It's the moment you've all been waiting for...
THE CRABBY LOAD MEDLEY
YOU HAVE TO GIVE HER YOUR MONEY
You have to give her your money
She won't take food stamps, just legal tender
And after finishing negotiations
She takes one
I wanted to give her lumber
I asked if she'd had inoculation
And in the middle of the copulation
She faked one
In the brothel, money spent
Sleeps in same bed, pays no rent
All the money's stacked, that haggard ho
Lots of slobber on your sack
Trashy tattoo on her back
Smelly whorey show, that haggard ho
But oh, that tragic peeling, that haggard ho
Oh, that tragic peeling
That haggard ho
That haggard ho!
One sweet cream
Put on the bag and give her pale ass a ream
Soon you'll drive away again
Step on the gas and Tide that stain away
One sweet cream came through... today
Came through... today
Came through... today...yes it did
One two three four five six seven
These girls cost less than eleven
SPUNK KING
Here comes the spunk king
Here comes the spunk king
Everybody's staph-ing
Everybody's clappy
Here comes the spunk king
(orgasm noise gibberish)
PEEN BLISTER CUSTARD
Peen blister custard seeps in the dark
Leaves such a mark, feels like sandpaper
Leaks from a hole in the bone
Dripping down your personal zone
Hurts like a big kidney stone
Such a mean old gland
Such a mean old gland
His mother Pam works at a broth'
She never stops, she's a head-wetter
Takes it out to look at the ween'
There's one place that it's never been
Always squirts out some kind of cream
On her dirty old ass
Such a dirty old ass
PROPHYLACTIC PAM
Well you should see Prophylactic Pam
She's not good-looking but she'll do any man
Well you should see her in bed putting a glove on your head
Yes you should see Prophylactic Pam
Yeah yeah yeah
Get a dose of her with crack pipe and pills
She's spiller-filler when she's cocked to the hilt
She's the kind of a girl that fucks the Jews of the world
And they would say she's economically built
Yeah yeah yeah
SHE CAME ONTO THE BATHROOM WINDOW
She came onto the bathroom window
Protected by a saran sheen
And when she squirts it runs asunder
By the bowl of an old latrine
Couldn't anybody smell her?
Wouldn't anybody flee?
Sunday's john delayed to Monday
Tuesday's john comes in at three
She said she used to be a stripper
She charged a five spot for a dance
And since she pulls down many zippers
She don't know who fathered her Lance
And so I left my sad apartment
And bought myself a cheap blow job
And when she tried her best to please me
She just squealed when I shot my wad
Couldn't anybody smell her?
Wouldn't anybody flee?
Sunday's john delayed to Monday
Tuesday's john comes in at three
Oh yeah.
GOLDEN SHOWERS
Once there was a way to get back whorin'
Once there was a way to get that bone
Paid by the john so you won't cry
and Lance will get his lullaby
Golden showers fill your eyes
Towels are there so you can dry
Paid by the john so you don't cry
and Lance will get his lullaby
THE REAR END
Oh yeah, alright
Are you gonna get in my jeans tonight?
And in the end
The cash you take is equal to the love you make
HER VAJESTY
Her vagesty's a pretty nice slot and it doesn't cost a lot to play
Her vagesty's a pretty nice slot but it gets railed every day
I wanna plow her but I'm hearing a lot that soliciting prostitutes is a crime
Her vagesty's a pretty nice slot
Someday I'm gonna feel that slime, oh yeah
Someday I'm gonna feel that slime
©Lazzon/ImpCartney