Another change of pace and style for me, make of it what you will.
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Life begins in a fairly unassuming manner, when a single sperm distinguishes itself from the countless hordes. Sometimes I feel the need to scorn the little bugger who tainted my mother’s ovaries; he must have been an egotistical blighter, a Caesar among single celled organisms. Although I’m also impressed with his tenacity, his ever increasing sense of worth maybe there’s a lesson for me to learn here, maybe there is.
Carpe Diem? Too feminist by half.
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“Michael!”
Oh God, she’s wailing again, my beloved siren the only person in history ever to combine the relatively asinine nature of Rod Stewart with the wonderfully antiquated song of Cliff Richard. In other words I’ve admitted to my first major mistake in life, marrying a washed up O.A.P. pop star.
“Coming dear!”
The use of that phrase isn’t exactly a common occurrence in our household to say the least.
“What kept you?”
“I was taking care of some paper work.”
Read as furiously flicking through the TV guide searching in vein for a reason to stay at home tonight.
“Work related I hope.”
“Well I’d like to think that you would assume that it was work related.”
“You really are a miserable bastard aren’t you?”
“I always thought bastard was a term of endearment around here.”
“You always prove my points so concisely.”
“Well I’m all too happy to oblige.”
This conversation lasted for an extra twenty minutes however I lost control of all my mental capabilities at around the five minute mark, if you’d be so kind, excuse me as I transcribe my purely imagined turn of events.
“Genghis Khan.”
“Yes what of him?”
“He was actually Mongol was he not?”
“Quite possibly, although I do seem to recall he was of Scottish descent.”
“Really, how interesting.”
“Yes he was originally known as Genghis Mc’Kahn quite possibly because he could.”
Note to self; never watch reruns of “Fawlty Towers” on an empty stomach. For the great philosopher Keanu Reeves pronounced empty stomachs or was it evil wombats? Breed contempt. Although if I’m to be honest either recollection of the phrase should suffice for now.
As you’ve probably already gathered by now my wife and I have some what of a tumultuous relationship. I often think that we’re only still together for the sake of the children although we don’t have any children but in any case they always seem to get the short end of the stick.
“Michael stop day dreaming!”
“Yes dear.”
“We’re late as it is.”
And so out the door I went to a restaurant with no class, no decorum, no style, well I’m almost certain it may have had all those qualities until my wife sauntered in off the street or maybe I’m just not well versed in modern social nuances.
So, until next time I bid you farewell.
==============================================
Life begins in a fairly unassuming manner, when a single sperm distinguishes itself from the countless hordes. Sometimes I feel the need to scorn the little bugger who tainted my mother’s ovaries; he must have been an egotistical blighter, a Caesar among single celled organisms. Although I’m also impressed with his tenacity, his ever increasing sense of worth maybe there’s a lesson for me to learn here, maybe there is.
Carpe Diem? Too feminist by half.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Michael!”
Oh God, she’s wailing again, my beloved siren the only person in history ever to combine the relatively asinine nature of Rod Stewart with the wonderfully antiquated song of Cliff Richard. In other words I’ve admitted to my first major mistake in life, marrying a washed up O.A.P. pop star.
“Coming dear!”
The use of that phrase isn’t exactly a common occurrence in our household to say the least.
“What kept you?”
“I was taking care of some paper work.”
Read as furiously flicking through the TV guide searching in vein for a reason to stay at home tonight.
“Work related I hope.”
“Well I’d like to think that you would assume that it was work related.”
“You really are a miserable bastard aren’t you?”
“I always thought bastard was a term of endearment around here.”
“You always prove my points so concisely.”
“Well I’m all too happy to oblige.”
This conversation lasted for an extra twenty minutes however I lost control of all my mental capabilities at around the five minute mark, if you’d be so kind, excuse me as I transcribe my purely imagined turn of events.
“Genghis Khan.”
“Yes what of him?”
“He was actually Mongol was he not?”
“Quite possibly, although I do seem to recall he was of Scottish descent.”
“Really, how interesting.”
“Yes he was originally known as Genghis Mc’Kahn quite possibly because he could.”
Note to self; never watch reruns of “Fawlty Towers” on an empty stomach. For the great philosopher Keanu Reeves pronounced empty stomachs or was it evil wombats? Breed contempt. Although if I’m to be honest either recollection of the phrase should suffice for now.
As you’ve probably already gathered by now my wife and I have some what of a tumultuous relationship. I often think that we’re only still together for the sake of the children although we don’t have any children but in any case they always seem to get the short end of the stick.
“Michael stop day dreaming!”
“Yes dear.”
“We’re late as it is.”
And so out the door I went to a restaurant with no class, no decorum, no style, well I’m almost certain it may have had all those qualities until my wife sauntered in off the street or maybe I’m just not well versed in modern social nuances.
So, until next time I bid you farewell.
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