drownoutheworld
Babyface
- Joined
- Jul 31, 2006
- Messages
- 13
I’m having a hard time with my life these days. I’ve been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. I’m pretty sure the diagnosis is correct, I feel it. Long story shot. I’m seeing a MD and psychologist, trying to do all the “right” things (eating right, exercising, getting enough sleep), and I feel a little better, it’s taken the edge off (I’m not bursting into uncontrollable sobbing every night; no I’m merely on the verge of tears daily). But it’s not good enough, I’ve starting cutting myself again (after years of not), thinking about suicide. I find myself going to pro suicide websites and stuff. Not really and option, because I don’t think I’d ever do it, but something I keep at a worst case scenario option. But that’s not what I’m posting about. What frustrates and confuses me most is that I feel like I have a very clear head and realistic expectation about dealing with depression, but I’m still not getting better. What I mean is, I know my pain isn’t special; many people have dealt with worse than I’m going through. I know it takes awhile to find the right combination of medicine and than you have to wait for it to kick it. I feel like I’m being very gentle myself and I’m really trying hard to get better, but damn it I’m frustrated. I keep telling the doctors that I’m willing to do anything to feel better, and I am, I’m committed 100%. In other respects I see myself and I fairly normal, well-rounded person ( I do have an unusually obsession with U2 but…so do y’all), but I can’t seem to kick this. When I think about suicide, it’s more of that it might become something I’d want to do in the future, if I don’t feel better- I’ve told the doctor that, so you’re not the only people who know, I’m making myself be very honest about what I’m thinking and feeling with her (the doc). I don’t know if I’m asking for advice or just support but I am reaching out. I’m interest to hear your responses, I don’t know maybe someone had an aunt who went on an all grapefruit diet and kicked depression with no problem…