promotion, the girl. You're a man - not a boy. Let her know what you want.

 

[Mr. BAW]

I have read some of your threads and the things that other reply to them... I wish I know you better , You seem a really cool guy.

I think to start any relationship you have to give time to time, taking little steps, so you may feel secure and you won't get hurt.

Don't think that you don't have a purpose here... just look how many people here loves you and cares about you.

lots of s to you

lore

My little drunken nun (photo) , you are so cute!

 

[MumblingBono]

It's the things we DON'T do in life that we regret. I have mine.

Let her have it right between the eyes.

 

[karls77]

This sounds dumb and cliche, but you never really know what's coming up round the corner. I was like you, at 25 I was going through a similar thought process. I had had a couple brief (and I mean brief!) relationships but nothing that ever went anywhere. At that time I was sharing an office at Uni with a girl that I liked but rarely had the opportunity to speak to her. Eventually we got to talking informally when we were out with a group of people and now, two years later, we're happily married and things couldn't be better.

So don't give up hope man - just try to set something up with her informally, preferably with other people around so there's no pressure/awkwardness. Then see how it goes and slowly try to progress it. If it doesn't work, try not to let it get to you. If I can find someone then anyone can. I'm as sad/boring/pathetic as they come but I'm a nice guy and that counts for a lot with the right girl.

So best of luck to you, you vile Sun Devil scum!!








Sorry, I'm a U of A grad and couldn't resist mate!

 

[Mrs. Edge]

Jesse, I hate reading about you being sad. I have always thought of you as such a strong, gutsy and charming person. You REALLY know how to have a good time, and you let nothing stop you. I think it is AMAZING the way you travel, meet new people, even bringing the house down at U2 Karaoke. No way would I have the nerve for that! You are so intelligent and have a great future ahead of you. And you are very good looking to boot!

It is a true shame that all this potential makes you think you don't have a purpose but you do, honestly. You bring joy to your friends, family and no doubt you will make a huge contribution to the world.

I can totally understand why you would be depressed to not have had a girlfriend. I would feel the same way! I agree with marik's post actually. I would be a bit subtle, not just giving her a huge confession and making things awkward. I would start either by engaging her in regular conversation as he suggests, or you could even tell her that you haven't had any luck yet, and you are kind of depressed about it and basically tell her all the stuff that you said in this post (minus the stuff about her of course) and see how she responds. She might say "What? I can't believe someone as great as you is still single...let's get together!" or she might be a sympathetic ear. Either way, you won't be endangering the relationship and you can take it up a notch when feeling more confident. She will see you in a whole new light and you will find out what she is thinking. Just a suggestion anyway for what it's worth...

Hang in there Jesse we all want you to be happy!

 

[joyfulgirl]

Jesse

Everyone has already said such great things and in terms of your question about this girl, I agree in particular with Marik's and Mrs. Edge's posts.

But I really suck at giving relationship advice because I haven't found a boyfriend either. I can tell you, though, that although I'd like to have a partner I am not unhappy being alone and I get to do a lot of the same kinds of fun things that you do in part because I'm single. I won't tell you 'you'll find someone' because I've been hearing that one myself for too long and you know it just might not be true--I just might not have a mate in this lifetime. Maybe, maybe not. I know people mean well when they say it, though, because they want me to be happy. And you know what? I AM. For me that has always been the goal, to be happy whether I have a partner or not--or as Tori Amos puts it in one of her songs, "I'm okay when everything is not okay." And to be happy on your own can be a very attractive quality. Boyfriends and girlfriends come with a whole new set of challenges and having a partner does not necessarily mean you'll be happy just like not having one doesn't mean you have to be unhappy.

It was great meeting you in Phoenix and I think you're absolutely terrific.

 

[diamond]

Jesse,
You have a lot of friends here.
I like what Mr Baw said.

When you meet the right girl u will both know it.
It will almost be effortless.

Love u little brother,

db9

 

[Dalton]

Jesse,


Love u little brother,

db9

Diamond = Hulk Hogan

 

[diamond]

jesse and i know how to parte'e

 

[the soul waits]

Jesse,
I don't know you yet, but just wanted to post a and let you know that what you're feeling is universal, we all feel like that at some point - you'll be ok.

When I feel like the way you do now, I try to remember and hear and really feel this lyric "what you don't have you don't need it now"....

It's hard, no lie, but that's why you have friends to lean on. Thanks for sharing this with us, Jesse.

 

[BAW]

I won't give you any advice about the girl and what you should do in that regard because everyone else has covered that pretty well, but I will tell you that you are one of the most special people I am lucky enough to call my friend.

You have so many good qualities Jesse...you are funny, you don't take crap from anyone, you have a smile that lights up a room and people love to be around you. Despite your disability, you never ask for special treatment, well, other than conning someone else into pushing your luggage through the airport but I would do that too if I could get away with it!

You do have a purpose Jesse and I have no doubts that you will find love someday.

 

[For Honor]

Yes, I agree.


It is good that you came to the community, because we all go through things like this. And I am impressed by how much U2 means to you, I really respect that.


Good luck down the road. But you mightnot need luck, since we all have the capacity to do great things if we allow ourselves to do them.

 

[EdgeVox]

Jesse,
I dont' think you know me because I'm pretty inconsistent with my postings. But I do lurk just about everywhere and have noticed the warmth that everybody has towards you. I completely respect your courage in opening up like that. I can empathize, hell we all can. You seem like a great guy with a great sense of humor, and I definitely think it's a bad idea to give up now. You'll do fine, don't give up. Give it time, that's just the way things work.

Xavier

 

[jesseu2]

thank you all for advice, i emailed her back an said this with comments from several people..

wow, u graduated, congrats! i graduate next may. kinda lookin forward to it yes an no... were you in Canada at Ottawa University or here in AZ at a branch of it? i've been up to a lot lately, school, internship last fall, etc. 2004 was the worst year for me, .then my bike got stolen, sister sent to boarding school cuz she was screwing up, an my parents almost divorced, it was a nightmare. thats how my 2004 year went somewhat, i'm glad its over. everything much better now.

I've really been thinking about you and the pain you must have suffered in your accident, its great to hear that you're feeling better, that scared me when that happened to you....it's been awhile since i seen you.

i have not really had any luck on here yet, couple emails but keep getting blown off after we speak on the phone, guess i just get to feeling accustomed to it happening.

this weekend i am going to europe for 3 weeks and boy i'm looking forward to it. i've never been over there so its gonna be a blast. i'm going to england, scottland, and ireland. you're probably gonna think i'm crazy as to part of the reason i'm going.. is to see the u2 concerts over there. did i ever tell you they are my favorite band? first flying up to seattle for a couple days with my folks then i leave on saturday. i will be back in july.

would you like to hang out an do something when i get back? I really enjoyed spending time with you historically and would enjoy doing so again.

i gotta go do a million things to prepare for my trip but will talk at you later..

its just i liked this one chicck who i met like one or two months ago, we went out for lunch, spoke on the phone cpl times then i never heard back from her on the phone... then a couple days ago, saw her at a bar an she says LOUDLY "this is my boyfriend".. what a bitch, i thought she stabbed me right there.... i'm thinkin how is (or all these fratboy-like dudes) he better than me? WTF! i just was litterly about to lose it after so many heartaches.

mr baw, i appreciate the advice..

Dalton, yea we all hate rejection, hell i go have a drink after it happens an joke "hey will u look at that, i got rejected again!" i know i am a man, you don't have to tell me...not tryin to attack u but do you understand how i feel? maybe u should take a walk in my shoes for a day.

ladywithspinninghead, shes from arizona actually, i think she went to a branch of ottawa uni here or went there, i'm not sure.. (i'm not mad at u for walking in on me when i was changing, lol, i was like "oh hi there" ) i actually do fancy canadian women even tho the one i been emailing isn't from ottawa!

Angela, i have a friend who also has CP and who wants to be a comedian too one day but is nervous. heck, i thought about it too... since there isn't much of it on the airwaves now..

karls, thank u! U of Az wildcats blow tho, lol, u goin to any of the shows in UK?

ladies... thank you, i feel sort of better now....
______

i know this whole bf/gf process takes time but its just that i never had a real (non-drunk) kiss that was meant to be in my lifetime that i can remember... soo i am just frustrated with wanting a holllywood ending if u get what i mean.. its just i have this fear of being alone, thats all this is about.

 

[beli]

Jesse I think everyone has pretty much said what I would like to say, and most of them have said it better than me.

its just i liked this one chicck who i met like one or two months ago, we went out for lunch, spoke on the phone cpl times then i never heard back from her on the phone... then a couple days ago, saw her at a bar an she says LOUDLY "this is my boyfriend".. what a bitch, i thought she stabbed me right there.... i'm thinkin how is (or all these fratboy-like dudes) he better than me? WTF! i just was litterly about to lose it after so many heartaches.[/B]

We've all got horror stories like this one mate. Some people are just arseholes. You are better off without her.

As an aside, what's your local CP society like? I used to work with a guy who has CP and he would attend CP and Sexuality courses etc. All sorts of good stuff to boost the self esteem because thats what it's really about. You're a gorgeous guy but you have no ego, mate. You need to stick up for yourself a little bit more. Jump. When you get back, ask her out. Shes posting on a dating forum. She's looking for lurve. If your not the one for her, your not the one for her. But give it a shot. The worst that can happen is she will be another person who says no, but if you don't keep asking people you'll never give someone the opportunity to say yes.

Or something. Sorry, I'm an accountant and English isn't my forte.

 

[Mr. BAW]

that letter's a good start...next time tell you'd like to have her come over to see your etchings...

 

[Mr. BAW]

that letter's a good start...next time tell her you'd like to have her come over to see your etchings...

 

[Dalton]

Dalton, yea we all hate rejection, hell i go have a drink after it happens an joke "hey will u look at that, i got rejected again!" i know i am a man, you don't have to tell me...not tryin to attack u but do you understand how i feel? maybe u should take a walk in my shoes for a day.

Yeah I understand how you feel buddy, I've been there. I just don't like to see anyone not go after what they want cause they're scared. When I live like that my life sucks - and thankfully I have good friends who call me out and push me towards the scary things.

No offense intended. Sorry if I hurt your feelings. I just think that the best thing to do in these situations is to do something risky. Call this girl and ask her out. Call the next girl and ask her out.

Again, sorry if I was a dick.

 

[Dalton]

You're a gorgeous guy but you have no ego, mate. You need to stick up for yourself a little bit more. Jump. When you get back, ask her out. Shes posting on a dating forum. She's looking for lurve. If your not the one for her, your not the one for her. But give it a shot. The worst that can happen is she will be another person who says no, but if you don't keep asking people you'll never give someone the opportunity to say yes.

Yet another reason why Beli is perfect.

 

[beli]

Yet another reason why Beli is perfect.

Ah, you've made my morning. I disagree with the comment but thank you. I needed that.