Help Me Win Back My Ex-GF

[martha]

She is getting intrigued so it sounds like the perfect timing.

She's getting annoyed.

 

[starsgoblue]

i didnt know she'd be so emotional about this, jeez. . .

This coming from the person who posted this thread titled "help me win back my ex-gf"---you couldn't let it go and now you're saying she's being all emotional because you're playing games?

I musta missed something somewhere....

 

[hiphop]

alrgith, so i haven't talked to her since that short conversation on wednesday (?). she send me a text message today. it says,

"Are we friends? You don't talk to me for over a week. . . call and ask what i'm doing then hang up. . . so i was just wondering if you could let me know. I have another friend who does the same thing and its annoying as hell so please i ask you nicely are we friends yes or no"


i dont know if i'm gonna call her sometime this week or something, maybe try again with the ice cream thing, but i dont think i should. myabe i'll just let her fume for a little longer. . . i didnt know she'd be so emotional about this, jeez. . .

hahahaha

you learn quickly

 

[discothequeLP]

This coming from the person who posted this thread titled "help me win back my ex-gf"---you couldn't let it go and now you're saying she's being all emotional because you're playing games?

I musta missed something somewhere....

i meant to say that i didnt think she actually expected me to call every goddamn day. i mean, from our talks on the phone (before i talked to you guys) she didn't seem like she cared about me that much. or i thought that at least she would play it cool for a little while, not just come right out and give me a ultimatum on our friendship like that.

 

[the soul waits]

Hmmm, is it me, is it the fact that it's Monday morning over here ... but has this situation gotten more complicated since you started playing the "play games"-card?

 

[For Honor]

I don't get it.........

I don't tolerate games. If I were her, I'd be saying "GET REAL".


Do you even know what you are doing, discothequeLP?
I'm not being critical, it just doesn't sound like you know what's going on. It seems like you didn't take my advice from a while ago, about taking a rather direct approach.

You can beat around the bush all you want, but if you want to get any closer to the bush, pussyfooting around won't get you any closer to the you know what. (but don't take that slightly sexual comment lightly ). I'm refering to relationships, too. If you want something, you can't wait for it once it's in sight. You've got to at least state your position on things.

she didn't seem like she cared about me that much. or i thought that at least she would play it cool for a little while, not just come right out and give me a ultimatum on our friendship like that.

Look, you're "seeming" and thinking, expecting her to make a move.

WHo wants to get back together, you or her?
Are you waiting for her to blow you off?
Keep at it like this, and she will get annoyed. She probably already is.

Man, it's a good thing I'm not your ex girlfriend. (lol)
THis is rather unexceptable...

 

[hiphop]

I don't get it.........

I don't tolerate games. If I were her, I'd be saying "GET REAL".

Yeah For Honor, but the original post of discotheque reads like

"i asked her a few days ago how things were with her b/f, and she tells me "umm, i dont know. . . fine, i guess." this past weekend her b/f, one of my best friends, invited me to a movie with a bunch of our other pals and her -- they didn't really seem to be hitting it off so well."

so you know - she apparently got a boyfriend. And it´s also one of discotheque´s best friends! So what about that guy. And who´s playing games

She should get real first of all - and decide for one of them, not switch around.

 

[For Honor]

I missed that - my apologies.

A tough situation. BUt still, I wouldn't wait about finding an answer.
[[[[[[

actually, no, wait. That is what I was going to say, but then it dawned on me -

It doesn't matter if she has a boyfriend or not. Don't even worry about it. Find out what you want to know about your relationship with her. Decide if it's worth risking your friendship with your guy friend over, and be careful about that, yeah. BUt you've got to decide if you want this girl or not. And I think a big part of your decision will be finding out how she thinks about you.

But you ask her and don't get an answer, a timely answer, then...

that is your answer, and the answer is move on.




You should giver HER an ultimatum, not wait for her to give you one, you know? I would ask her her own question right back

Are we friends or not?
Do we have potential or not?

 

[the soul waits]

Yeah For Honor, but the original post of discotheque reads like

"i asked her a few days ago how things were with her b/f, and she tells me "umm, i dont know. . . fine, i guess." this past weekend her b/f, one of my best friends, invited me to a movie with a bunch of our other pals and her -- they didn't really seem to be hitting it off so well."

so you know - she apparently got a boyfriend. And it´s also one of discotheque´s best friends! So what about that guy. And who´s playing games

She should get real first of all - and decide for one of them, not switch around.

Yeah that's a good point.
I'm surprised that she's even stating things like "are we friends or not, you don't call me for a whole week". Imo, it's perfectly normal to not call a friend for a whole week.
Seems like she's looking to get attention, a little on the dramatic side or seriously on the fence about contuining the relationship she has now.

 

[discothequeLP]

well, to be honest, i'm starting to feel more and more detached from our 'relationship.' i mean, somedays i really really want to see her, but sometimes i dont even feel like talking or doing anything that has anything to do with her. and when i miss her it's not so bad anymore. so i'm about ready to leave if she doesn't want to do this.

 

[gareth brown]

100th post.

 

[gareth brown]

I dated a girl for 6 years (From sophmore yr of college forward.) After school we lived together for 2 years. Then it went to shit. She left me. Stone cold. Gone 1 day. I was nuts for 6 months. Called her, hung out w/ her and her friends. Kept thinking if I tried, I'd get her back.

Fast forward 6 months. I'd met a new girl. Spent ALOT of time with her. Hadn't called the Ex in months. The nite I tell my new girl I love her, my Ex calls. She's crying, and asks "is it really over? we're never getting back together? I still love you."
Fucking freaky timing really. Now I'm gonna marry my new girl, and I'm still friends with the Ex, but I realise, if I'd ignored the Ex for 6 months, I'd have gotten her back.

Bahaha! That is insane!

That is the worst possible timing in the world...man, if only that happened to everyone! I'd bet my testicles if I suddenly decided to stop thinking about my ex and deliberately move on to make myself feel better, THEN she'd decided to contact me...

Quick question if you don't mind...why did the ex leave you all of a sudden?

 

[martha]

well, to be honest, i'm starting to feel more and more detached from our 'relationship.' i mean, somedays i really really want to see her, but sometimes i dont even feel like talking or doing anything that has anything to do with her. and when i miss her it's not so bad anymore. so i'm about ready to leave if she doesn't want to do this.

Then do her that favor.

Just what she needs is a "boyfriend" who doesn't want to see her very often.

 

[For Honor]

 

[U2@NYC]

She's getting annoyed.

Well, that is her problem. She is the one playing games for starters.

 

[discothequeLP]

if i call her this week would that be too soon?

 

[martha]

Well, that is her problem. She is the one playing games for starters.

Then why the dogged pursuit of her?

 

[financeguy]

Then why the dogged pursuit of her?

It's always the man's fault. That's pretty much what you think, isn't it Martha, being honest? Perhaps you filtered out the bit where he said SHE had been ringing/texting HIM on a daily basis.

 

[Sherry Darling]

May I insert my .02? (Of course you may, SD.)

Financeguy, if that's what you heard Martha saying, it says a lot more about your issues than anything about her. I think she's raising some valid, though certainly uncomfortably, points.

It seems like both disco and ex-GF are both playing games. I doubt either are likely to get what they want--or need--from that. Does it matter who "started it?" No one ever started it in a relationship, they're too complex for that.

 

[LoveTown]

just my opinion on this. Taking one of your best friend's girls...not so cool.

 

[For Honor]

Look, it takes two to play games


Even if it is one person playing them
And the other person allowing them to continue



Oh boy, it's to the point where you are really considering "is it too soon to call her??"

.....

 

[For Honor]

Let me ask discoLP a question:



What do you really want, in regards to that person, at this momen in time?


(after you answer it, there is a follow up question of an unrelated matter)

 

[discothequeLP]

too late, i called her yesterday evening. she didn't answer, and i didn't leave a message. she called back later that night but i was half asleep and didn't want to talk.

What do you really want, in regards to that person, at this momen in time?

I want to either be her boyfriend or never talk to her again. I told her when she broke up with me, and asked if we could be 'just friends,' that we could never be, and i was right. i tried being just friends with her, and i can't fucking do it. it hurts too much. so either she's my girlfriend or i forget about her entirely.

 

[Dulce de Leche]

move on completely. even if you can have her as a girlfriend, you'll ALWAYS remember all this drama and that she was with your best friend first and even if you don't think that will ultimately bother you, it mostly likely will. it will always be a little nagging thought in the back of your mind. TRUST ME.

 

[BrownEyedBoy]

^So true. I once went out with the ex of one of my friends. It was so awkward when we were all together. Not cool.

 

[For Honor]

Let me ask discoLP a question:



What do you really want, in regards to that person, at this momen in time?


(after you answer it, there is a follow up question of an unrelated matter)

Now..


In regard to yourself, what do you want in a relationship?

This doesn't have anything to do with your current fixation. It's a secular question. It's just "what are you looking for in a relationship with a girl, right now?". And maybe you don't want to be in one at all, which is fine.


==
I understand the "girlfriend or bust" thing. That is perfectly fine.
But there might be other peices of the puzzle, rather than just what you feel or she feels.

Obviously, if you both really wanted to be together right now




you would be, and this thread would not exist

 

[discothequeLP]

well, she called back twice this evening, and i made the mistake of calling back myself, but she didn't answer. she then called me again and left a message. she apologized/defended herself, saying that she had missed my first call, then called back twice, then accidentally missed my second call. she told me that she'd be up for another hour, if i wanted to call back. i guess i'll have to ask her out next week yet.

In regard to yourself, what do you want in a relationship?

This doesn't have anything to do with your current fixation. It's a secular question. It's just "what are you looking for in a relationship with a girl, right now?". And maybe you don't want to be in one at all, which is fine.

this is a tough question. a while back, when i was still afriad of talking to girls, i'd justify my loneliness by thinking, "why do i need a girlfriend, anyways? there's no point in having one." but once i grew some balls, joined a band, and realized that some girls actually liked me, i really wanted to have a girlfriend. to be completely honest i want a girl who likes me alot and just wants to have fun, hang out, and enjoy each other's company. Lauren (this girl that i'm chasing right now) was the last girl that i really felt a connection with. I mean, the first time I saw her, I really wanted to get to know her and be her boyfirend, really. i remember dreaming that she'd be mine. we hooked up after one of my band's shows, and i actually had that evening lined up perfectly in my mind for weeks and weeks. I guess i'm rambling a bit, but the point i was trying to make is that i haven't felt that spark with any of the girls i've met since we broke up.

 

[For Honor]

and realized that some girls actually liked me, i really wanted to have a girlfriend. to be completely honest i want a girl who likes me alot and just wants to have fun, hang out, and enjoy each other's company.

There are billions of women in the world that would like something similar to that. Whether you see it or not, there are other women who you would be able to enjoy yourself with, rather than this one character that your stuck on.

Do you have issues with loyalty to this person?
Just figured I'd ask, since someone else I know has loyalty issues, and he has difficulty moving on from a hopeless situation...


Not that your situation is hopeless. But I wonder - are you afraid that no one else will make you feel the way you did with your GF?

 

[For Honor]

the point i was trying to make is that i haven't felt that spark with any of the girls i've met since we broke up.

Furthering my last question - did you come back to her out of fear that you wouldn't find "a spark" with anyone else?



----------------

And also, think about what is right for you, and what is right for that girl. Don't make it so much about what you feel or want sometimes, but detaching yourself and making a question of right or wrong can sometimes aid in coming to the proper answer.

 

[discothequeLP]

Do you have issues with loyalty to this person?
Just figured I'd ask, since someone else I know has loyalty issues, and he has difficulty moving on from a hopeless situation...


Not that your situation is hopeless. But I wonder - are you afraid that no one else will make you feel the way you did with your GF?

Furthering my last question - did you come back to her out of fear that you wouldn't find "a spark" with anyone else?

loyalty issues? no, i never cheated on her or anything like that. i didn't come back to her in fear that i woudn't find anyone else -- i just really missed her and was very jealous of my friend (to be honest). i know other girls who like me, who i like too, but i just haven't found another girl that i'm crazy about like i was crazy about her.



she called me twice today. the first time i noticed, but i didn't answer, and the second time i really couldn't pick up. i still dont know how long i can go before calling her back, but i'll try to make it as long as possible.