For Honor
Rock n' Roll Doggie VIP PASS
For your listening enjoyment, a link to Nena's 99 red ballons and other assorted music
Neither the song or the site have anything to do with my confessions, but I felt like linking it anyway.
1: I write a lot here on intereference. I write an obnoxious amount, and I'm sorry if I like bore people or come off as being arrogant or something. I just get addicted, and it keeps flowing, and it's getting bad, and I need to control it...
2: I am a complete sucker for Chinese food. I went to the Dragon Buffet here in Colonie, and my god it was great. And it just ads to my whole Asian infatuation. The waitresses there are so femenine and cute! And the food And I can never get enough... of either. I always want more no matter how much I can get...
HMm... I seem to have some issues with quantities... I write a lot, I want a lot of good food, and I like women a lot.... And i like things that last
But as far as the food goes, I'm kind of on the skinny side, so I could use a few more pounts... I guess that means I should go to the Dragon Buffet EVERY DAY
......
sorry....
um
3: Both the writing and the food, and asian ... things... just makes me miss someone special to me... I hate being far away. I like all those things because they remind me of her so much, they are intertwined, and I should stop doing that, because we are going to have to... go our separate ways for a while, beginning August 30th -- ala my other thread about having to do something hard.
So let me take a moment to indulge, and then I'll stop and hide it away: She likes all that I write, I always seem to say the right things to make her happy, she shows her care in so many nice and loving ways, she knows how to please me, she has so many great ideals and values, she likes to cook, I think she would be great domestically, she likes to take care of me, she is smart and has a beautiful mind, she has....... all the intangibles. And I know those are hard to find, the right ones for me, anyway, because I really do look for them. My god she is awesome, and I still can't believe that she ... even goes through with it all and cares about me the way she does. It makes me feel so good
But so sad that I...
...can only do so much at this point in my life.
Honestly, when I started 3 I wasn't thinking about her. But I wrote the number down and it all came out...
It's hard.....
..........
It;s just hard...
As much as I know what I feel, and what is real and waht isn't... There is uncertainty, and.....
I'm having a trouble getting that there won't be answers for a long time no matter what happens. So , in many ways, it doesn't matter whwat happens at this moment.
But I don't want to....
I just have a feeling like I'm letting go of something I can't afford to loose. But then again, am I just a fool? What do I have to begin with?
I just don't have any answers
--------------------------------
4. Women are beautiful. Everyhing about them I like. And they seem to like me, too. But I only want one. And yes, my youthful idealism is there. But some things are just part of me, who I am. My intuition is so alarming, because what if I have already found something, and i don't realize it? But how foolish is it to worry about something you don't even know you have? Blah.........
5. There is the side of me that understands that I don't need anyone or anything at all. I don't even need to go to collge, and I could be happy. But I am going, no matter what. But... it' sjust like...
if I am going to have something, it has to be... right, and good, and ... maybe even grand. ... I can't ... accept... something halfassed.... (lost thoght train)
6. I have 5 colors in my current room. Typical white for ceiling, but then yellow, orange, and power red. DOn't know those names. ON the wall behind me is "Wedding white". I didn't know, I just picked out the colors. But I hate how my mind works
because everything makes me think, and wonder, and look for patterns and connections. And it's hard to turn it off.
I guess it would be nice to have someone to force me to go to sleep or something...... but that sort of leads back to her. She helped unleash so much of me... it's sort of hard not to think of her. But I know I have to rise above it.
I..... am going to have to learn..........
how to
.................. eh.......... well,,, I won't write it, but I will write something for myself, so I remember -
how to "u****".
--------------------------------
many thanks to anyone who ever takes the time to read any of what I write.
Neither the song or the site have anything to do with my confessions, but I felt like linking it anyway.
1: I write a lot here on intereference. I write an obnoxious amount, and I'm sorry if I like bore people or come off as being arrogant or something. I just get addicted, and it keeps flowing, and it's getting bad, and I need to control it...
2: I am a complete sucker for Chinese food. I went to the Dragon Buffet here in Colonie, and my god it was great. And it just ads to my whole Asian infatuation. The waitresses there are so femenine and cute! And the food And I can never get enough... of either. I always want more no matter how much I can get...
HMm... I seem to have some issues with quantities... I write a lot, I want a lot of good food, and I like women a lot.... And i like things that last
But as far as the food goes, I'm kind of on the skinny side, so I could use a few more pounts... I guess that means I should go to the Dragon Buffet EVERY DAY
......
sorry....
um
3: Both the writing and the food, and asian ... things... just makes me miss someone special to me... I hate being far away. I like all those things because they remind me of her so much, they are intertwined, and I should stop doing that, because we are going to have to... go our separate ways for a while, beginning August 30th -- ala my other thread about having to do something hard.
So let me take a moment to indulge, and then I'll stop and hide it away: She likes all that I write, I always seem to say the right things to make her happy, she shows her care in so many nice and loving ways, she knows how to please me, she has so many great ideals and values, she likes to cook, I think she would be great domestically, she likes to take care of me, she is smart and has a beautiful mind, she has....... all the intangibles. And I know those are hard to find, the right ones for me, anyway, because I really do look for them. My god she is awesome, and I still can't believe that she ... even goes through with it all and cares about me the way she does. It makes me feel so good
But so sad that I...
...can only do so much at this point in my life.
Honestly, when I started 3 I wasn't thinking about her. But I wrote the number down and it all came out...
It's hard.....
..........
It;s just hard...
As much as I know what I feel, and what is real and waht isn't... There is uncertainty, and.....
I'm having a trouble getting that there won't be answers for a long time no matter what happens. So , in many ways, it doesn't matter whwat happens at this moment.
But I don't want to....
I just have a feeling like I'm letting go of something I can't afford to loose. But then again, am I just a fool? What do I have to begin with?
I just don't have any answers
--------------------------------
4. Women are beautiful. Everyhing about them I like. And they seem to like me, too. But I only want one. And yes, my youthful idealism is there. But some things are just part of me, who I am. My intuition is so alarming, because what if I have already found something, and i don't realize it? But how foolish is it to worry about something you don't even know you have? Blah.........
5. There is the side of me that understands that I don't need anyone or anything at all. I don't even need to go to collge, and I could be happy. But I am going, no matter what. But... it' sjust like...
if I am going to have something, it has to be... right, and good, and ... maybe even grand. ... I can't ... accept... something halfassed.... (lost thoght train)
6. I have 5 colors in my current room. Typical white for ceiling, but then yellow, orange, and power red. DOn't know those names. ON the wall behind me is "Wedding white". I didn't know, I just picked out the colors. But I hate how my mind works
because everything makes me think, and wonder, and look for patterns and connections. And it's hard to turn it off.
I guess it would be nice to have someone to force me to go to sleep or something...... but that sort of leads back to her. She helped unleash so much of me... it's sort of hard not to think of her. But I know I have to rise above it.
I..... am going to have to learn..........
how to
.................. eh.......... well,,, I won't write it, but I will write something for myself, so I remember -
how to "u****".
--------------------------------
many thanks to anyone who ever takes the time to read any of what I write.