Irvine511
Blue Crack Supplier
So my boyfriend’s parents came to visit last weekend. I’ve met them before, and we got along well. I’ve mentioned that my BF is from the rural south, he grew up borderline poor, as well as southern Baptist. Coming out was hard for him, especially from a cultural perspective, but it’s been a few years and all seems to have gotten better. They even invited me to come visit over the summer, and they do seem to like me.
And, more importantly, they continue to love the BF. Very much. He’s quite successful, was one of the few people from his high school to go college, and one of the very few people from his (very large) extended family who lives outside of the Memphis area he grew up in.
So, at the end of the weekend, his mother gave him his grandmother’s old King James Bible. He opened it, and inside was a note from her to him. She said that she wanted him to read this Bible, to take note of the different passages both she and her mother had highlighted and underlined over the years. She also said that the Bible does specifically address homosexuality several times, and that she knows that he is, truly, a child of God. He was raised with The Word. He was not born this way. The Devil plays terrible tricks on people, and that, with God, all things are possible.
She wanted him to read the typical passages people point to when they’re looking for a reason to make gay people feel like shit (Leveticus, Romans, Paul, etc.), and she then said that she wished he’d seek counseling with the preacher at her church. She reiterated, several times, how much she and the family loved him, no matter what, and they would always stand by him, but she wanted him to change, because he is still a child of God, even though he’s gay, and that she wouldn’t be a good mother if she didn’t tell him about the Bible and what was possible with God.
Putting aside my own personal feelings for a moment, I saw this as a very sincere expression of culture. If my parents, who are northeastern and semi-urban and somewhat lapsed Catholic, were to pull this on me, I’d see it as them being petty and selfish and self-absorbed, of putting their own concerns and fears ahead of my happiness in a very, “but what would the neighbors think” kind of way.
This letter, however, seemed filled with equal parts sincerity and fear. She genuinely believes this stuff, and genuinely believes he’s being controlled, in some way, by the Devil.
So how to deal with this? Ultimately, it’s his issue to deal with, and I’ll be supportive no matter what, but this seems harder to brush aside. This very rural, very humble, very sincere expression of faith seems, to me, to be miles away from the suburban mega-church pomposity of the Family Research Council and James Dobson. I actually feel sympathy for her to a large degree, and feel as if she is feeling acute, and legitimate, pain and anguish.
Now, this ultimately isn’t my business, and I’d never say anything unless asked, but I’d like to grab her by the collar, scream in her face, call her ignorant, backwards, borderline illiterate, and to shut that goddamn book and use her eyes and her head and her heart, to use those things to actually think, instead of just seeking the comfort of thoughtless, unexamined faith. Or, I’d like to sit her down (perhaps with some of Melon’s always astute Biblical analysis) and really go over the passages, because they don’t mean what she thinks they mean; or, rather, that they don’t mean what other people have told her they mean.
Or, maybe, I’d like to sit her down and tell her about how wonderful her son is, what a great mother she’s obviously been, and that I know she loves him and is proud of him, and that her church and preacher is simply wrong about their beliefs about homosexuality. But how do you do this? How do you get people to believe and trust in themselves and not authoritarian institutions like the church?
I know he suffers. I know he says he isn’t bothered too much by it, that they simply come from a different place, but last night, in the middle of the night, he said that he couldn’t believe his own mother thought he was the Devil. Or that the Devil is working inside him. "My own mother," he said, with a combination of sadness and bewilderment.
I want to help her, and through helping her, I will be helping him. I know there’s not much I can do, unless asked, but if anyone has any advice, experience, or anything to add to help me address this, and help me help my probable eventual husband (yes, I think this relationship is very long-term), I would really appreciate it.
And, more importantly, they continue to love the BF. Very much. He’s quite successful, was one of the few people from his high school to go college, and one of the very few people from his (very large) extended family who lives outside of the Memphis area he grew up in.
So, at the end of the weekend, his mother gave him his grandmother’s old King James Bible. He opened it, and inside was a note from her to him. She said that she wanted him to read this Bible, to take note of the different passages both she and her mother had highlighted and underlined over the years. She also said that the Bible does specifically address homosexuality several times, and that she knows that he is, truly, a child of God. He was raised with The Word. He was not born this way. The Devil plays terrible tricks on people, and that, with God, all things are possible.
She wanted him to read the typical passages people point to when they’re looking for a reason to make gay people feel like shit (Leveticus, Romans, Paul, etc.), and she then said that she wished he’d seek counseling with the preacher at her church. She reiterated, several times, how much she and the family loved him, no matter what, and they would always stand by him, but she wanted him to change, because he is still a child of God, even though he’s gay, and that she wouldn’t be a good mother if she didn’t tell him about the Bible and what was possible with God.
Putting aside my own personal feelings for a moment, I saw this as a very sincere expression of culture. If my parents, who are northeastern and semi-urban and somewhat lapsed Catholic, were to pull this on me, I’d see it as them being petty and selfish and self-absorbed, of putting their own concerns and fears ahead of my happiness in a very, “but what would the neighbors think” kind of way.
This letter, however, seemed filled with equal parts sincerity and fear. She genuinely believes this stuff, and genuinely believes he’s being controlled, in some way, by the Devil.
So how to deal with this? Ultimately, it’s his issue to deal with, and I’ll be supportive no matter what, but this seems harder to brush aside. This very rural, very humble, very sincere expression of faith seems, to me, to be miles away from the suburban mega-church pomposity of the Family Research Council and James Dobson. I actually feel sympathy for her to a large degree, and feel as if she is feeling acute, and legitimate, pain and anguish.
Now, this ultimately isn’t my business, and I’d never say anything unless asked, but I’d like to grab her by the collar, scream in her face, call her ignorant, backwards, borderline illiterate, and to shut that goddamn book and use her eyes and her head and her heart, to use those things to actually think, instead of just seeking the comfort of thoughtless, unexamined faith. Or, I’d like to sit her down (perhaps with some of Melon’s always astute Biblical analysis) and really go over the passages, because they don’t mean what she thinks they mean; or, rather, that they don’t mean what other people have told her they mean.
Or, maybe, I’d like to sit her down and tell her about how wonderful her son is, what a great mother she’s obviously been, and that I know she loves him and is proud of him, and that her church and preacher is simply wrong about their beliefs about homosexuality. But how do you do this? How do you get people to believe and trust in themselves and not authoritarian institutions like the church?
I know he suffers. I know he says he isn’t bothered too much by it, that they simply come from a different place, but last night, in the middle of the night, he said that he couldn’t believe his own mother thought he was the Devil. Or that the Devil is working inside him. "My own mother," he said, with a combination of sadness and bewilderment.
I want to help her, and through helping her, I will be helping him. I know there’s not much I can do, unless asked, but if anyone has any advice, experience, or anything to add to help me address this, and help me help my probable eventual husband (yes, I think this relationship is very long-term), I would really appreciate it.
I honestly don't know what to say to people like that. I have a good friend in the same situation. He's gay and everyone knows it, but his parents are super religious, very conservative, and just can't accept that HE IS GAY. THey love him and support him, but act like they are in complete denial. Personally, I think it's just fear that comes from ignorance. They can't explain it away with religion, so therefore they're not willing to accept it. It's not a "lifestyle", it's not the Devil - Bob is GAY.
I think it'd have the most impact if he made it & not you, though if he's not up to bringing this to a head, you could do it, too.
