Hahahaha... ahahahaaaa...

[shart1780]

So about 4 months back my ex and I broke up. About a month later she found this other guy. He's extremely immature, idealistic and naive, just like her, so there's a dangerous combo going on here. They're only 19, and have only been going out for 3 months (a long distance relationship no less). Well, here comes the scary part. They want to get married.

I know I sound very judgmental right now, but I think I'm being realistic. This whole idea is just hilarious and terrifying at the same time. She's incredibly immature for her age, and he seems so too from when I talked to him. The idea is incredibly half-baked.

I'm on good terms with her now, and have talked to her off and on over the past month or so. I'm trying to convince her that getting married so suddenly isn't a very good idea, but she WILL NOT listen. She says that her and her boyfriend are creating their own dream world (I'm not kidding) and that they have already promised eachother that they'll be married. She said that no matter what she CANNOT back out because she made a promise. What's scary is that less than a month ago they were having problems and she wasn't even sure if she wanted a boyfriend at all. This relationship is NOT marriage quality. I repeat, they've been going out for THREE MONTHS.

Is there any way I can knock some sense into her?

 

[lady luck]

It's not up to you, I suppose.
The problem with long-distance relationship is that you get too romantic and you build on the other person.
I think you can tell her to be careful and not tu run, but I am not sure that will do.

 

[Tilli]

I think you have done all you can in terms of warning her about this relationship. I think if you try to hard to warn her then she will no doubt accuse you of being jealous or trying to interfere.

 

[unforgettableFOXfire]

Heh. Some people just get what they deserve, I guess. As horrible as that is to say; if you think that dreaming up a new reality will change the one that you have to live in, you're doomed to failure right from the start. I would set this up as a big 'I told you so' (because I'm just a spiteful bastard, mostly) and write down all those things, date it, seal it in an envelope, and then (when their relationship falls apart) whip it out and be all 'This is what I was thinking about your relationship on April 10, 2006: [the body of the text]. So, thanks for finally catching up with reality, I don't know how you missed it earlier.' etc.

Won't knock any sense into her now... and it'll only make you look like an ass in the future... but it'll be delightfully cathartic.

 

[BonosBaby12]

If she's this determined to get married than there is nothing you can do. With the exception of being her friend and letting her know you are there. Hopefully she wakes up soon and realizes what a big mistake she is heading into.

 

[redkat]

This is the same girl you've posted about in the past right?

She doesn't sound like the type you're gonna knock any sense into.

I don't think she's gonna listen to you. You can be her friend but you gotta let it go and let her make her own mistakes.

 

[BonoIsMyMuse]

Sometimes you have to step back and let people make their own mistakes. With some people, that's the only way they'll learn. Do the best that you can to be supportive, but don't try to tell her what to do, as that might just push her away (and make her more desperate to prove you and all the other people trying to talk her out of it wrong, which may make her rush even more).

 

[shart1780]

Good God I talked to her again about it (for some reason she initiates conversations about it), and she's absolutely determined to marry this guy. I asked her how she planned to do this on a realistic level and she just would not answer me. She isn't thinking rationally at all. She said to me "I'm in love, do you really expect me to be thinking rationally?"

Ahhhh how can she be so stupid?? I'm gonna pull my hair out!

Another problem is that she took his virgnity. Since he's uber emotional he thinks that it wold be absolutely horrible to have sex with more than one woman in his life. This is a large reason why he wants to get married.

There are just so many problems with this idea it's scary. I told her I'd butt out but she said she wants to continue talking to me. I have no idea why she'd want to when all I do is tell her what a mistake she's making.

 

[Tilli]

Is there a chance she is doing it to make you jealous?? Maybe not even consciously but on some level?

 

[Carek1230]

I made the mistake of getting married at 19 and my best advice to anyone this age contemplating the same is DON'T DO IT!! Take the time to get to know yourself, to experience the world and have fun exploring life. Don't get married until you're out of college and have had the opportunity to have been independent and lived on your own, with roommates and even live together with the person you want to marry! I got married because it was a way to get out of my parents' house and I wish I hadn't. I wish I had gone away to college and not rebelled. My life would be so different now. I can't change things for me, it's much too late, but if I can help ANY 19 year old contemplating marriage, my advice is a vehement NO!

 

[redkat]

I hope they're using birth control.

 

[Carek1230]

Doubt it.

 

[katiebu21]

I made the mistake of getting married at 19 and my best advice to anyone this age contemplating the same is DON'T DO IT!! Take the time to get to know yourself, to experience the world and have fun exploring life. Don't get married until you're out of college and have had the opportunity to have been independent and lived on your own, with roommates and even live together with the person you want to marry! I got married because it was a way to get out of my parents' house and I wish I hadn't. I wish I had gone away to college and not rebelled. My life would be so different now. I can't change things for me, it's much too late, but if I can help ANY 19 year old contemplating marriage, my advice is a vehement NO!

Good advice, Carek.
BTW it's not too late for you.