Originally posted by bonovista:
I just really wonder, if a guy has had mainly one night stands around 30 of them in his life, can he be trusted? Is this the type of guy that can really be with one woman his whole life? Or will he eventually be bored with seeing the same body day after day.
My husband of 7 years was incredibly promiscuous, and he had taken a vow (though it was short lived) to celibacy before he met me. When I first met him I wasn't turned off by his past, I was more intrigued by it. I was hardly the promiscuous type, and if I were able to count the men I'd been with on my fingers, I wouldn't have made it past the first hand.
When I first met my husband I wanted to know why he had fallen on so many beds, what it was like (I know that sounds gross) and what exactly he was looking for. It wasn't surprising to me when he told me that more than 2/3 of his sexual encounters were empty and meaninglesss and unfullfilling. As I got to know him, I learned that the root of his promiscuity stemmed all the way back to his childhood. Low self esteem mainly focused around his weight, lack of friends, his father's unstable marriage, and his mother's unstable marriages. The sticker was that throughout his childhood, no girl would talk to him because he was geeky and overweight and liked to read a lot and play video games. Only until he lost a bunch of weight, grew his hair out, and developed a bad boy persona, did the girls even show a slight interest in him - and unfortunately those girls were interested in having a good looking guy on their arm as much as many guys are interested having a good looking girl to hold hands with.
By the time he was 21 he'd been with over 30 women, not including the side flings of 4th base and heavy petting. It took a woman breaking his heart to change the way he felt about himself and the way he saw relationships as a whole. He wanted to be with someone who loved what's on the inside... Funny that I was looking for the same thing.
We married a few short months after that and so far our marriage has been a happy one. Granted we've had our severe ups and downs, but we've jumped those hurdles, together. I know in my heart that he would never cheat on me, and in our whole time together he has never gave me a reason to feel otherwise. Our marriage is one of the heart and mind and soul as well as body. We are solid all around.
As far as the physicalities of our relationship goes, there's been times when we've both felt low on our self image and projected it against one another. More so myself than my husband. When I was pregnant and as big as a house, my husband (God love him) was excited about the changes in my body, and excited that I was carrying his child. After the birth of our son when I was feeling fat and disgusting, he still revelled in the way my body had changed. A year and half later when I'd lost all the baby fat, my husband treated me no different physically than he did when we first met, or after I gave birth to our boy.
I know the physical aspects of a courtship aren't pinnacle to a lasting relationship/marriage - trust in someone is something you feel in your heart and that has been paramount in our time as a couple. For myself, it's all about knowing your partner and trusting each other. Despite my husband's shady past, if I ever had a doubt about his trust in seeing my body every single day, I wouldn't have married him. It's hard to explain... it's just something I "know."
Sorry for the long life story here...