joerags
War Child
For the past few days, I have had no desire to live. Throughout my entire life, I have always felt that I am ugly physically. I have never had a girlfriend, never had sex and never been kissed by a girl. The reason is: I am ugly. I know people say that looks aren't everything. It's the personality and what's inside a person that matters. But for me, I cannot believe that. We live a world where looks are the most important thing in life.
I have tried to say to myself, "Don't look at yourself in the mirror. Just be who you are and people will like you for who you are." There are times where I have been in high spirits, but then I regress and feel like an utter loser who is the ugliest person in the world. I can't take this misery anymore. Every night when I go to bed, I always say to myself, "I hope I don't wake up." Dying in your sleep is the best way to die. Sometimes, I wish I came down with cancer. This way, I won't have to kill myself. I know I'll be dead if I had cancer.
Why I am writing this? Maybe it's because I just want the world to know how I feel and this will be my suicide note. I want to turn to God and Jesus. Sometimes it works. I think about God and knowing that He wants everybody to feel that life is a precious gift and that everybody is worthy, no matter how you look and what... Sometimes I feel convinced of that, but then I go back to thinking that it doesn't matter; I am ugly and nobody likes me.
Why do we live in a world that values looks? Why? I really can't take this anymore.
I am trying to think about what brings me joy. And I have come to the conclusion that the only thing that really brings me joy is U2 music. Since I was 12 years, I have followed them religiously every single day. It has been 19 years and counting. If there is anything that will keep me going and living, it's the new album. Maybe I should just focus on the anticipation for the new album and not think about this terrible problem that I have. I hope it works. God, give me strength.
I have tried to say to myself, "Don't look at yourself in the mirror. Just be who you are and people will like you for who you are." There are times where I have been in high spirits, but then I regress and feel like an utter loser who is the ugliest person in the world. I can't take this misery anymore. Every night when I go to bed, I always say to myself, "I hope I don't wake up." Dying in your sleep is the best way to die. Sometimes, I wish I came down with cancer. This way, I won't have to kill myself. I know I'll be dead if I had cancer.
Why I am writing this? Maybe it's because I just want the world to know how I feel and this will be my suicide note. I want to turn to God and Jesus. Sometimes it works. I think about God and knowing that He wants everybody to feel that life is a precious gift and that everybody is worthy, no matter how you look and what... Sometimes I feel convinced of that, but then I go back to thinking that it doesn't matter; I am ugly and nobody likes me.
Why do we live in a world that values looks? Why? I really can't take this anymore.
I am trying to think about what brings me joy. And I have come to the conclusion that the only thing that really brings me joy is U2 music. Since I was 12 years, I have followed them religiously every single day. It has been 19 years and counting. If there is anything that will keep me going and living, it's the new album. Maybe I should just focus on the anticipation for the new album and not think about this terrible problem that I have. I hope it works. God, give me strength.